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Getbig Female Info Boards => Open Talk for Girl Discussion => Topic started by: Hustle Man on July 18, 2007, 09:34:31 AM
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Ok peeps let me set this up for you, then I need to know if I am being an asshole (like I was called) for pointing out the principle of the issue which is; I should not have to pay twice because someone else neglected their parental responsibilities.
At the beginning of the year my daughter asked if she could attend driving school (a prerequisite in Maryland if you are under 18) to get her drivers license.
I agreed to pay the cost in full $200+; this covered class room time and behind the wheel (hands on) training (10 hrs with a driving school instructor).
The only stipulation was that if you miss a scheduled hands on training session there would be a $50 fee to reschedule (for obvious reasons) and this is to be paid in full before “hands on” could resume or be rescheduled.
My X, bless her soul, caused my daughter to miss a scheduled hand on (embarrassed to say why) and she wants me to pay it! I said “HMFN, you made her miss it you pay the $50” now I know a 50 spot is nothing but it’s the principle of the matter right?
I made good on my commitment (paying the cost ($200+) and providing transportation to and from the class every night for a week), I feel the least she (the X) could do is pay for her mistakes after all the X’s tardiness was the reason my daughter missed the hands on in the first place.
Instead of agreeing to pay the $50 fee she calls me a selfish asshole, needless to say I hung up the phone before I said something that would not help the situation, then again maybe the hang up didn’t help either! Anyway, my question to you, was I wrong?
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Ok peeps let me set this up for you, then I need to know if I am being an asshole (like I was called) for pointing out the principle of the issue which is; I should not have to pay twice because someone else neglected their parental responsibilities.
At the beginning of the year my daughter asked if she could attend driving school (a prerequisite in Maryland if you are under 18) to get her drivers license.
I agreed to pay the cost in full $200+; this covered class room time and behind the wheel (hands on) training (10 hrs with a driving school instructor).
The only stipulation was that if you miss a scheduled hands on training session there would be a $50 fee to reschedule (for obvious reasons) and this is to be paid in full before “hands on” could resume or be rescheduled.
My X, bless her soul, caused my daughter to miss a scheduled hand on (embarrassed to say why) and she wants me to pay it! I said “HMFN, you made her miss it you pay the $50” now I know a 50 spot is nothing but it’s the principle of the matter right?
I made good on my commitment (paying the cost ($200+) and providing transportation to and from the class every night for a week), I feel the least she (the X) could do is pay for her mistakes after all the X’s tardiness was the reason my daughter missed the hands on in the first place.
Instead of agreeing to pay the $50 fee she calls me a selfish asshole, needless to say I hung up the phone before I said something that would not help the situation, then again maybe the hang up didn’t help either! Anyway, my question to you, was I wrong?
(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/em/lightbulb_idea.gif)
yes. you were wrong, ...and you were being a selfish asshole. Please consider the following:
You agreed to pay the $200 +... emphasis on the plus. ...meaning you were aware that it could be more than $200. While it was not YOUR fault, your daughter missed the class, she is the one penalized for it, ...and her training cannot continue until the additional $50 is paid. I doubt your ex would have asked you to cover it were it not a challenge for her to do so herself. Furthermore... regardless of whose fault it was that the class was missed, ...she is still your daughter. Pay the $50 and get it back from your ex at a later date. Or you can quibble and toss the $200 you already paid down the drain.
Bottom line is the classes need to resume. If you have a problem with potential additional future payouts due to your ex's tardiness, ...then take your daughter to her classes yourself. This way you know you will be on time.
Get it together with your ex-wife, settle your differences so your daughter is not the one who has to suffer for it.
ps - Your commitment is never complete so long as your daughter is alive. She's your daughter. You go the extra mile regardless. Your parental obligation does not end because your ex-wife doesn't come through. In such a case, your parental obligation only ramps up even further. Parenting is a team effort... even if both members of that team no longer live together, ...and when one team mate falls down, ...the other should be there to pick up the slack. You (meaning both you & the ex Mrs. HustleMan) have already failed her once by divorcing, ...don't fail her again by bickering with each other over something so trivial as $50. The principle you want to be focussing on is:
"My daughter is more important than $50."
You can win the battle and lose the war, ...or you can lose a battle and win the war. The choice is yours.
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(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/em/lightbulb_idea.gif)
yes. you were wrong, ...and you were being a selfish asshole. Please consider the following:
You agreed to pay the $200 +... emphasis on the plus. ...meaning you were aware that it could be more than $200. While it was not YOUR fault, your daughter missed the class, she is the one penalized for it, ...and her training cannot continue until the additional $50 is paid. I doubt your ex would have asked you to cover it were it not a challenge for her to do so herself. Furthermore... regardless of whose fault it was that the class was missed, ...she is still your daughter. Pay the $50 and get it back from your ex at a later date. Or you can quibble and toss the $200 you already paid down the drain.
