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Getbig Main Boards => General Topics => Topic started by: BikiniSlut on December 03, 2013, 12:28:09 AM
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Believe me....I know the question is very general.
I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.
I also know I can only control myself.
But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.
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Believe me....I know the question is very general.
I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.
I also know I can only control myself.
But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.
Have you seen the movie "Flight" its about this.
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Have you seen the movie "Flight" its about this.
No...do you think it will help?
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There are organizations that are comprised of family and friends of substance abusers.
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No...do you think it will help?
Watch it, its about being a alcoholic and alcoholism. I think you find something good in it.
download it off piratebay. Its not about airplanes and flying upside down, that was used to sell tickets, its about a alcoholic.
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Believe me....I know the question is very general.
I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.
I also know I can only control myself.
But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.
Funny that - cause I just sent the following Skype to a guy I cut in on my business 2 and a half years ago...
[03:23:15] Me: I'd like a meeting 8am tomorrow morning, Starbucks at Big C Ekkamai.
[03:23:51] ????: OK!
[03:25:09] Me: I would appreciate it if you could not drink before this meeting
[03:26:25] Me: To give you a heads up - I dont think this is going to work out any more. I think your drinking has gotten to the point where you cant function at the capacity needed to perform the role as a CTO
[03:26:38] Me: So the meeting will be to discuss an exit strategy for you
[03:27:16] Me: So I have my ideas of how that would work and I suggest you bring your own ideas to the table too
[03:27:33] Me: but if I get one whiff of booze at the meeting, I'm out of there and you can take or leave the offer I bring
The only reason is for an 8am meet is 'cause then there's a chance he wont drink ahead of time.
I am fucking sick of chasing around after his drunk ass. Doing his job when he's too 'fuzzy' to perform and dealing with him on the phone when he's pissed.
So how to help an alcoholic? Fuck 'em - they don't want help. For some reason they think they are getting away with it. Thinking no-one actually notices the fact they stink of booze or can't add 2+2 half the time.
This thing about them hitting rock bottom - I think that's what it takes to be honest. So fuck supporting them - just let them on their way down
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I went to my first al anon meeting last Thursday.
Pedro....I see what you are saying but I am completely emotionally invested in this person. It's not as easy as saying "fuck it". I've shed a lot of tears the last few days.
However I do realize that I have to let go and will do that. It's just so damn hard.
I have this fantasy in my mind that he will go into recovery all of a sudden and come out and we can work through this together. I know it's not even close to realistic.
I want to understand it better so I can try and figure out what he is thinking. It's probably futile but being a scientist I have this need to "research" things.
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You can't figure out what he is thinking because he is not thinking.
He is physically addicted to alcohol.
That means the addiction is driving him, it's not really him any more.
It's fucked up but does he even admit to having a problem?
I know how my meet tomorrow will go. He'll promise to change ya de ya de ya - but you know what - that's just the addict trying to prolong a 'normal' life of addiction. Reality is every word from his mouth will be to placate me. He doesn't want to stop.
And really - what can you do with an addict? Am I supposed to go round to his place every lunchtime to check he's not been on the sauce? Is that a productive way to run a business? Or any relationship for that matter?
Time comes when you have to throw in the towel & leave them to it.
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I am an alcoholic. Haven't had a drink in eight years. It is a horrible problem that takes over your entire life and everyone around you included. You can support and encourage but you can't fix. The person has to first admit it and then realize there is no other way out. I am here if you need to bounce anything off. Ken
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Yes Pedro.
I just want to make sure I have exhausted all possible ways to help him before I give up completely.
I've already separated myself from him....I just want to see if there is anything else I can do.
He's a binge drinker....he has an emotional addiction.
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i dont think you can help ppl who refuse to help themselves
all they gotta do is lay off the booze really
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I am an alcoholic. Haven't had a drink in eight years. It is a horrible problem that takes over your entire life and everyone around you included. You can support and encourage but you can't fix. The person has to first admit it and then realize there is no other way out. I am here if you need to bounce anything off. Ken
Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear that Ken. :'( I'm so proud of you for staying clean.
And thank you for sharing something so personal. We may be hidden behind these online personas but it is very personal nonetheless.
You ARE loved. :)
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Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear that Ken. :'( I'm so proud of you for staying clean.
And thank you for sharing something so personal. We may be hidden behind these online personas but it is very personal nonetheless.
You ARE loved. :)
Thank you.....I made it through. Here to help.
