To My Beautiful Princess,
I hope you are having a wonderful day.
I know how much you love the Royal Family and how much you have always wanted to come to England to visit Buckingham Palace and to meet with Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth the Second.
In light of the above, I wrote Her Majesty a warm and heartfelt letter pleading your case in fine detail. I explained to Her Majesty that ever since you were a young "tod" it has ALWAYS been your lifelong ambition to meet with Her Majesty and how you dream of nothing more than to have a cup of tea with her and a crumpet or two and to show her your "curtsey"!
Now as you can imagine Her Majesty gets thousands of these letters on a daily basis and can only accommodate the most exceptional of requests. Normally her head henchman Morris deals with such letters. Although sometimes if she is feeling particularly grumpy (usually at the hands of Prince Charles) she throws them to her corgi’s to play catch with or better still gives them the house maids to scoop their poop with.
Now with that in mind rather send the letter through the mail and take my chances, I thought it would be prudent for me to hand deliver the letter to Morris, a fabulous chap who I know very well and who owes me a big favor.
I instructed Morris (after I slipped him a Fifty) to personally hand deliver my letter to The Queen and he assured me that this would be done straight after her Majesty’s afternoon nap as she is about to take the corgi’s out for their evening stroll.
Rest assured Morris is a thoroughly reliable chap. I first met him in a bar during Royal Ascot when he was in a bit of a bother over a gambling debt with the Kray Twins. Reggie and Ron were good mates of mine at the time. I vouched for Morris and saved his little finger being cut off in the process.
Ever since Morris has been in my debt and we became good mates. Sometimes I meet with him after work and have a pint down the Old Duke of York’s pub in Victoria after his shift is over at Buckingham palace.
In any event I will keep my fingers firmly crossed for you and hope for a favorable response from Her Majesty The Queen.
Rest assured every effort has been made to make this happen.
I will let you know of the outcome as soon as I have any news.
Yours truly,
Uncle Junior
XXX
PS: Oh and my sweet darling, I can categorically assure you that despite what it might say in Wikipedia Buckingham Palace is in fact built on land and does NOT
Float on water as you thought.
I suspect you may be confusing Buckingham Palace with the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben which is in fact adjacent to the River Thames.
Perhaps below pictures will demonstrate more clearly.
