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Getbig Main Boards => Gossip & Opinions => Topic started by: Phantom Spunker on June 27, 2023, 09:02:12 AM
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I admit it: I have a phobia of poo. I'm truly disgusted and appalled by anything to do with shit when it involves the opposite sex. If a woman even jokes about the subject of pooing or farting, I want nothing to do with her. Indeed, my policy on poo is one of zero tolerance. Sometimes, I think life might actually be easier if I were a secret shit-fetishist like affeman or Donny. In the spirit of perverse entertainment and to celebrate the somewhat masochistic allure of disgust, I invite you all to share your horrific encounters here.
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What the heck is wrong with you? Keep your scat fetish to yourself. This is a bodybuilding message chat forum, NOT a den of iniquity.
Just stay in your lane and keep doing what you need to do. Stop spazzing out. Everything will eventually work out.
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What the heck is wrong with you? Keep your scat fetish to yourself. This is a bodybuilding message chat forum, NOT a den of iniquity.
Just stay in your lane and keep doing what you need to do. Stop spazzing out. Everything will eventually work out.
Haha, Gene, this is a serious thread. Please don't sully it with your gay love of bodybuilding. If you can't contribute to the topic at hand, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
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Haha, Gene, this is a serious thread. Please don't sully it with your gay love of bodybuilding. If you can't contribute to the topic at hand, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
ok
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I worked with a guy who had a serious dope habit who would get so constipated he would only shit once a week or so. No ordinary toilet could handle his massive shits without clogging so he’d have to go to a McDonald’s or some place with a commercial-grade toilet
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I admit it: I have a phobia of poo. I'm truly disgusted and appalled by anything to do with shit when it involves the opposite sex. If a woman even jokes about the subject of pooing or farting, I want nothing to do with her. Indeed, my policy on poo is one of zero tolerance. Sometimes, I think life might actually be easier if I were a secret shit-fetishist like affeman or Donny. In the spirit of perverse entertainment and to celebrate the somewhat masochistic allure of disgust, I invite you all to share your horrific encounters here.
Matt “TITTY BOY” Canning post reported.
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Matt “TITTY BOY” Canning post reported.
I had his phobia of anal along with Wiggs's sage advice in mind when I wrote it. :D
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An animal pooped in my yard a couple days ago.
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An animal pooped in my yard a couple days ago.
No, no, no. This has horribly backfired. I only wanted your stories involving banging filthy whores.
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I’m on some medicine that makes my poop sticky. Takes like a roll to wipe my ass and then I shower and my ass is dirty again. Wtf. I stopped the meds and now I poop normal.
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I know a woman who had bariatric surgery roughly 12 years ago. She had once weighed 400LB. Now she weighs 120LB. She doesn’t even look like the same person.
At her current weight, she is severely underweight and sickly. She actually thinks that she looks good, but she looks like hell. She told me that she is always fatigued. She also told me that she eats 1 very small meal per day.
About 6 months ago, she told this story. Apparently she had a meal that she should not have eaten. I think that it was chicken with spaghetti or potatoes. Either way, it was nothing out of the ordinary.
ROUND 1: After the meal, she sat down to watch television. Then panic set in. She quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom because she felt an impending bowel movement fast approaching. She arrived at the bathroom and desperately tried to take off her clothes so that she could sit on the toilet. Too late. She shit herself while her pants were still at her knees. Her own feces covered her legs, feet, clothes, and the bathroom floor. She cleaned herself off, and the floor too. She also changed her clothes. 🤮
ROUND 2: She sat down to watch TV again. And once again, she suddenly felt to urge to sprint to the bathroom. She was wearing her clean outfit and she quickly tried to get undressed again. Too late. She shit her pants again. She had to clean shit off of her legs, feet, and the floor. She also put on a fresh pair of clothes. 🤮
ROUND 3: She said that she was exhausted as she sat down to watch TV yet again. That didn’t last long, because she felt the doom of a third bowel movement. She scampered to the bathroom for a third time. She once again couldn’t get undressed fast enough. She covered herself, and the floor, with her own shit for the 3rd time. 🤮
I think that these events all occurred within a 30 minute time period. Apparently this is something that people who have had bariatric surgery can regularly experience. If you know anyone who is considering this surgery, try to discourage them from having it performed.
