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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: cephissus on December 26, 2012, 11:27:32 PM
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For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?
Like how much to punish / discipline them? Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction? What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently? How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job? Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?
Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me. But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative. Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...
(no homo)
(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
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For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?
Like how much to punish / discipline them? Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction? What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently? How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job? Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?
Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me. But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative. Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...
(no homo)
(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
interesting post...says a lot about you.
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interesting post...says a lot about you.
haha i'm sure you're taking notes :D
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Quite often actually.
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Raising, no. I'm more into the making.
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haha i'm sure you're taking notes :D
very unique thread...haven't seen anything like thisa on getbig before....
did you have parent issues bro? if you did, this will generally impact on the way you raise your children.
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Not in this world. Poor kids.
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if i ever find my blue-eyed blondie angel, then yes
as of now, i'm seeing a green-eyed brunette, so i'm safe
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To have kids in this world, the way it is, and the way it most probably will be for quite some time to come - is a very selfish/egocentric decision overall.. To raise them properly - takes a very dedicated and wise parent, who is already "in tune" with himself in the first place.
And I don't think it's the right place to raise such a question, as most here are very troubled individuals (opiate addicts, fellons, mentally unstable sociopaths, just sad fellas on the anti-depressant meds, etc..).
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To have kids in this world, the way it is, and the way it most probably will be for quite some time to come - is a very selfish/egocentric decision overall.. To raise them properly - takes a very dedicated and wise parent, who is already "in tune" with himself in the first place.
And I don't think it's the right place to raise such a question, as most here are very troubled individuals (opiate addicts, fellons, mentally unstable sociopaths, just sad fellas on the anti-depressant meds, etc..).
And people who wear triple-quadrupkle layers of clothing in order to make themselves look bigger... ;)
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I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).
My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.
So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.
Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.
I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.
Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.
Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature :) but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.
Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.
The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before, you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.
Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!
REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.
2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".
3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.
4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!
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^^^^
Great, honest post. Those earlier months/years are some of the mosst testing times in your whole life,but everything becomes worth it.
You just give up on your own life. me and wor lass plan what we are going to do when they are older when we can finaly have a life, but I wouldnt change it for the world.
They become your motavation to do well in life to provide them everything you never had.
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i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.
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No kids, ever, I'm postponing test for fertility for too long now, I hope I'm infertile from roids arleady.
I hate kids.
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i'm busy enough with the dogs
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teach them right away sports and bodybuilding are the biggest waste of time and effort in life
for a hobby they better take up the piano or violin
when they slack in school make them talk to people with shit jobs and tons of regrets
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i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.
You have a son if I remember correctly.
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Kudos, Strak, your post is right on the money. I'd add one thing I've experienced and seen more and more often around me: the most difficult thing once you've understood your role as a father is dealing with the woman you live with. I see more often men showing a true sense of responsibilities nowadays then I see women do. This creates an almost unbearable environment. Being a single father is starting to be easier than raising a child within a classic couple structure. And in certain cases, it might even be better for the kid on the long term.
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Kudos, Strak, your post is right on the money. I'd add one thing I've experienced and seen more and more often around me: the most difficult thing once you've understood your role as a father is dealing with the woman you live with. I see more often men showing a true sense of responsibilities nowadays then I see women do. This creates an almost unbearable environment. Being a single father is starting to be easier than raising a child within a classic couple structure. And in certain cases, it might even be better for the kid on the long term.
Sure a single raising a kid is better than an abusive parent relationship, I still think that any kid would benefit from having a father and a mother.
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moms gave me the best advice...until you are ready to be 100% unselfish...don't have a child.
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I don't want kids, and I'm a Christian. Needless to say, I'm gonna need God's help in finding a mate.
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Yes, because in about 15 weeks, he'll be here.
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Excellent fucking post Stark. Truth. In all that I patiently wait for the right host to birth Wiggs IV. He will be one bad guy.
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Wow 90 % suffering. Good deal! Sounds awesome.
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For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?
Like how much to punish / discipline them? Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction? What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently? How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job? Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?
Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me. But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative. Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...
(no homo)
(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
No.
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Wow 90 % suffering. Good deal! Sounds awesome.
You didn't read my post - you cannot think of this in mathematical terms... forget you're not going understand it never mind how hard I try :)
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You didn't read my post - you cannot think of this in mathematical terms... forget you're not going understand it never mind how hard I try :)
Having twins in a months time fella..