Bottom line is the classes need to resume. If you have a problem with potential additional future payouts due to your ex's tardiness, ...then take your daughter to her classes yourself. This way you know you will be on time.
Get it together with your ex-wife, settle your differences so your daughter is not the one who has to suffer for it.
ps - Your commitment is never complete so long as your daughter is alive. She's your daughter. You go the extra mile regardless. Your parental obligation does not end because your ex-wife doesn't come through. In such a case, your parental obligation only ramps up even further. Parenting is a team effort... even if both members of that team no longer live together, ...and when one team mate falls down, ...the other should be there to pick up the slack. You (meaning both you & the ex Mrs. HustleMan) have already failed her once by divorcing, ...don't fail her again by bickering with each other over something so trivial as $50. The principle you want to be focussing on is:
"My daughter is more important than $50."
You can win the battle and lose the war, ...or you can lose a battle and win the war. The choice is yours.
Jaggy the $200 + means $250 not $200 plus any additional charges e.g. late fee or penalties if you recall I paid for the class in full which means no other fee would have to be paid if all scheduled hands on training flowed smoothly. BTW I gave my Daughter the fifty anyway so yes my daughter was more important! and I resheduled the hands on to start from my house not the X's but if you think I was wrong I will take that! It's a hard thing to deal with women! I actually thought I did the right thing lMAO!
P.S. "Pay the $50 and get it back from your ex at a later date." Yeah right you really think she will pay me back after she thinks she shouldnt have to pay the 50 now ROTFLMAO! You can't be serious?
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No, you were not wrong. ::) I'm going to hazard a guess and say this is not the first time your ex has pulled something similar on you and expects you to pay.
You paid the original amount, she can pay the $50 because she incurred the fee.
Now if she is unable to pay it and you are aware of that, then for your daughter's sake you should pay the $50, she should not have to get hurt.
I agree that people should go the "extra mile" for the child's sake, but they should not be a patsy and get taken advantage of. Why should one person always have to suck it up? Why isn't the ex going the extra mile?
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No, you were not wrong. ::) I'm going to hazard a guess and say this is not the first time your ex has pulled something similar on you and expects you to pay.
You paid the original amount, she can pay the $50 because she incurred the fee.
Now if she is unable to pay it and you are aware of that, then for your daughter's sake you should pay the $50, she should not have to get hurt.
I agree that people should go the "extra mile" for the child's sake, but they should not be a patsy and get taken advantage of. Why should one person always have to suck it up? Why isn't the ex going the extra mile?
Ty Flower! You have been accepted, you can now have a free three month membership (trial period) into the "man club" normally valued at $50.
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Ty Flower! You have been accepted, you can now have a free three month membership (trial period) into the "man club" normally valued at $50.
LOL!!!! It seems in a lot of divorces with kids one of the ex's is always the one who sucks it up and tries to keep the peace. That could either be the ex wife or the ex husband.
I think her calling you a selfish asshole showed that she is the one who expects you to keep the peace and she can do whatever? Then you go and pay it for your childs sake (the right thing to do) and she gets away with it again! ::)
I think that is a tough spot to be in because you don't want the child to get in the middle of it, yet you get pissed being taken advantage of.
Kids are not as unaware as people sometimes think they are, and I bet your daughter knows which parent is putting her first. She will remember what was done for her best interests. ;)
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Jaggy the $200 + means $250 not $200 plus any additional charges e.g. late fee or penalties if you recall I paid for the class in full which means no other fee would have to be paid if all scheduled hands on training flowed smoothly. BTW I gave my Daughter the fifty anyway so yes my daughter was more important! and I resheduled the hands on to start from my house not the X's but if you think I was wrong I will take that! It's a hard thing to deal with women! I actually thought I did the right thing lMAO!
You did the right thing by giving your daughter the $50, and taking control of where the hands on classes start from.
P.S. "Pay the $50 and get it back from your ex at a later date." Yeah right you really think she will pay me back after she thinks she shouldnt have to pay the 50 now ROTFLMAO! You can't be serious?
I see your point. The important thing tho... is you did the right thing by your daughter, and she won't be stuck in the middle of a dispute between you and the ex.
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Ty Flower! You have been accepted, you can now have a free three month membership (trial period) into the "man club" normally valued at $50.
Hey, ...how come she gets a membership, ...especially when you followed my advice,
...and we're still both saying the same thing? Is it because she said you were right?
OK, you were right! (but pay the $50 bucks anyway) ...can I have my membership now?
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Hey, ...how come she gets a membership, ...especially when you followed my advice,
...and we're still both saying the same thing? Is it because she said you were right?
OK, you were right! (but pay the $50 bucks anyway) ...can I have my membership now?
I will run this by the council let you know your status soon!