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No, no, no. This has horribly backfired. I only wanted your stories involving banging filthy whores.
Hahahaha you opened the door and now you shall here many getbigger crapping stories.
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Hahahaha you opened the door and now you shall here many getbigger crapping stories.
Fuck sake, lol. I should be banned for this.
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Shit I spelled here instead of hear. I’m gonna hear about this from fortress.
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I admit it: I have a phobia of poo. I'm truly disgusted and appalled by anything to do with shit when it involves the opposite sex. If a woman even jokes about the subject of pooing or farting, I want nothing to do with her. Indeed, my policy on poo is one of zero tolerance. Sometimes, I think life might actually be easier if I were a secret shit-fetishist like affeman or Donny. In the spirit of perverse entertainment and to celebrate the somewhat masochistic allure of disgust, I invite you all to share your horrific encounters here.
Let me be your drain
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I had his phobia of anal along with Wiggs's sage advice in mind when I wrote it. :D
It’s odd that when it comes to anal sex, Matt “TITTY BOY” Canning is so eager to receive it, but so adamantly opposed to giving it out.
Definitely a “Service Entrance in the Rear” kind of scrawny little homo.
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I know a woman who had bariatric surgery roughly 12 years ago. She had once weighed 400LB. Now she weighs 120LB. She doesn’t even look like the same person.
At her current weight, she is severely underweight and sickly. She actually thinks that she looks good, but she looks like hell. She told me that she is always fatigued. She also told me that she eats 1 very small meal per day.
About 6 months ago, she told this story. Apparently she had a meal that she should not have eaten. I think that it was chicken with spaghetti or potatoes. Either way, it was nothing out of the ordinary.
ROUND 1: After the meal, she sat down to watch television. Then panic set in. She quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom because she felt an impending bowel movement fast approaching. She arrived at the bathroom and desperately tried to take off her clothes so that she could sit on the toilet. Too late. She shit herself while her pants were still at her knees. Her own feces covered her legs, feet, clothes, and the bathroom floor. She cleaned herself off, and the floor too. She also changed her clothes. 🤮
ROUND 2: She sat down to watch TV again. And once again, she suddenly felt to urge to sprint to the bathroom. She was wearing her clean outfit and she quickly tried to get undressed again. Too late. She shit her pants again. She had to clean shit off of her legs, feet, and the floor. She also put on a fresh pair of clothes. 🤮
ROUND 3: She said that she was exhausted as she sat down to watch TV yet again. That didn’t last long, because she felt the doom of a third bowel movement. She scampered to the bathroom for a third time. She once again couldn’t get undressed fast enough. She covered herself, and the floor, with her own shit for the 3rd time. 🤮
I think that these events all occurred within a 30 minute time period. Apparently this is something that people who have had bariatric surgery can regularly experience. If you know anyone who is considering this surgery, try to discourage them from having it performed.
She should put a TV in her bathroom.
Problem solved.
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She should put a TV in her bathroom.
Problem solved.
LOL
Good call 😂
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That story way wayyyyy back in the day on EliteFitness about the guy at the Golden Coral would be hard to top.
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Told this one before, but here is my most personal shitting story -
"Summer 1996 -
I was in High School, Regents day (American History). The tests were in the afternoon, and you could come in early and go over things with the teachers, or just hang out. So I get there a few hours early, and as I'm sitting there in the library, I start getting that coffee maker rumble in high up in the pit of my stomach. It's that rumble you feel where you know no good will come of it.
So off to the bathroom I go, I pick one of the little used bathrooms so I can have some privacy. And I sit and wait. The first wave comes, it's nasty, but ok. There is no toilet paper in the stall, but I know this from years of going to this school, so I get the two emergency towelettes out from my wallet. Bang, crisis averted.
