R.I.P. Keith Jones aka Onlyme/Noworries

[Master Blaster]

I'll take this big man...


hahah who are you littlebitch? While you were still swimming in your daddys sack i was benching 500 and seeing the world. You sound gay do you know Goodrum? While youre at school and posting about working your upper glutes im busy making money and getting litigation from Paul Hupp. Id love to talk but I have a 8:00 am tee time with Ghandi, Bea Arthur, Soupy Sales, and Fatty Arbuckle. Good thing your two dads give you internet access i love the internet i can see why you hardly post here. you'll never make it kid.

nice man, making me kind of cry right now 

[Master Blaster]

Damn man:

http://www.keithdjones.com/bio.html

Me and my mom were never very close.  Hearing the words “I love you” was very rare and I honestly can't remember once ever being told that by my either of them.   I’m sure they did though but I can't remember.  (this is why I tell my daughters and grandchildren "I Love You" as much as possible). I do remember whenever I was introduced to someone by my parents they would introduce my brother Les and then introduce me as "and this is our adopted child Keith".  Probably didn't mean anything, but it is something I remember.  For some reason they always said "adopted".
 
One thing I wish is that my mom and dad lived to see me grow up to be something other than their adopted son who was not as good as their "real" son but accomplished quite a few things even through bad times.  I wish they could have seen me help others and be a good person.  It would have been something I would never forget if I got them to say they were proud of me.  I heard them say that about my brother to their friends.  But, never about me.  I think if they saw some of the things I have accomplished and the number of people I helped and encouraged, they might be proud of me.  I wish I heard them say it.  Oh well.

[Master Blaster]

more: 

The biggest surprise was when he asked me to be in his wedding in 1996 or 97'.  I know he didn't want me there and his wife made him ask me, but I am still surprised he gave in.  He is a very well known California Highway Patrolman now.  My biggest hurt he ever did to me was when I was in the hospital after my spider bite and I called him and asked him to come see me.  I was possibly going to lose my leg and I wanted to see him.  I cried when I asked him cause I was so afraid.  He said he would try and come see me.  He never came and I have not talked to him since (1998).  He never really treated me as a brother or part of the family so I guess I should have expected it.

When both my parents were gone I did try to find out who were my real parents.  I came close when I found the attorney who handled the adoption.  But, he said all the records he had were destroyed in a flood that happened in Beverly Hills way back so he couldn't help me.  After that I gave up.

[Vince B]

Keith died on Jan 10, 2011 but his legacy will live on in the minds of those who frequented this forum for the last several years. I think he would like that people remember him for his wacky sense of humour and the funny things he did both in real life and on Getbig.

Here is a story from the History forum that is the funniest story I have come across anywhere. How can you not like a guy who pulled this off!



     A very funny story I told on the History Board
« on: May 11, 2006, 01:19:44 AM » Quote  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had someone ask me to put up some stories on this board.  I can only put them here if it has a bodybuilder involved.  So I have this one.  It is very funny.  I just read it again and relived it.  What a night this was.  Anyone on here who knows Pete (Gymkowski) can picture this night.


I got one that if I write it right will put you in the moment and you will experience it in it's full impact, cause these stories are by far the funniest things I've have ever done.  There are numerous ones but I will weed out ones that don't include at least someone in bodybuilding (even though most include the same person).  I will classify these stories simply as "The Air Around You" series.  So if you see this at the beginning of my post, you know it is another addition to "The Air Around You" series.  

First, imagine being in a semi-fancy (meaning they have cloth napkins) restaurant with low lights, tables and booths and it is around 6pm (peak dinner time).  We are near Disneyland.  Second you are with Pete G (my gratuitous BB) and his childhood friend J. Manchioni who is one crazy dude and loud.  We are pulling up to the valet (another fancy sign) at the restaurant in Pete’s nice white Rolls Royce.  Valet opens the door and Pete as always hand him a $50 bill to make sure the car is in the front.  No one I have ever met tips like Pete G.

