What's your most honest answer as to why she reacts like this?
In almost every relationship, one person is more dominant that the other. In our relationship, that would be me. Every so often, my wife like to assert herself. This was one of those times. Also, she's been so sick for so long, she feels like she doesn't have much control over her own life. Credit to her that she still is willing to put up a fight.
What does her independence amount to at this point, if I can ask that. What does she do with it...where does she go and what does she do?
[/quote]
She has almost no independence. She no longer drives because she started having some minor accidents which suggested she was blacking out. She's smart and caring enough to not want to put others at risk. Most everything she does, she has to rely on me or our daughter to do it. If she's got a lunch date with some former work cronies, I drive her there and later pick her up. I not only take her to her doctor's appointments, I go in with her when she sees the doctor. This is at her request, BTW.
My wife loves to cook. She doesn't have the energy or physical strength to successfully cook a meal without someone helping her. This is a big loss for her. When our daughter or I help her fix a meal, we gladly play the roll of sous chef. It helps her feel like the kitchen is still her domain.
She likes to feel like she has a hand in our finances. She will go on Quicken to update our bank accounts. She doesn't know, but I frequently go behind her and fix all the little things she doesn't get right. Funny story: she downloaded some ongoing monthly deposits which come in on the 1st of the month and which I had already entered. Because the amounts had changed slightly, Quicken didn't recognize them. So for a few hours it looked like we had an extra $4,500. to spend this month. It was nice seeing that false account balance even if I did know it had to be a mistake.