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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Deedee on March 22, 2007, 11:17:40 AM
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
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tell a REALLY big friend with a chivalry complex...
a baseball to the back of the kness while so n so is leaving so n so club works wonders dahlin...
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Very complicated matter.
My advice is not to offer advice.
What I would do...is to get her to try & talk about it.....& have her draw her own conclusions on the matter.
Ask questions about her happiness...her goals....what she see's for herself in the future.
If you get in the middle...you can be set up for the blame. Typically...you'll have some pissed off BF wanting to beat your ass. The beaten/abused GF will for some 'dumb' reason will defend him & take his side.
Although I know you'll want to step in & intervene...you really shouldn't other than trying to 'support' her decision. Winning her support can have a positive effect where she can draw her own conclusions about the matter. If anything...suggest her to seek professional help.
Been in this type of situation SEVERAL times. Usually an ex gf or friend of mine has a gf thats getting the tar beat out of them. I've seen where someone tries to 'help' her escape the madness & it gets turned against her.
I've also have had friends that physically abused women. I even had it happen to me in my own place where I stepped outside for a minute & when I walked back in...my friend was beating down a gf on the floor.
Far from an expert on the matter eventhough I seemed to be around it a lot in the past. I would just say be careful....be supportive....& don't make any strong recommendations....just remind her that she just needs to be happy.
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Bad situation all around. I believe Domestics are where Cops get hurt a lot. They don't know who's going to turn on them. Sticking your nose into a blow up is dangerous. End up with way more than you bargained for.
Just plain sucks. Lots of times seems its inevitable that it's failed and just aching for restraining order time.
They don't make bullet proof paper in any court house though. Have a plan to bail out when the guy is going to go off. Shame the bastard to his relatives/ friends. Go bail and stay the night w/ them, that'll detune some guys. Thing is they're usually so loaded they don't even see their own behavior.
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
I would beat the *%^* out of him and if I couldn't do it, I would get someone else to do it.
Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave. It may be fear, it may be shame, who knows. You can only do your best to get her out of the situation by showing/telling her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that there are options. My ex-husband was very abusive. I left him the first time after he threw me into my sleeping baby (5 months old) daughters crib. I grabbed her and ran for the door and he tried stopping me. I had to hit him with a mini baseball bat to get away from him. It was 3am and I was running down the street like a madman. I was lucky enough that one of my neighbors worked a graveyard shift and was home with his door open. I just ran in their house and slammed the door. Scared the crap outta him. I stayed away for a few days and my ex convinced me that he wouldn't do it again. I went back, two weeks later he had me in a head lock and was punching my head. I was able to pick up a crystal lighter and clocked him with it. Again I had to flee, this time I didn't have time to grab my daughter. I drove to my dad's station (he is a cop) and we went down with a fleet of police cars. He threatened my dad that if anyone came to the door he would stab them. When we got there...he was passed out on the couch and there was a knife by his side. We snuck in and grabbed my daughter and I never went back.
I will never stand for anyone putting their hands on me ever again.
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I would beat the *%^* out of him and if I couldn't do it, I would get someone else to do it.
Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave. It may be fear, it may be shame, who knows. You can only do your best to get her out of the situation by showing/telling her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that there are options. My ex-husband was very abusive. I left him the first time after he threw me into my sleeping baby (5 months old) daughters crib. I grabbed her and ran for the door and he tried stopping me. I had to hit him with a mini baseball bat to get away from him. It was 3am and I was running down the street like a madman. I was lucky enough that one of my neighbors worked a graveyard shift and was home with his door open. I just ran in their house and slammed the door. Scared the crap outta him. I stayed away for a few days and my ex convinced me that he wouldn't do it again. I went back, two weeks later he had me in a head lock and was punching my head. I was able to pick up a crystal lighter and clocked him with it. Again I had to flee, this time I didn't have time to grab my daughter. I drove to my dad's station (he is a cop) and we went down with a fleet of police cars. He threatened my dad that if anyone came to the door he would stab them. When we got there...he was passed out on the couch and there was a knife by his side. We snuck in and grabbed my daughter and I never went back.
I will never stand for anyone putting their hands on me ever again.
Sad story Laura....
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Sad story Laura....
It was a sad and scary time of my life knny. :-\
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Cheri-A lot of girls (and even guys) dont have the guts to swing back. Glad you do. You didn't stick around for much of this, unfortunately some women are kind of trapped in a relationship. Bunch of kids and no good way to make money and need to care for those kids. I dont like it when I hear that "Oh she enjoys that kind of treatment". Nobody I ever saw stuck in that does. Its usually the kids keeping them there. And split families hurt financially.
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Cheri-A lot of girls (and even guys) dont have the guts to swing back. Glad you do. You didn't stick around for much of this, unfortunately some women are kind of trapped in a relationship. Bunch of kids and no good way to make money and need to care for those kids. I dont like it when I hear that "Oh she enjoys that kind of treatment". Nobody I ever saw stuck in that does. Its usually the kids keeping them there. And split families hurt financially.
I will never put myself in that situation again. >:( And I fear for those who are. :-[
I agree. It's kids and fear that make women stay in an abusive relationship.
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In general I would mind my own business. Interfering in things like that only lead to more problems. I have a friend married to a lunatic at this very moment. When he starts going on about her I say, "you're the only one who can change this situation" and change topics.
If it were a girl, she's be given the same advice. Now, if a friend left and the abuser showed up and started stuff.... he'd probably slip and have a bad fall or three in the driveway. That's different, taking responsibility for someone will only lead to dependence.