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i dont think you can help ppl who refuse to help themselves
all they gotta do is lay off the booze really
Do you really think "it is just that easy". ::)
You are right though Halo...I can't help him if he refuses to help himself.
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Do you really think "it is just that easy". ::)
You are right though Halo...I can't help him if he refuses to help himself.
i dont think it will be easy
but it does boil down to that simple thing
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hope this helps
http://www.openbible.info/topics/alcohol_abuse
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hope this helps
http://www.openbible.info/topics/alcohol_abuse
Thank you Halo. I'm not sure if it will but I will definitely take a look at it.
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Thank you Halo. I'm not sure if it will but I will definitely take a look at it.
if he's a Christian he can not ignore this avalanche of alcohol discouragement
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if he's a Christian he can not ignore this avalanche of alcohol discouragement
The funny thing he is. Quite devout as well.
Although I wonder if he would think I was trying to "guilt" him into quitting.
I don't think he would....I just want to approach the situation cautiously because I don't want to push him to drink more.
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The funny thing he is. Quite devout as well.
Although I wonder if he would think I was trying to "guilt" him into quitting.
I don't think he would....I just want to approach the situation cautiously because I don't want to push him to drink more.
just smack him around with bible verses
your best bet
or get him to a priest who will do this
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Yes Pedro.
I just want to make sure I have exhausted all possible ways to help him before I give up completely.
I've already separated myself from him....I just want to see if there is anything else I can do.
He's a binge drinker....he has an emotional addiction.
You can help when he genuinely asks for help. Not when he asks for help just to get you off his back.
Until that time, there's not much you can do.
My business partner was doing a crappy teaching job out here earning a pittance. He did a lot of great stuff for me and we got him out of that job and onto a profit share paying 10x the money.
And you know what - when he had to pitch up at a school each day, he'd do so sober. When he had the freedom of working from home, he would wake up, have a coffee, then start on the booze.
So to me it was a huge opportunity to make a lot of money. To him it was a huge opportunity to spend more time pished.
And you know what - he genuinely thinks that people don't know he's drunk and he also thinks he can do his job just as well drunk.
Nothing you can do until they know they have an issue.
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Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
Get on with your life.
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Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
Get on with your life.
I have to agree with this quote.
you cant be invested in someone if there a bad investment, you have a good heart, but a fuck up is a fuck up.
I have had friends with drug issues, they promise you they will stop blah blah same thing, I cut them off, I have my own life to consider, fuck babysitting 25-40 yr old.
I have a gambling addict aunty, came to my house crying for money to help fund her daughters wedding. Mother fuck her daughter and her wedding. If you cant afford a wedding then do it cheaply, these young girls think there kim kardashians and im OK magazine thinking im funding a $6000 photographer.
Bikini, don't surround yourself with this negative shit, I saw your thread on the prayer request, just pray, offer help, the rest is up to the addict. Truth is where all wired differently, he finds peace in a bottle. Find positives, his not a heroin addict.
anyway you cannot help him, he has to look at his life.
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Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
Get on with your life.
Right here....this is it and I know it. :'(
My heart has no logic unfortunately....thank god my head does.
WEZ......can I ask your opinion on this with you being a former alcoholic?
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Right here....this is it and I know it. :'(
My heart has no logic unfortunately....thank god my head does.
WEZ......can I ask your opinion on this with you being a former alcoholic?
brutal :D
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Right here....this is it and I know it. :'(
My heart has no logic unfortunately....thank god my head does.
WEZ......can I ask your opinion on this with you being a former alcoholic?
I do understand this thinking as I have had problems with drug addicts and alcoholism in my family and friends. You can be supportive with out full on enabling. You can love them but not feed into the bullshit. If this is someone you truly love then it is very difficult to say " fuck them" Everyone has a breaking point and in the end you must take care of yourself first. I come from a long line of very good drinkers. I am the only one who is still alive. I broke the chain and now have to hope my children aren't next. Two out of the three already drink too much. You must find the real reason that he drinks this much. Nobody drinks to outrageous excess for no reason. With drink comes depression. No one can tell you not to fight but be careful to not be drug down into the abyss. It's an endless drop. I believed I could not live without whiskey. I didn't think I could survive an entire day sober. My eldest daughter came over my house 8 years ago ( she was 28 at the time ) and said " Dad haven't you had enough?" I had. Ken
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It's been said before, but all you can do is support them. But do not enable them. It is a very very fine line. I am also going through this with someone I love more than anythiing and she refuses to get help. It is heartbreaking. You just want to take their pain onto yourself, but sadly you cannot. Just tell the person you will help in any way that does not involve getting them more alcohol. It will be near impossible to do when they start begging you or saying horrible things to you like you don't care about them Remember it is the drug talking not them. I feel your pain dude.