Pete and J. both know the owner and Manager of this fancy restaurant (once again evident by having some guy sitting in the restroom to sell you stuff he picked up at the local dollar store).  We are seated in a booth (with red table cloth).  The place is easily more than half full about 30 people.  The owner comes over says hi to Pete and J. and they introduce me.  As you know Pete is very friendly and can be pretty loud at times and J. is twice as loud.

Okay I am going to lead up to the story now.  In 1986 I did a movie called Dangerous Curves with Leslie Nielson.  I was his bodyguard in the movie (Mandrake).  As we (the other actors) were working with Leslie we noticed he had a gas problem.  If you have ever seen him on TV in an interview you will know what I mean.  Anyway we didn't say anything cause he is a big star and can do anything he wants.  But I notice he has something in his hand.  I ask him and he shows me this little rubber thing called Han-D-Gas.  This product (that should win the Nobel Peace Prize or Pulitzer) is so inventive and bitchin I had to have one.  So Leslie gave me one.  And for almost ten years and many new Han-D-Gas's later I was the "Fart King"  There wasn't a place I didn't use this ultimate crowd pleaser.  The neatest thing about this is that it is small enough to hide in your hand and the more you practiced the better you got and the more variable farts you can emit.  If you want to be the life of any party in any situation, I swear to god this thing will do that for you.  I promise!!!  Well this was staple in mine and Pete's social status.  It broke the ice in any situation for us.

Now back to our dinner.  The owner brings Pete a bottle of wine.  We start talking and I have to pull out my Han-D-Gas cause it is in my pocket and I don’t want to damage it.  The owner asks me what it is.  Well Pete starts going off on some stories about the little machine.  During this time J. is calling a girl he knew that lives in the area to invite her to dinner.  According to J. she is a little hottie that likes to party.  Well after the short stories and J. is now off the phone, I see the owner is very loose and has a great sense of humor.  So the owner wanted me to demonstrate just how much fun it can be and tells me to go fart on some of his friends at another table.  Now, remember this is a pretty fancy restaurant (you could tell because you could actually hear some people whispering).  So I get up and stick my hand in my pocket and proceed to walk towards the back passing by the table with his friends.  With my hand in my pocket it not only hides it, it also muffles it and it sounds even more real.  To make it even more realistic, I stop right in front of the victim’s table and I ask one of the waiters where the restroom was as he pointed in the direction I was heading.  Believe me most everyone heard me ask.  So, as I turn by the table I let out a really nice gurgling loud fart.  I turn to the table and say I'm am sorry and proceed to the restroom, like it was nothing big.  I about collapsed as soon as I got in there because you should have seen these people's faces.  These were definitely a group of high-brow people and to have someone fart out loud is unheard of and the fact it was a stranger was even worse.  I swear to god I was dying in the restroom and that is when I met the nice old man in the restroom.  I showed him what I did and he almost had a heart attack.  Doing this in a crowed restroom in another hilarious story I will tell later.  Any…

So I am in the restroom for about 2 minutes.  I come out and the whole restaurant was laughing.  The owner had gone over to tell his friends what I had so I had to show everyone in the restaurant I wasn't some low life guy who farted on strangers.  (little did they know).  So now I have the restaurant in my hands.  I swear to god I was going table to table because everyone wanted to see what it was.  Everyone wanted to see the thing and allot of them actually wrote down the address (which is on it) so they could get their own.  Sorry if this is boring but I had to lead up to the real story.

So, now comes the funniest thing ever.  J. tells me about the girl who is coming to meet us and that he wants me to fart on her cause she is really pretty but even dumber.  So I say okay.  So I am thinking and I come up with a great idea.  The booth next to us was empty now.  I get up and sit there.  I tell the waiter to bring me a bunch of empty shot glasses and a glass of coke and a couple glasses of beer and basket of bread.  So he brings all this stuff and everyone in the restaurant was watching me be a set designer.  Well in about 2 minutes my table was looking like a tornado hit it.  I had all these empty shot glasses spilled beer, broken pieces of bread the table was a mess.  

