Getbig.com: American Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure
Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Vince G, CSN MFT on March 26, 2016, 02:44:35 PM
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Please be aware that this is only a parody and that it doesn't represent any living person whatsoever. Its actually a multitude of various people in a really twisted manner. Just my homage to the ripped community: Enjoy
Day In The Life Of A Supplement Company Owner
6:00AM - Wake up and tip toe out of your bedroom so you don't wake up your wife as you're still aching from the last double underhook facebuster she gave you last month. Walk into the bathroom and dump enough hair gel to paint an entire fence. Kiss the mirror and tell yourself that its good to be me
6:30AM Hop On your treadmill for an hour while texting, facebooking, twittering, instagraming, snapchatting, myspacing, and youtubing how great your company is and how rich you're getting. Add dollar sign emoticons to every post to let fans know you're serious.
7:30AM - Turn on to your 486 SX computer while eating your breakfast of fried spam and ramen noodles. Curse at the 30 minute time it takes to load your pirated copy of Windows 95. Put a reminder in your phone to drop by the Goodwill next week to see if you can get a better one that also doesn't smell like stale urine. Put up your web browser and go immediately to Muscle Week. Throw your glass onto the ground at the comments they are making about you. Wife wakes up and says what's all the fucking noise??? Respond quietly that one of the reptiles got loose and knocked it over. Wife yells back that you need to get to work and make some money as we're 3 months behind on the mortgage. Beg for mercy and promise that "The Deal" should go through today and we'll be fine. Rush out out of the house quickly and speed over to your facility/warehouse/tire & rim shop.
8:00AM - Pull up to your parking spot with the customized sign. Tell the homeless person once again to quit sleeping there and shoo him away. Wonder to yourself how nice it would be to do nothing all day stress-free instead of doing nothing all day running a giant ponzi scheme. Facebook and Snapchat yourself standing next your your customized parking sign after you finish picking up all the garbage around it.
8:30AM - Walk into the office and greet your secretary. Ignore her pleas about not getting paid in 3 weeks and simply tell her that you have to "pay your dues" if you want to be successful in the bodybuilding and fitness industry.
8:35 - 11:00AM Spend the next 2 1/2 hours performing your social media tricks from spamming forums and blogs until your personal barber come in to give you a weekly haircut. Accept your barber's generous offer of getting a free moustache trim along with your haircut. Barber then produces a straight-edge blade and holds it under your neck and whispers in your ear that the next time he gets a bad check that it will be the closest shave you'll ever get in your life. Hastefully pull out a wad of hundred dollar bills and tell him that it will never happen again while he moves that blade back and forth across your face. Breathe a sigh of relief when he leaves and run into the bathroom to change shorts as you've had a protein powder accident during the encounter.
2:00-4:00PM Perform your usual book cooking, moving money from one account to another to avoid overdrafts, filling out applications for new loans and credit cards, and pleading with various banks to refinance your mortgage for the 5th time.
5:00PM - Get your daily visit from your cousin Billy who is not exactly right in the head. Yell at him once again that he needs to sell supplements instead of giving them away even though your Amino Nitro 300 pills are nothing more wheat filler and xanthan gum. Order him into the broom closet against his wishes as he doesn't like playing the game of doctor. Tell yourself that your cousin benefits from getting regular prostate examinations.
5:30PM - Zip your pants up and hastefully push your cousin out the door while your secretary nods her head in disgust at you "practicing medicine without a license" once again. Question your secretary for a report on how many orders came in today?? Secretary ask you're wanting the "supplement orders" or the "Minute Maid" orders. Respond sarcastically with the god damn supplement orders you stupid bitch. Beads of sweat fall from your head when you hear the number 8. Demand the secretary to order more Minute Maid so we can catch up on the bills. Ignore her pleas once again regarding her pay and tell her that you've worked for the No.1 bodybuilding magazine in the world without pay for 7 years and look where I ended up. Point to your 3rd and 6th place NPC National trophies to justify your success.
