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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: D-Ware on June 06, 2012, 06:58:30 PM
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Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the restaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
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best thread ever
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That's a pretty Crappy experience!
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Ha ha amazing story.
I was at Wal Mart on Christmas Eve getting my mom and dad last minute gift for Christmas. I had to shit so bad, but I thought I could hold it. I got out to the parking lot and completely forgot where I parked :D This is a huge Wal Mart parking lot it was completely packed you could barely find a spot. Well I squeezed my ass cheeks together as hard as I could and walked up and down a few rows. I had to go so bad I thought about squatting behind someones car and just letting it rip. Finally I found my car. I was almost in tears the whole way home. I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it" Finally got home sprinted up the stairs right before I hit the toilet a half a turd slipped out into my boxers. Thank god I was at home. What a mess.
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I hear Wal Mart's have so-called "bathrooms" in them these days. You'll have to investigate what these strange rooms hold.
Once I got outside into the parking lot I didn't want to go back in. I didn't think I would make it all the way to the bathroom. Plus I had a cart full of gifts. I didn't want to just leave it somewhere.
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Walmart lets people sleep overnight in their lots...you know people are shitting out there at some point. You could have just dumped out there by the carts and claimed you thought it was OK becaus e people do it at night
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;D
Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
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Walmart lets people sleep overnight in their lots...you know people are shitting out there at some point. You could have just dumped out there by the carts and claimed you thought it was OK becaus e people do it at night
no they dont. The have signs and everything. The reason people get away with it is that the store is 24 hours so it is hard to monitor.
i slept in a car at walmart once. Doing a road trip one summer years back. we didnt make it to the next hotel we book, and the place we where at had no vacancy for 70 miles in each direction. >:(
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The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.
To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.
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Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
lol
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no they dont. The have signs and everything. The reason people get away with it is that the store is 24 hours so it is hard to monitor.
i slept in a car at walmart once. Doing a road trip one summer years back. we didnt make it to the next hotel we book, and the place we where at had no vacancy for 70 miles in each direction. >:(
Really? Here in MI and down in OH and KY...I've seen people setting up RV's and semi's at Wally world. Maybe it's a regional thing...
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The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.
To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.
Funny shit!
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I had the flu some months ago and while standing in the kitchen I decided to let out a fart. Turns out to be a cascade of shit. There was a trail of shit form kitchen to the bathroom.. and I ruined my favorite pair of shorts. That was the first time in 12 years that I shat myself.
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Really? Here in MI and down in OH and KY...I've seen people setting up RV's and semi's at Wally world. Maybe it's a regional thing...
You are allowed to stay overnight one night and you are supposed to ask permission
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This weeks dreaded "THREAD OF SHIT" !!! :D
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I had the flu some months ago and while standing in the kitchen I decided to let out a fart. Turns out to be a cascade of shit. There was a trail of shit form kitchen to the bathroom.. and I ruined my favorite pair of shorts. That was the first time in 12 years that I shat myself.
Wash the shorts, you cannot tell me they are completely ruined
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The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.
To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.
Nothing worse than spotted drawers!! LOL ;D
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The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.
To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.
haha great story you can always see when somebody is telling the truth... good for you :) - I assume you guys are still together?
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My friend fucked a one night stand so hard that she lay a dump in the bed 5seconds after they where finished. She turned red asked him to get of the bed, took the drawers put them in a plastic bag and went home. God damnit that must have been embarassing for her. We live in a small town so everyone heard it lol
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shit happens
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Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D
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Hahahaha - beautiful tales of the bowel.
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Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D
Ilove it..."you can make it...you can make it !".. ;D
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Some fella at my work tried to hold on too long, he made it to the toilet but crapped in his pants before he got to the stool. Came out the bottom of his trousers all over the floor. Cleaner had fun mopping that up, scary thing was the offender was back working in the warehouse 2 mins later, no time to change bottoms or anything. He must have felt like shit all day.