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GABA will help suppressing the need to drink.
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Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
Get on with your life.
^^^^^^
QFT!!!
All you can do is move on. They will not change until they are ready to, ...and they may not ever be.
You owe it to yourself to move forward, and not allow this person to bring you down. If this is a business relationship, all the more reason to walk away. Drinking means more to them than anything else and they will drop the ball at the worst possible moments. You need a partner that will pull their own weight, not someone whose screwups you constantly have to fix. Usually they won't change until they've hit rock bottom. If they want to dive head first over the edge of a cliff, ...decline the invitation to join them. Remember, they have to want sobriety more for themselves, than you or anyone else wants it for them. Good Luck to you.
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Wez.....do you ever crave alcohol? Or have you really moved on from it.
I'm having a hard time letting go. The path we were heading down together was amazing. I AM letting go but really suffering inside. Lots of tears.
I do know what his pain is but I can't change it. I can help alleviate it but not change it.
I suppose a part of me was hoping to hear more success stories out of this thread.....but realistically I knew what to expect.
I've never dealt with an alcoholic before.....not at this level anyways. I've known lots but this is the first time I've become close with one.
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Wez.....do you ever crave alcohol? Or have you really moved on from it.
I'm having a hard time letting go. The path we were heading down together was amazing. I AM letting go but really suffering inside. Lots of tears.
I do know what his pain is but I can't change it. I can help alleviate it but not change it.
I suppose a part of me was hoping to hear more success stories out of this thread.....but realistically I knew what to expect.
I've never dealt with an alcoholic before.....not at this level anyways. I've known lots but this is the first time I've become close with one.
Yes I do on occasion. I can't hang around bars too long or I get antsy. I drink tonic water with lime when I go out to dinner ( my wife has a glass of wine) and it makes me feel like a part of things. A lot of drinking for me was the ritual. I liked having my Manhattan glass with the bitters and the cherry and the Crown Royal. It was a ritual. Now my ritual is loading pins ;D. My physique has benefitted enormously from the abstinence of liquor. So I focus on that. Luckily I never gave a shit what anyone else thinks when I go out so that is not a concern. Really high stress times can be a trigger but now I just go to the gym or have a lot of sex.
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Has anyone here ever known someone who gradually decreased their alcohol consumption? Until they quit?
I don't know if this is even possible.
Is it all or nothing with alcoholics? I have no clue. ???
With almost everything I do in life I have to gradually increase or decrease to succeed. That's how I function best.
I would think Wez that you could have one drink at dinner with your wife BUT after reading your posts it seems to me you simply can't.
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a normal person doesnt crave alcohol
an alcoholic does
that is the difference
alcoholism can be a genetic propensity
after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted
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a normal person doesnt crave alcohol
an alcoholic does
that is the difference
alcoholism can be a genetic propensity
after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted
Agreed. I could drink for days on end and then quit and not drink for years. I wouldn't even think about it.
I really believe there is a huge genetic component.
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Agreed. I could drink for days on end and then quit and not drink for years. I wouldn't even think about it.
I really believe there is a huge genetic component.
yes most likely
thing is also a non alcoholic feels repulsed by alcohol once he had too much
an alcoholic drinks faster and faster the more drunk he gets
at first it gives him pleasure, but as the disease progresses it makes him feel like shit but he cant stop
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yes most likely
thing is also a non alcoholic feels repulsed by alcohol once he had too much
an alcoholic drinks faster and faster the more drunk he gets
at first it gives him pleasure, but as the disease progresses it makes him feel like shit but he cant stop
Bikini what my man says here is true. When I drank I could never be filled. I would start at 16:00 at drink whiskey until about 23:00 and then have two heavy red beers to finish up. By the end I would start at lunch and had to sip the first drink threw a straw because I shook so bad I couldn't hold the glass steady. Most drunks are OCD. All or nothing types. I either can drink no alcohol or 25. There is no one or two. So tapering up or down was never an option for me. But my Brother can take it or leave it. Go figure.