7:00PM: Storm into the gym wearing your hood carrying your giant gym bag with your 2% Jug. Scan your card and attempt to enter however the desk clerk tells you that your gym membership was cancelled due to non-payment. Demand to speak to the manager. Wait 15 minutes on the couch until a police officer comes to the front door and waves you over. Drive away very slowly and carefully after being raped in the ear by the police officer about paying bills, trespassing, and banned from property.
8:00PM: Pull out your Bowflex from the garage. Weep slowly while pulling the cords across your chest and back.
9:00PM: Wife asks how was your day?? Tell her that "The Deal" didn't go though but it would tommorrow. Spit blood from your mouth as your wife punches you in face and scream like that Hooter's girl in Blockhead's story "Day In The Life Of A Bikini Competitor" while your wife executes her finishing move "the double underhook facebuster" on you. Black out from the pain and dream about being on a sunny beach in.......oh never mind what's the fucking point anyway???
9:30PM: Wake up from your temporary coma in the garage. Notice that the car is gone and assume that your hulking wife has gone out. Painfully drag yourself into the kitchen to fix your evening meal of sardines and crackers. Think about turning on your almost ancient computer but then you simply decide to call it a day. Drag yourself painfully into the bathroom and apply bandages to every cut and bruise. Leave the restroom after glaring in the mirror at your now "Unprettier" facee.
10:00PM: Crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling with the world on your shoulders. Crawl back out from your bed as your coma has made you forget to put your PJ's on. You definitely hate catching colds after all in Rhode Island right ;). Drift off to sleep hoping for a better tommorrow and being relieved that the federal government is too fucked up to have you prosecuted.
Vince
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You should've had Block give it the once over. Even the Beatles had George Martin.
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Make your next parody about owning a weak-ass online grocery store.
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You should've had Block give it the once over. Even the Beatles had George Martin.
I'm cleaning it up over time but it has the blessing of MW's Blockhead.
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Make your next parody about owning a weak-ass online grocery store.
You're still here???
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You're still here???
who is this based on?
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(http://demandware.edgesuite.net/aaxp_prd/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-Predator-Library/default/dwe6eb1370/pa.png)
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who is this based on?
I'm actually making fun of a multitude of people. Some comments are obvious while others are insider jokes
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Vince brother I sense jealousy here.This is a true story right?Your life and the life of your gods /pardon friends/- PJ and Aaron.Correct me if I'm wrong.
P.S. What's a story without Jason in the mix.
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TL:DR:FY
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Vince brother I sense jealousy here.This is a true story right?Your life and the life of your gods /pardon friends/- PJ and Aaron.Correct me if I'm wrong.
P.S. What's a story without Jason in the mix.
No, most of it is just schtick.
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I wanted to laugh, I really did. I want my 3 minutes back.
Don't quit your day job, whatever that is.
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I wanted to laugh, I really did. I want my 3 minutes back.
Don't quit your day job, whatever that is.
He's been banned from every truck stop off I-40.
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You worthless sack of shit
Pure utter shit from you as usual
Mocking pj and Aaron after they help you out
Seriously go fuck yourself u worthless pig fucker
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You worthless sack of shit
Pure utter shit from you as usual
Mocking pj and Aaron after they help you out
Seriously go fuck yourself u worthless pig fucker
:D
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You worthless sack of shit
Pure utter shit from you as usual
Mocking pj and Aaron after they help you out
Seriously go fuck yourself u worthless pig fucker
Careful. Vince's final boss signature move is to ask if YOU want some of his "black kielbasa" :-X
You have been warned.