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Was driving home from a long session of training legs and it hit me my stomach was cramping bad, had to go, but held it in and drove faster to get home. Got pulled over by a cop for speeding... Couldn't hold it any longer so crapped all over my pants and sitting there sweating and shit all over my ass and felt it on the seat as well. Cop comes over and the usual license and registration, I hand it over and at this time I know he can smell the stench... Asked what's the hurry. Straight out told him I needed to go to the bathroom, he kind of smirks guessing he definitely could smell something funky. After about ten minutes comes back and luckily he let's me off with a warning and saids "you better clean your seat," smiled and left. Felt so embarrassed as I was sweating still and with me going to the gym combined with fecal smell, sweat and hot summer u can imagine.... Lol, car smelled like shit for over a week.. True story :D
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I remember a friend telling me he met a chic at a Disco and went outside to get his "jollys" :D.. anyway he said it was dark and he fumbled around her arse and pussy area and felt something on his hand :o.. he cuddled her close so she could not see his hand behind her back...he smelled his fingers and he told me it was shit on his hands. i said what the fuck did you do?..he laughed and said i just got a bit of head ;D
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Was driving home from a long session of training legs and it hit me my stomach was cramping bad, had to go, but held it in and drove faster to get home. Got pulled over by a cop for speeding... Couldn't hold it any longer so crapped all over my pants and sitting there sweating and shit all over my ass and felt it on the seat as well. Cop comes over and the usual license and registration, I hand it over and at this time I know he can smell the stench... Asked what's the hurry. Straight out told him I needed to go to the bathroom, he kind of smirks guessing he definitely could smell something funky. After about ten minutes comes back and luckily he let's me off with a warning and saids "you better clean your seat," smiled and left. Felt so embarrassed as I was sweating still and with me going to the gym combined with fecal smell, sweat and hot summer u can imagine.... Lol, car smelled like shit for over a week.. True story :D
Cheaper than getting a speeding ticket!
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Ha ha amazing story.
I was at Wal Mart on Christmas Eve getting my mom and dad last minute gift for Christmas. I had to shit so bad, but I thought I could hold it. I got out to the parking lot and completely forgot where I parked :D This is a huge Wal Mart parking lot it was completely packed you could barely find a spot. Well I squeezed my ass cheeks together as hard as I could and walked up and down a few rows. I had to go so bad I thought about squatting behind someones car and just letting it rip. Finally I found my car. I was almost in tears the whole way home. I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it" Finally got home sprinted up the stairs right before I hit the toilet a half a turd slipped out into my boxers. Thank god I was at home. What a mess.
rofl
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Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
lol
I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it"
hahaha
I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D
;D
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Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread. ;D
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I had a mate who stepped in dog shite just as he was entering a girls house on a first date.The poor bastard was only 15 and had to sit there while her dad went mental wondering who dragged a pile of shit over his new white carpet - he followed the trail right back to my mates shoes and threw him out.He never ever took the girl out.... :D
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Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread. ;D
A bunch of weak-sphinctered sphincters? Isn't that redundant my dear chimp?
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Early 90's. Cult concert. 8-ball of exceedingly strong ya-yo. Laughing hysterically. Mess. end of story.
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A bunch of weak-sphinctered sphincters? Isn't that redundant my dear chimp?
Just some wordplay, is all. I'll try again, later. :-\
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Buncha weak-assed sphincters up in this thread. ;D
i cant hold my bowels at all no more :'( i was driving home from work the other night and tried to hold it but i got a sharp pain in the area between my balls and ass crack that was brutal, i just shit in my pants and kept driving :-[
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When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora. I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.
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When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora. I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.
;D
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I had a mate who stepped in dog shite just as he was entering a girls house on a first date.The poor bastard was only 15 and had to sit there while her dad went mental wondering who dragged a pile of shit over his new white carpet - he followed the trail right back to my mates shoes and threw him out.He never ever took the girl out.... :D
Shoes off when entering a house -> shit from outside won't travel inside.
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Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."
Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.
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i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me :-[
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Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."
Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.
Haha - pro tip. :D
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i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me :-[
that sounds nasty..feel for you.
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i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me :-[
Surprised she didn't give you walking papers right then and there.
When I was a kid, I was somewhat paranoid about using a public restroom. I rarely used the restrooms at school and never to take a shit. One time when I was still a teenager but able to get served, I was at a bar and had to take a leak. I left the bar and went to a lockable restroom at a gas station rather than take a pee where there would be other dudes peeing too. That's crazy dumb shit. Everyone pees and shits. It shouldn't be such a big deal.
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Surprised she didn't give you walking papers right then and there.
When I was a kid, I was somewhat paranoid about using a public restroom. I rarely used the restrooms at school and never to take a shit. One time when I was still a teenager but able to get served, I was at a bar and had to take a leak. I left the bar and went to a lockable restroom at a gas station rather than take a pee where there would be other dudes peeing too. That's crazy dumb shit. Everyone pees and shits. It shouldn't be such a big deal.
i was lucky she didnt, i jumped up real quick and try to hide behind the garbage can. she stared at the shit for a minute and i apoligized and said it will never happen again
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I am 42 and have never shit myself.
Came closest after competing in what was my final bodybuilding contest. Hadn't dropped a load for a week (healthy endeavor, this bodybuilding) and after the contest me and my friends and family went to a Pizza Hut to celebrate. On the drive home, alone, all the pizza and root beer jump-started "things" ... Barely made it. Left the plastic trophy in the truck and Ben-Johnson-ed it to the bathroom.