J. gets up to stand at the door to tell me when she is coming in.  Now, we didn't go over anything.  I was going to "wing" this skit on the fly.  So Pete and J. would have to play off me.  So I get another idea.  J. tells me she just pulled up.  I get up and run to the restroom (yes at one time I could run).  I go in there and splash water all over me and open my shirt a little and just really mess myself up (so I looked like I have been drinking (allot).  SO about 2 minutes later I exit the restroom.  Now you have to imagine, the whole restaurant and all the employees are onto this little prank.  Almost like Punk'd.  I come out holding one of the glasses of beer walking like a drunk and talking under my breath cussing.  As I get closer to the booth I look up and I see the girl looking at me and saying something to J. and Pete.  As I get closer I hear her say "oh my god what happened to him.  J. says look at all he's had to drink if he wasn't such a big mother-fucker he'd be passed out by now.  I see her look at the table all messed up with what looked like a whole lotta of alcohol.

Well before all this started I asked the waiter to get me a bowl of chili.  No one knew what it was there for including Pete or the others.  I place it on the seat next to me. They may have seen it but didn’t know what it was for.   So as I am sitting there, I hear the girl asking J. and Pete what happened.  In a loud voice J. says “his wife left him”.  She says “oh my god” (which for some reason was her favorite saying that night). Then Pete is awesome and says “yea she left him for his dad”.  I swear to god I was looking with a blank stare at them and Pete started to bust up.  He barely got that line out.  I look at them and just say ”what a fucking bitch and slut” like a drunk guy.  I then yell at the waiter to bring me a shot of Tequilla.  So about 30 seconds later the waiter comes with a small water glass filled to top so high he had to walk really slow or spill it.  This waiter was awesome cause he thought of doing that all himself.  He placed it on the table.  I took it and swallowed the whole thing in one gulp and of course had to have some dribble down my shirt.  Now, right when I did that I was thinking I hope the guy doesn’t really give me tequila.  But he was smart it was apple juice and water.  Well the girl went crazy all over Pete and J.  She says “Oh my god!  Pete says yea he’s such a pussy he lets his dad take his wife.  J. says ‘yea I would have killed my dad and fucked his wife to get back at him….in front of him.”  These two guys were going full blast.  So then I look around the room and just about every patron had their head in their hands or the napkin covering their face.  In fact I had my hand in my facxe numerous times so I could hide my smile.  And the really funny part is the owner had the front door open half way (he told us later so nobody came in during this) but he was halfway in and halfway out laughing so hard he had his head completely outside and his legs inside.  You had to be there.  So I am started to lose it.

So I have my fart machine.  I start to fart uncontrollably.  The girl says to the guys “how sick”.  J. all of a sudden says “dude you better check your pants”  So I reach behind me (it looks that way) so my arm is way up so everyone see it and it looks like I am sticking my hands down the back of my pants.  Then I bring it up and sniff my fingers.  Now by then Pete is almost crying and in fact the owner was no where to be found.  I say “there’s nothing back there”.  She brabs Pete and now has her head in his lap.  So now she can’t really see me so I have to get louder.  So I start to fart more  And one time I licked my hand that I am using to use the machine.  It makes the fart sound wetter.  So I did that and everyone could hear it.  And again, J. says “dude you just shit you pants”  So, now she looks up at me almost ready to puke.  I take my hand and do the same motion as before but I actually put just the tips of my fingers in the chili.  When I bring it up it appears I have a little shit on them.  I again sniff them  Now Pete is actually holding his entire face in his hands peeking through his fingers.  The girl looks at them and very casually I take one of the napkins and clean them off and just throw the napkin over on Pete’s table.  J. goes ballistic and pushes it off the table really quick telling me how sick I am.  He says’ dude you need to go wipe your ass”. The girl is also just peeking out of her hands and her head was shaking allot.  I say in a very drunk manner, “Shut the f**k up I don’t need to wipe my ass.”  Now I swear to god my eyes were watering so bad it looked like I was crying because I was holding in my laughing so hard.  All the other people were literally slapping each other.  So, one more time after I said I didn’t need to go wipe my ass “I reached back but this time grabbed a little more chili.  When I brought it up it looked so much like shit.  I could see her holding both Pete and J. so hard.  I sniff it again and then I licked my fingers.  She started to throw-up on J., but he pushed her over on Pete and jumped out of the table.  I could no longer hold it and everyone was laughing so hard.  I got up and we told her it was all a joke.  Her whole face running covered in black from her mascara.  The funniest thing was the owner came in balling with three other people who were all watching this happening through the window.  I swear to god this was the funniest night I ever had.  And as dumb or unbelievable this sounds ask Pete G. J. or even Kevin knows about it I think.  But I have allot of these but now so elaborate.  If you like this one I will tell more.  But only the ones that involve a bodybuilder.