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While I agree with Jags that the big picture is more important, the other man side says no way. In the grand view of things better to pay and let it go and chalk it up to being the example to your daughter of what a person should do and not what petty shit your X's does. If it helps some time down the road get a friend to slash a tire and it all equals out...:)
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Hustleman, you were not wrong in assuming your ex should pay the 50.00 and you did the right thing by paying the 50.00 when your ex refused.
Since it was your ex's fault (and I infer the situation was not beyond her control) she owes you money.
Maybe you could recruit your neighbors to get the money from her :)
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While I agree with Jags that the big picture is more important, the other man side says no way. In the grand view of things better to pay and let it go and chalk it up to being the example to your daughter of what a person should do and not what petty shit your X's does. If it helps some time down the road get a friend to slash a tire and it all equals out...:)
Well if you include the manipulation factor I will also get the bill for the slashed tire, remember everything is my fault even the divorce (She filed not me) Now that I have moved on I am blamed for everything wrong in her life. When the Deer ate her Rose pedals, (that I gave her for her garden) I got blamed because the Hostas that I also gave her to plant attracted the Deer "Why didn't you tell me Deer loved Hosta leaves and Roses, I would have never planted them?" "Knowing you, you probably did it on purpose just so the Deer would eat them and I would never be able to enjoy them" "You're an ASSHOLE!"
I can't win no matter how hard I try!
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Hey, ...how come she gets a membership, ...especially when you followed my advice,
...and we're still both saying the same thing? Is it because she said you were right?
OK, you were right! (but pay the $50 bucks anyway) ...can I have my membership now?
You said he WAS a selfish asshole!! ;D
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Hustleman, you were not wrong in assuming your ex should pay the 50.00 and you did the right thing by paying the 50.00 when your ex refused.
Since it was your ex's fault (and I infer the situation was not beyond her control) she owes you money.
Maybe you could recruit your neighbors to get the money from her :)
LOL good one Stella I see everyone wants to be in the "Man Club" thanks for the advice buddy!
The council will be busy tonight!
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the "Man Club"
Will we be required to hog the remote and scratch ourselves ;D
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You said he WAS a selfish asshole!! ;D
Wow I missed that Flower thanks for the proof read!
Jaggy this may have some bearing on your membership but I will make it known to the council that you did recant and offered some good advice! (sigh) we'll see what happens tonight after the vote!
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Well if you include the manipulation factor I will also get the bill for the slashed tire, remember everything is my fault even the divorce (She filed not me) Now that I have moved on I am blamed for everything wrong in her life. When the Deer ate her Rose pedals, (that I gave her for her garden) I got blamed because the Hostas that I also gave her to plant attracted the Deer "Why didn't you tell me Deer loved Hosta leaves and Roses, I would have never planted them?" "Knowing you, you probably did it on purpose just so the Deer would eat them and I would never be able to enjoy them" "You're an ASSHOLE!"
I can't win no matter how hard I try!
Sometimes you can't win. The one thing you unfortunitly have to keep in mind is all future guys your daughter dates will be based on what kind of relationship she has with you, so better to eat it so she does not turn out like her mom.
PS thats why I said have a friend do the tire trick when your with her ..no reason to blame if you albi is covered...LOL.
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Will we be required to hog the remote and scratch ourselves ;D
During the "trial period" you are only allowed to scratch yourself, holding the remote and leaving your clothes around for someone else to pick up comes after the trial period!
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During the "trial period" you are only allowed to scratch yourself, holding the remote and leaving your clothes around for someone else to pick up comes after the trial period!
:D !! CAn we forget how to change the toilet paper roll too? And what about holding the refridgerator door open and yell "We're out of ketchup!" because we can't be bothered to move it from behind the milk? :D
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Sometimes you can't win. The one thing you unfortunitly have to keep in mind is all future guys your daughter dates will be based on what kind of relationship she has with you, so better to eat it so she does not turn out like her mom.
PS thats why I said have a friend do the tire trick when your with her ..no reason to blame if you albi is covered...LOL.
Yes you are right about being a model for my daughter and she is watching every move I make and how I handle this very tender situation. But I don't want her thinking that I am some soft guy either I have to stand my ground or pick my battles but good advice anyway! I don't think I can be mean and do a Tony Seprano on her tires... yet! lol
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Yes you are right about being a model for my daughter and she is watching every move I make and how I handle this very tender situation. But I don't want her thinking that I am some soft guy either I have to stand my ground or pick my battles but good advice anyway! I don't think I can be mean and do a Tony Seprano on her tires... yet! lol
Think of it this way, in some quite time away with your daughter you can explain to here why you do what you do. You will always be thought stronger if you can admit to her why she is the most important person in the world and that you will always sacrifice for her alone.