I think a majority of people who do shit themselves can attribute such an occurrence to alcohol consumption. Usually seems to be the case.
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^^^ true about the alcohol. I've carried out many drunken people who after having passed out, shat themselves. One guy as we were carrying him down the stairs, (because he chooses to wear his pants like the fags today, under his ram hole (bum) had shit pouring out of him. He shat all the was down the stairs and we dumped him in a corner outside.
How lovely it is to be a doorman...
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(http://www.power-on.tv/bilder_artikel/cicherillo_haney_2.jpg)
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^^^ true about the alcohol. I've carried out many drunken people who after having passed out, shat themselves. One guy as we were carrying him down the stairs, (because he chooses to wear his pants like the fags today, under his ram hole (bum) had shit pouring out of him. He shat all the was down the stairs and we dumped him in a corner outside.
How lovely it is to be a doorman...
Been there and done that, many times. The doorman part carrying the drunk dude out after he'd shit himself.
When you work as a bouncer, it becomes painfully obvious that, if you wanna avoid having an accident, it's best to avoid 12 bottles of beer and six shots.
Bars and clubs are full of men and women shitting themselves, in the washroom, in their cars on the way home, in their partner's bed, in their pants ...
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i was lucky she didnt, i jumped up real quick and try to hide behind the garbage can. she stared at the shit for a minute and i apoligized and said it will never happen again
Maybe the attraction was that you proved you were a "real animal" to her. Some women like their men rough around the edges. That way they can mold them into the fine specimens they become.
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I am 42 and have never shit myself.
Came closest after competing in what was my final bodybuilding contest. Hadn't dropped a load for a week (healthy endeavor, this bodybuilding) and after the contest me and my friends and family went to a Pizza Hut to celebrate. On the drive home, alone, all the pizza and root beer jump-started "things" ... Barely made it. Left the plastic trophy in the truck and Ben-Johnson-ed it to the bathroom.
I think a majority of people who do shit themselves can attribute such an occurrence to alcohol consumption. Usually seems to be the case.
With out a doubt, alcohol messes with our digestive systems, particularly when a person has over-indulged. Coffee can be problematical too.
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^^^ true about the alcohol. I've carried out many drunken people who after having passed out, shat themselves. One guy as we were carrying him down the stairs, (because he chooses to wear his pants like the fags today, under his ram hole (bum) had shit pouring out of him. He shat all the was down the stairs and we dumped him in a corner outside.
How lovely it is to be a doorman...
I did not realize that "sagging" your pants was considered a gay thing....I thought it was actually a gangsta' move. Either way, it seems and looks very stupid.
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Yes coffee gets my ass twitching .. ;D
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This thread deserves The Honey Badger Award.....he just doesn't give a SHIT.... ;D
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Ha ha amazing story.
I was at Wal Mart on Christmas Eve getting my mom and dad last minute gift for Christmas. I had to shit so bad, but I thought I could hold it. I got out to the parking lot and completely forgot where I parked :D This is a huge Wal Mart parking lot it was completely packed you could barely find a spot. Well I squeezed my ass cheeks together as hard as I could and walked up and down a few rows. I had to go so bad I thought about squatting behind someones car and just letting it rip. Finally I found my car. I was almost in tears the whole way home. I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it" Finally got home sprinted up the stairs right before I hit the toilet a half a turd slipped out into my boxers. Thank god I was at home. What a mess.
;D ;D ;D I almost shit my pants reading this......what a low level humor I like. 8)
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The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.
To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.
:-X Ah man this wasn't one of your finest hours.. ;D
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I had the flu some months ago and while standing in the kitchen I decided to let out a fart. Turns out to be a cascade of shit. There was a trail of shit form kitchen to the bathroom.. and I ruined my favorite pair of shorts. That was the first time in 12 years that I shat myself.
Wet farts are risky business...
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Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D
Oh God I'm reading these posts one by one and I realize my level of humor is sooo low... ;D ;D
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My friend fucked a one night stand so hard that she lay a dump in the bed 5seconds after they where finished. She turned red asked him to get of the bed, took the drawers put them in a plastic bag and went home. God damnit that must have been embarassing for her. We live in a small town so everyone heard it lol
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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I have one... a guy I was stationed with in Germany was dating a girl/living with her, who lived about 1 hr away from our post. He took the autobahn back and forth. He was driving home from work one day and the urge hit him suddenly and violently, as anyone who has driven the autobahn knows, back then it didn't have many stops.....not like here in the US with exits every mile.... so he does his best to hold things together.....but he failed and shat all over himself. He said luckily the gf wasn't home when he got there.... funniest part of the whole story is that he shared this with us, unsolicited. I would have taken that one to my grave my friends. The guy was crazy and didn't care.