I will get minimal bathroom time! :(
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I think we have enough people on the planet already. :D :D
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I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).
My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.
So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.
Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.
I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.
Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.
Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature :) but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.
Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.
The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before, you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.
Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!
REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.
2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".
3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.
4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!
Nazi scum should not raise kids
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Nazi scum should not raise kids
Okay donny ::)
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lol immature cowards only able to care about their sorry asses, too affraid to put someone else before themselves. Will find you bullshit excuses about "how the world is a tough place" when they re ancestors faced wars and famines while having ten times less confort.
In one word, atheists. Thank God, they re getting rid of themselves simply by not reproducing anymore.
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And people who wear triple-quadrupkle layers of clothing in order to make themselves look bigger... ;)
I'm sorry to dissapoint u - but that's not clothes that make me look big. The fact that you remember and recall it - is quite strange. Relax - one day you may, too.. ;)
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i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.
Fair enough Mars. But I'm still coming to Holland to have my young son meet you. It's been a life-long dream of his - he enjoys your pictorial view of life. It's also on my bucket list.
We'll take our chances to meet you...you're a great father, patriot and hero to us all. Fair, but firm.
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I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).
My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.
So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.
Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.
I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.
Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.
Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature :) but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.
Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.
The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before, you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.
Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!
REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.
2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".
3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.
4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!
Lots of wisdom. I can't agree with everything you posted, but there's a lot I agree with. I would buy you a beer at the pub if I met you, and we could talk fatherhood and laugh. Also, we could look at the crazy videos you have, so I can feel better about my own boring life. ;D
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lol immature cowards only able to care about their sorry asses, too affraid to put someone else before themselves. Will find you bullshit excuses about "how the world is a tough place" when they re ancestors faced wars and famines while having ten times less confort.
In one word, atheists. Thank God, they re getting rid of themselves simply by not reproducing anymore.
You are quite an egocentric individual to think that "the world needs your kids" (to fight "people of other religinion, so yours would susrvive and perish" lol).. There's nothing to be afraid "to put something before ourselves", whole africa is fearless in this context. Tho' you seem to have a huge fear to "stay alone".. Don't worry - you are a smart person - you won't need to be "alone" in this day and age, even if you'd loose your family due to some muslim unabomber. And "the world" needs your kids just as much as it needs kids of that dirty brown skinned ape from a middle east. In both cases - you are just blindly and desperatelly trying to rescue your genetic code. It's not gonna work, sorry.. and there's no heaven to "live on" after you die. Sorry once again, but someone has to tell it like it is.
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Have one kid not too bad, two forget about yourself you are an afterthought! If you are selfish don't have kids end of story!
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my dad has 6 children
does getbig want me to interview him
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I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).
My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.
So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.
Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.
I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.
Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.
Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature :) but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.
Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.
The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before, you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.
Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!
REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.
2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".
3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.
4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!
I feel sorry for your kid.
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I don't want kids, and I'm a Christian. Needless to say, I'm gonna need God's help in finding a mate.
I have good news for you, and for myself as well, about 8% of the women DON'T want kids. But, things may be different if you want to meet a Christian woman..
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if a woman wants 2 kids
realistically
can she be persuaded to stop at 1?
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if a woman wants 2 kids
realistically
can she be persuaded to stop at 1?
Yes and no, she might seek for a second father ;D
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this one i'm seeing now told me she wants to have 2 sons FUCK!!!
and my x contacted me by e-mail and said that her husband is looking for me WTF?
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this one i'm seeing now told me she wants to have 2 sons FUCK!!!
and my x contacted me by e-mail and said that her husband is looking for me WTF?
I hope your alarm bell was ringing when she started about kids.
Recently, I had a similar experience, my ex' sister called me (totally drunk), or should I say 'stalked'? and told me that my ex' hubby is looking for me.
Never a dull moment in the dating game ;D
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I hope your alarm bell was ringing when she started about kids.
Recently, I had a similar experience, my ex' sister called me (totally drunk), or should I say 'stalked'? and told me that my ex' hubby is looking for me.
Never a dull moment in the dating game ;D
nice to know that i'm not alone ;D
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Stark, maybe you should just hire a nanny for one day a week or whatever you can afford. Or send him to Saturday emtertainmacare or something. Getting rid of the kid for 12 hours doesn't make you a bad man and it'll help you retain your sanity.
You seem stretched kinda tight bro. Hate to see you chasing the kid through a hedge maze with an axe someday.