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Obviously based on yours and vissys relationship during your years as the prestigious owner of caliber supplements, nice to know he smacked you around, you deserved it for creating never before seen heights of poverty
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You worthless sack of shit
Pure utter shit from you as usual
Mocking pj and Aaron after they help you out
Seriously go fuck yourself u worthless pig fucker
lol
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8)
(http://cdn2.btrstatic.com/pics/showpics/large/123255_BtHYkdLV.jpg)
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You worthless sack of shit
Pure utter shit from you as usual
Mocking pj and Aaron after they help you out
Seriously go fuck yourself u worthless pig fucker
Oh shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about. Obviously you can't read anything
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Props for using the miserable 486SX rather than DX haha.
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Props for using the miserable 486SX rather than DX haha.
Word. The DX was legit.
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Oh shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking about. Obviously you can't read anything
wheres your magic delete post button now jack ass?
Nice slap in the face to pj and Aaron
No wonder they dropped your broke fat ass
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Vince this is obviously a PJ troll (even if not intended to be)
It was the first thing I thought of when I read it. I like PJ and I like you so not trying to stir it
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Vince this is obviously a PJ troll (even if not intended to be)
It was the first thing I thought of when I read it. I like PJ and I like you so not trying to stir it
Not even close. Those who have been in the supplement industry know who I'm making fun of
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Not even close. Those who have been in the supplement industry know who I'm making fun of
Thats cool man but can you see why it is coming across as such?
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For what it's worth, I do believe this is about Pajama Braun
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Not even close. Those who have been in the supplement industry know who I'm making fun of
we are not insightful insiders like you
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I just don't understand how somebody like goodrum has such clout in the community, really I don't get it. Am I missing something?
Is it just one of those things that has an "ironic" following?
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Vince let me burn bridges goodrum
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Vince let me burn bridges goodrum
The bridge is over.
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The bridge is over.
Vince, correct me if I am wrong, but you seem to be taken Aarons side over PJ. Just an observation.
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The bridge is over.
vince plz tell pj that he can take his intra workout powder and shove it up his ass
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vince plz tell pj that he can take his intra workout powder and shove it up his ass
You got it
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Vince, correct me if I am wrong, but you seem to be taken Aarons side over PJ. Just an observation.
I knew what was coming down months ago...that's why I wrote this. Fact is that I already knew that Aaron was going to leave PJ with the mess he made. But I had to stay quiet for the good of the team....now it's on
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I knew what was coming down months ago...that's why I wrote this. Fact is that I already knew that Aaron was going to leave PJ with the mess he made. But I had to stay quiet for the good of the team....now it's on
Just out of morbidly obese curiosity how does this benefit your life in any way?
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I knew what was coming down months ago...that's why I wrote this. Fact is that I already knew that Aaron was going to leave PJ with the mess he made. But I had to stay quiet for the good of the team....now it's on
What "Team" is this?
You've mentioned many times that you're not & never have been affiliated with Aaron, PJ, BSL etc in any way at all & you're just 'friends" with them.
Where you lying Melvin Goodrum? That's so unlike you.
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I knew what was coming down months ago...that's why I wrote this. Fact is that I already knew that Aaron was going to leave PJ with the mess he made. But I had to stay quiet for the good of the team....now it's on
You're such a sad man. Why not focus on bettering yourself, why focus on other people's fortunes?
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I knew what was coming down months ago...that's why I wrote this. Fact is that I already knew that Aaron was going to leave PJ with the mess he made. But I had to stay quiet for the good of the team....now it's on
I actually knew months before you even had an inkling of anything.
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.... while others are insider jokes
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
You are the man Vince
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Outside of you making these posts online, I'm betting anyone in the fitness industry has no clue who you are.
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Vince what do you think of Jason Genova? Do you feel a natural competition with him to be the better pet retard between Aaron and PJ?
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(http://ll-media.tmz.com/2015/03/03/0303-lou-ferrigno-tmz-3.jpg)
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As usual Vince runs and never gives a straight answer to questions ::)
Just out of morbidly obese curiosity how does this benefit your life in any way?
What "Team" is this?