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Farts and Shit always good for a laugh!
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My friend fucked a one night stand so hard that she lay a dump in the bed 5seconds after they where finished. She turned red asked him to get of the bed, took the drawers put them in a plastic bag and went home. God damnit that must have been embarassing for her. We live in a small town so everyone heard it lol
If he never told a soul, he could have held it over her and been able to bang that girl anytime, anywhere for the rest of his life.
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I swear I didn't read a single post in this thread. But when a "I shit my pants" thread reaches 60+ replies, the you know Getbig jumped the shark.
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i would never shit in a broads house when i first met them, when i met my wife 11 years ago i had to shit bad and told her i had to go get something out of my car. i snuck on the side of her house and right in the middle of me shitting she came outside and saw me :-[
lmfao. thats awesome
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Lee Priest is reading this thread and jerking off with the sexual strength of 100 men
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I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it"
I was picturing the rocky music playing in the background, with the Rock at full speed up the steps
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I unleashed my growler in front of 3 hot bitches.
Drunk. Very.
A Friday night. Chicago, Ill 2001
Was 50 FEET FROM THE DAMN DOOR TO MY APT BUILDING.
Weaving...jogging towards the door......NOPE.
PooP STORM JUST AS THREE HOT BIZATCHES walked by me.
They laughed.... well one girl gagged/giggled ;D
It shot down me leg and splatted the pavement.
I smiled and invited them in for a group fuck, they declined.
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Never had a full download in my pants, but once when sick w diahria shit just sprayed out in small chunks.
was disgusting. Had to toss out underwear and race for a shower.
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I swear I didn't read a single post in this thread. But when a "I shit my pants" thread reaches 60+ replies, the you know Getbig jumped the shark.
How could you doubt the popularity of such a thread?
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Buddy works for the power company. He had a job in a backyard, said he got halfway up(18feet) and felt nature call. He said there was no way he'd make it down so he belted in right there, dropped his drawers and dropped a deuce from 18ft up. Best part was when he was done he climbed the rest of the way up and finished his job before climbing down to "clean up"
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Was on a factory tour in Atlanta, walking around in a nice suit, had some stomach issues for some reason, had gas, decided to fart.... Turns out it wasn't a fart.... little bit of something else came out... had to walk around all day with that in my pants, until the evening when all my meetings were over... Fucking jumped in the shower!
It sucked! And I tried to keep my distance from everybody!
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When I was 16 I dropped a turd on the doorstep of Scarsdale Middle School entrance door for fun.
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Was on a factory tour in Atlanta, walking around in a nice suit, had some stomach issues for some reasons, had gas, decided to fart.... Turns out it wasn't a fart.... little bit of something else came out... had to walk around all day with that in my pants, until the evening when all my meetings were over... Fucking jumped in the shower!
It sucked! And I tried to keep my distance from everybody!
Yuck. ;D.
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While a first year in college I passed out on the toilet. The guys decided to do the nice thing, and pull my pants up and throw me in my bed. The assholes seemed to take great delight in telling everyone that I didn`t even dump in the toilet. Little did they know I woke up the next morning, with a big wet beer dump in my pants covering my ass to the back of my knees. Fucking disgusting, worst part was my friends decided to come out to res for a visit un annouced, so not only did I have the worst hangover of my life, I had to worry about my room stinking of shit. Sadly at the time I had no idea that rum made you smell bad, I thought it was shit.
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While a first year in college I passed out on the toilet. The guys decided to do the nice thing, and pull my pants up and throw me in my bed. The assholes seemed to take great delight in telling everyone that I didn`t even dump in the toilet. Little did they know I woke up the next morning, with a big wet beer dump in my pants covering my ass to the back of my knees. Fucking disgusting, worst part was my friends decided to come out to res for a visit un annouced, so not only did I have the worst hangover of my life, I had to worry about my room stinking of shit. Sadly at the time I had no idea that rum made you smell bad, I thought it was shit.
Dear god. ;D.
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"Shitting your pants" at 4 pages. Wow.
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Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
I'm laughing so hard here!!
Not really shitting my pants story... but one time I was so sick I ran to the bathroom... and in one quick motion I pulled my pants down and shit started flying out before my ass hit the toilet seat... but at the same time I also had to grab a trash can and was puking in it!! AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, shit is flying out of my ass and I'm throwing up in a trash can!
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Some years back on spring break, my buddy did a thing on MTV where he had to take a bunch of shots of habenero juice. He won when the challenger threw up. He immediately went to the bathroom and shit in the urinal trof. When we were going back to the hotel, he got off the bus and shit in the bushes. I had to give him my shirt to wipe with.
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This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.
Oh, grandpa.