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Stark, maybe you should just hire a nanny for one day a week or whatever you can afford. Or send him to Saturday emtertainmacare or something. Getting rid of the kid for 12 hours doesn't make you a bad man and it'll help you retain your sanity.
You seem stretched kinda tight bro. Hate to see you chasing the kid through a hedge maze with an axe someday.
Redrum.
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I think we have enough people on the planet already. :D :D
We may have the quantity but do we have the quality?
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For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?
Like how much to punish / discipline them? Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction? What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently? How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job? Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?
Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me. But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative. Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...
(no homo)
(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
I do, from time to time because I'm going to make sure I do it right. I want to have around five or six I think. People don't realize that you get out of kids what you put in. I'll invest heavily in them, like my parents and grandparents did for me.
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haha, che, will you elaborate?
i think more often about what to do when they're 5-15ish. everyone knows they absorb your life when they're in the baby and toddler stages. but what about when they're older? you have to help them out, but what will you really teach them? what principles are you so confident of that you're willing to stand behind, and force them to adopt?
or do you not believe in any principles at all? will you trust in them entirely to find their own way?
this is what i mean by balancing act...
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haha, che, will you elaborate?
i think more often about what to do when they're 5-15ish. everyone knows they absorb your life when they're in the baby and toddler stages. but what about when they're older? you have to help them out, but what will you really teach them? what principles are you so confident of that you're willing to stand behind, and force them to adopt?
or do you not believe in any principles at all? will you trust in them entirely to find their own way?
this is what i mean by balancing act...
I don't know man ,I'm still learning , all I know is that my kid is my top priority , I try to be a good example for him ( no smoke ,no alcohol, no drugs ,no arguments with my wife in front of him ...) , we spend a lot of time together ( movies ,sports ,riding motorcycles ,snowmobiles ,bikes....)
I try to teach him what is right and wrong, and how to act in certain situations , one thing's for sure I will never make the same mistakes my parents did with me .
I hope this helps.
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I feel sorry for your kid.
x2...this kid's is going to have serious identity issues as an adult....some people should just NOT be fathers.
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Kids are a fucking pain in the ass. I'm in Fl. with my wife and her family - her sis and bro in law have 2 kids. Every 2 fucking minutes they are whining about something. i want this, get me a piece of apple pie, I want to go fishing - etc.. I'm like shut the fuck up. Since when the fuck did kids become so important? These morons just drop everything - oh let me just get you this or let me just get that for you. Fuck that. The old man got the 8 yr old kid a little ipad thing - was like 4 bills - for xmas. Now the little egghead just sits around messin with the ipad. He probably should be out playing in the pool or running around. And the girl - like 4 years old always tries to manipulate everyone by going "pick me up - i love you". I ignore that little shithead. These dipshits are like "oh isn't she so cute blah blah". Fuckn put a cork in it.
Raise kids? I wouldn't even waste one of my fucking loads creating one.
Totally natural. I'm a father, and I find other people's kids to usually be intolerable, boring, snotty miscreants. Just as I'm sure other people find my kids to be a bore at best, and loathesome at worst.
Nobody likes other people's kids. But you'll love your own kids, whenever/if that happens. Which is pretty much all that matters.
And this is akin to the real world. The people most likely to truly love you unconditionally are your parents, when it comes to the average person. Everyone else on this planet can and probably will tell you to fuck off and threaten to leave you. Brothers, sisters, wives, husbands...that love can be fleeting, tenuous at times, and under constant threat of erosion. The only unconditional love I've been able to find is what I have for my kids. As rotten as I'm sure they are to anyone who is not me, they're the most important things in my life and come before all else.
I realize there are things my wife could do that would make me hate her and leave her.
I realize there is literally nothing my children could do to make me hate them. I will always love them. The worst one of them could do is to kill their sibling, and I would still love the remaining one and just blame myself in some poor misguided way.
They could become axe murderers, war mongers, or even politicians or union leaders, and I would still love them.
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I got a ton of kids. I don't really have a lot to add to what other people have said. I fucking love to come home and hear them run to the door saying "daddy, daddy!"
On the other hand, I basically work almost all day on the weekends. Nap time for the kids? Time to go to the grocery store.
It's worth it for me. To be surrounded by life in the midst of a world filled with tragedy and horror...it definitely feels like I have a home to come home to. These kids will have lives of their own to explore, adventures to travel down. It feels good to be a small paragraph in a big novel, rather than a whole chapter in a short story.
