Compassion in the fitness industry

[Bypass]

Hello ladies,

Had a question, I have a client, I work for a large fitness company here in Dallas. This particular female, was extrememly overweight, and has done a marvelous job of dropping nearly 200 lbs, in the last 2 years, and has another 100 to go. however, before she came in contact with me, she had a personal trainer who was taking advantage of her, she was paying his phone bills, loaning him money and you can imagine what else, I feel he is a complete scumbag and would tell thim to his face if I ever get the chance to meet him. This is someone who's self confidence is shattered, she needs to get started in a program again, and I really want to help her, but I feel like I might be pushing her too hard to get in here and start working out again. Any suggestions on how to help her, this isn't about getting a new member at our club, this is truly about how to help somoene, who needs help, wants help, but is scared to death and unsure of herself. as I have stated in the past on here, I too was very heavy (fat) a few years ago, and changed my life around, I want to pass this on to as many people as I can....any suggestions would be great, I really want to help this woman, and don't want to be another man who ran her off...


Thanks

Bypass

[Samourai Pizzacat]

Make a written contract that specifies exactly what she's paying for, ergo the nutritional advice and workout. She can show it to friends to make sure they can attest to it. This might give her some confidence that she's not paying for 'extras'.

BTW make it as unambigues and concrete as possible!

Edit, hmm I might've misread your post, I initially thought her trust in PT's  was gone because of that scumbag, but there's more to it, so it seems.

Well, the fact that she's at 2/3rd of her goals is a really strong argument to continue, she's come a long way allready.

I have a 'put up or shut up' mentality so that wouldn't fly with all unstable personalities...

[Deedee]

Anyone who was as overweight as you describe, never had confidence or self-esteem to begin with, and so I suppose was vulnerable to any attention she received from the scumbag, and maybe a lot of her weight loss success was directly correlated to how badly he was taking advantage of her.

There's nothing you can really do. As you well know, the only way to succeed in changing your life around is wanting it for yourself. No one can help an alcoholic or drug addict, until they want to help themselves. Same with the morbidly obese...and when there is no medical condition present, it's basically a manifestation of deep rooted psychological problems. This nonsense that she wants to be helped, wants to lose weight, "but is scared to death" is just excuse bull doodoo.

[Bypass]

good point Deedee...she needs to put up or shut up

[trab]

Encourage her, But dont get used yourself. PizzaCat has good business sense. His contract idea is sound.
Deedee is also 100% right about, got to want it herself....

[xxxLinda]

You what?
compassion in the fitness industry???

Yeah right!!!

I kinda doubt it
xL

[Samourai Pizzacat]

Realise that these kinds of situations are generally pretty much a one way thing. Even though you get paid for the service you provide, you will invest serious energy trying to motivate her while trying not to push it too far. Walking that thin line is very tireing and the rewards are small and come slow if at all. It is great that you want to help her out but make sure you draw a line for yourself in advance, know how much energy you are willing expend. Depressed people are, unfortunately, black holes for goodwill and energy. That's why they tend to have few friends, the emotional upkeep is enormous and they are not able to give much back, apathy comes with the territory. 

[trab]

Realise that these kinds of situations are generally pretty much a one way thing. Even though you get paid for the service you provide, you will invest serious energy trying to motivate her while trying not to push it too far. Walking that thin line is very tireing and the rewards are small and come slow if at all. It is great that you want to help her out but make sure you draw a line for yourself in advance, know how much energy you are willing expend. Depressed people are, unfortunately, black holes for goodwill and energy. That's why they tend to have few friends, the emotional upkeep is enormous and they are not able to give much back, apathy comes with the territory. 

Ha-You been there too!  BLack Holes for goodwill..... That is a classic.

[Samourai Pizzacat]

I had a girl friend that was depressed for some time, not too heavily fortunately, she's fine now, but it was giving and no receiving, but in this case it was definetely worth the effort.

[trab]

I had a girl friend that was depressed for some time, not too heavily fortunately, she's fine now, but it was giving and no receiving, but in this case it was definetely worth the effort.

It made me remember a deluded ex-girlfriend with lots of problems from 20 years back... SHe still  thinks she's going to be a music star today... (at about 250lbs and 5ft tall these days )

The kind you hope you see first and avoid on the street... There is no way to help her kind.

[24KT]

Realise that these kinds of situations are generally pretty much a one way thing. Even though you get paid for the service you provide, you will invest serious energy trying to motivate her while trying not to push it too far. Walking that thin line is very tireing and the rewards are small and come slow if at all. It is great that you want to help her out but make sure you draw a line for yourself in advance, know how much energy you are willing expend. Depressed people are, unfortunately, black holes for goodwill and energy. That's why they tend to have few friends, the emotional upkeep is enormous and they are not able to give much back, apathy comes with the territory. 

Pizzacat, if you keep this up, ...I'm gonna run out of trophies. 

You are so true. I call them emotional vampires. If you don't watch out, ...they'll suck the life energy right out of you.

[Samourai Pizzacat]

It's very sad, it's not that I'm trying to discourage people to help someone that's depressed, but it's important to know some of the major pitfalls.

@trab, that ex is looking borderline delusional, yikes.

[Laura Lee]

She lost 200 pounds and still has 100 to go?  Are you saying this woman was at the very least 425 pounds?

[Bypass]

Yup, she started at 435....she's about 230 now, she wouldn't weigh this weekend, I at least got her signed up, now we need to work on her training sessions....I am taking a supportive understanding approach, while trying to be somewhat push..if that makes sense. But she is an emotional vampire, as Jaguar said.

[trab]

It's very sad, it's not that I'm trying to discourage people to help someone that's depressed, but it's important to know some of the major pitfalls.

@trab, that ex is looking borderline delusional, yikes.

Way beyond delusional... You know someone, and feel bad for their very messed up situation, try to help, and it can turn into that "Emotional BLack Hole"
 She was a LONG way back, but you peg her to a T. Actually, I feel like I did help her in compare to how  her sisters turned out, but that's some real downward comparison.  You learn stuff from every relationship, and I got a few miles on me.
SHe was also intoxicatingly cute when I first met her . Me sucker 4 that.

That's some serious funny writing Cat, esp exported from Holland? Too bad you cant lay some of that funny sounding Dutch  on everyone that aint heard it before here.

[Samourai Pizzacat]

Hey! dutch sounds really sophisticated and sexy....and...romantic.. .and bussiness like...'n such...

I might record something one day...who knows, any requests?

[trab]

It's a cool sounding lang and a cool country. Too bad they cant export a little attitude to the Us govt.
We are SO into controlling peoples lives in the States.