Author Topic: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories... (Read 24357 times)

D-Ware · « **on:** June 06, 2012, 06:58:30 PM »

Anybody? Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the restaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.

Mr. Magoo · « **Reply #1 on:** June 06, 2012, 07:00:13 PM »

best thread ever

Radical Plato · « **Reply #2 on:** June 06, 2012, 07:00:46 PM »

That's a pretty Crappy experience!

makaveli25 · « **Reply #3 on:** June 06, 2012, 07:43:22 PM »

Ha ha amazing story.

I was at Wal Mart on Christmas Eve getting my mom and dad last minute gift for Christmas. I had to shit so bad, but I thought I could hold it. I got out to the parking lot and completely forgot where I parked

This is a huge Wal Mart parking lot it was completely packed you could barely find a spot. Well I squeezed my ass cheeks together as hard as I could and walked up and down a few rows. I had to go so bad I thought about squatting behind someones car and just letting it rip. Finally I found my car. I was almost in tears the whole way home. I was yelling and screaming to myself "you can make it" "you can make it" Finally got home sprinted up the stairs right before I hit the toilet a half a turd slipped out into my boxers. Thank god I was at home. What a mess.

makaveli25 · « **Reply #4 on:** June 06, 2012, 07:50:17 PM »

Quote from: syntaxmachine on June 06, 2012, 07:45:24 PM

I hear Wal Mart's have so-called "bathrooms" in them these days. You'll have to investigate what these strange rooms hold.

Once I got outside into the parking lot I didn't want to go back in. I didn't think I would make it all the way to the bathroom. Plus I had a cart full of gifts. I didn't want to just leave it somewhere.

flipper5470 · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2012, 08:03:57 PM »

Walmart lets people sleep overnight in their lots...you know people are shitting out there at some point. You could have just dumped out there by the carts and claimed you thought it was OK becaus e people do it at night

Soul Crusher · « **Reply #6 on:** June 06, 2012, 08:05:31 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 06, 2012, 06:58:30 PM

Anybody? Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.

HTexan · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2012, 08:22:35 PM »

Quote from: flipper5470 on June 06, 2012, 08:03:57 PM

Walmart lets people sleep overnight in their lots...you know people are shitting out there at some point. You could have just dumped out there by the carts and claimed you thought it was OK becaus e people do it at night

no they dont. The have signs and everything. The reason people get away with it is that the store is 24 hours so it is hard to monitor.
i slept in a car at walmart once. Doing a road trip one summer years back. we didnt make it to the next hotel we book, and the place we where at had no vacancy for 70 miles in each direction.

kh300 · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2012, 08:23:14 PM »

The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.

To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.

The Abdominal Snoman · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2012, 09:11:42 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 06, 2012, 06:58:30 PM

Anybody? Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.

lol

flipper5470 · « **Reply #10 on:** June 06, 2012, 09:18:30 PM »

Quote from: HTexan on June 06, 2012, 08:22:35 PM

no they dont. The have signs and everything. The reason people get away with it is that the store is 24 hours so it is hard to monitor.
i slept in a car at walmart once. Doing a road trip one summer years back. we didnt make it to the next hotel we book, and the place we where at had no vacancy for 70 miles in each direction.

Really? Here in MI and down in OH and KY...I've seen people setting up RV's and semi's at Wally world. Maybe it's a regional thing...

ritch · « **Reply #11 on:** June 06, 2012, 09:59:32 PM »

Quote from: kh300 on June 06, 2012, 08:23:14 PM

The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.

To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.

Funny shit!

lovemonkey · « **Reply #12 on:** June 06, 2012, 10:06:57 PM »

I had the flu some months ago and while standing in the kitchen I decided to let out a fart. Turns out to be a cascade of shit. There was a trail of shit form kitchen to the bathroom.. and I ruined my favorite pair of shorts. That was the first time in 12 years that I shat myself.

calfzilla · « **Reply #13 on:** June 07, 2012, 12:48:01 AM »

Quote from: flipper5470 on June 06, 2012, 09:18:30 PM

Really? Here in MI and down in OH and KY...I've seen people setting up RV's and semi's at Wally world. Maybe it's a regional thing...