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It was a sad and scary time of my life knny. :-\
I'm glad that you're alive.
Things like that...can go very ugly. Your child could have been motherless with a father serving life in Prision.
I would still advise women on here...not to fight (unless you're in the middle of the struggle) or to instigate a fight.
Simply leave. Don't get a big friend or a hit man to take out the abusive husband/boyfriend. It will make matters even worse.
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I dont like it when I hear that "Oh she enjoys that kind of treatment".
I agree with you....but it's been known that some abused women on a subconscious level... may have a connection or correlation from early abuse in the home.
This is why a pattern can be shown why some abused women only are involved with abusive guys.
So although I agree the statement "she enjoys that kind of treatment" is very wrong.....
but there is 'sometimes' a psychological connection
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THe last notable break up of this sort I've seen,, the wife also stuck around for the business that she worked very hard to build over the years. (Guy was big & really violent to wife and little kids)
Their social circle had some bearing to. Wouldn't want to embarrass those nice people who think so highly of this animal.
In the end he managed to basically steal most of the assets before the divorce anyway.
Today, Shes of the opinion like that credit card commercial.... "A couple million bucks, Oh well; Getting rid of him PRICELESS!" This guy was brutal. Also pretty much untouchable because of who he is.
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
If I felt her life was in imminent danger, I think I'd call the cops.
What do you mean by getting involved? Confronting him?
For her....
Be available to listen to her.
Let her know it's not her fault that it's happening and she doesn't deserve it.
Reinforce the positive aspects of her and her life......Build up her self-esteem....the abuser has probably spent time smashing it into the dirt.
Explain to her how she'd be fine without him, in fact, better without him.
Suggest counseling for her.
(For some of us) Pray for her and explain how much she is worth in other's and God's eyes.
Ask questions about her happiness...her goals....what she see's for herself in the future.
This is good!
Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave.
Realize this is a fact. :(
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THANKS everyone for responding!!! I didn't really think I would get any posts for a few days.
I haven't seen this girl in a year, but it came up in the convo a few weeks ago, and now I keep thinking about her and wonder how she's doing. She kind of drifted away from our group of friends, but I'd like to call and hope she's okay.
I only talked to her about it once back then, and think she was ashamed and that's why she distanced herself. I doubt he ever went so far as to break any bones, but sometimes she'd show up at the gym with these huge, really purple-black bruises on her arms. She lied about them, but finally once admitted that when he got really angry and/or liquoured up, he'd smash her into a wall... once he picked her up and literally threw her into a closet. Another time, down a small flight of stairs. She had no real answer why she stayed... A mutual friend who volunteered at a woman's shelter said that it really wasn't unusual for men to show up there looking for their wives, etc... and that friends who interfered often became another outlet for the rage. I feel badly that we didn't do more, but I think we were also leery about getting involved in something very dark. It was probably wrong. :'(
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I would beat the *%^* out of him and if I couldn't do it, I would get someone else to do it.
Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave. It may be fear, it may be shame, who knows. You can only do your best to get her out of the situation by showing/telling her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that there are options. My ex-husband was very abusive. I left him the first time after he threw me into my sleeping baby (5 months old) daughters crib. I grabbed her and ran for the door and he tried stopping me. I had to hit him with a mini baseball bat to get away from him. It was 3am and I was running down the street like a madman. I was lucky enough that one of my neighbors worked a graveyard shift and was home with his door open. I just ran in their house and slammed the door. Scared the crap outta him. I stayed away for a few days and my ex convinced me that he wouldn't do it again. I went back, two weeks later he had me in a head lock and was punching my head. I was able to pick up a crystal lighter and clocked him with it. Again I had to flee, this time I didn't have time to grab my daughter. I drove to my dad's station (he is a cop) and we went down with a fleet of police cars. He threatened my dad that if anyone came to the door he would stab them. When we got there...he was passed out on the couch and there was a knife by his side. We snuck in and grabbed my daughter and I never went back.
I will never stand for anyone putting their hands on me ever again.
Good for thou Laura! I'd be willing to bet your life is a hundred times better today than your ex's ended up.
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
You laides talk the talk but in reality...you ladies would try to sleep with that particular man.
You would view him NOT as an as shole but as sexy and 'bad'.
Please!
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You laides talk the talk but in reality...you ladies would try to sleep with that particular man.
You would view him NOT as an asshole but as sexy and 'bad'.
Please!
I hated him... before I even knew about what was going on. He always had this condescending tude about everything, from politics to your choice of a meal in a restaurant. And he always had this smirk on him too. He was a total schmuck.
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I hated him... before I even knew about what was going on. He always had this condescending tude about everything, from politics to your choice of a meal in a restaurant. And he always had this smirk on him too. He was a total schmuck.
Translation: I hated him so much I knew the only way to regain my balance and control in this game was to sleep with him...so I did what any normal girl would do. Got involved with him because I thought I could change him and then got hurt. \
EDIT: Just messing around ladies! I hate abusive punks! Love you all! ;D
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Translation: I hated him so much I knew the only way to regain my balance and control in this game was to sleep with him...so I did what any normal girl would do. Got involved with him because I thought I could change him and then got hurt.
Lol, what? I wouldn't get involved with another woman's man even if he was beyond hot. And nah, bad boys don't do it for me. Never have. I have such a huge ego, it could never work.
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girls never want to hear "be careful, your guy is a real jerk/asshole/tramp/is abusive/etc"
they have to learn for themselves. I no longer let myself get frustrated because girls don't want to listen until they learn the hard way.
