Maybe it was Ron's messages, maybe it was just a realization, like the day I quit drinking 16 years ago.
Enough is enough of the loser I am on these boards and most of the time in life. It's like a guy said to me, you either get on with living or get done dying. The asshole posts, the racist posts, the posting personal info, all the negative crap I bring to internet boards I am going to work my best at not doing anymore. It might last 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or forever, but the effort is going to be there. I have pulled my accounts from white supremist boards, it doesnt mean I still don't dislike immigrants taking our country over or gangster blacks, it just means I am going to try to be more culturally accepting. The weight loss thing is progressing, I eat better and started seeing a counsellor yesterday over a lot of issues. I am not going to run out and get a job because facts are facts, I am good at poker and make more money doing that than any 9-5 thing.
I dont expect a pat on the back or well wishes or anything, I just wanted to put it in hard form that there is an effort. I guess I FINALLY realized that I am a 40 some year old guy acting like a jackass. And doing this because my self image/self esteem is so low I take my crap out on others instead of owning up and dealing with it.
gotta start somewhere, all I can do is try.
(yes feel free now, meltdown, gayer than, epic whining,....etc etc)