You are allowed to stay overnight one night and you are supposed to ask permission

wes · « **Reply #14 on:** June 07, 2012, 01:53:18 AM »

This weeks dreaded "THREAD OF SHIT" !!!

Stark · « **Reply #15 on:** June 07, 2012, 02:16:28 AM »

Quote from: lovemonkey on June 06, 2012, 10:06:57 PM

I had the flu some months ago and while standing in the kitchen I decided to let out a fart. Turns out to be a cascade of shit. There was a trail of shit form kitchen to the bathroom.. and I ruined my favorite pair of shorts. That was the first time in 12 years that I shat myself.

Wash the shorts, you cannot tell me they are completely ruined

wes · « **Reply #16 on:** June 07, 2012, 02:29:54 AM »

Quote from: kh300 on June 06, 2012, 08:23:14 PM

The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.

To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.

Nothing worse than spotted drawers!! LOL

Stark · « **Reply #17 on:** June 07, 2012, 02:50:02 AM »

Quote from: kh300 on June 06, 2012, 08:23:14 PM

The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted.
I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers…..they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts.

To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off.

haha great story you can always see when somebody is telling the truth... good for you

- I assume you guys are still together?

Kim Jong Bob · « **Reply #18 on:** June 07, 2012, 03:09:47 AM »

My friend fucked a one night stand so hard that she lay a dump in the bed 5seconds after they where finished. She turned red asked him to get of the bed, took the drawers put them in a plastic bag and went home. God damnit that must have been embarassing for her. We live in a small town so everyone heard it lol

mr.turbo · « **Reply #19 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:15:21 AM »

shit happens

RJ DRIVER · « **Reply #20 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:19:18 AM »

Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"!

_bruce_ · « **Reply #21 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:28:51 AM »

Hahahaha - beautiful tales of the bowel.

Donny · « **Reply #22 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:30:29 AM »

Quote from: RJ DRIVER on June 07, 2012, 04:19:18 AM

Yep, senior year of highschool at a big party. My stomach was cramping soo bad and all the bathrooms at this house had hot chicks standing around them. I didn't want to drop my "nuke" there because I knew the radiation would spread through the entire house. I only lived 5 miles away so decided to dip out for a few to relieve myself. The whole way home my ass cheeks were clenched I was chanting " you can make it you can make it". I pull into my drive way and step on the break. As soon as my foot was on the break I felt like if I relaxed any muscle in my body then the shit would come flying out. So I sat in the driveway for a minute or two with my food jammed in the break and every muscle in my body flexing. When I finnaly eased my foot off that break, the nastiest diarrhea shit of my life flooded my pants and oozed out onto the driver seat. Walking into my house my dad was standing in the kitchen and he asked me why I was home so early. I shamefully looked at the ground and said " I shit my pants". He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and said " oh I did that last week at Krogers"!

Ilove it..."you can make it...you can make it !"..

hench · « **Reply #23 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:34:46 AM »

Some fella at my work tried to hold on too long, he made it to the toilet but crapped in his pants before he got to the stool. Came out the bottom of his trousers all over the floor. Cleaner had fun mopping that up, scary thing was the offender was back working in the warehouse 2 mins later, no time to change bottoms or anything. He must have felt like shit all day.

Bevo · « **Reply #24 on:** June 07, 2012, 04:51:28 AM »

Was driving home from a long session of training legs and it hit me my stomach was cramping bad, had to go, but held it in and drove faster to get home. Got pulled over by a cop for speeding... Couldn't hold it any longer so crapped all over my pants and sitting there sweating and shit all over my ass and felt it on the seat as well. Cop comes over and the usual license and registration, I hand it over and at this time I know he can smell the stench... Asked what's the hurry. Straight out told him I needed to go to the bathroom, he kind of smirks guessing he definitely could smell something funky. After about ten minutes comes back and luckily he let's me off with a warning and saids "you better clean your seat," smiled and left. Felt so embarrassed as I was sweating still and with me going to the gym combined with fecal smell, sweat and hot summer u can imagine.... Lol, car smelled like shit for over a week.. True story