You've mentioned many times that you're not & never have been affiliated with Aaron, PJ, BSL etc in any way at all & you're just 'friends" with them.
Where you lying Melvin Goodrum? That's so unlike you.
You're such a sad man. Why not focus on bettering yourself, why focus on other people's fortunes?
Vince what do you think of Jason Genova? Do you feel a natural competition with him to be the better pet retard between Aaron and PJ?
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As usual Vince runs and never gives a straight answer to questions ::)
I think he was told to stand down by the IFBB, Aaron Singerman.
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I think he was told to stand down by the IFBB, Aaron Singerman.
;D
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Part 2 Is Coming Soon.... ;D
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Part 2 Is Coming Soon.... ;D
Seriously, part 2 is not necessary.
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Seriously, part 2 is not necessary.
Vince is a glutton for punishment.
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Part 2 Is Coming Soon.... ;D
fuck this, tell us about your love life.
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Bump for this classic writing...practically drove the industry bonkers for a hot minute and got me in a lit of trouble...but worth it
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Good job bumping your own thread for attention :-\
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Good job bumping your own thread for attention :-\
His jerking hand is out of action. Let him have this.
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Please be aware that this is only a parody and that it doesn't represent any living person whatsoever. Its actually a multitude of various people in a really twisted manner. Just my homage to the ripped community: Enjoy
Day In The Life Of A Supplement Company Owner
6:00AM - Wake up and tip toe out of your bedroom so you don't wake up your wife as you're still aching from the last double underhook facebuster she gave you last month. Walk into the bathroom and dump enough hair gel to paint an entire fence. Kiss the mirror and tell yourself that its good to be me
6:30AM Hop On your treadmill for an hour while texting, facebooking, twittering, instagraming, snapchatting, myspacing, and youtubing how great your company is and how rich you're getting. Add dollar sign emoticons to every post to let fans know you're serious.
7:30AM - Turn on to your 486 SX computer while eating your breakfast of fried spam and ramen noodles. Curse at the 30 minute time it takes to load your pirated copy of Windows 95. Put a reminder in your phone to drop by the Goodwill next week to see if you can get a better one that also doesn't smell like stale urine. Put up your web browser and go immediately to Muscle Week. Throw your glass onto the ground at the comments they are making about you. Wife wakes up and says what's all the fucking noise??? Respond quietly that one of the reptiles got loose and knocked it over. Wife yells back that you need to get to work and make some money as we're 3 months behind on the mortgage. Beg for mercy and promise that "The Deal" should go through today and we'll be fine. Rush out out of the house quickly and speed over to your facility/warehouse/tire & rim shop.
8:00AM - Pull up to your parking spot with the customized sign. Tell the homeless person once again to quit sleeping there and shoo him away. Wonder to yourself how nice it would be to do nothing all day stress-free instead of doing nothing all day running a giant ponzi scheme. Facebook and Snapchat yourself standing next your your customized parking sign after you finish picking up all the garbage around it.
8:30AM - Walk into the office and greet your secretary. Ignore her pleas about not getting paid in 3 weeks and simply tell her that you have to "pay your dues" if you want to be successful in the bodybuilding and fitness industry.
8:35 - 11:00AM Spend the next 2 1/2 hours performing your social media tricks from spamming forums and blogs until your personal barber come in to give you a weekly haircut. Accept your barber's generous offer of getting a free moustache trim along with your haircut. Barber then produces a straight-edge blade and holds it under your neck and whispers in your ear that the next time he gets a bad check that it will be the closest shave you'll ever get in your life. Hastefully pull out a wad of hundred dollar bills and tell him that it will never happen again while he moves that blade back and forth across your face. Breathe a sigh of relief when he leaves and run into the bathroom to change shorts as you've had a protein powder accident during the encounter.
2:00-4:00PM Perform your usual book cooking, moving money from one account to another to avoid overdrafts, filling out applications for new loans and credit cards, and pleading with various banks to refinance your mortgage for the 5th time.