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Translation: I hated him so much I knew the only way to regain my balance and control in this game was to sleep with him...so I did what any normal girl would do. Got involved with him because I thought I could change him and then got hurt.
I know one woman who regained her balance and control by putting a blast out of his own 12ga in his belly. Rather poetic really.
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
Been there, ..done that. It's very hard. In my case, the abuser happened to be a friend, the son of a very prolific director. If I mentioned some of his films you'd freak because they are household names. There wasn't really much I could do, ...she needed to make that decision on her own. I never saw any of the abuse, but she told me of it, and I saw how controlling he was. The problem for her was, she didn't have the money to leave him. As it was, she was dependant on him for everything, ...actually more so dependant on his parents, because it was his parents who were footing the bill for his luxury harbourfront condo, as well as all his bills. He was 16 and I'm not so much sure if it was a matter of him wanting to live with his girlfriend, or if it was his parents just didn't want him to live with them. In any event, they paid for him to have his own place. All I could do was simply gave her a safe place she could come to when she needed to get away from him. Finally one day she decided she had had enough, and when he came home she was gone, ...so were all her clothes.
I didn't see the guy for another 5 yrs. Then one day, while working on the set of "Queer As Folk" I look up, and there he was. He'd grown up a bit... or so he claimed, he'd moved to BC with his family, finished University and was engaged to a new girl. He was back in the harbourfront condo with a new fiancé. Sure enough, in the fall of 2001, he calls me up crying his eyes out. Seems he came home and his fiancé wasn't there. She'd packed up all her stuff and moved out that afternoon. Seems to be a re-occurring pattern with him.
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Good for thou Laura! I'd be willing to bet your life is a hundred times better today than your ex's ended up.
My life is far better now, how could it not be?
He remarried has 3 more kids, gained 200lbs of fat, had a heart attack and then a stroke ... all before the age of 38. He abuses his present wife, and has done so in front of my daughter several times, one time she had to take her 1/2 brothers and hide them in the bathroom (mind you this is all after telling her that he never touched me) and she, the wife denies he beats her. He has thrown/furniture and etc around his place like they were nothing. He is outta control. >:( And I am so glad he's out of my life.
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http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=576_1174529756
Dont click this if you cant handle some severe rage.
This video of a big Chicago area cop beating up a small woman bartender is sickening.
Before you get down on the bystanders, I believe the guy was armed.
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Before you get down on the bystanders, I believe the guy was armed.
I think a lot of people would like to think they would react in a certain way if this scene unfolded before them but there is the possibility that you'd be so stunned you'd almost be in shock. Sometimes you don't really know how you would react until you experience the situation yourself.
Good thing that guy seemed so drunk that he missed her a bunch of times!
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Everyone talks a good line of "what they'd do" but until they are there they don't know.
She made the mistake of not putting him out with one shot. Heavy object in the back of the head.
There is no way to wrestle with that much size advantage. I'm sure she got hurt some, there are several
news stories on it. I guess there was also talk of a cover up.
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Well, one must asked, Does the woma have a history of getting into abusive relationships. ANd does the man have a history of abuse. Chances are to both those questions are yes.
If the guy is abusive, they tend to either be very controlling due to insecurities, and lack of being about express their fellings and lack of communication skills, often times it could be a learned behavior (from seeing Dad hit mom).
To help a woman out of the situation, one needs to convince her to go to a shelter, and NOT TO CONTACT THE BOYFRIEND! Under no circumstances, if kids are involved she should take the kids. Meanwhile as a woman friend, you should help build her self-esteem up to the point where SHE HAS TO SEE THAT SHE CAN DO BETTER THAN HIM.
Also convince her that a man does not beat the woman that he loves, under no circumstances, and that it is not her fault. These are two common reasons woman will give as "explanations".
All ina ll that is what you can do. As there is a saying, "If you are looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm." The woman has to realize that abusive relationships are not good for her mentally, physically, and emotionally, and especially if she has children.
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Well, one must asked, Does the woma have a history of getting into abusive relationships. ANd does the man have a history of abuse. Chances are to both those questions are yes.
If the guy is abusive, they tend to either be very controlling due to insecurities, and lack of being about express their fellings and lack of communication skills, often times it could be a learned behavior (from seeing Dad hit mom).
To help a woman out of the situation, one needs to convince her to go to a shelter, and NOT TO CONTACT THE BOYFRIEND! Under no circumstances, if kids are involved she should take the kids. Meanwhile as a woman friend, you should help build her self-esteem up to the point where SHE HAS TO SEE THAT SHE CAN DO BETTER THAN HIM.
Also convince her that a man does not beat the woman that he loves, under no circumstances, and that it is not her fault. These are two common reasons woman will give as "explanations".
All ina ll that is what you can do. As there is a saying, "If you are looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm." The woman has to realize that abusive relationships are not good for her mentally, physically, and emotionally, and especially if she has children.
Park, putside of a restraining order, do you got any legal tips, system quirks that come to mind? Good or bad?
Also, I'd say if/ after you throw the guy out, some simple low tech home security that can buy some time before someone can break in might be a thought. A Cell Ph too. This Biz can and does get real serious. I didnt make up the shotgun story. She hung around way too long. I guess he said somthing along the line of "You dont have the guts to do it", and tried to grab the gun. He was wrong that time.
