You are right - I brought up two separate matters there.
Ok, so you asked about women, and the potential psychological basis for that:
In 2000, at age 18, I fell deeply in what I thought was love, for the first time ever. It was such a painful experience, my brain shut down my ability to love. I think it impacted my epigenetics. The experience was so painful, my brain wouldn't let me love.
Fast forward another 18 years, and for reasons I just don't understand, I fell in love again.
This woman withheld the fact that she was a 5-year opioid addict. She spent $20,000 of my money, and did not even hold my hand. All the while, I could have been sleeping with my other female friends, but I dedicated entirely to her.
Because I thought I was in love. And all my life, never having any problems getting women - tell me, Dave:
WHAT are the odds that the ONE woman my brain let me love after 18 YEARS of shutting down my ability to love, would my love be given to a woman who I did more for than ANY other, who took advantage of me more than ANY other women, and lied to me about everything?
I kept wondering...what am I doing wrong? I have NEVER done more for a woman in my life, aside from the mothers of my children.
Then what happened when I ditched her? After her initial breakdown on Instagram, guess who she dates?
A 36-year-old man on welfare!
And THAT was the issue - it wasn't that I wasn't good enough - it's that I wasn't BAD enough.
She KNEW there was no way a man who has what I have would keep her. She needed a man that made her comfortable while she remained a drug addict janitor with no post-secondary education, no money, no savings, who lives with her parents at 29 [now 32].
She hinted to me she thought I would move on to another woman - and to be fair, whenever I would have found out she was an opiate addict who slept with over 30 men, I WOULD have left her.
I stayed - but only because she lied to me.
So Dave, to summarize:
My entire experience with women has been wonderful.
But what are the odds that the second woman I felt I "loved", and the first since age 18, would have turned out to be such a wretched, drug-addicted, slutty, lying piece of trash?
The one woman I literally invested everything into - my heart and mind, if not my soul - was also the woman who took advantage of me more than any other, was more wretched to me than any other, and did almost nothing for me, while spending as much of my money she could pressure me into giving her.
Simply knowing there are women out there who see no problem taking $20,000 from a man, and think not even holding his hand is acceptable has made me not even want to know new women - due to the risk of experiencing this again.
After spending the first $10,000 on her, including buying her a queen-sized bed because she told me her boyfriend destroyed her bed when she dumped him, I said "I know you have PTSD from your ex, but I was wondering if we could just hold hands, since I have spent $10,000 on you so far, and it's starting to weigh on me."
This is how she responded:
"Do you think spending money on me entitles you to hold my hand?"
You...FUCKING BITCH. it wasn't "money" that I spent - it was TEN THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS at that point. And I spent it on meaningful things, like the queen-sized bed I bought her to replace the one she claimed her boyfriend destroyed, and I paid for counselling sessions to help her heal from her bad relationship. On top of that, I singularly devoted hours of my time to support her, getting NOTHING out of the deal, all the while, I could have been sleeping with female friends.
And when I made the most BASIC REQUEST POSSIBLE - merely HOLDING HANDS - when my financial support hit $10,000, she insinuated my request was out of line. As if expecting the MINIMUM level of physical contact after all the energy I invested into her was somehow akin to exploiting her sexually. Women like her are the ultimate consequence of feminism constantly telling women that men exist only to exploit them. It messes with their minds so much, they literally feel exploited while THEY are exploiting men. Not all women, naturally - but women like the one I suffered through are the direct consequence of feminism forcing a victimization complex on them, while none exist. And it compromises their ability to rationally assess reality so much that they think they are being exploited by men going out of their way for them!
No wonder she lost her mind when I cut ties. That's when she saw our time together for what it was: a man who cared about her deeply, getting nothing in return. And internalized feminism brainwashed her to push me away. Only when she lost me completely, did she fight to get me back.
In what WORLD is asking a woman if we can hold hands on par with sexual exploitation? But this is what feminism trains women to believe - that men are only ever oppressors.
Like a woman saying "Do you think just because you bought me dinner, I owe you sex?"
THAT is a reasonable position to hold. But simply asking to hold hands so I could get the minimal physical contact necessary TO PREVENT MY MENTAL HEALTH FROM COLLAPSING, after investing $10,000 of my money, and spending all day for two months helping her in every way I could, is a BEYOND REASONABLE request for ANY man to make.
Of course, ANY man would have ditched the bitch way before that point. But what can I say - I was a fool in "love".
And THAT is how feminism poisons women's brains. They think men owe them EVERYTHING, and that men are entitled to expect nothing, as they feel no guilt taking anything they want from men.