5:00PM - Get your daily visit from your cousin Billy who is not exactly right in the head. Yell at him once again that he needs to sell supplements instead of giving them away even though your Amino Nitro 300 pills are nothing more wheat filler and xanthan gum. Order him into the broom closet against his wishes as he doesn't like playing the game of doctor. Tell yourself that your cousin benefits from getting regular prostate examinations.
5:30PM - Zip your pants up and hastefully push your cousin out the door while your secretary nods her head in disgust at you "practicing medicine without a license" once again. Question your secretary for a report on how many orders came in today?? Secretary ask you're wanting the "supplement orders" or the "Minute Maid" orders. Respond sarcastically with the god damn supplement orders you stupid bitch. Beads of sweat fall from your head when you hear the number 8. Demand the secretary to order more Minute Maid so we can catch up on the bills. Ignore her pleas once again regarding her pay and tell her that you've worked for the No.1 bodybuilding magazine in the world without pay for 7 years and look where I ended up. Point to your 3rd and 6th place NPC National trophies to justify your success.
7:00PM: Storm into the gym wearing your hood carrying your giant gym bag with your 2% Jug. Scan your card and attempt to enter however the desk clerk tells you that your gym membership was cancelled due to non-payment. Demand to speak to the manager. Wait 15 minutes on the couch until a police officer comes to the front door and waves you over. Drive away very slowly and carefully after being raped in the ear by the police officer about paying bills, trespassing, and banned from property.
8:00PM: Pull out your Bowflex from the garage. Weep slowly while pulling the cords across your chest and back.
9:00PM: Wife asks how was your day?? Tell her that "The Deal" didn't go though but it would tommorrow. Spit blood from your mouth as your wife punches you in face and scream like that Hooter's girl in Blockhead's story "Day In The Life Of A Bikini Competitor" while your wife executes her finishing move "the double underhook facebuster" on you. Black out from the pain and dream about being on a sunny beach in.......oh never mind what's the fucking point anyway???
9:30PM: Wake up from your temporary coma in the garage. Notice that the car is gone and assume that your hulking wife has gone out. Painfully drag yourself into the kitchen to fix your evening meal of sardines and crackers. Think about turning on your almost ancient computer but then you simply decide to call it a day. Drag yourself painfully into the bathroom and apply bandages to every cut and bruise. Leave the restroom after glaring in the mirror at your now "Unprettier" facee.
10:00PM: Crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling with the world on your shoulders. Crawl back out from your bed as your coma has made you forget to put your PJ's on. You definitely hate catching colds after all in Rhode Island right ;). Drift off to sleep hoping for a better tommorrow and being relieved that the federal government is too fucked up to have you prosecuted.
Vince
Updated after 6 years..prosecuted and in prison😑 writing Part 2 now
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Updated after 6 years..prosecuted and in prison😑 writing Part 2 now
Timely!
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Bump for this classic writing...practically drove the industry bonkers for a hot minute and got me in a lit of trouble...but worth it
(https://media3.giphy.com/media/BjeiL8WnqByKY/giphy-downsized-large.gif)
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Timely!
Ive waited for 6 years to write Part 2...so far from readong the rough draft, its going to be a riot
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Ive waited for 6 years to write Part 2...so far from readong the rough draft, its going to be a riot
it is absolutely NOT going to be riot-please stop posting crap and go back to making more of your signature breakfast guidance videos
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Ive waited for 6 years to write Part 2...so far from readong the rough draft, its going to be a riot
6 years! This must be like a Chappelle special!
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Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learned to sleep on my back with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guys in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I throw it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't be here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00PM -
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
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Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learn to sleep on my belly with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guy in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I thow it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't me here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00-
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
This is Beautiful!
This one post ruined what took Vince 6 years to create….
-
Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learn to sleep on my belly with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guy in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I thow it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't me here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00-
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
Vince might as well toss his computer out the window now. He won't top this.
