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Living Together First Can Spoil Marriage, Study Finds
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
By Jeanna Bryner
Print ShareThisCouples who shack up before tying the knot are more likely to get divorced than their counterparts who don't move in together until marriage, a new study suggests.
Upwards of 70 percent of U.S. couples are cohabiting these days before marrying, the researchers estimate.
The study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, indicates that such move-ins might not be wise.
And it's not because you start to get on one another's nerves. Rather, the researchers figure the shared abode could lead to marriage for all the wrong reasons.
"We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting," said lead researcher Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver.
Couples might also be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of Fido — along with other practicalities.
Relationship dynamics
Rhoades and her colleagues did telephone surveys with more than 1,000 married men and women between the ages of 18 and 34, who had been married 10 years or fewer.
Survey questions included measures of relationship satisfaction, dedication to one another, level of negative communication and sexual satisfaction.
To measure the potential of a couple to divorce, participants were asked "Have you or your spouse ever seriously suggested the idea of divorce?"
Overall, about 40 percent of participants reported they didn't live together before marriage, 43 percent did so before engagement, and about 16 percent cohabited only after getting engaged.
Those who moved in with a mate before engagement or marriage reported significantly lower quality marriages and a greater potential for split-ups than other couples.
For instance, about 19 percent of those who cohabited before getting engaged had ever suggested divorce compared with just 12 percent of those who only moved in together after getting engaged and 10 percent of participants who did not cohabit prior to the wedding bells.
"We think there might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship," Rhoades told LiveScience, "because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together."
So a joint lease or shared ownership of pets could nudge the nuptials for these folks, more than a life-long commitment to one another.
Why move in?
While this research suggests cohabitation in itself can result in lousier marriages, the initial reasons for moving in together could impact the relationship quality.
In another study led by Rhoades published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Issues, cohabiting couples ranked a list of reasons for cohabitation.
More than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in, followed by nearly 19 percent who put "it made most sense financially" at the top of their list, and 14 percent ranking "I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage" highest.
Those who listed "testing" as the primary move-in reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires."
Such testers also had lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.
Overall, those who want to test the commitment might want to think again, according to the February study.
"Cohabiting to test a relationship turns out to be associated with the most problems in relationships," Rhoades said. "Perhaps if a person is feeling a need to test the relationship, he or she already knows some important information about how a relationship may go over time."
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532600,00.html?test=latestnews
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its true folks, many studies have been done that back this data up...
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its true folks, many studies have been done that back this data up...
quesiton reamins: qhat does obama,,think of this ::)
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People who live together before marriage already know things aren't going to get any better. :)
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People who live together before marriage already know things aren't going to get any better. :)
Yep, and this study has been done yrs ago...
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My marriage is living proof of this. It's harder than it needs to be because we lived together first. We'll always be married, but it's alot harder than it needs to be.
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My marriage is living proof of this. It's harder than it needs to be because we lived together first. We'll always be married, but it's alot harder than it needs to be.
Why?
I think it is irresponsible to be married before living together. You never really know someone until you live with them for awhile. As doc said, living together expells any fantasy notions you might have about your new roommate.
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Why?
I think it is irresponsible to be married before living together. You never really know someone until you live with them for awhile. As doc said, living together expells any fantasy notions you might have about your new roommate.
Then why is the divorce rate among couples who live together before marriage so much higher than it is among couples who do not live together until after they get married?
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Then why is the divorce rate among couples who live together before marriage so much higher than it is among couples who do not live together until after they get married?
You tell me boss.
Is it a generational thing? People who are younger today are exponentially more likely to live together than those in their parents generation. And society is changing to where it is now ok to get divorced, whereas in the past that was socially taboo.
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You tell me boss.
I don't know, but you said that waiting until marriage to live together is "irresponsible." Why? Because they may not know each other well enough. So? Why is that irresponsible? Because it may lead to a higher divorce rate?
Well, statistically, it is the other way around. That's why I asked the question.
Is it a generational thing? People who are younger today are exponentially more likely to live together than those in their parents generation. And society is changing to where it is now ok to get divorced, whereas in the past that was socially taboo.
I don't think so. This same generation and these same young couples today have a lower divorce rate when they wait until marriage to move in together.
And even though in today's society it seems more and more people are okay with divorce, still studies show that those who wait until marriage to move in together are far less likely to get divorced.
The results of these studies have remained the same, regardless of the generation.