But that first wave, must of just been a warning shot. Because I get a few steps into the hallway, and the feelings start again. I rush back, and go again, but this time I've got nothing to wipe with, so I go through my pockets I've got my bus fare back home, a long Sears receipt and a wrapper from a candy bar. Welp, a man's got to do, what a man's got to do, so I configure the candy wrapper and Sears receipt into the best hand protection I could muster and get to work. It's not going to well, and right in the middle the feeling comes back. I toss my makeshift ass wipe and wait for it to do it's thing. Boy did it ever.
So this time I've got nothing, I start taking stock of which piece of clothing can be sacrificed to the poop gods, ah , the sock. So I kick off my shoes, get the sock off, drop the pants lower, hike the shirt up, start wiping, The rumble starts again, I toss the sock in the garbage can. Whammo, it's another explosion. So I'm down to one sock and the boxers. I figure fuck it, this getting to be a mess, and I didn't like the boxers(they were old style Fruit of The Loom's with no button on the pee hole). So off they come, and I tear them into a few pieces. Get down to business, more rumbles, but they're lower in my stomach, so I've got hope. After a few more bouts, everything has thankfully finished, and I feel better, and confident that it's over.
I take stock of what I got, a few clean boxer scraps and the clean sock. So I gather up some confidence, let myself out of the stall, and waddle to the sink with the boxer scraps. I figure, I'll scrub up a bit. I get the hot water going, pour a ton of this horrid pink fruit smelling soap on to my boxer scraps, and scrub my lower body down a bit. I finish up, I can't see anything wrong, the biggest problem is I smell like this soap. I gather up mess that was in the small trash can toss it into the way bigger one across the room. I finish up getting dressed, I wonder what I should do with the clean sock? Fuck it, I figure and stuff it into my pocket. It was almost new. Wash my hands one more time and leave.
And that my friends, is how I spent some of the time during the Regents. With a balled up sock in my pocket, hoping that no one asked me why I smelled like a 3rd world bubble gum factory."
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I was once in bed with a girl and she farted, quick as a flash she said "it wasnt me"
I said, I know it wasnt me and Im pretty sure theres no one else in here with us.
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Told this one before, but here is my most personal shitting story -
"Summer 1996 -
I was in High School, Regents day (American History). The tests were in the afternoon, and you could come in early and go over things with the teachers, or just hang out. So I get there a few hours early, and as I'm sitting there in the library, I start getting that coffee maker rumble in high up in the pit of my stomach. It's that rumble you feel where you know no good will come of it.
So off to the bathroom I go, I pick one of the little used bathrooms so I can have some privacy. And I sit and wait. The first wave comes, it's nasty, but ok. There is no toilet paper in the stall, but I know this from years of going to this school, so I get the two emergency towelettes out from my wallet. Bang, crisis averted.
But that first wave, must of just been a warning shot. Because I get a few steps into the hallway, and the feelings start again. I rush back, and go again, but this time I've got nothing to wipe with, so I go through my pockets I've got my bus fare back home, a long Sears receipt and a wrapper from a candy bar. Welp, a man's got to do, what a man's got to do, so I configure the candy wrapper and Sears receipt into the best hand protection I could muster and get to work. It's not going to well, and right in the middle the feeling comes back. I toss my makeshift ass wipe and wait for it to do it's thing. Boy did it ever.
So this time I've got nothing, I start taking stock of which piece of clothing can be sacrificed to the poop gods, ah , the sock. So I kick off my shoes, get the sock off, drop the pants lower, hike the shirt up, start wiping, The rumble starts again, I toss the sock in the garbage can. Whammo, it's another explosion. So I'm down to one sock and the boxers. I figure fuck it, this getting to be a mess, and I didn't like the boxers(they were old style Fruit of The Loom's with no button on the pee hole). So off they come, and I tear them into a few pieces. Get down to business, more rumbles, but they're lower in my stomach, so I've got hope. After a few more bouts, everything has thankfully finished, and I feel better, and confident that it's over.
I take stock of what I got, a few clean boxer scraps and the clean sock. So I gather up some confidence, let myself out of the stall, and waddle to the sink with the boxer scraps. I figure, I'll scrub up a bit. I get the hot water going, pour a ton of this horrid pink fruit smelling soap on to my boxer scraps, and scrub my lower body down a bit. I finish up, I can't see anything wrong, the biggest problem is I smell like this soap. I gather up mess that was in the small trash can toss it into the way bigger one across the room. I finish up getting dressed, I wonder what I should do with the clean sock? Fuck it, I figure and stuff it into my pocket. It was almost new. Wash my hands one more time and leave.