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Ok another foul story... Back in college... I was in a long distance relationship... flew to visit my lady in a different state... on the plane I got the sensation that I needed to take a HUGE dump, I normally hate using the bathroom on the plane, but I knew there'd be some good loving action when I arrived ;) So I figured its best to drop the waste in flight... anyways I end up taking the BIGGEST SHIT in that airplane bathroom (Hell, I'm surprised the plane didn't go down!), I knew everyone near the bathroom could smell it cause they all gave me some dirty looks when I came out... but fuck em... I was relieved, I clean up and go back to my seat!
Anyways, I arrive and my girl picks me up, we go to my hotel room, and in a matter of minutes I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my pants down and she is on the floor giving me head. Later on.. the deed is done, she goes to the bathroom to clean up, I stand up because I gotta clean up my own mess, and to my surprise I see ALL THE SHIT smeared all over the bed sheets RIGHT where I was sitting... I'm talking it was REALLY NASTY! I guess I didn't clean my ass up as well as I thought I did on the plane! So quickly, before she comes out of the bathroom, I just cover the area up with a blanket and tell her lets go get some food!
That night I removed the sheets off the bed left them outside for housekeeping and slept right on the mattress! ;D
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LOL!!!! I guess we all have dump stories.
The best is when you take a nasty dump that is all messy and you run for the shower and your GF asks you why you run for a shower and you blame it on sweat , or something else. Lol.
Ok another foul story... Back in college... I was in a long distance relationship... flew to visit my lady in a different state... on the plane I got the sensation that I needed to take a HUGE dump, I normally hate using the bathroom on the plane, but I knew there'd be some good loving action when I arrived ;) So I figured its best to drop the waste in flight... anyways I end up taking the BIGGEST SHIT in that airplane bathroom (Hell, I'm surprised the plane didn't go down!), I knew everyone near the bathroom could smell it cause they all gave me some dirty looks when I came out... but fuck em... I was relieved, I clean up and go back to my seat!
Anyways, I arrive and my girl picks me up, we go to my hotel room, and in a matter of minutes I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my pants down and she is on the floor giving me head. Later on.. the deed is done, she goes to the bathroom to clean up, I stand up because I gotta clean up my own mess, and to my surprise I see ALL THE SHIT smeared all over the bed sheets RIGHT where I was sitting... I'm talking it was REALLY NASTY! I guess I didn't clean my ass up as well as I thought I did on the plane! So quickly, before she comes out of the bathroom, I just cover the area up with a blanket and tell her lets go get some food!
That night I removed the sheets off the bed left them outside for housekeeping and slept right on the mattress! ;D
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lots of shit happened in this thread
;D
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lots of shit happened in this thread
;D
Keep a TSHTF bag in my car and one of the most important items is a full roll of toilet paper. MY GF busts my balls over it but when SHIT hits the fan, toilet paper beats leaves any day.
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This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.
dont know why but out of all these crappy stories this made me laugh the loudest, I'm a sick one
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This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.
Maybe "shit on daughter's floor" was on his bucket list...
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I was at a bar with a mate of mine at peak time.... real busy, literally couldn't move, everyone shoulder to shoulder. My mate does the most horrendous fart ever.... followed through and shit himself as well.
All of a sudden there was a huge circle gap around us. A couple of metres daylight either side of us somehow in this bar that was bursting at the seams with people. No one dared enter the stink zone!
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When I was 16 I dropped a turd on the doorstep of Scarsdale Middle School entrance door for fun.
Not too much fun for whoever had to clean that shit up. Hopefully, you have more mature behavior these days.
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This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.
I am a grandpa. If I ever do such a thing, someone should shoot me! ;D
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Keep a TSHTF bag in my car and one of the most important items is a full roll of toilet paper. MY GF busts my balls over it but when SHIT hits the fan, toilet paper beats leaves any day.
Good advice!
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When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora. I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.
Ha Ha ha ;D
iv'e told this fart story but i'll tell it again. the gym i used to train at had big ass floor mounted fans in the summer to keep it cool, and i had some nasty, smelly farts one day.
so there are two guys training doing bench presses directly down wind from the fan, about 25 feet away. one guy was spotting his friend, and he was kinda standing over him on the platform.
So the thought occurs to me, and i let out a level 6 paint melter right in front of the fan...and about 10 seconds later the one guy jumps up and says 'dude!! what the fuck man...you busted ass right in my face!!!" I was leaning against the wall laughing my ass off ;D
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Ha Ha ha ;D
iv'e told this fart story but i'll tell it again. the gym i used to train at had big ass floor mounted fans in the summer to keep it cool, and i had some nasty, smelly farts one day.
so there are two guys training doing bench presses directly down wind from the fan, about 25 feet away. one guy was spotting his friend, and he was kinda standing over him on the platform.