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again genreation nothingness,,,does not mater if married before or after we found out we have choices these days with pre nubs we will divorice no matter what after the pussy gets old we leave men weise,,,the person who did this report is either a woman or a gay man
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I don't know, but you said that waiting until marriage to live together is "irresponsible." Why? Because they may not know each other well enough. So? Why is that irresponsible? Because it may lead to a higher divorce rate?
Well, statistically, it is the other way around. That's why I asked the question.
I don't think so. This same generation and these same young couples today have a lower divorce rate when they wait until marriage to move in together.
And even though in today's society it seems more and more people are okay with divorce, still studies show that those who wait until marriage to move in together are far less likely to get divorced.
The results of these studies have remained the same, regardless of the generation.
I don't know the answer loco. Society in general makes it way too easy to get divorced (for the woman at least).
I know you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it beforehand... so I guess to me it seems irresponsible to enter into a long-term financial and legal union without examining all the inputs...
And Jock, are you GH15?
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I don't know the answer loco. Society in general makes it way too easy to get divorced (for the woman at least).
I know you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it beforehand... so I guess to me it seems irresponsible to enter into a long-term financial and legal union without examining all the inputs...
And Jock, are you GH15?
no fella,,im not you are right though woman takes all its not the man who divorice,,,but woman to get money from man and leave thats why you need them american beotches with disrespect they love that
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I don't know, but you said that waiting until marriage to live together is "irresponsible." Why? Because they may not know each other well enough. So? Why is that irresponsible? Because it may lead to a higher divorce rate?
Well, statistically, it is the other way around. That's why I asked the question.
I don't think so. This same generation and these same young couples today have a lower divorce rate when they wait until marriage to move in together.
And even though in today's society it seems more and more people are okay with divorce, still studies show that those who wait until marriage to move in together are far less likely to get divorced.
The results of these studies have remained the same, regardless of the generation.
I tend to agree with you here loco, however other things might influence those numbers:
- Is getting divorced easier and more accepted now?
- What if the people who moved in together first, didn't. Would their divorce rate be the same?
- Has our culture contributed to a higher divorce rate?
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I tend to agree with you here loco, however other things might influence those numbers:
- Is getting divorced easier and more accepted now?
- What if the people who moved in together first, didn't. Would their divorce rate be the same?
- Has our culture contributed to a higher divorce rate?
all you posted = GENERATION NOTHINGNESS,,
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all you posted = GENERATION NOTHINGNESS,,
:( yeah...
What we need is a good 'ole period of hard times to help us get our character back.
Dam, i feel old now.
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:( yeah...
What we need is a good 'ole period of hard times to help us get our character back.
Dam, i feel old now.
Hey Ozmo..
Aren't you a member of the "Greatest Generation"?
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Why?
I think it is irresponsible to be married before living together. You never really know someone until you live with them for awhile. As doc said, living together expells any fantasy notions you might have about your new roommate.
Agree
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Hey Ozmo..
Aren't you a member of the "Greatest Generation"?
Which one would that be an i will tell if i am... :D
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Agree
WHATS IRRESPONSIBLE AFTER,,,is woman taking mans money for all he has for no reason
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WHATS IRRESPONSIBLE AFTER,,,is woman taking mans money for all he has for no reason
But there is a reason. Most of the time it mearly spite, but there is nothing quite as satisifying as forcing someone to pay for your well being, while you do nothing and provide nothing back.
Just ask your friendly, neighborhood welfare recipient.
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A lot of the problem is stupidity.
Our culture says women no one has married are worthless and we also encourage the Cinderella fantasy.
If people put the same amount of thought into the marriage itself as they did wedding ceremonies divorce rates would be very low. Instead people worry about seating arrangements, dresses, flowers, cards, napkins and everything else buyable.
Worse still, people think the honeymoon should never end and spend/live way beyond their means putting stress on the marriage. People also assume they should start out in a castle just as cinderella did.
People also have kids for the wrong reasons.
Also, some women/men are stupid enough to believe marriage will solve relationship/emotional problems. The number people I've met who were fighting all the time before marriage is pretty staggering. Many women feel having the 'perfect day' will erase any self-esteem issues they're ever had and burn any/all baggage. :)
Living together is a great way to find out how crazy someone is but you'll never really know how big a pain in the ass they can be until a lawyer is required to boot their ass. :)
I'm not saying marriage itself sucks ass. Simply that a lot of people expect too much from the institution. :)
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A lot of the problem is stupidity.