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:D !! CAn we forget how to change the toilet paper roll too? And what about holding the refridgerator door open and yell "We're out of ketchup!" because we can't be bothered to move it from behind the milk? :D
I see we have a recruit here that aspires to have the title of Grand Poobutt, slow your roll sister you have to first learn how to appear to be listening when you are not listening at all, (saying things like “is that so”, “really!” “I do understand honey”, “I can’t believe she said that either!”). This takes years of training but we'll get ya there!
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:D !! CAn we forget how to change the toilet paper roll too? And what about holding the refridgerator door open and yell "We're out of ketchup!" because we can't be bothered to move it from behind the milk? :D
I don't have this problem though because the "Man Club" has this two day course on how to spot things stuck way back in the fridge and how to remember to refill the TP roll.
And don't forget cleaning up after a bad aim at the toilet! The man club also has a 3 hour course on this and they sponsor a field trip to help remedy this problem with hands on training (in a simulated environment ofc) we go to the carnival and play that water gun game where you shoot water into the clowns mouth to fill up the balloon to make it pop! Awesome field trip and the training is guaranteed to cut down on bad aim, especially at night.
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;D
;D
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Hustleman, you were not wrong in assuming your ex should pay the 50.00 and you did the right thing by paying the 50.00 when your ex refused.
Since it was your ex's fault (and I infer the situation was not beyond her control) she owes you money.
Maybe you could recruit your neighbors to get the money from her :)
I agree with Stella. I am sure your X was fully aware of the terms of this schooling. If anyone is being selfish it is she as she wants to take no responsibility in this matter. You are the better person for paying the $50 so that your daughter could go back to classes, but I would let the X know that if she can't be "responsible" enough to make sure your daughter is at class when need be, then she shouldn't be with her on the nights she would normally attend hands on class.
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...I would let the X know that if she can't be "responsible" enough to make sure your daughter is at class when need be, then she shouldn't be with her on the nights she would normally attend hands on class.
Actually LL she prefers that I take the reins anyway so I have done exactly what you and others have suggested Paid the bill and from now on the remainder of "hands on" training will take place from my house starting this Monday.
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Ok peeps let me set this up for you, then I need to know if I am being an asshole (like I was called) for pointing out the principle of the issue which is; I should not have to pay twice because someone else neglected their parental responsibilities.
At the beginning of the year my daughter asked if she could attend driving school (a prerequisite in Maryland if you are under 18) to get her drivers license.
I agreed to pay the cost in full $200+; this covered class room time and behind the wheel (hands on) training (10 hrs with a driving school instructor).
The only stipulation was that if you miss a scheduled hands on training session there would be a $50 fee to reschedule (for obvious reasons) and this is to be paid in full before “hands on” could resume or be rescheduled.
My X, bless her soul, caused my daughter to miss a scheduled hand on (embarrassed to say why) and she wants me to pay it! I said “HMFN, you made her miss it you pay the $50” now I know a 50 spot is nothing but it’s the principle of the matter right?
I made good on my commitment (paying the cost ($200+) and providing transportation to and from the class every night for a week), I feel the least she (the X) could do is pay for her mistakes after all the X’s tardiness was the reason my daughter missed the hands on in the first place.
Instead of agreeing to pay the $50 fee she calls me a selfish asshole, needless to say I hung up the phone before I said something that would not help the situation, then again maybe the hang up didn’t help either! Anyway, my question to you, was I wrong?
No, you were not wrong. Your ex should pay the late fee.
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You said he WAS a selfish asshole!! ;D
(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/but.gif) he was being a selfish asshole. Not necessarily in the way his ex meant it, but he was. Nothing wrong in being selfish. Sometimes we do have to look out for our own interests and not allow others to take unfair advantage of us, ...but he was thinking about himself, and because his primary focus (at first) was the $50 that his ex does rightfully owe him, instead of putting his daughter's dilemma first, ...he was thinking out of his anatomy.
I can understand if the ex is a _itch, ...but the way I was looking at it, ...the ex is petty & irrelevant.
The important subject and focus should have been on his daughter. I think when the daughter is made the focus and the 1st priority, ...then everything else become clear, and the petty stuff won't irritate as much. But he did remove his head from his anatomy, and did the right thing by his daughter. He came to his senses afterall. :)
By focussing on the ex's irresponsibility and tendency to lay everything at his feet, ...everything becomes a point of stress & aggravation. He should just take a deep breath, consider it the price to be paid for reproducing with such a creature, and mark his calendar and start counting down the days, being grateful, that he only has less than 5 more years of this, ...and she can be out of his hair forever.
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I think there is difference in being selfish and being tired of taken advantage of.
:P
I think it is unfair to say he was being "selfish". He told the ex-wife she should be responsible for it and she called him selfish and then he hung up before it got ugly.
He was not being selfish to tell the wife to pay it. After her response to him he realized she would not pay for it and he paid for it.
