Seek help...
I found it in God. And God told me to punish you until you understand what you should do to better your life. Also I dont know where you came up with your "he beats his wife" argument, as i only mentionned on here i slaped my wife twice in 14 years; I believe in the use of force when required, if the intents are good then it wont cause much harm. Sometimes you have to slap kids or adults and if your intents are good, if you did harm to do good, then everything should be fine. And i always felt bad afterwards, but in the end it proved useful and she even thanked me both times for what I did that helped her growing up. She kn ew i did it because i cared about her, us.
Fact is the use of strenght is required once in a while but it requires a great amount of smarts , of spirituality to be well used. Using strenght to destroy, gratuitously, is violence, it is destruction. Using strenght to defend and promote life, to teach boundaries, is necessary to raise balanced offspring and to keep enemies at bay, or to eradicate them if they threaten to eradicate you.
God is the best of ourselves and He is in all of us. And Satan is the worse of ourselves and is in every single of us too.
I'm pretty happy I led you to think you should get your life back on track and find a good woman and follow the Bible as obviously only thinking by yourself got you nowhere and...lost. Just like I got lost thinking by myself as an atheist and being subconsciously influenced by many bad people and their ideas. My only hope is that I help some people here and there while exposing some of my deepest thoughts on here.
It's in the middle of the darkness we understand the light.
Your life isnt as shitty as it seems, you have health, good christian goals, even if you re old and out of shape. Both can be worked thru; you can find a job if you lower your standards and you can get back in shape. You probably matured enough to know there is nothing else to do but find a good woman and build a good family and that mostly all options are ...trash.
