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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Faust on May 15, 2008, 10:25:18 AM
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Ok, i just read that 20% of all women supposedly have had a man use violence against them in a relationship.
I remember reading that in Lesbian relationships this number is as high as 40%.
Seems a little high to me.
How would you girls react if your partner did it once? (Say he slaps you pretty hard/pushes you during an argument?)
Give him another chance? Tell everyone/try to hide it from your friends and relatives?
I'm a bit curious cause i never heard a woman say that they would put up with it, but apparently 20% of them do.
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I'm not sure if I would give him another chance or not...I guess it would depend on all the circumstances. I am a strong believer in second chances depending on the subject but I'm not a strong believer in third chances. Oh and I would probably tell at least 2 people.
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Ive had several LT relationships over the years. There was one relationship that got physically violent...it was like an episode of Jerry Springer
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Ive had several LT relationships over the years. There was one relationship that got physically violent...it was like an episode of Jerry Springer
What is LT?
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What is LT?
Long Term
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Long Term
I usually prefer ST. You've got to move on, and never look back. :)
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PTSD is an ugly subject. It's best to live well.
-Meddie
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PTSD is an ugly subject. It's best to live well.
-Meddie
PTSD?
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PTSD?
lol yeah ???
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I usually prefer ST. You've got to move on, and never look back. :)
So...a new "relationship" what...like every 3 days or so? :o
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Ive had several LT relationships over the years. There was one relationship that got physically violent...it was like an episode of Jerry Springer
No good. At least you had the courage to get out. A lot of women don't and it gets worse and worse. How many have ended up dead as a result of this? Just imagine.
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PTSD?
post traumatic stress disorder
I've been in abusive relationships with both a man and a woman .. I was with the woman longer and put up with her bullcrap moreso than any man I was with ..
I got hurt worse getting hit by the guy ..but the physical stuff doesn't hurt as much as the emotional to me ... I'd rather take a punch in a fit of rage than have someone who supposedly loves me say mean hateful things that can't be taken back
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Dang w8m8 :(
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r e s p e c t
(whats with all the "shorthand"???)
TTYL ;D
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post traumatic stress disorder
I've been in abusive relationships with both a man and a woman .. I was with the woman longer and put up with her bullcrap moreso than any man I was with ..
I got hurt worse getting hit by the guy ..but the physical stuff doesn't hurt as much as the emotional to me ... I'd rather take a punch in a fit of rage than have someone who supposedly loves me say mean hateful things that can't be taken back
That is very sad and terrible. I would rather stay single and be happy then in a relationship full of verbal/emotional/physical abuse. Life is too short. There are a lot of good people in the world too. Best to take your time and wait for the right person who will give your heart a home.
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So...a new "relationship" what...like every 3 days or so? :o
3 days, 3 weeks, or even 3 months if it gets serious. :o
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Never understood why my mom put up with the physical abuse and could never understand what she could have done that would cause my dad to hit her. The way i see it any man that hits a woman and don't care what she did or is doing, he is a coward!
HMIC
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post traumatic stress disorder
I've been in abusive relationships with both a man and a woman .. I was with the woman longer and put up with her bullcrap moreso than any man I was with ..
I got hurt worse getting hit by the guy ..but the physical stuff doesn't hurt as much as the emotional to me ... I'd rather take a punch in a fit of rage than have someone who supposedly loves me say mean hateful things that can't be taken back
Had you'd been my sister...I might have gone to jail and done time if your man had hit you.
I deal a lot with DV's...and how some dude's justify it...
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There is always this.
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Never understood why my mom put up with the physical abuse and could never understand what she could have done that would cause my dad to hit her. The way i see it any man that hits a woman and don't care what she did or is doing, he is a coward!
HMIC
She had you and all her children. :) Besides, probably in her day it would have seemed like her fault. She did okay raising you so maybe that's enough reason. Back then there weren't many options, and I'm thinking 30 years ago?
