A few years ago, my mastiff got accosted by a bellicose swan as we walked along a canal-side path. He was in his old age at this point and off his tits on tramadol so he couldn't really put up much of a fight. Anyway, this stupid prick jumps out of the canal and starts swaggering towards him with his wings outstretched and making gay hissing sounds. My dog tried to mind his own business when it jumped at him and started trying to peck his ass off, lol. It was an ignominious defeat as he tucked his tail between his legs and ran away, though. I charged at the swan but the fucking thing jumped back in the water and fled like a true coward.
I was so fuming that he dared attack my dog and also made him look like a pussy. I'm a massive animal lover but I couldn't let it go, so first thing in the morning I went storming down there to find it and punch it right in its face. I waited ages to land a showstopper on him, but he never showed. I had a South African Boerboel that died about a year prior to that, too, and I never missed her more. She would have ripped that thing into a million pieces in a heartbeat.