So the thought occurs to me, and i let out a level 6 paint melter right in front of the fan...and about 10 seconds later the one guy jumps up and says 'dude!! what the fuck man...you busted ass right in my face!!!" I was leaning against the wall laughing my ass off ;D
It's very telling what some folks think is funny.
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Who has NOT?
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It's very telling what some folks think is funny.
It was probably almost 20 years ago, but I still think it was funny
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well when posted to Germany in the Army i was in a 3 man room.. one of the Guys used to drink like a fish and i mean every night hardcore Asbach Brandy and coke. It was always the same he came in went to bed in his jeans and pissed himself. One Saturday afternoon he came back from the Bar and lay on top of his Bed...a couple of Guys came in who were drinking with him and one dropped his trousers and stuck his bare arse over the Guy on the beds face.. He farted and lumps of wet shit came out..the guy on the bed luckily opened his eyes in time and moved. His bed was a shitty mess. Another story about this guy was one time he came back pissed as normal and as i walked in he just squated next to his bed and shit on the floor. We just got a new guy in from "Junior leaders" ( they are boy soldiers 16-18 ). The new "Sprog" just looked shocked and white in the face. I said to him "go take a walk".. I got our room mate with another Guy and cleaned him up. True storys Guys..i swear.
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Good advice!
Yes, and she thanked me a ton once when we went to a Jets game and the porter potty had no toilet paper in it. Keeping roll of toilet paper in the car is essential.
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Army Story - German Bundeswehr Panzer grenadier Battalion.
Our Zug (Plattoon) was the lucky once we were outside everyday - after a while you get used to spend most of your time outside, as Panzer grenadiers are we were supported by APC's *Marders - The drivers have Overalls on, our driver gets out and wants to take a dump he has to go real bad but we are in a simulated war time situation and the Oberfeldwebel doesn't want us to look bad so he hollers at the driver who has already his trousers half way done to HURRY THE FUCK UP!!! THERES AN INCOMING ENEMY STRIKE!!! - weird thing is when you fully embrace the whole army thing you also fully embrace any made up situation, so the guy frantically tries to shit behind a small bush, didn't even wipe just rushes back and gets back in his driver seat.
After a short drive somebody starts complaining that the APC stinks of shit.
Turns out the guy didn't have enough time to check his shit (as you would do) but he crapped in his pants while squatting down :D - imagine our horror when HQ called in a Chemical attack which means we were supposeted to seal the tank shut!!!!
The stench was unbearable and everybody used their gas masks :D
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The GetBig Monthly Thread Of Shit!! LOL :D
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Shit Happens!
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walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.
He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.
Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you
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aww shit
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Tad is awesome.
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Tad is awesome.
Wanna bet the dates name was Rico?
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You killed the thread, bro. That is some disgusting shit. Did pedro coderch write that? One must fight to the death. Fight to the death. Gross.
i posted on wrong thread, ill delete it
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Definitely killed the thread!
PS. Makes me never want to do anything bad in my life that could result in me going to prison!
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this is what i wanted to post
Enlarge
Common chimpanzee in the Leipzig Zoo. Image credit: Thomas Lersch, via Wikipedia.
(PhysOrg.com) -- A lot of people who have gone to the zoo have become the targets of feces thrown by apes or monkeys, and left no doubt wondering about the so-called intellectual capacity of a beast that would resort to such foul play. Now however, researchers studying such behavior have come to the conclusion that throwing feces, or any object really, is actually a sign of high ordered behavior. Bill Hopkins of Emory University and his colleagues have been studying the whole process behind throwing and the impact it has on brain development, and have published their results in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B.
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Hopkins and his team have focused their research on chimpanzees, mainly due they say, to the fact that chimps are our closet living relative and that they are the only other species besides humans that regularly throw things with a clear target in mind. He and his team have been watching chimps in action for several years and comparing their actions with scans of their brains to see if there were any correlations between those chimps that threw a lot, and those that didn’t or whether they’re accuracy held any deeper meaning. Surprisingly, they found that chimps that both threw more and were more likely to hit their targets showed heightened development in the motor cortex, and more connections between it and the Broca’s area, which they say is an important part of speech in humans. The better chimp throwers, in other words, had more highly developed left brain hemispheres, which is also, non-coincidently, where speech processing occurs in people.
Such findings led the term to suggest that the ability to throw is, or was, a precursor to speech development in human beings.