So nowhere was he selfish that I can see. ;D
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NO
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I think there is difference in being selfish and being tired of taken advantage of.
:P
I think it is unfair to say he was being "selfish". He told the ex-wife she should be responsible for it and she called him selfish and then he hung up before it got ugly.
Who says being selfish is always a bad thing? He was definitely being selfish (aka thinking about himself)
He was not being selfish to tell the wife to pay it. After her response to him he realized she would not pay for it and he paid for it.
So nowhere was he selfish that I can see. ;D
I think his initial reaction was selfish, ...but when he considered his daughter, his thoughts and focus changed from how he was being taken advantage of, to what was best for his daughter, ...so in the end, his selflessness won out.
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Who says being selfish is always a bad thing? He was definitely being selfish (aka thinking about himself)
I think his initial reaction was selfish, ...but when he considered his daughter, his thoughts and focus changed from how he was being taken advantage of, to what was best for his daughter, ...so in the end, his selflessness won out.
I don't see that he was being selfish. Like Flower said it seems like he was just tired of being taken advantage of once again. At some point he probably doesn't want his daughter seeing that the ex gets away w/all these attempts at manipulation. He probably wants the daughter to see there are consequences to actions.
Who knows what the ex-wife did to make the daughter miss the lesson. Hustleman said it was too embarrassing to post.
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Selfish:
1. Concerned chiefly or only with oneself
I don't think that is a fair description in this situation. He was called "selfish" after telling the ex he thought she should pay for the fee since she incurred it. She used the word "selfish" to play him and make him feel bad. SHE was the one being "selfish".
He was not "selfish" because once his ex made it clear that she would not pay it, he did. Telling someone they should pay for an expense they incurred is not being selfish. Is he supposed to just pay everything without a question?
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Selfish:
1. Concerned chiefly or only with oneself
I don't think that is a fair description in this situation. He was called "selfish" after telling the ex he thought she should pay for the fee since she incurred it. She used the word "selfish" to play him and make him feel bad. SHE was the one being "selfish".
He was not "selfish" because once his ex made it clear that she would not pay it, he did. Telling someone they should pay for an expense they incurred is not being selfish. Is he supposed to just pay everything without a question?
agree
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I don't see that he was being selfish. Like Flower said it seems like he was just tired of being taken advantage of once again. At some point he probably doesn't want his daughter seeing that the ex gets away w/all these attempts at manipulation. He probably wants the daughter to see there are consequences to actions.
Who knows what the ex-wife did to make the daughter miss the lesson. Hustleman said it was too embarrassing to post.
Again, I think we are arguing over semantics... because i don't think that being selfish is always a bad thing.
We all agree he did the right thing by paying the $50 for his daughter, and we all agree he should not be taken advantage of, so why the huge discrepancy... I don't know. (http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/em/shrug.gif)
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Well if you include the manipulation factor I will also get the bill for the slashed tire, remember everything is my fault even the divorce (She filed not me) Now that I have moved on I am blamed for everything wrong in her life. When the Deer ate her Rose pedals, (that I gave her for her garden) I got blamed because the Hostas that I also gave her to plant attracted the Deer "Why didn't you tell me Deer loved Hosta leaves and Roses, I would have never planted them?" "Knowing you, you probably did it on purpose just so the Deer would eat them and I would never be able to enjoy them" "You're an ASSHOLE!"
I can't win no matter how hard I try!
Sounds so very familliar...we have more in common than I thought...
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Again, I think we are arguing over semantics... because i don't think that being selfish is always a bad thing.
We all agree he did the right thing by paying the $50 for his daughter, and we all agree he should not be taken advantage of, so why the huge discrepancy... I don't know. (http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/em/shrug.gif)
I guess this quarter only two of the 3 applicants into the "Man Club" will make the cut lol! Jaggy I wish you could be a fly on the wall when my X and I have conversations such as these I think you would see the manipulation factor in full effect. She uses the kids to get her way because she knows that I love my kids and that I provide for them in everyway, I am very active in every part of their lives but she tries to make me out to be this selfish person (in front of the kids) just because I don't give in to her every whim. To my kids I am a man of integrity, fairness and above all honesty this scenario was not handled in fairness by my X and my daughter witnessed this. She came to me and said "Dad thank you for not arguing with her I think you were right..."
And FYI my X doesn't even work outside the home I support her fully through Alimony & child support! I didn't want to include that but she has it pretty good and I don't complain about that because I will do whatever it takes to ensure my kids are well taken care of even if it means keeping their mom comfortable (she is a great mother BTW) anyway thanks for the comments and the advice folks!
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Let the scratching commence!
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She doesn't work and so you have to support her? I didn't think full alimony was even granted anymore. Get a job!!
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NO
lol, quick and to the point. I like it! :D
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Again, I think we are arguing over semantics... because i don't think that being selfish is always a bad thing.