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I got a ton of kids. I don't really have a lot to add to what other people have said. I fucking love to come home and hear them run to the door saying "daddy, daddy!"
On the other hand, I basically work almost all day on the weekends. Nap time for the kids? Time to go to the grocery store.
It's worth it for me. To be surrounded by life in the midst of a world filled with tragedy and horror...it definitely feels like I have a home to come home to. These kids will have lives of their own to explore, adventures to travel down. It feels good to be a small paragraph in a big novel, rather than a whole chapter in a short story.
Its fucking tough tho, had another day yesterday like I was fucking destroyed when I came home, I wasn't even working super hard since we are still in christmas mode here, but for some reason I just wanted to be 5 or 10 min by myself in a dark room, course when you have kids you cannot do that, you HAVE to spend the first 30 min with your son and or daugher 100% and I mean 100%, a friend of ours who is a psycologist said to me once, its much better if you spend 30 - 1h daily with your son but in that time you devote all your attention to him than what most people do give their kids an half arsed attention now and then.
I am still learning.
BTW have no2 coming our way this April so I better get to understand what it means to have two sons to look after.
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nice to know that i'm not alone ;D
I've learned my lesson: never ever date a married/engaged woman when you want something more than playtime, every once in awhile.
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I've learned my lesson: never ever date a married/engaged woman when you want something more than playtime, every once in awhile.
but the strange thing is, she wasn't married when we were seeing each other, and in fact i hadn't had contact with her in over 1 year, shortly before she got married
maybe she told her hubby what i hot fuck that i was and it made him full of jealous rage lol
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but the strange thing is, she wasn't married when we were seeing each other, and in fact i hadn't had contact with her in over 1 year, shortly before she got married
maybe she told her hubby what i hot fuck that i was and it made him full of jealous rage lol
That's the problem with most women, they can't shut up at the right time. In general, only the less feminine types are able to keep private stuff for themselves.
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I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).
My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.
So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.
Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.
I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.
Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.
Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature :) but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.
Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.
The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before, you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.
Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!
REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.
2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".
3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.
4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!
Great post, man. I'm expecting my first this spring. I know I'm in for some big changes.
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Redrum.
As usual I was coming off as a wiseass but I meant it sincerely. I couldn't afford 24/7 live-in nanny care for a child but I'd do my best to schedule some time for myself somehow or I wouldn't hack it.
It's ok for a parent to want some time. Have you seen these little creatures?
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Do people not believe in abortion anymore? ???
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Do people not believe in abortion anymore? ???
One does not simply say 'abortion.'
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As usual I was coming off as a wiseass but I meant it sincerely. I couldn't afford 24/7 live-in nanny care for a child but I'd do my best to schedule some time for myself somehow or I wouldn't hack it.
It's ok for a parent to want some time. Have you seen these little creatures?
Any parent who gushes about their kid without dishing how the little shits piss them off is a lying prick and deserves a swift kick to the nuts.
The most important thing a parent can do is give themselves a time-out.
I would tell my wife to take off for a night and go see friends and eat shitty thai food and see that stupid Merryl Streep movie she loves so much with her girlfriends and get all catty about what a shitty lay I am. She loved it, and it recharged her batteries and made her a better mom.
Likewise, I would take a three hour window once a week after the kids went to bed, go play ball with the guys, have a few beers too many, smoke a ton of cigarettes, complain about the kids and ask for tips on where to buy cheap hockey gear for the rugrats or laugh about someone farting real loud...that made me a better dad.
You need an outlet, or you'll freak out.
If you're an adult and you don't need a break from kids, you're seriously weird and probably shouldn't be around kids to begin with.
We couldn't afford the live-in daycare either, so we split time doing pat-leave and mat-leave. Women are better at raising kids than men though...that I know without a shadow of a doubt. The kids nearly went feral with me as the sole care provider. But, they had fun and it was carefree. Mom is more of a task master and general...less fun, more discipline, but they also learn a lot more from her.
My idea of care was to put some clothes on them, take them outside, and tell them to watch out for bees and hornets while I sat at the park looking at hot moms and babysitters. Then, we'd get some apple juice and head home to run around the yard and see what we could break.
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Any parent who gushes about their kid without dishing how the little shits piss them off is a lying prick and deserves a swift kick to the nuts.
The most important thing a parent can do is give themselves a time-out.
I would tell my wife to take off for a night and go see friends and eat shitty thai food and see that stupid Merryl Streep movie she loves so much with her girlfriends and get all catty about what a shitty lay I am. She loved it, and it recharged her batteries and made her a better mom.
