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Getbig Main Boards => General Topics => Topic started by: Andy Griffin on February 14, 2008, 03:07:08 PM
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?
Pork chop.
(I know, I know)
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terrible, terrible ;D
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My granddaughter was visiting and she was watching "Hannah Montana"
The dad on the show told that joke and it was so lame, I had to post it.
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What's the similarity between Parsley and pubic hair?
You just push it aside and keep eating.
What's the difference between Niel Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Niel Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Michael Jackson f*cks little boys.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
They know how many women went down on the Titanic.
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What the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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The location of the dirtbag
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What's the similarity between Parsley and pubic hair?
You just push it aside and keep eating.
What's the difference between Niel Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Niel Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Michael Jackson f*cks little boys.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
They know how many women went down on the Titanic.
LMAO
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The Aisle Seat
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, "I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As th e plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
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This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
LOL... it took a minute to sink in... good one!
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whats the plural of mice?
mece! ;D
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?
Pork chop.
(I know, I know)
Mr Ham?
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My granddaughter was visiting and she was watching "Hannah Montana"
The dad on the show told that joke and it was so lame, I had to post it.
We love kids jokes...
What's brown and sticky? (you've heard this before?
a stick
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We love kids jokes...
What's brown and sticky? (you've heard this before?
a stick
Now I don't feel so bad about my joke. ;D
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What's the similarity between Parsley and pubic hair?
I have the most amazing postcard from Elvis Parsley.
but I don't have a scanner and therefore can't post it. Obviously it's a hair joke. You'll need to use your imagination...
xL
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We had a 5.3 earthquake in England last night
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What did the elephant do when he stubbed his toe ?
Called a toe truck
hahahahahahahahahahah
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What did the elephant do when he stubbed his toe ?
Called a toe truck
hahahahahahahahahahah
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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is it?
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is it?
Not in Dallas
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so tell us an awful Texas joke?
xL
Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Man goes to the doc with a strawberry growing out of the top of his head. Doctor says: I’ll give you some cream to put on that
Oh please please help me Doctor, I can’t stop singing “the green green grass of home”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome”
"Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual”
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so tell us an awful Texas joke?
xL
A guy walks up to a farm there is a old farmer sitting on the porch.
He said "hello sir I was wondering if I could talk to some of your animals?"
The old man said " you can't talk to animals."
The guy said "yes I can"
He looked at the old mans dog lying next to him and said "hey there dog do the treat you good around here?"
the dog said " well yes they do. They feed me good the scratch my belly play with me. I like it here"
The old man said "that was amazing."
The guy walked over to the fence and said to the horse " how do you like it here horse, do they treat you good?
The horse said " yes they do they ride me give me good hay. I like it here"
The guy said " thats good"
he started walking over to the sheep and the old farmer said " now wait a minute those sheep are liars !"
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stop me now, or better still, delete me if you've heard these before...
These jokes came via BC Canada to London England and I'm posting them for you. ('cos I know you're working hard at the puter...
Subject: Canadian Humor
CANADIAN JOKE # 1
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The
Bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world,
give Me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The
bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The
other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you
drinking a Molson's?"
The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't
drinking beer, neither would I."
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his
arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the
case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon
and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me
into a Newfie?"
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut
out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie.."
He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation.
However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3
of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the
patient's brain.
He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the
patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon
as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm
terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting
out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #5
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for
some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
End of jokes for Linda.
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Great Canada jokes...
Karl...great stuff as always.
A few more....
Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar. (old "Dixie Cup" joke)
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
How many Tar Heels does it take to change a light bulb?
3...1 to change the bulb, 2 to talk about how much better they liked the old one.
Finally (thank God)...one especially for you Linda...
What is purple and lies across the sea?
Grape Britain.
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What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common ?
The both like a tight seal !
How does Osama Bin Laden practice safe sex ?
He marks all the camels that kick !
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Why doesn't Osama Bin Laden have sex with any of his 7 wives?
Cause when they spread their legs, he sees bush.
Why was the baby crying?
Cause it was being torn to shreds by a pack of starving Hyenas
Very rude, but....
Why do women enter menopause in their sixties?
Cause they need all that blood for their varicose veins
Why do they call the PAP smear test the PAP smear test?
Cause women won't do them if they are called 'C*nt scrapes'
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What do you call a duck who gets straight A's?
I don't know, but pumphard is pretty fat.
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(http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f116/Karmalot/phonemessage.jpg)