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Aside from restraining orders?Protective Orders/ or Ex Parte's, a woman can change the locks, and document everytime the man was abusive or threating. have a running log of events, so that in court there is paper evidence to in the file.
Also many times pepole will file Orders, like the three above, but will still contact the individual. Either because they miss them, or the person has promised to never do it again. So people will contact the person. A Order that explicitly says no contact, means NO CONTACT.
One can change the locks, carry mace or pepperspray with intent to harm that other person (remember that person is harming you). Get to a safehouse, stay with parents, etc.
And do not blame yourself for someone being abusive towards you, it is their fault for having lack of control, but one has to take responsibility for letting it go on.
Yeah Trab, sometimes if you try a person, you gonna get burned...
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wayy too many Dr phils.. ::)
you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..
i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..
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wayy too many Dr phils.. ::)
you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..
i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..
Problem is ...it is a momentary solution to a bigger problem. He may stop hitting that girl, and he may start up again, or he starts hitting someone else. Then, you have her, will she take him back, or will she hook up with another just like him.
Remember that girl from PG County that was set on fire by her boyfriend? He was determined to do something to her, and the judge didn't take her seriously. Also the girl was seeing somebody else, knowing the dude was unstable...
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Aside from restraining orders?Protective Orders/ or Ex Parte's, a woman can change the locks, and document everytime the man was abusive or threating. have a running log of events, so that in court there is paper evidence to in the file.
Also many times pepole will file Orders, like the three above, but will still contact the individual. Either because they miss them, or the person has promised to never do it again. So people will contact the person. A Order that explicitly says no contact, means NO CONTACT.
One can change the locks, carry mace or pepperspray with intent to harm that other person (remember that person is harming you). Get to a safehouse, stay with parents, etc.
And do not blame yourself for someone being abusive towards you, it is their fault for having lack of control, but one has to take responsibility for letting it go on.
Yeah Trab, sometimes if you try a person, you gonna get burned...
Thanks for the info Parker!
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wayy too many Dr phils.. ::)
you dont teach a dog using methods designed for humans..
i still like my basebal bat to the knees idea..
The baseball bat theory works great if you have a brother, father, friend around to provide the well-deserved beat down. But I think often women find themselves alone without manfolk to help, or have alienated themselves from people... in an attempt to try to keep it a secret. Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.
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The baseball bat theory works great if you have a brother, father, friend around to provide the well-deserved beat down. But I think often women find themselves alone without manfolk to help, or have alienated themselves from people... in an attempt to try to keep it a secret. Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.
As I will tell any prospective mates of my daughter...
"I've lived a wonderful live... I've enjoyed it. I hope you've lived yours and enjoyed it as well, because if you hurt my daughter, yours will be over."
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As I will tell any prospective mates of my daughter...
"I've lived a wonderful live... I've enjoyed it. I hope you've lived yours and enjoyed it as well, because if you hurt my daughter, yours will be over."
If that's you in your avatar, methinks they'll get the point. :)
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If that's you in your avatar, methinks they'll get the point. :)
I do hope so... ;)
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
Hey you:) How goes it?
I would defanitely talk her into leaving and pound some sense into her brain. Ultimately, that will be her decision and she will have to be the one to have that say. Don't get too involved because you do not need the stress or aggravation as it doesn't concern you. Do NOT put your life in danger. Plain and simple. If it is really bad, get her to call the cops and get a restraining order. Other then that, there is nothing more that you could do without putting yourself in the middle of this danger.
PB
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First off ... the lady needs to get away from the situation and if there are kids involved having to see these actions then CPS needs to be called. you can depending on the state there are a lot of services out there for abused women... and this lady needs there help... try to get her to leave and provide her with some options ... and if she can stay with you for a while probably even better that way the SOB can be arrested if he tries to get at her at your place.... The lady needs to get a retraining order ... that way it is all documented and the law is on her side... that will normally be a good wake up call for the piece of shit that is abusing her.... I could go on and on but..... those are the basic steps your friend has to do to protect herself. That and be a supportive friend...
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Here's a thought....
Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.
If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.
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Plus, it puts the avenger in the position of potentially being prosecuted for assault.
not when he has a few copper friends (actually he got his first 100 anadrols from one! :D )
but even if not..it leaves one open..but patience always yields.. :)
and sometimes you need not even use the bat..most bullies are cowards..
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Here's a thought....
Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.
If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.
BAR NONE the BEST advice yet...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasian_Ovcharka#Temperament
Powerful and massive, the Caucasian Ovcharka can prove to be a serious problem for an inexperienced owner, because it respects and obeys only those dominant members of the family that it deems superior to itself. They are generally good with children, but will not see them as their masters. The dog develops a strong bond with its owner, but will rarely be completely submissive and blindly follow orders, for this is truly a thinking dog which relies primarily on its own instincts, sometimes even disregarding its master's directions in certain situations. A breed with a very quick reaction time and lightning-fast protection reflexes, it has even been unfairly described by some as somewhat of a "loose cannon". Still, with proper care, handling and training, this is a well-behaved and obedient family companion
i've seen one..and i wouldn't wanna be a abusive BF around it..
(http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:hlPw7wGhmE3sUM:www.europuppy.com/images/dog_breed_info/caucasian_mountain_dog.jpg)
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Here's a thought....
Maybe your gf can get a very large....overly 'protective' dog.
If the guy even raises a hand at her....he'll be put in line by the 4 legged family ball of fur & teeth.
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
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niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
Actually....I find that Male Dogs tend to be very protective over the women in the house.
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Actually....I find that Male Dogs tend to be very protective over the women in the house.
