"Take 3-4 tablespoons of glycerin about 5 hours before you get to the club. After your shower and before you leave the house, put some Body Butter or almond oil on your torso (a light coat) so that your cuts and muscles will glow under the club lights. You might want to get your Mom to put some on the places you can't reach. Then throw on a loose shirt (so it doesn't absorb the oil) and head out. If you're driving, grip the steering wheel at the 9 and 3 o'clock positions -- tense and relax your upper body muscles, repeatedly, until the glycerol gets you a wicked pump.
Once in the club, have a glass of red wine to help bring out vascularity. At this point if you don't feel pathetic already, you can now take off your shirt and wait for the babes to line up. Oh, and when you take off your shirt, you want to set yourself apart from all the other shirtless dudes. Climb on top of a speaker, make sure everyone's watching, and tear off your shirt, Hulk Hogan style. Make sure you roar and growl while you do it so women are impressed by your intensity and strength. It helps too if the shirt is expensive, so women see that you don't give a , and you've got money to burn."