The pic is of me and Leslie on the set on Dangerous Curves filmed in Mission Bay, CA  

[Vince B]

As a tribute to Keith, I invite others to post their favourite posts, photos, and stories from Keith. I dare say his photoshop creations would be fitting here as well. Keith was a big man with one heck of a sense of humour. This is a thread he would find funny, too.

[blinky]

wow

i had to read the thread title like 3 times to make sure i was seeing it right. VERY sad.

ever since my dad passed away a few years back, i always choke up when i hear of someone i "know" passing. Especially a parent. He's in a better place now.

him and his family and frfiends will be in my prayers tonight

RIP big man 

[Fallsview]

Good job Mr. Basile.





STAY POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gh15]

wow

i had to read the thread title like 3 times to make sure i was seeing it right. VERY sad.

ever since my dad passed away a few years back, i always choke up when i hear of someone i "know" passing. Especially a parent. He's in a better place now.

him and his family and frfiends will be in my prayers tonight

RIP big man 

you live once my friend,,that why i say live it to fullest ,,you want to do steroid you do steroid ,,do other hormmons do other hormones,,live with never thinking what if,,what if i took this what if i took that,,TAKE IT see how far you go in bodybuilding,, at the end of the day we all end in the same place which is 6 feet under,,you need to do whatever you can to make an impact,,this man did a big impact,, bgi splash,,i argue with him many times,,i alays listened to him but argued with him on things he did not know yet also backed him up with regarding to david palumbo and other scambags,,

notice when i came to getbig i always respected keith jones,,even when he went nuts on me many times,,i still kept it under respect because he had experience in life and in the cult ,,forget about hormones ,,im talking the cult as in human relashionship,,

he was very important figure on getbig,,very important,,

to the one who said i predict future,, i really wish i did not,, i tried very hard to let him understand im not trying to own him on getbig but more try to help him live life,, i wanted him to live life till old age,,GH15 TRULY DID,, i kept nagging about it over and over every lost of our postings ,,you can see them and you know them,, i kept saying to him that he need to be back in gym and more important the diet ,,i always said it for last 3-4 years,,

it dont matter now ,, now hes in better place than this piece of shit hell called 2011 world,, 

the best go first my friends ,,i learned it at young age,, the best go first

hell be missed

gh15 approved

[johnny1]

Good respectful post GH and your exactly right YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...if you going do something...DO IT.

[Vince B]

Those who are attracted to bodybuilding forums often want to find a way to get bigger muscles. I know that Ray Mentzer had issues about his dad favouring Mike and not him. Keith writes about how he was considered adopted and you can imagine in young Keith how that would have stung. Being compared to a sibling like he was would have hurt him deeply. Perhaps that is why he ended up lifting weights. Sub-consciously he figured if he got big enough and strong enough then no one could ignor him. That is a powerful motivation to many of us who because of feeling rejected when young we try forever to 'show them'. The sad thing is that many achieve plenty but still don't get the deep satisfaction they need to feel complete. I respect Keith for opening up and telling his story. It is an inspirational story where he aspired to achieve things in various fields. When obstacles presented in one area he would seek competence elsewhere. Often he was encouraged by people who saw his ability and that is part of his story.

Had he not been bitten by that spider and virtually cripped afterwards who knows what he might have done? Perhaps he would have been so busy he wouldn't have had time to surf the net and tell his stories. While people are alive who remember those stories a part of Keith will be in us and I suppose that is a kind of immortality that would please him.