After making their discovery regarding the parts of the brain that appear to be involved in better throwing in chimps, the team tested the chimps and found that those that could throw better also appeared to be better communicators within their group, giving credence to their idea that speech and throwing are related. Interestingly, they also found that the better throwing chimps didn’t appear to posses any more physical prowess than other chimps, which the researchers suggest means that throwing didn’t develop as a means of hunting, but as a form of communication within groups, i.e. throwing stuff at someone else became a form of self expression, which is clearly evident to anyone who has ever been targeted by a chimp locked up in a zoo.
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sorry about those threads guys, my buddys are here and they are messing with my computer. i didnt log out and i hope they didnt post nothing to nasty :-[
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one of them is bordenline insane, hes on all sorts of drugs to help his bi-polar disorder. im trying to get him out of my house but hes in my kitchen near my steak knives ???
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i finally got rid of them, i had to give him 2 of my xanax or he wouldnt leave. hes on my lawn screaming some crazy shit as im typing. im wondering if i should call the police or what?
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Gotta keep this shit going...
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i finally got rid of them, i had to give him 2 of my xanax or he wouldnt leave. hes on my lawn screaming some crazy shit as im typing. im wondering if i should call the police or what?
I'm thinking you might want to improve your quality of friends.
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this thread made me go take a shit lol and as i was chaos came to mind as the first big logg came out of my ass ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Fucking hilarious stories. Laughing my ass off
ditto
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walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.
He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.
Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you
LOL
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Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"! ;D
HAHAHAHAHA
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Being and "old guy" I have my share of shit stories. Let's just say it is never a pleasant experience. At least at my age, I have no qualms about using someone's or a public toilet. I would never try to hold it like some of you did in the stories you've told. I pretty much go to the toilet even when I feel a fart coming on....don't want to take a chance of having an "accident."
Two things to consider: wet wipes and black underwear.
LOL
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I've shit myself as a kid, but I've learned to load up on the fiber the day before I'm going somewhere important so I shit everything out the next morning. For emergencies, as soon as your stomach feels iffy pop a Imodium in the morning so you'll be good for the rest of the day. Also, take probiotics everyday LOL.
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I was at a new girlfriends house for dinner many years ago. Her whole family were all sitting round the table and their dog Rover was under the table.
Suddenly I had to let out a silent but deadly fart. The place was stunk out but much to my relief her dad looked under the table and said..."Rover, get away to your basket". Great, I thought. They think it's the dog that farted.
I let out another one and again the dad shouted "Rover, I told you to get out of here".
A few minutes later I let our another.
This time the dad looked under the table and said "Rover, for fuck sake get out of here before that bastard does a shite on you"
;D ;D ;D
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I was at a new girlfriends house for dinner many years ago. Her whole family were all sitting round the table and their dog Rover was under the table.
Suddenly I had to let out a silent but deadly fart. The place was stunk out but much to my relief her dad looked under the table and said..."Rover, get away to your basket". Great, I thought. They think it's the dog that farted.
I let out another one and again the dad shouted "Rover, I told you to get out of here".
A few minutes later I let our another.
This time the dad looked under the table and said "Rover, for fuck sake get out of here before that bastard does a shite on you"
;D ;D ;D
Very Good!
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lol'ing at this thread
one time after spending the night with some hoe and drinking tons and tons of grapejuice and not much solid foods i went to go fart and shit came out on the carpet in the bathroom (it was a trailer but a nice one hah) then took a huge watery shit in the toilet. then i spent some time in the bathroom furiously trying to get the shit stain out of the carpet. When i got out she was wondering what the fuck i was doing in there so long. then she saw all the wet spots on the floor, i just simply told her the toilet overflowed ;D
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get big is like a catholic confessional. Nothing is off limits or. Kept secret.
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get big is like a catholic confessional. Nothing is off limits or. Kept secret.
It is still a secret as long as no one really knows who I am.
I said, "forgive me father for I have sinned."
Father said, "bless you son. Say 5 hail Mary's."
Since I am not his son, I figure he really doesn't know me. Plus, I didn't go to my usual parish church to confess. So there!
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ahahahahahahahaah this thread is awsome!
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We were on a remodeling job one day and had no water or toilets available so I took a nasty hangover shit in a 5 gal bucket in the back of the box van and left it there. This was around 7am, well, it got hot that day probably into the 90`s and well over 120 in the truck.
Around 2:30 we start wrapping up for the day, that bucket had fermented and I swear the stench had penetrated the steel body of the the truck, damn it was brutal. I think people were actually crying having to ride in that biohazard. As soon as we turned the corner leaving the job the bucket was thrown into the woods but the damage was done.
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It's very telling what some folks think is funny.
Adam Sandler isn't a millionaire hundreds of times over because he's making "Gone with the wind" type movies
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walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.
He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.
Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you
And to think, all he really had to say is my girlfriend had a really bad upset stomach. Instead he really threw her under the bus.lol
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this is what i wanted to post
Enlarge
Common chimpanzee in the Leipzig Zoo. Image credit: Thomas Lersch, via Wikipedia.