Likewise, I would take a three hour window once a week after the kids went to bed, go play ball with the guys, have a few beers too many, smoke a ton of cigarettes, complain about the kids and ask for tips on where to buy cheap hockey gear for the rugrats or laugh about someone farting real loud...that made me a better dad.
You need an outlet, or you'll freak out.
If you're an adult and you don't need a break from kids, you're seriously weird and probably shouldn't be around kids to begin with.
We couldn't afford the live-in daycare either, so we split time doing pat-leave and mat-leave. Women are better at raising kids than men though...that I know without a shadow of a doubt. The kids nearly went feral with me as the sole care provider. But, they had fun and it was carefree. Mom is more of a task master and general...less fun, more discipline, but they also learn a lot more from her.
My idea of care was to put some clothes on them, take them outside, and tell them to watch out for bees and hornets while I sat at the park looking at hot moms and babysitters. Then, we'd get some apple juice and head home to run around the yard and see what we could break.
Haha. Cool post.
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in case no miscarriage again i can probably have a kid in july
i hear a lot of cognitive dissonance from parents regarding parenthood
most people who do the complaining are women, most men i know said they did not have regrets and were proud to have raised a happy and successful child
only on the internet i see a lot of men complaining
maybe because in real life they want to bullshit you, like about steroids
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I don't know man ,I'm still learning , all I know is that my kid is my top priority , I try to be a good example for him ( no smoke ,no alcohol, no drugs ,no arguments with my wife in front of him ...) , we spend a lot of time together ( movies ,sports ,riding motorcycles ,snowmobiles ,bikes....)
I try to teach him what is right and wrong, and how to act in certain situations , one thing's for sure I will never make the same mistakes my parents did with me .
I hope this helps.
"STFU you stupid bitch no one cares."
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Of course there are a lot of whiny dads on this site.
Fuckin' bodybuilding is the most selfish, narcissistic hobby someone could have.
So a bodybuilding site would have all kinds of bitches complaining about their "alone time" ::)
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It's not for everybody, And there is nothing wrong with that. If you don't want kids, then don't have kids and live your life and be happy.
I don't have kids yet, but I do want them at some point. But I personally love kids, when I'm with family members And friends who have kids, I love to spend time with the little critters and joke around an play with them. But I can also see that it is really a big responsibility, kids are demanding and require a lot of attention and energy. But when they poop, oh man, I freak out lol guess I have to get used to that because hopefully it will be my turn soon.
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It's not for everybody, And there is nothing wrong with that. If you don't want kids, then don't have kids and live your life and be happy.
I don't have kids yet, but I do want them at some point. But I personally love kids, when I'm with family members And friends who have kids, I love to spend time with the little critters and joke around an play with them. But I can also see that it is really a big responsibility, kids are demanding and require a lot of attention and energy. But when they poop, oh man, I freak out lol guess I have to get used to that because hopefully it will be my turn soon.
They would blame you for the rest of their lives for having a big nose ;D
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It's a boy I will send him to martial arts training when he's about 4 years old or so.
If a girl, to ballet or something like that.
I would be strict on good manners, discipline etc and would use corporal punishment in more extreme cases.
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Do people not believe in abortion anymore? ???
Best £600 I ever spent.
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It's a boy I will send him to martial arts training when he's about 4 years old or so.
If a girl, to ballet or something like that.
I would be strict on good manners, discipline etc and would use corporal punishment in more extreme cases.
I send my daughter to martial arts (jiu jitsu, and she does judo too).
I'd rather she be able to fend off and run away from rapists and pedos, rather than dance for them!
;D
Seriously though, she does ballet as well. Mom's idea, but she loves it too.
This is also the reason I am quite poor. Every cent I make seems to go into kids activities. At this rate, I will have saved enough to retire when I'm 78.
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Any parent who gushes about their kid without dishing how the little shits piss them off is a lying prick and deserves a swift kick to the nuts.
This is a good point. The good news is we get to pay back when they get older. 8)
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They would blame you for the rest of their lives for having a big nose ;D
Its OK my wife has a tiny nose, so hopefully they will get hers. Both my parents have huge noses so I was destined to be fucked ;D
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Its OK my wife has a tiny nose, s >:(o hopefully they will get hers. Both my parents have huge noses so I was destined to be fucked ;D
Its ok man, im ugly as fuck but both my kids are beautifull.