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3 days, 3 weeks, or even 3 months if it gets serious. :o
then BAM! youre gone? just like that?? ;D
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2 years ago, my live in boyfriend came after me in a rhoid rage and left a hole in the wall and me with a broken ankle and broken foot.
Unfortunatly at the time, I wanted to leave but couldn't as I was new to the area (Vegas... go figure) and had no friends or family and had just started a new job, so I had no money. I was scared to have him arrested in fear he'd kill me. He didn't ask for forgiveness and actually ignored me for 2 days.
I picked up shifts at work and hid my ankle and heavily powdered my nose. Two weeks later we had another arguement and I left immediately because I actually feared for my life. For 2 nights I stayed in my car before i found a place to stay.
The law isn't all that helpful for women who have to deal with domestic violence. Yeah, they can put a guy in jail but restraining orders don't do sh*t. I honestly feel the best defense is to learn how to kick a guy's ass, to own a gun and know how to use it sanely, and to value yourself enough so a man knows that you wont think twice about hitting back then leaving if he even thinks about laying a finger on ya !
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In my 34 years, this guy is the ONLY man who has ever physically hurt me... and I am 100% positive that it was because it was a time in my life when i was weak and low in self esteem... and that's what attracts these losers. Normally, people call me conceited and it used to bother me. Now, if they think I'm conceited.. they can kiss my a*s...
"we're not talking about conceit. We're talking about a healthy respect for yourself. And when you respect yourself, others will respect you as well".
PS- I think 20% is an understatement.
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then BAM! youre gone? just like that?? ;D
I'm going places, boldly go where no one has gone before. :o
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2 years ago, my live in boyfriend came after me in a rhoid rage and left a hole in the wall and me with a broken ankle and broken foot.
Unfortunatly at the time, I wanted to leave but couldn't as I was new to the area (Vegas... go figure) and had no friends or family and had just started a new job, so I had no money. I was scared to have him arrested in fear he'd kill me. He didn't ask for forgiveness and actually ignored me for 2 days.
I picked up shifts at work and hid my ankle and heavily powdered my nose. Two weeks later we had another arguement and I left immediately because I actually feared for my life. For 2 nights I stayed in my car before i found a place to stay.
The law isn't all that helpful for women who have to deal with domestic violence. Yeah, they can put a guy in jail but restraining orders don't do sh*t. I honestly feel the best defense is to learn how to kick a guy's ass, to own a gun and know how to use it sanely, and to value yourself enough so a man knows that you wont think twice about hitting back then leaving if he even thinks about laying a finger on ya !
!
In my 34 years, this guy is the ONLY man who has ever physically hurt me... and I am 100% positive that it was because it was a time in my life when i was weak and low in self esteem... and that's what attracts these losers. Normally, people call me conceited and it used to bother me. Now, if they think I'm conceited.. they can kiss my a*s...
"we're not talking about conceit. We're talking about a healthy respect for yourself. And when you respect yourself, others will respect you as well".
PS- I think 20% is an understatement.
I always tell people don't confuse conceit & confidence. There is a fine line between the two but both are very different.
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I always tell people don't confuse conceit & confidence. There is a fine line between the two but both are very different.
Define the difference playboy....
I always wondered if conceited or confident women were just as susceptible to domestic violence as women with no confidence or self esteem. I would think not. But I tell you what, conceited or confident women sure get hated on more
I once did an experiment (at a nightclub and at the local Best Buy). You see, I have awesome posture (at least it seems). When I intentionally slump, it seems I get more attention from people or at least they are more open to talking to me and looking me in the eye. When I stand normal, people avoid me even when I smile and say hello
. Could my posture be a reason why I never attracted abusive men in the past? I think it has alot to do with it.
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Define the difference playboy....