Yup, my Rocky would rip someone's ankles to shreds if they messed with me. :)
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Yup, my Rocky would rip someone's ankles to shreds if they messed with me. :)
well...although I believe he's a ferocious ball of terror....
I suggest for battered women to pick up an XL version size of Rocky. Possibly a dog thats about knee level or taller & one that requires both hands to hang on the leash as you're being dragged for his walk.
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well...although I believe he's a ferocious ball of terror....
I suggest for battered women to pick up an XL version size of Rocky. Possibly a dog thats about knee level or taller & one that requires both hands to hang on the leash as you're being dragged for his walk.
(http://www.esquirecaucasians.com/photos/random/ladogaguard450_c2003Kubyn.jpg)
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Actually, a new dog that don't know Mr beatdown is not a bad idea. Free to good home 10lb LOUD Yapping
dog is better than a $20,000 security system. That barking can buy some entry warning time.
Another low tech alarm is a noisy "Cow Bell" on the doors. Electric alarms can be defeated, but that bell
is pretty simple and cheap. Make it harder to get in every entry. Firearms take a good bit of use to get competent and comfortable with, but hey, new hobbies's are allways fun. Might pick up a new guy friend at the shooting range.
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One thing, you have to feed the dog, plus, it doesn't shut down the fact that she is in a situation that is bad, plus a dog can be shot. If someone is willing to beat the snot out a woman, then they are more than willing to shoot or poison a dog, no loss of conscience on that one. If a person gets in a situation where they struck, not once, but multiple times, they let it go the first time, instead of nipping it in the bud the first time. A dog is not going to help solve that problem. It actually exacerbates the problem. It is just the same when a thuggish cowardly dude gets a pit...so nobody will mess with him. Instead of fighting his own battles he gets a dog to intimidate. Along those same lines, a woman needs to empower herself to not get into situations where she must play the victim.
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Well...this is where I find it justifiable to shot a human.
You kill my dog...I kill you.
So you can see....like I said....get the woman a dog. The abusive man will know his boundaries. If he raises a hand to the wife....the dog gets him. If he raises a gun to the dog.....the abusive son of a bitch will be buried because someone like me (an unassociated party that can't be traced) will track him down & snuff his life from him.
;D
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Seems to be a re-occurring pattern.
Great thread. I can't add anything much, enough said.
I've known women who won't leave and men who won't stop. Luckily I learned the easy way, by watching and attempting to help. I have called the cops in a panic a few times, but only when I know I'm calling the cop I know.
I'd probably go and try to rescue the woman for a few days and hope to make her see sense. Or I'd stay well away...
Deedee, get back in touch with her if you can and see if she's still alive? Could you please maybe do a nice ending to this thread?
xL
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Well...this is where I find it justifiable to shot a human.
You kill my dog...I kill you.
So you can see....like I said....get the woman a dog. The abusive man will know his boundaries. If he raises a hand to the wife....the dog gets him. If he raises a gun to the dog.....the abusive son of a bitch will be buried because someone like me (an unassociated party that can't be traced) will track him down & snuff his life from him.
;D
Gee Knny, ...that's wonderful to hear... NOT!
So you'll track down a snuff out the life of someone who abuses a dog, ...but do nothing if he hits his wife? :-\
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Gee Knny, ...that's wonderful to hear... NOT!
So you'll track down a snuff out the life of someone who abuses a dog, ...but do nothing if he hits his wife? :-\
Well Judy......
I never claimed to be 100% normal.
:-\
but it would be more messed up if I hit the wife if he shoots the dog. ;)
All jokes aside.....no...it wouldn't make sense & I am just goofing. Seriously, if I had a girl that was a friend, sister, etc... that I had knowledge of domestic violence....I am the type to pay a visit & sit the chap down & put a little scare of life or death in his lap. I can handle myself & take responsibilty for my own actions. I just think for women...it's best not to get involved with their girlfriends domestic violence because if the SOB is going to hit them....the friend may end up getting hit by the coward too.
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I would beat the *%^* out of him and if I couldn't do it, I would get someone else to do it.
Unfortunately Deedee if the girl doesn't leave on her own she probably isn't going to leave. It may be fear, it may be shame, who knows. You can only do your best to get her out of the situation by showing/telling her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that there are options. My ex-husband was very abusive. I left him the first time after he threw me into my sleeping baby (5 months old) daughters crib. I grabbed her and ran for the door and he tried stopping me. I had to hit him with a mini baseball bat to get away from him. It was 3am and I was running down the street like a madman. I was lucky enough that one of my neighbors worked a graveyard shift and was home with his door open. I just ran in their house and slammed the door. Scared the crap outta him. I stayed away for a few days and my ex convinced me that he wouldn't do it again. I went back, two weeks later he had me in a head lock and was punching my head. I was able to pick up a crystal lighter and clocked him with it. Again I had to flee, this time I didn't have time to grab my daughter. I drove to my dad's station (he is a cop) and we went down with a fleet of police cars. He threatened my dad that if anyone came to the door he would stab them. When we got there...he was passed out on the couch and there was a knife by his side. We snuck in and grabbed my daughter and I never went back.
I will never stand for anyone putting their hands on me ever again.
Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
:-\
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Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
:-\
Children should never witness such...it should never happen period! No one has the right to lay their hands on anyone! >:(
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Well Judy......
I never claimed to be 100% normal.
