You tried to take your life twice luckly you fucked up.
The only reason im commenting on it is there was this guy who was on ice and tried to kill himself, first he tried to hang himself the rope broke and then he put a gun under his chin and blew part of his face off and lived to tell the tale.
I think if you are going to get vascular and seperation you would have to come in at much lower bodyweight just off those photos either way you will look good, very good proportions.