I always wondered if conceited or confident women were just as susceptible to domestic violence as women with no confidence or self esteem. I would think not. But I tell you what, conceited or confident women sure get hated on more
I once did an experiment (at a nightclub and at the local Best Buy). You see, I have awesome posture (at least it seems). When I intentionally slump, it seems I get more attention from people or at least they are more open to talking to me and looking me in the eye. When I stand normal, people avoid me even when I smile and say hello
. Could my posture be a reason why I never attracted abusive men in the past? I think it has alot to do with it.
Anybody is susceptable to violence. Sad but true.
The conceided person will walk around like their shit don't stink.
The confident person will walk around feeling great about themselves without acting arrogant.
Bodybuilders both male and female will always be more intimidating to the average person who doesn't train.
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Ok, i just read that 20% of all women supposedly have had a man use violence against them in a relationship.
I remember reading that in Lesbian relationships this number is as high as 40%.
Seems a little high to me.
How would you girls react if your partner did it once? (Say he slaps you pretty hard/pushes you during an argument?)
Give him another chance? Tell everyone/try to hide it from your friends and relatives?
I'm a bit curious cause i never heard a woman say that they would put up with it, but apparently 20% of them do.
Been there with my exhusband. He was physically abusive a couple times (I have learned through experience that you don't give "other chances". Once a hitter...always a hitter). The last time he was.,,,I introduced his skull to a 5lb lead crystal lighter. It worked quite well and I wouldn't ever hesitate to use that lighter again. ;)
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Maybe it's cultural, or just me - but 20% seems high number to me. I am racking my brain, and seem to only be able to think of one women I know who had an abusive husband. Not downing anyone who has been there but for me, should anyone ever raise their hand to me - that's it. And both my father and brother would hunt the guy down - and that is *not* an exaggeration. I am lucky in the respect that my family is mega supportive so I would never have the quandries of where to go etc, that I know some women face.
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Maybe it's cultural, or just me - but 20% seems high number to me. I am racking my brain, and seem to only be able to think of one women I know who had an abusive husband. Not downing anyone who has been there but for me, should anyone ever raise their hand to me - that's it. And both my father and brother would hunt the guy down - and that is *not* an exaggeration. I am lucky in the respect that my family is mega supportive so I would never have the quandries of where to go etc, that I know some women face.
Most women don't go to their families CQ with this due to the fear that is driven in by the abuser that their family could become a victim as well. Unless you've experienced it, one really can't know what they would do. :-\ It'a really up to the abused to take a stand and report and remove themselves from such a cycle.
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Who the fuck deleted my post?
::)
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Who the fuck deleted my post?
::)
You're not on the approved list, foreigner. Get lost!! >:(
I don't understand how/why women stay with men that are abusive physically. Mentally abusive is different, some may not even realize the abuse for years, if ever.
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I don't understand how/why women stay with men that are abusive physically. Mentally abusive is different, some may not even realize the abuse for years, if ever.
OMG we agree on something!
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You're not on the approved list, foreigner. Get lost!! >:(
I don't understand how/why women stay with men that are abusive physically. Mentally abusive is different, some may not even realize the abuse for years, if ever.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a physically abusive relationship? Most likely not, so you would not understand. It's not just all physically, it is very much mental as well. And due to the fact that it happens A LOT it is obviously quite normal (although those who have never been wouldn't consider it normal) for someone to be more in fear of leaving....than staying.
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I have been in the middle of this type of situation with my mother and father.
I remember one time he came home drunk and beat her with his shoe, she ran out of the house to a neighbor's house and left my older brother and me (He was 13 I was 9) in the house with my dad.
We jumped on my dad (he was too drunk to fight back) while she was away but she never called the police on him, I never understood that. Her reasoning was "he is a good man when he is sober". What was she thinking?
I don't get it.