No, I don't think we are. Selfish is not the right word. Are you being "selfish" when you ask someone for money they owe you? No. So how is it "selfish" when someone tells you to pay for something they caused to say "No, I think you should pay it".
Jag I have a credit card bill here I think you should pay! Don't be selfish!!! ;D
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Okay so I feel like there is enough information that I can now comment. Every story has three sides, His, Hers and the truth. so far we have only been given his side but a few points have come out that might shed a little light onto hers.
In the beginning you were being selfish. You agreed to pay for the course for your daughter and since you won't give any reasons why your wife made her miss the course it could be a multitude of things but like Jag said you originally said you would pay for the entire course. Mistakes and accidents happen and since you said you would pay for the entire thing you should have put your daughter ahead of the extra costs. Some men think a menstrual cycle is embarrassing, since we don't know the reason I am assuming it is a valid one in her eyes, but not in yours. You said she is a good mother so I have to believe that she has her daughters interests at heart.
I am basing my opinion on the posts you have made later in this thread. You have said that she is a good mother and she lives off alimony. So unless you're pulling in well over 100K, she is going to be scraping by. The cost for the course and the subsequent $50 might have been out of the budget and in her eyes you started the course and now that she didn't have the budget in the beginning you were putting your daughters course in jeopardy. Who knows how many conversations that she and your daughter had about this prior to talking to you? Even you don't know that. How many Children is she raising on allotment?
The comment on the Deer again is only your side of the story and there has to be a lot of history behind it. Nobody is going to wake up one morning and just say that, she arrived at those feelings over time. You have tried to tell Flower and I how we should be acting on this board and this is only the Internet, what was it like in real life?
I will commend you on paying for the extra $50 though
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Okay so I feel like there is enough information that I can now comment. Every story has three sides, His, Hers and the truth. so far we have only been given his side but a few points have come out that might shed a little light onto hers.
In the beginning you were being selfish. You agreed to pay for the course for your daughter and since you won't give any reasons why your wife made her miss the course it could be a multitude of things but like Jag said you originally said you would pay for the entire course. Mistakes and accidents happen and since you said you would pay for the entire thing you should have put your daughter ahead of the extra costs. Some men think a menstrual cycle is embarrassing, since we don't know the reason I am assuming it is a valid one in her eyes, but not in yours. You said she is a good mother so I have to believe that she has her daughters interests at heart.
I am basing my opinion on the posts you have made later in this thread. You have said that she is a good mother and she lives off alimony. So unless you're pulling in well over 100K, she is going to be scraping by. The cost for the course and the subsequent $50 might have been out of the budget and in her eyes you started the course and now that she didn't have the budget in the beginning you were putting your daughters course in jeopardy. Who knows how many conversations that she and your daughter had about this prior to talking to you? Even you don't know that. How many Children is she raising on allotment?
The comment on the Deer again is only your side of the story and there has to be a lot of history behind it. Nobody is going to wake up one morning and just say that, she arrived at those feelings over time. You have tried to tell Flower and I how we should be acting on this board and this is only the Internet, what was it like in real life?
I will commend you on paying for the extra $50 though
She was late because she decided to stop off over a friends house and her friend invited her to good to the local gardening shop to look at the new exotics and she was an half hour late getting back to her house to meet the driving instructor; he even waited for a half hour before he decided to leave.
I give the story straight sister no games no gimmicks! I was not being selfish as Flower (my sister in arms) said "...I have a credit card bill here I think you should pay! Don't be selfish!!!" it's the principle of the matter isn't that clear in this instance?
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Hey wait a minute..If you wanted her to pay and she is living off your alimony and child support does that mean you would have paid either way... ;D That is a lose lose situation... ;D Next time suggest to her that you will buy a gun and rent a bullet and fix the problem yourself for good. ;D
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Hey wait a minute..If you wanted her to pay and she is living off your alimony and child support does that mean you would have paid either way... ;D That is a lose lose situation... ;D Next time suggest to her that you will buy a gun and rent a bullet and fix the problem yourself for good. ;D
That is not even funny AS >:(
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lol, quick and to the point. I like it! :D
;)
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She was late because she decided to stop off over a friends house and her friend invited her to good to the local gardening shop to look at the new exotics and she was an half hour late getting back to her house to meet the driving instructor; he even waited for a half hour before he decided to leave.
I give the story straight sister no games no gimmicks! I was not being selfish as Flower (my sister in arms) said "...I have a credit card bill here I think you should pay! Don't be selfish!!!" it's the principle of the matter isn't that clear in this instance?
Clear in your eyes only.
Bottom line, YOU WERE BEING SELFISH! Was it warranted in this instance, maybe. Was your wife right in her actions, not a snowballs chance in hell. Even by Flowers definition of the word you displayed those actions. You thought you were being manipulated, it was all about you, thus selfish.