Our culture says women no one has married are worthless and we also encourage the Cinderella fantasy.
If people put the same amount of thought into the marriage itself as they did wedding ceremonies divorce rates would be very low. Instead people worry about seating arrangements, dresses, flowers, cards, napkins and everything else buyable.
Worse still, people think the honeymoon should never end and spend/live way beyond their means putting stress on the marriage. People also assume they should start out in a castle just as cinderella did.
Agreed!! That's why I feel it is VITAL for a couple to have marriage counseling, first. There are serious isssues to consider: Career goals, family plans, religious beliefs, etc.
But, marriage counseling isn't mandatory. At best, certain churches and ministers won't do the ceremony, unless you go through their particular counseling course.
People also have kids for the wrong reasons.
Also, some women/men are stupid enough to believe marriage will solve relationship/emotional problems. The number people I've met who were fighting all the time before marriage is pretty staggering. Many women feel having the 'perfect day' will erase any self-esteem issues they're ever had and burn any/all baggage. :)
Put another way, if you do not bring happiness INTO marriage, you will not find it IN marriage.
Living together is a great way to find out how crazy someone is but you'll never really know how big a pain in the ass they can be until a lawyer is required to boot their ass. :)
I'm not saying marriage itself sucks ass. Simply that a lot of people expect too much from the institution. :)
Living together is a bad idea, because the primary reason it's done is so that people (mainly, the men) can simply BAIL, without any accountability or responsibility.
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Living together is a bad idea, because the primary reason it's done is so that people (mainly, the men) can simply BAIL, without any accountability or responsibility.
When it's over, it's over. Why would you need accountability or responsibility for an ex-girlfriend? Ex-wives are the same thing, why keep paying for the pussy when it's not being hit? They should get jobs.
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And when it's over, everyone should just go away. Damn near every divorce I see has the woman trying to ass-rape the guys bank account... even when she did nothing except spend every dime she could.
I can think of three situations right off the top that the woman was a COMPLETELY different person just a few years than the one my buddy married, and when the marriage broke up, the gals just turned viscious and greedy as hell. We're talking they went after things like coin collections the guys had since they were in grade school, purebred dogs (pets) the guy had before they met and shit like that.
Alamony is another thing. In CA, the courts will frequently make a guy pay until the woman gets remarried.... I knew a woman who lived with a doctor for 18 years and never get married so she could get that monthly check from the ex-husband, just out of spite... And it was her that cheated and broke up the marriage!
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I agree with McWay that the biggest reason people do this is the lack of accountability and responsibility that comes with just shacking up.
In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate, there is nothing you will learn by living with them as opposed to dating, talking, engaging in premarital counseling, etc.
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I agree with McWay that the biggest reason people do this is the lack of accountability and responsibility that comes with just shacking up.
In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate, there is nothing you will learn by living with them as opposed to dating, talking, engaging in premarital counseling, etc.
I disagree with that. However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.
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I disagree with that. However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.
What do you need to know about your future life mate? I'd say at least the following:
- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids? And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness?
- Are your careers compatible?
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?
There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together.
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What do you need to know about your future life mate? I'd say at least the following:
- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids? And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness?
- Are your careers compatible?
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?
There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together.
And still there are somethings you can't learn until you live together.
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I disagree with that. However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.
I disagree that being married has some inherent value that exists outside our minds. It is, after all, a creation of man. :)
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And still there are somethings you can't learn until you live together.
Not talking about everything under the sun. I initially said "In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate . . . ." I can't really think of anything from that standpoint that you can't learn without having to live together first.
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I disagree that being married has some inherent value that exists outside our minds. It is, after all, a creation of man. :)
It's actually God's creation. :) A good marriage has tremendous value.
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It's actually God's creation. :) A good marriage has tremendous value.
Homo!! :)
Despite any religious/spiritual connotations the concept itself is man made.
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Homo!! :)
Despite any religious/spiritual connotations the concept itself is man made.
Depends on your perspective. If you don't believe God created Adam and Eve, then yes the concept is man made. But even if you believe it is man made, really hard to question its value (talking about a good marriage). But . . . there are some women who I think being married to is a fate worse than death.
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Depends on your perspective. If you don't believe God created Adam and Eve, then yes the concept is man made. But even if you believe it is man made, really hard to question its value (talking about a good marriage). But . . . there are some women who I think being married to is a fate worse than death.