HMIC
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I dunno what makes others stay but it doesn't make me feel they were weak or stupid in any way .. I know I tried to make it work without just being one to cut and run out on something that was intended to be a partnership
Nobody is perfect and to have a temper surely doesn't help to solve issues , I tried very hard to give my "loved ones" the benefit of the doubt and try to mend and work on what I could as much as I could .. I have many times been told I'm gullible and have low self worth .. but I'm not one to take on others opinions as gospel .. if I'm asked if I made bad decisions .. I say yes but with good reasons
When we join up with a life mate we don't actually truly know them completely , not straight away , our feelings are all mostly just happy and fulfilling .. in time our flaws and issues crop up , as well as work issues or extended family issues or ex- issues even.. so the level of anxiety has a lot to do with explosions sometimes
Unless it's a daily or weekly issue it becomes "less" than dangerous , troublesome or worrisome in some ways , and if it's not blood drawing , bone breaking or really fear inducing ..it seems like escalated "events" more than a part of the persona and a reoccurring theme to worry about
this isn't saying anyone else thinks this way I'm just relating my train of thought .. when I hear people say you can just leave it makes me think that they haven't a clue of the total picture and find an immediate reaction rational .. to make such a drastic and complete decision shouldn't be immediate especially when a lot of love and compassion is felt and part of the picture
HM maybe because your Mom truly loved your Dad and didn't want the family all tore up she did what she felt was fair at the time , she seems like a very loving woman so I'm thinking she just wanted it all to be better and couldn't be the one to tear it up, of course I don't know ..I'm just guessing .. but to know your feelings about this I bet would hurt her more
Hate and violence are ugly and the damage can cause life long issues to those who have to face it .. it doesn't appear to bother the ones inflicting it as much though does it ?
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I have been in the middle of this type of situation with my mother and father.
I remember one time he came home drunk and beat her with his shoe, she ran out of the house to a neighbor's house and left my older brother and me (He was 13 I was 9) in the house with my dad.
We jumped on my dad (he was too drunk to fight back) while she was away but she never called the police on him, I never understood that. Her reasoning was "he is a good man when he is sober". What was she thinking?
I don't get it.
HMIC
No offence HM but you were not "IN" the situation...you were witness to it. You try being on the end the beaten side of a relationship (as a female). Believe me, in the end...we (the victims) are always asking what was I thinking but at the time...there are sooooooooooo many reasons.
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No offence HM but you were not "IN" the situation...you were witness to it. You try being on the end the beaten side of a relationship (as a female). Believe me, in the end...we (the victims) are always asking what was I thinking but at the time...there are sooooooooooo many reasons.
Well when a grown man puts his hands around a young boys neck (His flesh and blood) and commences to choke him because he was trying to protect his mom, I don't know any other way of looking at this but that I was "IN" the middle oh and no offense taken.
HM maybe because your Mom truly loved your Dad and didn't want the family all tore up she did what she felt was fair at the time , she seems like a very loving woman so I'm thinking she just wanted it all to be better and couldn't be the one to tear it up, of course I don't know ..I'm just guessing .. but to know your feelings about this I bet would hurt her more
Sad thing to me is even on her death bed when he came to see her (while she was in hospice) she told him she will always love him. I think the guilt killed him because he passed 9 months later.
Hate and violence are ugly and the damage can cause life long issues to those who have to face it .. it doesn't appear to bother the ones inflicting it as much though does it ?
Yes big time but I will say this; The one good thing that came out of that horrible experience is that I know I would never lay my hand on a woman in anger.
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Have you ever been on the receiving end of a physically abusive relationship?
Can't say I have.
Let me ask you this, when a woman gets out of that relationship and looks back, what excuses does she give for staying as long as she did? Does she wonder why it took so long for her to leave? Does she ever wonder if he would have changed had she stayed?
How does that relationship affect the next one and the next one and so on?
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Can't say I have.
Let me ask you this, when a woman gets out of that relationship and looks back, what excuses does she give for staying as long as she did? Does she wonder why it took so long for her to leave? Does she ever wonder if he would have changed had she stayed?
How does that relationship affect the next one and the next one and so on?
Some will continue giving "him" excuses or justifying/blaming themselves for the demise of the relationship or abuse, while others definitely wonder what the hell were they thinking.