You said you gave the story straight no gimmicks but you didn't tell us everything as to why she was late until now. This story came from you and we will always get your slant to the situation, it is just human nature. Like a blatant example? When Laura (sorry Laura but it is unfortunately the most obviously blunt example) was being abused I am sure he thought it was for her own good. That was his stupid, fucked up, poor excuse for a human's side of the story.
But even that isn't the important point.
I am young enough to remember getting my drivers license and at the time it is the most important thing in my life and I am sure it rates highly in your daughters life as it would in all teenagers. You and your wife had this petty squabble over a lousy $50 and put her driver's course on hold or canceled, which remember how important it is.
You were both being selfish and forgot the improtant factor in this. If I can see it so can she, nice job.
Is the principle of the matter even important compared to that?
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Clear in your eyes only.
Bottom line, YOU WERE BEING SELFISH! Was it warranted in this instance, maybe. Was your wife right in her actions, not a snowballs chance in hell. Even by Flowers definition of the word you displayed those actions. You thought you were being manipulated, it was all about you, thus selfish.
You said you gave the story straight no gimmicks but you didn't tell us everything as to why she was late until now. This story came from you and we will always get your slant to the situation, it is just human nature. Like a blatant example? When Laura (sorry Laura but it is unfortunately the most obviously blunt example) was being abused I am sure he thought it was for her own good. That was his stupid, fucked up, poor excuse for a human's side of the story.
But even that isn't the important point.
I am young enough to remember getting my drivers license and at the time it is the most important thing in my life and I am sure it rates highly in your daughters life as it would in all teenagers. You and your wife had this petty squabble over a lousy $50 and put her driver's course on hold or canceled, which remember how important it is.
You were both being selfish and forgot the improtant factor in this. If I can see it so can she, nice job.
Is the principle of the matter even important compared to that?
But don't you agree that he should have tried to get the $50 from the wife as it seemed more important and selfish of her to decide to go to a friends house and then shopping over making sure her daughter was at her drivers ed class. I believe that HM wouldn't have let his daughter go without getting back to class, but if he didn't approach her (the ex) and ask her for that fee, she would think she could just do as she pleases. I am glad he was the bigger man (so to speak) and paid the fee, his daughter will respect him more for that and will understand that unfortunately the mother has "more important" things on her mind...than her daughter.
And as far as me and my ex and the abuse he gave me. No, I don't think he thought it was for "my own" good he knew it was for "his own" good. A batterer may say "I'm doing this for your own good" while beating on his/her partner, but in their minds "your own good is that you won't do it again because then you will remember you will suffer another beating".
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I did commend him for doing the honorable thing and give the $50.
But he asked if he was being selfish and during that period when he felt he was being manipulated and wasn't going to take it, he was. So I have to say yes he was being selfish, maybe it was justifiable in his eyes but in the true definition of the word it was a selfish act, however brief it may have been.
Maybe the question should have been changed.
and again I apologize if I stepped out of bounds with mentioning the stuff about your EX.
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I guess this quarter only two of the 3 applicants into the "Man Club" will make the cut lol! Jaggy I wish you could be a fly on the wall when my X and I have conversations such as these I think you would see the manipulation factor in full effect. She uses the kids to get her way because she knows that I love my kids and that I provide for them in everyway, I am very active in every part of their lives but she tries to make me out to be this selfish person (in front of the kids) just because I don't give in to her every whim. To my kids I am a man of integrity, fairness and above all honesty this scenario was not handled in fairness by my X and my daughter witnessed this. She came to me and said "Dad thank you for not arguing with her I think you were right..."
And FYI my X doesn't even work outside the home I support her fully through Alimony & child support! I didn't want to include that but she has it pretty good and I don't complain about that because I will do whatever it takes to ensure my kids are well taken care of even if it means keeping their mom comfortable (she is a great mother BTW) anyway thanks for the comments and the advice folks!
(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/but.gif) you gotta let me into the man club...
I gotta find not one, but at least 3 husbands ya know. I need access to the menfolk to be polygamous remember?
Ah poop... {kicks a pebble} men never like it when you tell them the truth. I guess I gotta be like all the others...
tell 'em what they want to hear, and laugh under my breath while they lap it up, and get their ego stroked. {sigh}
ps- If you thought you were so right... why did you pay the $50 afterall?
And yes, ...you did do the right thing, both by being selfish and standing up for yourself,
...but also by being selfless and paying the $50. it's just unfortunate that such a trivial amount can lead to such aggravation that you feel the need to air your frustration on a message board. You're still hanging onto the ex.
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No, I don't think we are. Selfish is not the right word. Are you being "selfish" when you ask someone for money they owe you? No. So how is it "selfish" when someone tells you to pay for something they caused to say "No, I think you should pay it".