Even if God did create Adam and Eve it's silly to assume he needed worshipping or that any creation of Man reflects his will. Following that logic Hitler was doing God's will.
A marriage is only as good as the two people involved can be.
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Even if God did create Adam and Eve it's silly to assume he needed worshipping or that any creation of Man reflects his will. Following that logic Hitler was doing God's will.
A marriage is only as good as the two people involved can be.
??? Who was talking about worshiping God? Hitler?? You said marriage doesn't have any inherent value because it's man made. I'm saying two things: (1) it isn't man made, because it is something God created; and (2) even if you don't believe it's something God created, there is undeniable value in a good marriage.
I do agree that marriage is only as good as the two people involved. I think the main problem is people don't vet their spouses well enough before getting married.
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??? Who was talking about worshiping God? Hitler?? You said marriage doesn't have any inherent value because it's man made. I'm saying two things: (1) it isn't man made, because it is something God created; and (2) even if you don't believe it's something God created, there is undeniable value in a good marriage.
I do agree that marriage is only as good as the two people involved. I think the main problem is people don't vet their spouses well enough before getting married.
The ritual (like all others) is man made.
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The ritual (like all others) is man made.
The ritual? Yes. Still has value. There are plenty of man made rituals that have value. Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc.
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The ritual? Yes. Still has value. There are plenty of man made rituals that have value. Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc.
Your hammock is a ritual? hmmmm i see mine differently now.
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The ritual? Yes. Still has value. There are plenty of man made rituals that have value. Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc.
LOL!
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you just never get the feeling though,,,its like reading about a car, dreaming about driving it, asking it how mpg do you get, torque on the lug nuts,,,its not the same till you get in it and drive it around then decide if its good to buy or not ;D
What do you need to know about your future life mate? I'd say at least the following:
- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids? And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness?
- Are your careers compatible?
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?
There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together.
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you just never get the feeling though,,,its like reading about a car, dreaming about driving it, asking it how mpg do you get, torque on the lug nuts,,,its not the same till you get in it and drive it around then decide if its good to buy or not ;D
Very few people buy a car without test driving it first. Chicks will cost you a lot more than cars. :)
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Very few people buy a car without test driving it first. Chicks will cost you a lot more than cars. :)
I already said that. >:( :)
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I already said that. >:( :)
Car payments only last a few years. :)
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You know they did a survey... and I can't find it right at the moment... but it ends up costing the average married guy something like 800 bucks every time he gets laid. By the time you figure in all the costs of marriage and the average times he get some per year.
Damn, I gotta dig that shit up again... that was good info!
It's actually cheaper to go to a prostitute than get it for 'free' from the wife!
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I don't buy it.
I have lived with 5 women & only fucked up and actually married one of them. The other 4 got shown the gate way before it got close to marriage.
So - 4 out of 5 relationships, I was actually saved from marriage by getting to know their filthy habits/laziness before even thinking of marrying them. Had I not done this, I may have been divorced 5 times by now.
Co-habitee number 6 is with me now and is showing much promise in the cleaning/cooking and blowing departments.
Next they'll be saying sex before marriage is out too.
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I don't buy it.
I have lived with 5 women & only fucked up and actually married one of them. The other 4 got shown the gate way before it got close to marriage.
So - 4 out of 5 relationships, I was actually saved from marriage by getting to know their filthy habits/laziness before even thinking of marrying them. Had I not done this, I may have been divorced 5 times by now.
Co-habitee number 6 is with me now and is showing much promise in the cleaning/cooking and blowing departments.
Next they'll be saying sex before marriage is out too.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU DONT,,,count in the survey sorry so your posting is irrelavent
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PEOPLE LIKE YOU DONT,,,count in the survey sorry so your posting is irrelavent
You mean people that have had more than 1 girlfriend ?
Fair enough - I hadn't realised it a survey of people that lived with their parents till their mid 30s.
Point taken.
How is living with your mom ? Bitty ?
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Your hammock is a ritual? hmmmm i see mine differently now.
Darn right. :)
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Beach. We are going to sell HI to Japan.
What do you think about that?
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Beach. We are going to sell HI to Japan.
What do you think about that?
Won't change much. lol. We already cater to Japanese tourists quite a bit.
They already own us anyway. You familiar with the "Japanese bubble"?