:-\
but it would be more messed up if I hit the wife if he shoots the dog. ;)
All jokes aside.....no...it wouldn't make sense & I am just goofing. Seriously, if I had a girl that was a friend, sister, etc... that I had knowledge of domestic violence....I am the type to pay a visit & sit the chap down & put a little scare of life or death in his lap. I can handle myself & take responsibilty for my own actions. I just think for women...it's best not to get involved with their girlfriends domestic violence because if the SOB is going to hit them....the friend may end up getting hit by the coward too.
I understand what you're saying, ...however, I've found from personal experience that these guys KNOW what they're doing is wrong, and they do it because their partner puts up with it. I've seen guys try to intimidate the friend as well, and I've stopped them dead in their tracks by asking "Who the fuck do you think I am... your girlfriend? I won't take it. Go ahead and try pull that shit on me. I guarantee you'll be dead before the weekend is over." Of course when they're in a murderous rage is NOT the time to being saying that.
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Wow!!! Good for you getting away from him! And glad he isn't your younger child's father too. I think a boy seeing his father hit or abuse a woman sets them up for thinking it is acceptable, same way that some girls who witness it may think that is an acceptable way for them to be treated.
:-\
Exactly. It does. But thankfully NOT ALL people succumb to the pattern.
It's the same with abuse of any kind. We see the same dynamic here on GetBig, where some people are bullied,
...so others get it into their little pin heads that it's ok to hurl abuse in that person's direction as well. It's not.
The closest I've come to being physically abused by a guy was when I was 16. There had been a rumour that my boyfriend and I of 2 years had broken up, ...and that I was seeing someone new. This guy who had liked me for the past 2 years was so angry and frustrated that I had started dating someone else without giving him a chance, that he started getting physical with me. It was one of the scariest moments in my life... not because he scared me, ...but because I knew if my boyfriend got wind of it... it would have turned into a nightmare beyond all proportions. I knew if my boyfriend did anything about it, it would have ended up in a huge fight between Blacks & Italians. Thankfully, my best friend at the time took care of him. Dawn was literally built like a linebacker. she was HUGE... and I mean HUGE!!!! She could easily pass for Ronnie Coleman's little sister if you know what I mean. This happened at the rollerskating rink... and before you know what happened... she turned him into a human pinball. She bodychecked his ass all over the rink. The most I got from him after that was only dirty looks... but he never dared say a word, or dared get physical with me again. Instead he would cry his eyes out on Cecile's shoulders that I didn't want anything to do with him. Cecile was a girl who always told me I was stupid for not choosing this guy. Well, she decided to choose him, ...within a few months, she ended up a pregnant, human punching bag, ...and he disappeared. Yup... he was a good one... NOT!
I had another boyfriend who would shove me, ..but only when drunk. I knew enough to know that's how it starts.
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Children should never witness such...it should never happen period! No one has the right to lay their hands on anyone! >:(
damn straight!! >:(
Like Jag said, fortunately a lot of child witnesses grow up knowing that is not right.
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I understand what you're saying, ...however, I've found from personal experience that these guys KNOW what they're doing is wrong, and they do it because their partner puts up with it. I've seen guys try to intimidate the friend as well, and I've stopped them dead in their tracks by asking "Who the fuck do you think I am... your girlfriend? I won't take it. Go ahead and try pull that shit on me. I guarantee you'll be dead before the weekend is over." Of course when they're in a murderous rage is NOT the time to being saying that.
Thats a good one
That should stop them in their tracks
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Better be a pro @ intimidation if you play that game, dangerous game. And the Most Dangerous guys
I've ever worked/ supervised, are not big and intimidating. But,They will Carry thru, and are EXPERIENCED with violence. ALso many of this breed is unconcerned w/ legal or other consequences.
Basically people who care about nothing including themselves. They are a peach to work with.
I feel like Tu about my daughter too, but if you've never had close contact w/ what I'm describing, you are in for a surprise when you do.
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Thats a good one
That should stop them in their tracks
It only worked because the guy KNEW I was speaking the truth.
I would never say something like that to someone who didn't know.
Do you think if Victoria Gotti said that to someone who knew who her father was, she'd get a better result than saying it to someone who had no idea who John Gotti was and what he was capable of accomplishing?
...nuff said.
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It only worked because the guy KNEW I was speaking the truth.
I would never say something like that to someone who didn't know.
Do you think if Victoria Gotti said that to someone who knew who her father was, she'd get a better result than saying it to someone who had no idea who John Gotti was and what he was capable of accomplishing?
...nuff said.
No...I agree with you
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Laura/Cheri
I have to ask, does your daughter still have to spend time with her father? Watching someone you love (Dad) abuse someone he supposedly loves & cares for (current wife) is gut wrenching on so many levels. IE: Is my Dad a terrible person? Is that part of him in me? Could he hurt me? Etc...
I have been physically abused not by someone I chose (lover, boyfriend, friend), but by someone I was related to. As a child, I thought getting hurt was the price of admission...to be loved by them was to be hurt by them. It was confusing to watch others get hurt, and I felt guilty when I was hurt. I felt I must be a truly terrible person if this person who loves me would hurt me so. A child's perspective... Many years ago, but I think of it sometimes...
Anyway, just thinking of Laura's daughter and hoping that she doesn't have to be witness to abuse anymore...
I am so glad Laura was able to pull herself up and out of that crap and make a new and better life for herself. To me, that is more impressive than a trophy :) You are a strong woman.