I don't want to sugarcoat who he was because he could be mean to some people for some reason. The internet can bring out both the best and worst in many of us. He sure became an internet warrior and perhaps the epitome of a resident Getbigger. He spared no one and took no prisoners! That was our Keith, even on the net he was flamboyant and perhaps a bit reckless. You sure got what you deserved from him and you deserved what you got.

[KevinP85]

WOW!!! Can't believe this!! My condolences go out to Keith, I have exchanged PM's with him in the past and been on this site long enough to hear a lot of his stories. Great guy, and loved how he always responded when someone ridiculed someone famous/successful by saying, " something like what have you done with your life?? This person is living the dream, has more money, 10X more successful than you ever will be, and here you are ripping on them??" Hahahaha that was always funny!!!

As for Stunt, I've spoken with you on the phone and I didn't know you knew Keith so well, guess everybody in some way does, lol. Glad you had the opportunity to be one of his close friends because in reality, close friends are HARD to come by!! I can honestly I have only a few I can trust, the others are merely just hang out buddies, and sadly, that's it!

[myt1]

you live once my friend,,that why i say live it to fullest ,,you want to do steroid you do steroid ,,do other hormmons do other hormones,,live with never thinking what if,,what if i took this what if i took that,,TAKE IT see how far you go in bodybuilding,, at the end of the day we all end in the same place which is 6 feet under,,you need to do whatever you can to make an impact,,this man did a big impact,, bgi splash,,i argue with him many times,,i alays listened to him but argued with him on things he did not know yet also backed him up with regarding to david palumbo and other scambags,,

notice when i came to getbig i always respected keith jones,,even when he went nuts on me many times,,i still kept it under respect because he had experience in life and in the cult ,,forget about hormones ,,im talking the cult as in human relashionship,,

he was very important figure on getbig,,very important,,

to the one who said i predict future,, i really wish i did not,, i tried very hard to let him understand im not trying to own him on getbig but more try to help him live life,, i wanted him to live life till old age,,GH15 TRULY DID,, i kept nagging about it over and over every lost of our postings ,,you can see them and you know them,, i kept saying to him that he need to be back in gym and more important the diet ,,i always said it for last 3-4 years,,

it dont matter now ,, now hes in better place than this piece of shit hell called 2011 world,, 

the best go first my friends ,,i learned it at young age,, the best go first

hell be missed

gh15 approved

Would you please shut the fuck up with your babbling bullshit.  Noone gives a fuck in this thread.....A good person, who contributed 100x more than you ever will to this board is gone.  Show respect, offer condolences, and shut your fucking mouth idiot.

May Goodrum ass rape you with no condom

[luvvsuNOT]

actually, no one give a fuck what you think. people hang on gh15's evry word. nothing was wrong with his post. very respectful considering how keith always attacked him.

[gh15]

Would you please shut the fuck up with your babbling bullshit.  Noone gives a fuck in this thread.....A good person, who contributed 100x more than you ever will to this board is gone.  Show respect, offer condolences, and shut your fucking mouth idiot.

May Goodrum ass rape you with no condom

out of respect to the dead i will show you grace,,but NO ONE EVER contributd more than gh15 to any baord in history of internet like gh15 has contributed to getbig,,the infromation i put here on this board will take someone from diapers into apro card,, you should read it sometime,,i changed the history of bodybulding ,, this is part of the reason keith and gh15 argue,,i brought into light what the old generation saw as hush hush...kinda you dont need to know until you get there attitude,,gh15 opened everything up,,went into war of the worlds with many ,,risked and still risking its life ,,and made a new generation of bodybulders learn everything much faster,,


so yes,,keith was huge in terms of importance to getbig board especialy history related and stories,,but the moment you finish reading the gh15 bible you stay speechless,, and thats why theimpact of gh15 was so big,,

neverthe less this is a sad day to getbig because he was very important on this board,,gh15 is aware of it,,

rest in peace

gh15 approved

[Vince B]

I didn't find what gh15 posted in this thread offensive in the slightest. He was one of several people here who warned Keith of what might happen. I doubt anyone here was more aware of that than Keith. That is why I never mentioned his size and weight either on line or in chats. When people die I don't believe they go anywhere so I don't subscribe to the notion of people resting in peace. If people have something to say about Keith then this is the thread to do it in. He has gone so can't be offended any more whatsoever.