Women are culturally trained to believe men owe them.
And by the way:
As an autistic men, I REFUSE to play games. I'm not genetically able to understand body language. I need black and white, objective answers. So what I do is I EXPLICITLY ASK WOMEN: "Are you attracted to me? Because I'm attracted to you, so if the feeling is mutual, I'm interested and prepared to have intercourse with you. After all - it's just fluid exchange."
^ I'm joking. Sort of. But I DO ask women if I have a chance with her. Normally by text.
And I ONLY pursue women who explicitly say yes.
And this woman DID explicitly tell me she was attracted to me and interested - multiple times.
But she knows she can't keep a man with options. She even texted me saying she wouldn't want to be Baby Mommy #3 of 4, or even 5.
That's her way of saying she knows I have options, and that concerns her.
I figured her history of dating only losers should make me a catch.
But no - she WANTS to date losers. So she doesn't feel bad being a loser herself, and so she is the "prize" in the relationship. And to control the breakup.
But Jordan Peterson said [and she HATED HIM for saying this] that women dating weak men is a HORRIBLE strategy.
Ultimately, those men just end up living on the women who go for them.
My doctor said:
Women would rather share a winner than date a loser.
But some women only date losers, in order to have a man they can control. As Jordan Peterson said - it's a horrible strategy.
And I fell for such a woman. But this was only my second time being in "love". So despite my age, I didn't know the signs.
And to be fair - withholding the fact that she was a 5-year opiate addict from me, and that she slept with over 30 men by 29, while purposely giving me the OPPOSITE impression... that's why I fell for her. Based on lies.
Oh...and as for the ex-boyfriend who "abused" her:
She is into BDSM, and asked him engage in BDSM with him.
He took it too far, and she claimed abuse. That was yet a another lie: she REQUESTED he slap and hit her during sex.
Oh...
And I caught her watching rape porn on my computer.
I called her out on it. She denied it. I was like "So when you were using my computer at the time the BDSM porn was being watched, it wasn't you?"
Lying bitch.
So to summarize: I fell for her based on lies. I did more for than any woman in life that I didn't have a baby with, based on irrational feelings of love based on her LIES. Major lies.
And after that experience, with only that ONE woman...I've lost so much trust for women...I just don't see it ever coming back. I CANNOT risk meeting another woman like her.
I had such amazing experiences with the most beautiful woman when it was just casual sex.
Then the ONE woman I did more than anyone for...and I was never treated worse. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? And I am a master at protecting myself from such people. But I failed - and I failed at the worst possible time!
So as I continue to recover from that experience, all I can say about women is:
I can never be their boyfriend or husband. But I can be their own on the side.
Some day, again.
I've only ever been a side boyfriend. That's all I'll ever be. And that's all I want to be.
The pain of a broken heart - and the potential of a broken mind and spirit to go with it. It's just to much for me to bear.
Thanks for asking, Dave.
It was only one woman. While I do think I will recover... it's been a long road so far.
I appreciate your support.
Thank you.
Matt, if you were 18 or 19 I could understand how a young man gets played but at your age you are mostly responsible for this situation. Don't misunderstand this, you are the injured party here, no doubt, but all the signs were there.
She was a cleaner. Now why would a good looking white girl be a cleaner unless she was not all there? Red flag 1.
She had problems, a ton of them. The girl likely has some mental disorders making her completely unstable and unable to cope, so she turned to drugs. A total screw up. When you date a girl, her problems become your problems. Why bother bringing so many problems into your life? Red flag 2.
Spending money on a girl early on. Big mistake.Let things progress to the point where you know she is into you, and a real relationship . Even then don't introduce money until her motives are more clear. If she demands it you have your answer. Red flag 3.
She wouldn't hold yoour hand even after you spent 10K on her. Clearly she has no interest in you, just your money. You were nothing but a mark. What motivated you to toss another 10K after that is beyond me. Red flag 4.
She dates losers and has multiple bad relationships. Birds of a feather flock together, Matt. She dates losers because she is a loser. Red flag 5.
She claims constant abuse. Much of it imaged no doubt. Much of it initiated by her. Avoid. Now. Red flag 6.
Her erratic mood swings, instability, and constant need for money screams addict. Red flag 7.
Move forward. She's gone, like the last turd you flushed down the toilet. It's been 2 years and you weren't thinking clearly. So many red flags, practically everyone else would have fled immediately. Don't put yourself in these situations. Surely you are smarter than this. The hate from your posts the last year are burning a hole in you. Your spirit is dead. You have to let it go. Even I can't stand seeing you like this.