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This is of course, wrong on so many levels. But having dealt with many victims of domestic violence, doing anything for them such as trying to separate her from him by calling the police etc will only serve to make her want to be closer to him. Many times they feel that if they just love him enough he'll come around and love her too. While it is very painful to watch as a family member, or close friend, anything you do will only draw them closer until she is really ready to leave. Often times the man has her self esteem so broken, that he has made her believe she deserves that treatment, and she is lucky to have him because no one else will ever want her. But let me close in saying that if he dared to lay a finger on her in front of me, he better give his soul to God, because his ass is mine. 8)
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Laura/Cheri
I have to ask, does your daughter still have to spend time with her father? Watching someone you love (Dad) abuse someone he supposedly loves & cares for (current wife) is gut wrenching on so many levels. IE: Is my Dad a terrible person? Is that part of him in me? Could he hurt me? Etc...
I have been physically abused not by someone I chose (lover, boyfriend, friend), but by someone I was related to. As a child, I thought getting hurt was the price of admission...to be loved by them was to be hurt by them. It was confusing to watch others get hurt, and I felt guilty when I was hurt. I felt I must be a truly terrible person if this person who loves me would hurt me so. A child's perspective... Many years ago, but I think of it sometimes...
Anyway, just thinking of Laura's daughter and hoping that she doesn't have to be witness to abuse anymore...
I am so glad Laura was able to pull herself up and out of that crap and make a new and better life for herself. To me, that is more impressive than a trophy :) You are a strong woman.
My daughter is 20 years old now and doesn't chose to see her dad for many reasons. The one thing he never did was lay a hand on her, which is a godsend cuz then he would be dead. Like I said, she witnessed her father beat on her step mother and she had to shield the other kids by hiding them in the bathroom. When she had told me what had happened (when her visit with her dad was over) I called and he denied what happened and said it wasn't my business. Of course I told him anything my daughter has to witness in their house IS my business and I would not allow her to go to his house for a long time. I don't understand why battered women deny what is being done to them...it never goes away if you don't take some form of action. My son was old enough to know what was going on and I remember him sayine "only a real coward would hit a girl". He is right.
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this thread reaks of gayness
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this thread reaks of gayness
ANd look who sniffed it out?
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Obviously smelling what he wanted to smell...This is the womens board...sniff foul odors elsewhere...
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I'm in this situation right now. My sister in law has an abusive bf. A couple months ago all of us took a trip out of town and stayed in a hotel. One morning the phone in our room rings. It's the police calling from the hospital. She had been taken there after he beat her up the previous night. He wanted to have sex. She said no. It got violent.... He rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance but disappeared by the next morning when we showed up.
I was in a foul mood on the way to the hospital but once I got there and saw her all bruised and bandaged up I lost it. I was ready to kick his ass. Lucky for him, I have never seen him again.
But here's the punch line: she is still seeing him (and trying to hide it from us)!
She had a restraining order against him but didn't have it served. She makes all kinds of excuses for him... "he's not usually like this" etc. I gave her a piece of my mind, in terms of what she needs to do, back when this all happened (serve the papers and never see him again--period). I have never brought up the subject again. I'm trying really hard to respect her. She is an adult (50ish) after all, but she has battered wife syndrome as far as I'm concerned...
After the humiliation of the hospital drama we all had on the other side of the country, she is careful never to bring up his name in my presence... I've effectively washed my hands of it. She knows she can always call us for anything, but I'm not gonna pacify or enable her relationship with that guy.
I'm not usually a violent person, but I would have no qualms about taking that old troll to the woodshed and showing him just how violent a queer can be. >:(
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ANd look who sniffed it out?
Didn't you know? BB is gay. ::)
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Didn't you know? BB is gay. ::)
BBing gay? ??? No ? Guys in undies doing 1/4 turns?
Well, Sexually Ive allways been really into women. But I do enjoy looking at the level of condition the BB guys bring in. Its not sexually arousing, it's more of a envious ,how can I build my body a little bit more along this dudes lines.
Your sister Bay, I'm sorry man. :-\
One thing; I know the kick the shit out of him feeling, and I'm no stranger to
using my elbows, knees, knuckles. I grew up kind of nasty myself. THing is, these days, its so easy to end up on the wrong side of The Law when U-R the righteous one.
Just a use your head thought to every guy on here thats expressed the same feeling. Buffgoddess hit it with her "often the guy has her selfestem so BROKEN...".
Bottom line is like any other selfdestruct behavior- if the person dont want to change, you cant make them.
Hospital, bruised and bandaged. :'(. Be carefull you dont lose it and end up the one in troubles.
Without you, WHo'd would get all the uptight Homophobes here worked up?
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I'm in this situation right now. My sister in law has an abusive bf.
Bay,
I'm a little confused. How is she your sister in law? Is she your brother's wife... in which case the abuser would be her hubby, not her bf, ...or is she the sister of your partner?
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She is the sister of my partner.
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gotcha :)
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These are all great posts... and some good info in case anyone needs it.
I finally called the person who inspired this thread. It was a little awkward because we haven't talked in a year, but I guess when we lost touch she and the bastardo moved from the east coast to cali, where she didn't have a job and was totally dependent on him. Things went from bad to worse, and without going into detail, she sank into a bad depression. But finally, seems she hauled herself up by the bootstraps and left him, is back on the east coast and very happy.
I think what Blain posted on that other thread is often true. Sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other and end up feeding off it, but then when the dust settles, they wonder how they ever got into that situation in the first place.