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Bikini what my man says here is true. When I drank I could never be filled. I would start at 16:00 at drink whiskey until about 23:00 and then have two heavy red beers to finish up. By the end I would start at lunch and had to sip the first drink threw a straw because I shook so bad I couldn't hold the glass steady. Most drunks are OCD. All or nothing types. I either can drink no alcohol or 25. There is no one or two. So tapering up or down was never an option for me. But my Brother can take it or leave it. Go figure.
i have an uncle who is the same that's why i know about this shit
as it was explained to me by some doctors
his brothers dont have it
dude was near death a few times
but cant be stopped
sometimes i would see him in the local grocery shop checkout holding a crate of strong beer
:(
his life was a huge success and he was an accomplished man but the booze fucked everything up
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i have an uncle who is the same that's why i know about this shit
as it was explained to me by some doctors
his brothers dont have it
dude was near death a few times
but cant be stopped
sometimes i would see him in the local grocery shop checkout holding a crate of strong beer
:(
his life was a huge success and he was an accomplished man but the booze fucked everything up
I watched it kill my Grandfather and still drank anyway. Sorry to hear that Brother.
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I watched it kill my Grandfather and still drank anyway. Sorry to hear that Brother.
it cant be controlled unless by force
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a normal person doesnt crave alcohol
an alcoholic does
that is the difference
alcoholism can be a genetic propensity
after all everybody is exposed to alcohol but only some get addicted
This is a myth.
Alcohol is an addictive drug.
You don't hear of "heroinolics" do you? Of people that take heroin freely and of the addicts having a genetic flaw that makes them an addict.
Everyone has the propensity to become addicted to alcohol because it is an addictive drug.
AA will tell you it's genetic but this is simply something they made up. That it's genetic, that it's a disease. This is nonsense.
It does take time and effort to become addicted to alcohol but anyone can do it.
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This is a myth.
Alcohol is an addictive drug.
You don't hear of "heroinolics" do you? Of people that take heroin freely and of the addicts having a genetic flaw that makes them an addict.
Everyone has the propensity to become addicted to alcohol because it is an addictive drug.
AA will tell you it's genetic but this is simply something they made up. That it's genetic, that it's a disease. This is nonsense.
It does take time and effort to become addicted to alcohol but anyone can do it.
bullshit
everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted
addictive my foot
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bullshit
everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted
addictive my foot
yes, addictive to alcohol lol. I fucken hate alcohol.
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My alcoholic wants to see me. I can't do it. :'(
I sure want to though.
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bullshit
everybody drinks alcohol only few get addicted
addictive my foot
You are questioning the fact that alcohol is an addictive drug?
How about Heroin? Cocaine? Crack - none of these are addictive right?
Many people use coke and heroin without becoming addicts. This does not mean they could not get addicted if they worked at it.
Usually, it's psychological dependence that leads to chemical dependence. For instance, getting shitfaced because you are unhappy with your life, drinking a bottle of wine at home each night because you are lonely.
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You are questioning the fact that alcohol is an addictive drug?
How about Heroin? Cocaine? Crack - none of these are addictive right?
Many people use coke and heroin without becoming addicts. This does not mean they could not get addicted if they worked at it.
Usually, it's psychological dependence that leads to chemical dependence. For instance, getting shitfaced because you are unhappy with your life, drinking a bottle of wine at home each night because you are lonely.
intresting
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Believe me....I know the question is very general.
I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.
I also know I can only control myself.
But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.
Encourage then to attend AA meetings. Generally, people who are too close like family and loved ones can't help an alcoholic as much and a stranger in the same situation can. Of course there are always exceptions, but very often this is the case.
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Pedro....I'm sure anyone can become addicted to alcohol but there are definitely people that are much more easily susceptible to its addiction.
Some people do crack and are hooked their first time. Others are not.
However every single alcoholic I have ever known has had a close relative who is also an alcoholic, leading me to believe there is a strong genetic component.
This is the first alcoholic I have been close with. His father died of his drinking due to cirrhosis of the liver.
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Encourage then to attend AA meetings. Generally, people who are too close like family and loved ones can't help an alcoholic as much and a stranger in the same situation can. Of course there are always exceptions, but very often this is the case.
I know I shouldn't do this but I'm strongly considering giving him an ultimatum....go to AA or we will have to continue on with our journey at a distance. Which greatly changes things.
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I know I shouldn't do this but I'm strongly considering giving him an ultimatum....go to AA or we will have to continue on with our journey at a distance. Which greatly changes things.
I feel your pain. I sense it in the words. You have to come first. Sooner or later it will take you down too. If this is a lover ( and it sounds like it has to be) then you both have to be on the same page to survive. One drunk and one sober never works. The fact that alcohol is legal makes it acceptable to society. It seems like I know very few people who can drink with control anymore. It's insidious. If not AA maybe detox at least. Why is he so unhappy?