-
Wasn't vince's OP based on a similar post about a female bodybuilder?
-
Vince might as well toss his computer out the window now. He won't top this.
vince tries to be a 'top' in most situations i have heard here.
-
Ive waited for 6 years to write Part 2...so far from readong the rough draft, its going to be a riot
Freudian slip of peace...
-
Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learn to sleep on my belly with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guy in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I thow it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't me here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00-
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
(https://c.tenor.com/acWxKc9M5wEAAAAM/love-kiss.gif)
(https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SomberPointlessAlleycat-max-1mb.gif)
-
Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learn to sleep on my belly with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guy in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I thow it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't me here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00-
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
Great stuff as always BB. :D
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(https://64.media.tumblr.com/7fd9df1ed27a0581d2938876da282c10/303cd20256d9ec6c-ee/s540x810/03c57a75006c12da4e53a6431123821b0edc871f.gifv)
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Vince, you mind if I try? I like to spin a yarn once and a while, here's my version.
Day In The Life Of A Locked Up Supplement Company Owner
5:00AM -
Wake up to find Jamal across way screeching that the crackers denied his parole, and his baby momma left him. He swears he's going to kill that bitch when he gets out. He clogged up his toilet, and he's waiting for the CO's (he calls them the opps) to come. I really hope the water doesn't reach over here, it's brown.
I used to live the Haagen Dazs mansion for Christ sake, fuck Rob, that sweetheart deal should've been mine. Going to catch a more little shut eye. I've learn to sleep on my back with my ass tight to the wall, no reason to make it easy for the booty goons.
6:00AM - They got me working in the kitchen since I used to be in the health and fitness industry, and they thought it would make me happy. Bitch I sold steroids, not cereal. I wonder if Palumbo's still making videos about me.... that gossipy prick.
Clang! The CO bangs a spoon against a pot, and yells at me to "stop day dreaming, we've got hungry men to feed". I hate this place, nothing works here.
7:30AM -
I finally get to eat my oatmeal. I remember when I used to eat at Mar-a-Lago, now this. It's like my buddy Chick says "Sometimes you get the elevator, sometimes you get the shaft". I told my cellie Jorge once about the rumor Chick used to get his armpits fucked for cash. Jorge mumbled something about this Chick guy being a major maricon, and then asked me if I was into that "homo shit", I decided to stop talking then.
8-11AM - Back on kitchen duty, tons of pots and pans to clean. You wouldn't believe how piggy these guys are. Today we're making chili mac for lunch, it's a mix of chili and some turkey slime they call "fart meat" because it causes the guys to really stink up the place after eating it.
11:30AM - The lunch rush is almost on. When no one is looking I take a few commercial sized Kool-Aid packets, they'll make good trade bait.
12-1:00PM -
Lunch is pretty calm. I see my man, Big Ronnie, he tells me he's got something for me, and he'll see me later. I slip him the Kool Aid as a present. I know what he's gonna give me. Just before lunch is over, disaster strikes. Splash! I accidently drop my half eaten tray of chili mac on some rap magazine the guy across from me was reading.....
"Nigga, I should fuck you up, that was the XXL with the Doja Cat pics in it, you know how hard that was to get?"
I got to think fast, the guy in here know that my money's right, but how right is the question? I told the guys the government got most of it, and they seem to believe me. A few bucks of commissary tossed out seems to be keeping me safe for right now. I promise him a few dozen honey buns in a few days, and that seems to make him happy.
As I back off, I see him licking the chili mac juice off Doja's well photographed rump.
1:30 - 3:30PM -
Clean up done. Heading out to the yard, I walk toward the pull up and dip station, no fancy supinating machines here. The yard looks pretty safe right now. I see my man Big Ronnie. I give him a pound and he tells me to huddle up for a sec, I can see him digging in his crack. He passes me a big ball of dope. I tell him it looks good before I thow it in my underwear.
