Living Together First Can Spoil Marriage, Study Finds

[Dos Equis]

I agree with McWay that the biggest reason people do this is the lack of accountability and responsibility that comes with just shacking up. 

In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate, there is nothing you will learn by living with them as opposed to dating, talking, engaging in premarital counseling, etc. 

[OzmO]

I agree with McWay that the biggest reason people do this is the lack of accountability and responsibility that comes with just shacking up. 

In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate, there is nothing you will learn by living with them as opposed to dating, talking, engaging in premarital counseling, etc. 

I disagree with that.  However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.

[Dos Equis]

I disagree with that.  However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.

What do you need to know about your future life mate?  I'd say at least the following:

- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids?  And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness? 
- Are your careers compatible? 
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?

There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together. 

[OzmO]

What do you need to know about your future life mate?  I'd say at least the following:

- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids?  And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness? 
- Are your careers compatible? 
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?

There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together. 

And still there are somethings you can't learn until you live together.

[drkaje]

I disagree with that.  However, living together first can devalue the meaning of being married when it's that value that often will get them through the hard times.

I disagree that being married has some inherent value that exists outside our minds. It is, after all, a creation of man.

[Dos Equis]

And still there are somethings you can't learn until you live together.

Not talking about everything under the sun.  I initially said "In terms of things you need to know about a person to determine whether they can be your life mate . . . ."  I can't really think of anything from that standpoint that you can't learn without having to live together first.      

[Dos Equis]

I disagree that being married has some inherent value that exists outside our minds. It is, after all, a creation of man.

It's actually God's creation.     A good marriage has tremendous value. 

[drkaje]

It's actually God's creation.     A good marriage has tremendous value. 

Homo!!

Despite any religious/spiritual connotations the concept itself is man made.

[Dos Equis]

Homo!!

Despite any religious/spiritual connotations the concept itself is man made.

Depends on your perspective.  If you don't believe God created Adam and Eve, then yes the concept is man made.  But even if you believe it is man made, really hard to question its value (talking about a good marriage).  But . . . there are some women who I think being married to is a fate worse than death.   

[drkaje]

Depends on your perspective.  If you don't believe God created Adam and Eve, then yes the concept is man made.  But even if you believe it is man made, really hard to question its value (talking about a good marriage).  But . . . there are some women who I think being married to is a fate worse than death.   

Even if God did create Adam and Eve it's silly to assume he needed worshipping or that any creation of Man reflects his will. Following that logic Hitler was doing God's will.

A marriage is only as good as the two people involved can be.

[Dos Equis]

Even if God did create Adam and Eve it's silly to assume he needed worshipping or that any creation of Man reflects his will. Following that logic Hitler was doing God's will.

A marriage is only as good as the two people involved can be.

   Who was talking about worshiping God?  Hitler??  You said marriage doesn't have any inherent value because it's man made.  I'm saying two things:  (1) it isn't man made, because it is something God created; and (2) even if you don't believe it's something God created, there is undeniable value in a good marriage. 

I do agree that marriage is only as good as the two people involved.  I think the main problem is people don't vet their spouses well enough before getting married.     

[drkaje]

  Who was talking about worshiping God?  Hitler??  You said marriage doesn't have any inherent value because it's man made.  I'm saying two things:  (1) it isn't man made, because it is something God created; and (2) even if you don't believe it's something God created, there is undeniable value in a good marriage. 

I do agree that marriage is only as good as the two people involved.  I think the main problem is people don't vet their spouses well enough before getting married.     

The ritual (like all others) is man made.

[Dos Equis]

The ritual (like all others) is man made.

The ritual?  Yes.  Still has value.  There are plenty of man made rituals that have value.  Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc. 

[OzmO]

The ritual?  Yes.  Still has value.  There are plenty of man made rituals that have value.  Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc. 

Your hammock is a ritual?  hmmmm  i see mine differently now. 

[drkaje]

The ritual?  Yes.  Still has value.  There are plenty of man made rituals that have value.  Sports, the internet, my hammock, etc. 

LOL!

[JOCKTHEGLIDE]

you just never get the feeling though,,,its like reading about a car, dreaming about driving it, asking it how mpg do you get, torque on the lug nuts,,,its not the same till you get in it and drive it around then decide if its good to buy or not 

What do you need to know about your future life mate?  I'd say at least the following:

- Do you actually like each other?
- Do you share the same values?
- Are your religious beliefs compatible?
- Do you both want kids?  And how many?
- Will you share the same child-rearing philosophy?
- Do you have the same views about daycare and/or full-time moms?
- Are you good/bad money managers?
- Where do you want to homestead?
- How important are your diets, exercise, and physical fitness? 
- Are your careers compatible? 
- Do you get along with in-laws and how important a role will they play?

There's more, but you can learn about all of this without living together. 

[drkaje]

you just never get the feeling though,,,its like reading about a car, dreaming about driving it, asking it how mpg do you get, torque on the lug nuts,,,its not the same till you get in it and drive it around then decide if its good to buy or not 

Very few people buy a car without test driving it first. Chicks will cost you a lot more than cars.

[Hereford]

Very few people buy a car without test driving it first. Chicks will cost you a lot more than cars.

I already said that.    

[drkaje]

I already said that.    

Car payments only last a few years.

[Hereford]

You know they did a survey... and I can't find it right at the moment... but it ends up costing the average married guy something like 800 bucks every time he gets laid. By the time you figure in all the costs of marriage and the average times he get some per year.

Damn, I gotta dig that shit up again... that was good info!

It's actually cheaper to go to a prostitute than get it for 'free' from the wife!

[pedro01]

I don't buy it.

I have lived with 5 women & only fucked up and actually married one of them. The other 4 got shown the gate way before it got close to marriage.

So - 4 out of 5 relationships, I was actually saved from marriage by getting to know their filthy habits/laziness before even thinking of marrying them. Had I not done this, I may have been divorced 5 times by now.

Co-habitee number 6 is with me now and is showing much promise in the cleaning/cooking and blowing departments.

Next they'll be saying sex before marriage is out too.

[JOCKTHEGLIDE]

I don't buy it.

I have lived with 5 women & only fucked up and actually married one of them. The other 4 got shown the gate way before it got close to marriage.

So - 4 out of 5 relationships, I was actually saved from marriage by getting to know their filthy habits/laziness before even thinking of marrying them. Had I not done this, I may have been divorced 5 times by now.

Co-habitee number 6 is with me now and is showing much promise in the cleaning/cooking and blowing departments.

Next they'll be saying sex before marriage is out too.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU DONT,,,count in the survey sorry so your posting is irrelavent

[pedro01]

PEOPLE LIKE YOU DONT,,,count in the survey sorry so your posting is irrelavent

You mean people that have had more than 1 girlfriend ?

Fair enough - I hadn't realised it a survey of people that lived with their parents till their mid 30s.

Point taken.

How is living with your mom ? Bitty ?

[Dos Equis]

Your hammock is a ritual?  hmmmm  i see mine differently now. 

Darn right.   

[Hereford]

Beach. We are going to sell HI to Japan.

What do you think about that?