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If you want to waste your energy on a person who abuses alcohol go ahead but you are heading down a very painful road.
You seem like a nice enough person wanting to help and all. They may quit for a short time but the lies and deception will resurface eventually.
I went down this road with a woman I loved for 3 years, she would hold it together for a little while and I would start to believe the worst was over and then it would start again. After a while I was as crazy as her.
It wasn`t boring but it wasn`t fun.
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question (no need to answer...)
is this some dude you are trying to date?
are you a young (woman?)...
if so
forget about it and move on
hope this helps
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I am an alcoholic. Haven't had a drink in eight years. It is a horrible problem that takes over your entire life and everyone around you included. You can support and encourage but you can't fix. The person has to first admit it and then realize there is no other way out. I am here if you need to bounce anything off. Ken
QFT.
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lmao cholo ;D
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lmao cholo ;D
+1 hahahahaha ...sorry to the thread starter, I know this is serious matter but that was a little funny
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I know I shouldn't do this but I'm strongly considering giving him an ultimatum....go to AA or we will have to continue on with our journey at a distance. Which greatly changes things.
If you don't want to be with an alcoholic, you should tell him this.
I suspect there is a genetic link for addiction. Addiction can also be a learned behavior. My mom had addiction issues, not just with alcohol, but also later with prescription downers. Both my adopted sisters had serious drug issues and one was an alcoholic. Since we don't know their biological parents, it is hard to say if there was a genetic component or if it was simply learned behavior. One of my sisters died a couple of years ago. Although her liver was toast, she died from oat cell lung cancer. My other sister has been in recovery for 20 years. She still has addictions but at least not to anything illegal at this point. She doesn't drink alcohol either.
I have never used drugs. I do occasionally drink too much. I monitor myself to be sure it isn't becoming a routine. I don't have an addictive personality. When I smoked cigarettes as a young person, it was simply a habit. I had no trouble quitting. It helps to be a control freak. I want to be the only thing or person controlling my life.
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I appreciate all the replies gentlemen.
Nothing about our relationship is driving him to drink. It's not strained at all. We've never had any tension or an argument. Not even a disagreement.
I don't know what I will do from here on out. Time will tell.
I feel with my heart but act with my mind. So I'll be okay in the long run. I'll hurt in the short term....that's what I want to avoid but it's inevitable.
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if the relationship is in begining stage, consider aborting
if it is already too involved, go to church pray for the best ???
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Again...positive it is not our relationship. This is not a long term relationship. We met in professional circumstances and it has gone beyond those circumstances.
The alcoholism was always there but I didn't see it/look for it/notice it during the professional interactions. We were both very focused. It was there though, and I know this because his family just recently contacted me spilling the beans about him and his past.
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Your certainty that your relationship is not a complicating factor is somewhat troublesome. Many women whose husband has been found to have been unfaithful, or have been somehow otherwise wronged, also displayed that attitude before the truth was known. Think back on your past relationships. Have you always been right about what your partner was thinking and feeling? One also has to question how you did not know you were entering a relationship with a raging alcoholic. Or did the alcoholism manifest itself during the relationship, which is true evidence of a cause and effect.
I fear that you are a troubled woman likely in need of serious psychological counseling but I wish you the best in any event.
Seems like you're stretching here and in the wrong direction. It isn't like she met him at an AA meeting. Lots of people who have addiction issues live comparatively normal lives.
You are right in that one can find examples of people who repeat negative relationships, such as a cheating partner or a partner with emotional issues, but it is cliché to think this is more often the case then not.
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Believe me....I know the question is very general.
I just basically want to get a discussion started and learn about people's experiences with alcoholism.....whether they have suffered or had loved ones suffer.
I also know I can only control myself.
But someone I deeply love is suffering from it and I want to help so badly, and if I can't I want to learn and know so I can try to empathize. I know I truly can't empathize but a little bit of know goes a long way with me.
by killing them.
this means, they gonna do that themsleves very well.
theres no help for any addicts, except their own true inner will to stop.
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Get the fuk away from them. Alcoholics and addicts write their own script and you are volunteering to be an actor in their play. They will only change when the pain becomes unbearable for them and it may or may not ever happen.
Get on with your life.
yah, that or when they run out of funds.
ofc encouraging to further drinking is worse than saying you should stop mate.
but theyre about equaly pointless.