Jag I have a credit card bill here I think you should pay! Don't be selfish!!! ;D
I AM gonna be selfish, and say NO... without any qualms or reservations whatsoever. I don't have kids with you,
and my not paying your credit card bill is not going to put you or anyone I have an obligation to in jeopardy.
So am I being selfish by saying no... darn right I am... and proud of it too!
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ps- If you thought you were so right... why did you pay the $50 afterall?
For his daughter's sake as far as I can tell.
Ah poop... {kicks a pebble} men never like it when you tell them the truth. I guess I gotta be like all the others...
tell 'em what they want to hear, and laugh under my breath while they lap it up, and get their ego stroked. {sigh}
Jag I hope you're joking (or at least over-generalizing)...otherwise it sounds like you've had mostly terrible experiences w/the men in your life :(
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For his daughter's sake as far as I can tell.
That would of course mean that putting his daughter ahead of himself required the $50 payout no?
And to refuse to pay it... would conversely be putting his needs ahead of his daughters.
(his need was the need to not be taken advantage of by the ex... therefore selfish as in thinking about self)
Jag I hope you're joking (or at least over-generalizing)...otherwise it sounds like you've had mostly terrible experiences w/the men in your life :(
I'll let you know when i figure out if I'm joking, at least over-generalizing, or simply facing a horrible truth. :-\
Just commenting on what I see going on all around me in male / female relationships.
Personally, I've great wonderful experiences, as well as not so pleasant experiences with the same person.
Mostly I've had wonderful experiences with men, ...but there is a challenge in that in some relationships I've experienced the highest highs in certain areas, and very unpleasant lows in others. That's why polygamy appeals so much :P When they figure out how to morph them into one, polygamy won't hold it's appeal, ...but until then... it's certainly a pragmatic approach no?
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I AM gonna be selfish, and say NO... without any qualms or reservations whatsoever. I don't have kids with you,
and my not paying your credit card bill is not going to put you or anyone I have an obligation to in jeopardy.
So am I being selfish by saying no... darn right I am... and proud of it too!
:P on you ;D
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:P on you ;D
Stick that tongue out again and I'm gonna pull it out. >:( lol ;D
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Stick that tongue out again and I'm gonna pull it out. >:( lol ;D
:P :P :P :P :P :P
Mike!! Laura wants my tongue!!!! ;D
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:P :P :P :P :P :P
Mike!! Laura wants my tongue!!!! ;D
I want exclusive marketing rights for the tickets. Miggy can run the concession stand... for a % ;D
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:P :P :P :P :P :P
Mike!! Laura wants my tongue!!!! ;D
mmmmmmmmm............... ..........sounds kinky! :-*
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was I wrong?
you aren't wrong mayne....BUT..
she's daddy's little girl mate.. :)
if you had to cross the pits of hell to see a smile on her face would ya?...of course ya would..
so a bitch of an ex shouldn't be too much of a hurdle right?
<toxic bringeth the zen ;) >
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Some women are just completely clueless. How could she think she shouldn't pay the $50? Was she always a girl like tihs?
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(http://www.jaguarenterprises.net/images/but.gif) he was being a selfish asshole. Not necessarily in the way his ex meant it, but he was. Nothing wrong in being selfish. Sometimes we do have to look out for our own interests and not allow others to take unfair advantage of us, ...but he was thinking about himself, and because his primary focus (at first) was the $50 that his ex does rightfully owe him, instead of putting his daughter's dilemma first, ...he was thinking out of his anatomy.
I can understand if the ex is a _itch, ...but the way I was looking at it, ...the ex is petty & irrelevant.
The important subject and focus should have been on his daughter. I think when the daughter is made the focus and the 1st priority, ...then everything else become clear, and the petty stuff won't irritate as much. But he did remove his head from his anatomy, and did the right thing by his daughter. He came to his senses afterall. :)
By focussing on the ex's irresponsibility and tendency to lay everything at his feet, ...everything becomes a point of stress & aggravation. He should just take a deep breath, consider it the price to be paid for reproducing with such a creature, and mark his calendar and start counting down the days, being grateful, that he only has less than 5 more years of this, ...and she can be out of his hair forever.
jag, no you are wrong. Of course he would pay the $50 if she refused but he is not being selfish by telling her she should have to pay it or by asking her to reimburse it .
There is nothing in this story that makes Hustle a "selfish" asshole.
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jag, no you are wrong. Of course he would pay the $50 if she refused but he is not being selfish by telling her she should have to pay it or by asking her to reimburse it
That was my position.
There is nothing in this story that makes Hustle a "selfish" asshole.
It would have been his refusal to pay the $50 that would have made it selfish ie: about him and his pocketbook,
rather than about his daughter and her needs. As it stands, he did the right thing by coming up with the money for his daughter, ...and there'll be nothing wrong with his requesting to be re-imbursed by his ex. This has long been settled.