"Yeah I got this new black and Asian bitch bringing it in for me, she can bag dope and break bricks with her hands! How 'bout that shit!" he says laughing. "It might smell a little, but that shit is fire."
I promise to have some money put on his books for it.
Almost time for supper, I duck into the bathroom check out my prize. I wonder if I can take a little sniffle now, but I got that AA shit later, don't want to go into that high. I still take a good look at that sweet prize, I can still smell the sweat of few assholes on it. Prison dope, what are you going to do?
I tuck it back in my boxers behind my ball sack.
3:30-6:00PM -
Time to fix supper for the animals. It's chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes. I don't know if I told you this, but they're trying not to serve anything with bones in it, Someone got shanked with a sharpened pork chop bone for stealing some flaming hot Cheetos a few weeks ago.
All I can think about is that sweet dope. I still have that asshole smell in my nose though. I asked my wife once if she could bring in some stuff from the outside for me, she told me "Good girls don't do that!". I'm like "Bitch, you already had kids, it's not like you can't fit a few things up there! It's not like I'm asking for an Iphone 7, just a flip phone and some dope that doesn't smell like ass!"
But it doesn't matter, I got the dope, and the chicken nuggets weren't that bad either.
6-7:00PM -
Time for the AA/NA meeting. I shouldn't me here, I'm a rich guy. They go around the room and have people tell their story. There's a guy that beat up his girlfriend and tore his tit, how that happens is anyone's guess. There's another guy that goes to other folks's funerals even if he doesn't know them. He says he does it to feel loved, and also the free food. He says there's nothing better than free funeral grub.
Now it's my turn, I tell them the boat story, some of the guys break out in laughs. "Boating under the influence? That's a fag crime." one of them says. Even the counselor smirks at that one, even if I didn't need that bag of dope before, I definitely need it now.
7-9:00PM -
Day's almost over and I'm so much closer to that bag of dope. I get some mail. While I'm waiting I notice a shank fall out of one guy's waist band, I wonder if I should snitch on him? Nah, too risky.
First note's from the wife, nothing new, she needs money. The guys helping her with the business are coming up short. The kids miss me, and they want new Jordans. She also hired a college kid to help her around the house. Right in the trash it goes, I don't need to think about her, the kids, or Donkey Dan, the Fixit Man.
Next up is Vince Goodrum, CSN, MFT, etc.... He's got so many titles they can't even fit on the envelope. PJ gets Genova, Big Lenny, that angry midget Cisternino, and I get Goodrum. He says he's fighting the good fight on Getbig, and that he'll make sure no one punks me on there. For a brief second I flash on one of those Getbig guys saying the CSN stood for Cock Sucking Nobody years ago, and it makes me laugh. I guess it's cool that Vince is defending me, sometimes you take friends where you can get them.
I'll make sure to send him a hoody and some protein powder when I'm out.
In the mean time, it's almost lock down, back to the dope.
9:00PM -
Dope Time. It's lock down, and I'm locked in, and not getting out. That's bad. But I'm also locked in with the dope, and that's good.
Digging at my sack never felt so nice. I wash the bag off and cut up a few fat lines. Jorge is in here with me, and I offer him some, best to keep your cellie happy. That smack really does hit, in a second I'm back at all those Arnold Classics, in all those fancy cars, in all those fancy suits.
I tell Jorge about the glory days, he digs it. He leans off the side of the bunk, and tells me to tell him about the fitness girls. I tell him about all of them, and what they'll do to get ahead. I even tell him the infamous Titus story about one of them sucking the shit off his dick.
"Yeah I could go for some of that." he says. I think he sees it's making me nervous, and starts to laugh.
"Don't worry, I won't be fucking you. At least not tonight." and turns back on to his bed.
"Lights out" calls the guard.
Fin
That was fucking great! Totally read that in Singerman's voice and it played out in my mind like an episode of Oz.
"1"