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I think what Blain posted on that other thread is often true. Sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other and end up feeding off it, but then when the dust settles, they wonder how they ever got into that situation in the first place.
exactly. it's unfortunate, but the better half, should be bringing out the best in you. it's very hard when your mate only see's the negatives in everything. someone that knows and wants to push your buttons. someone that makes you feel like a second rate citizen and not putting you on the pedestal you deserve in the relationship.
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A couple weeks ago, my sister in law and I were hanging out alone. During the dinner conversation, she slipped and made reference to her previously abusive boyfriend. Since our drama a few months ago, I advised her never to see him again. I knew she was still seeing him and keeping it a secret from us; when she slipped and made reference to him it was all I could do to hold my tongue.
But I did. I ignored it and did not go there.
I’m gonna see her again soon and I know she is still seeing this guy; don’t ask me how, it’s just a feeling I have.
Ladies, should I try to do anything about this? Remember, a few months ago this guy beat her up and put her in the hospital! >:(
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A couple weeks ago, my sister in law and I were hanging out alone. During the dinner conversation, she slipped and made reference to her previously abusive boyfriend. Since our drama a few months ago, I advised her never to see him again. I knew she was still seeing him and keeping it a secret from us; when she slipped and made reference to him it was all I could do to hold my tongue.
But I did. I ignored it and did not go there.
I’m gonna see her again soon and I know she is still seeing this guy; don’t ask me how, it’s just a feeling I have.
Ladies, should I try to do anything about this? Remember, a few months ago this guy beat her up and put her in the hospital! >:(
Dude,
You can't make people think right. If he was dissappeared today she'd go find another guy just like him. There won't be a change until she's ready.
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A couple weeks ago, my sister in law and I were hanging out alone. During the dinner conversation, she slipped and made reference to her previously abusive boyfriend. Since our drama a few months ago, I advised her never to see him again. I knew she was still seeing him and keeping it a secret from us; when she slipped and made reference to him it was all I could do to hold my tongue.
But I did. I ignored it and did not go there.
I’m gonna see her again soon and I know she is still seeing this guy; don’t ask me how, it’s just a feeling I have.
Ladies, should I try to do anything about this? Remember, a few months ago this guy beat her up and put her in the hospital! >:(
Ask her if she feel his "love" (or lack there of it) is worth the bruises she get from him and also ask her if she would have children with a man who has no hesitation of putting her in a hospital by beating her.
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If you've already talked to her about how she doesn't deserve this treatment, she'd be better off w/o him etc....seems like all you can really do is tell her you are available to help her when she needs it. :(
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Keep up a nice collection of evidence on the bastard. Dont get yourself in trouble.
Way to often today the guys who is right ends up in big trouble. Its amazing how twisted reality gets on police reports.
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http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=576_1174529756
Dont click this if you cant handle some severe rage.
This video of a big Chicago area cop beating up a small woman bartender is sickening.
Before you get down on the bystanders, I believe the guy was armed.
Ok, besides possible armament there's 2 processes at work in these situation:
bystander effect: lots of people watching, no one does something, because there's so many people the responsibility is 'shared' or spread out, with only a few people around there's more sense of responsibility to act.
lack of example: People in such cases are not sure what to do, and tend to do what other people are doing, usually nothing in such.
best thing to do as victim is to make eye contact with a bystander and shout for help, but be specific; help, he's assaulting me, get him of me.
Although you think that's stating the obvious, it works, the situation isn't ambiguous anymore, and the yecontact helps to make a bystander feel he has a responsibility. As bystander, try to get some people to help you and get at it.
back on topic, I've fortunately never experienced such a thing, only heard of it.
it's like teenagers sometimes, you wonder why in god's earth they do such stupid and dangerous things. The only thing you can do is hope that they will see the light and grow out of it. You can tell someone how you feel about it but be careful, they tend to have a strong bond with their abusive spouse so it might backfire.
(good song about this is Antony and the Johnsons 'Fistfull of love' :
I was lying in my bed last night staring
At a ceiling full of stars
When it suddenly hit me
I just have to let you know how I feel
We live together in a photograph of time
I look into your eyes
And the seas open up to me
I tell you I love you
And I always will
And I know you can't tell me
I know you can't tell me
So I'm left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
So I'm left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
And I feel your fists
And I know it's out of love
And I feel the whip
And I know it's out of love
And I feel your burning eyes burning holes
Straight through my heart
It's out of love
It's out of love
I accept and I collect upon my body
The memories of your devotion
I accept and I collect upon by body
The memories of your devotion
And I feel your fists
And I know it's out of love
And I feel the whip
And I know it's out of love
And I feel your burning eyes burning holes
Straight through my heart
It's out of love, ooh hoo
It's out of love
Give me a little bit serious love
Give me a little full love
Be full of love
Fists, fists, fists full of love...
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Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.
Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say your right again,
say your right again
heed my lecture
<a href="http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/red_jumpsuit_apparatus_the_lyrics_8901/dont_you_fake_it_lyrics_29363/face_down_lyrics_319873.html" title="Face Down Lyrics">Face Down Lyrics</a>
Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
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what would you do? Stay out of it? Call the cops? Or try to talk her into leaving? And what if getting involved might put you in danger too?
Physical or verbal abuse should never be tolerated!
My question to the Getbig women? Why do women stick around and endure so much abuse. I can't understand why these women won't leave after the first occurence (physical abuse)! My mom endured the same for years even after we (the children were out of the house on our own) told her to leave she stayed until he almost killed her and even then she almost went back to him after he attempted to apologized!
I hate cowards (women abusers)! >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
I can fix this problem email me