[Wiggs]

Fellow Getbiggers:

I still have yet to read all these comments due to a heavy workload here at the house, so please excuse me if I am speaking erroneously but we have all been busy these past couple of days and I took off this afternoon to have a few private moments recalling things and stuff that I have done with Keith these past few years.

I won't give all the details here in this post but Keith's daughter left early this morning to see her dad at the mortuary and ID him for the record.

I stayed home because I had already done that an hour or so after he had passed away.

So now I am sitting here waiting for Keith's daughter (Jaime) to knock on the door and tell me what will be happening in the next few weeks.

As of this moment plans are still being made but  I believe that Keith will be cremated and taken to Hawaii by Jaime and her beautiful lfamily  around the 1st of February because he left his heart there a few years back.

I also believe that we will be having a small ceremony here in Las Vegas on or around the 26th of this month before we all head west to Los Angeles (Hawthorn) for a Memorial that his brother is presently planning on the 29th of January.

If I recall right Keith went to Hawthorn High School so I am expecting a major 'celebration' due to the fact that he was loved by everyone in that part of Souther Cal. (Including the Winchell's Doughnut guy.)

I do know for a fact that Keith was loved by Mr and Mrs Mohammed Ali and I'm doing my best to contact family reps. And Sly reps too! Jaun Claude too.

If anyone can pass the word, it will be appreciated.

But does anyone know how to contact Jonsey? I'd sure appreciate it. I have no idea who he even is.

There's so much more I want to say but the family is gathering and I've got to sign off.

Thanks to all you guys and gals who have called or sent emails. I'm doing my be to respond to each of you. Just give me time.

God bless ya, Keith.

Your friend and frequent antagonist, Stunt
.

Stunt, please PM me the information for the ceremony here in Vegas if it is open...I'd like to attend.

[outby43]

Stunt, please PM me the information for the ceremony here in Vegas if it is open...I'd like to attend.

Not sure if it's in bad taste but it would be cool if someone recorded the services.  Not Keith's body or anything like that but just the turnout and the kind words that people will have for him.

[Tapeworm]

I didnt know the guy, but i know that he actually ridiculed me one time for a very innocent post i had made, and i really hardly ever make posts, so its not like i was one of the many who constantly talk shit here on the board. i mostly lurk and will post if its a worthwhile subject that i feel i can contribute to. So now that hes dead hes an angel??? When he was alive he was an ASSHOLE!!
-

Owning minds from beyond the grave!

[BroadStreetBruiser]

rip kleith

[DK II]

seriously though, is there some way getbig can put together for some floral tribute (don't know the proper name) with something written on it?

I think we can trust stunt with the money and maybe also agree on an amount, and everything that is in excess of the amount needed could be spend for a good cause in Keith's name.

Maybe something for the medical treatment of spider bite victims.

[travisma]

I had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with Keith in Vegas. While our business venture ended badly I will be the first to say that he was still a great guy personally.

He had many stories that I re-tell to my friends at all occasions.

He will be missed greatly by those whom knew him personally or had some time to get to know him.

Travis

[JasonH]

I would consider some of Keith's meltdowns and putdowns as some of his best contributions on here - they were funny as fuck!

[phyxsius]

i didn't know he died   

[Schmoe Buster]

seriously though, is there some way getbig can put together for some floral tribute (don't know the proper name) with something written on it?

I think we can trust stunt with the money and maybe also agree on an amount, and everything that is in excess of the amount needed could be spend for a good cause in Keith's name.

Maybe something for the medical treatment of spider bite victims.

X2, A Getbig wreath for his funeral would be nice, im sure we would all chip in some cash to make it happen

[Schmoe Buster]

I would consider some of Keith's meltdowns and putdowns as some of his best contributions on here - they were funny as fuck!

Yes, Keith was a great laugh in every way