(PhysOrg.com) -- A lot of people who have gone to the zoo have become the targets of feces thrown by apes or monkeys, and left no doubt wondering about the so-called intellectual capacity of a beast that would resort to such foul play. Now however, researchers studying such behavior have come to the conclusion that throwing feces, or any object really, is actually a sign of high ordered behavior. Bill Hopkins of Emory University and his colleagues have been studying the whole process behind throwing and the impact it has on brain development, and have published their results in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B.
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Shawn Johnson Video - How did Shawn Johnson Become An Olympian? See Her Story on Video! - www.Facebook.com/BountyTowels
Hopkins and his team have focused their research on chimpanzees, mainly due they say, to the fact that chimps are our closet living relative and that they are the only other species besides humans that regularly throw things with a clear target in mind. He and his team have been watching chimps in action for several years and comparing their actions with scans of their brains to see if there were any correlations between those chimps that threw a lot, and those that didn’t or whether they’re accuracy held any deeper meaning. Surprisingly, they found that chimps that both threw more and were more likely to hit their targets showed heightened development in the motor cortex, and more connections between it and the Broca’s area, which they say is an important part of speech in humans. The better chimp throwers, in other words, had more highly developed left brain hemispheres, which is also, non-coincidently, where speech processing occurs in people.
Such findings led the term to suggest that the ability to throw is, or was, a precursor to speech development in human beings.
After making their discovery regarding the parts of the brain that appear to be involved in better throwing in chimps, the team tested the chimps and found that those that could throw better also appeared to be better communicators within their group, giving credence to their idea that speech and throwing are related. Interestingly, they also found that the better throwing chimps didn’t appear to posses any more physical prowess than other chimps, which the researchers suggest means that throwing didn’t develop as a means of hunting, but as a form of communication within groups, i.e. throwing stuff at someone else became a form of self expression, which is clearly evident to anyone who has ever been targeted by a chimp locked up in a zoo.
George Bush had a shoe thrown at him for what I believe ties into this theory
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Adam Sandler isn't a millionaire hundreds of times over because he's making "Gone with the wind" type movies
Believe it or not, some folks don't find Adam Sandler funny.
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Believe it or not, some folks don't find Adam Sandler funny.
True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.
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True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.
I don't know if Happy Gilmore is funny or not since I haven't seen the movie yet. Anyway, I'm still good because I haven't yet reached a dozen suicide contemplations.
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Ok, my friend Roy, big time Stoner, big fat belly on him, goes to his girls house for the 2nd time after their 1st date.
His girl was going to a wedding, she was there all done up in a dress, with all the brides maids over, partying...
He decides its time to go, he drives away. On the highway, he realizes he has to blast (his term for crapping), pulls over on the highway, cant wait.
There he is, in the woods, squatting, getting ready to do his thing... The whole party of girls drive down the same highway, see his car in the breakdown lane, and pull over.
They think he's messed up, because they dont find him near the car. (He only went like 15 feet into the woods). All of a sudden, in mid-blast, he hears Jean calling his name?
He can see them coming toward him (sort of) a bunch of girls in nice dresses, calling to him, worried, etc..
He ducks down a bit more behind the tree, does his thing, wipes his cheeks with his underwear, then pops up and goes over to them like he was just taking a leak.
(Of course he tells the whole real story in from of her now, 20+ years later and married).
The way he tells it is classic of course, funny stuff...
Now 20 years later, he recently had esophagus cancer. Not a fun time, he just made it. They removed most of his esophagus, pulled his stomach up and sewed it into his throat.
His stomach sits right between his pecs these days, so he can only eat like 2 chicken wings,a nd he's full. (Still got the big stomach though, I don't get it)?? Maybe all the beer and booze.
So, he comes home from his surgery, sits on the bowl, blasts away (his term). Realizes he cant bend to reach his ass-neck.
He was just about to call Jean in to do the dirty work, but instead, he grabbed the toilet brush sitting near the bowl. He wrapped it up with lots of TP, then wedged it between his cheeks a few times til all was clear..
He's doing great these days, but his stories are F'in great at parties... 8)
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True. But anyone who doesn't think Happy Gilmore was funny, probably has contemplated suicide more than a dozen times in their lifetime. The same type of people who walked out of the movie theatre during the original Animal House.
happy gilmore was awesome, i think it was sandlers best movie
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Happy Gilmour is a classic. I watched that on VHS when it was out. Hilarious movie, almost every scene. Gotta love Shooter! Plus he looks so much like Bob chick and both are pricks...
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Anybody? Any funny stories?
My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the restaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.
what can you do SHIT HAPPENS>