And that my friends, is how I spent some of the time during the Regents. With a balled up sock in my pocket, hoping that no one asked me why I smelled like a 3rd world bubble gum factory."
Dam, bro.
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Told this one before, but here is my most personal shitting story -
"Summer 1996 -
I was in High School, Regents day (American History). The tests were in the afternoon, and you could come in early and go over things with the teachers, or just hang out. So I get there a few hours early, and as I'm sitting there in the library, I start getting that coffee maker rumble in high up in the pit of my stomach. It's that rumble you feel where you know no good will come of it.
So off to the bathroom I go, I pick one of the little used bathrooms so I can have some privacy. And I sit and wait. The first wave comes, it's nasty, but ok. There is no toilet paper in the stall, but I know this from years of going to this school, so I get the two emergency towelettes out from my wallet. Bang, crisis averted.
But that first wave, must of just been a warning shot. Because I get a few steps into the hallway, and the feelings start again. I rush back, and go again, but this time I've got nothing to wipe with, so I go through my pockets I've got my bus fare back home, a long Sears receipt and a wrapper from a candy bar. Welp, a man's got to do, what a man's got to do, so I configure the candy wrapper and Sears receipt into the best hand protection I could muster and get to work. It's not going to well, and right in the middle the feeling comes back. I toss my makeshift ass wipe and wait for it to do it's thing. Boy did it ever.
So this time I've got nothing, I start taking stock of which piece of clothing can be sacrificed to the poop gods, ah , the sock. So I kick off my shoes, get the sock off, drop the pants lower, hike the shirt up, start wiping, The rumble starts again, I toss the sock in the garbage can. Whammo, it's another explosion. So I'm down to one sock and the boxers. I figure fuck it, this getting to be a mess, and I didn't like the boxers(they were old style Fruit of The Loom's with no button on the pee hole). So off they come, and I tear them into a few pieces. Get down to business, more rumbles, but they're lower in my stomach, so I've got hope. After a few more bouts, everything has thankfully finished, and I feel better, and confident that it's over.
I take stock of what I got, a few clean boxer scraps and the clean sock. So I gather up some confidence, let myself out of the stall, and waddle to the sink with the boxer scraps. I figure, I'll scrub up a bit. I get the hot water going, pour a ton of this horrid pink fruit smelling soap on to my boxer scraps, and scrub my lower body down a bit. I finish up, I can't see anything wrong, the biggest problem is I smell like this soap. I gather up mess that was in the small trash can toss it into the way bigger one across the room. I finish up getting dressed, I wonder what I should do with the clean sock? Fuck it, I figure and stuff it into my pocket. It was almost new. Wash my hands one more time and leave.
And that my friends, is how I spent some of the time during the Regents. With a balled up sock in my pocket, hoping that no one asked me why I smelled like a 3rd world bubble gum factory."
Bro! Damn!
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I was once in bed with a girl and she farted, quick as a flash she said "it wasnt me"
I said, I know it wasnt me and Im pretty sure theres no one else in here with us.
You should have married that girl.
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Bro! Damn!
KWON!!!!!!
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Dam, bro.
Bro! Damn!
I can laugh today, but I was legitimately close to crying that day. It looked like Hankins's sausage gravy was pouring out of me a few times :/.
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Let me be your drain
That bastard is full of shit.
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waiting for shite fetish Howard's tales..
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Norovirus for the
win lose. If you haven’t had it, good for you. 18 hours of hell, blasting out fluids from both ends.
I saw Moss on TV back in the day.
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I’ll tell a story about my buddy. He was with this pig who all my buddies ran thru at one point or another and I did get a couple bjs from, she was hot but a pig no doubt. He was getting blown sitting on the toilet late night and she blew mud all over the bathroom floor. They both told me the story and I was disgusted. Fucking gross people.
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(https://tbib.org//images/1683/e4cfdac28e655201a93b6cbf06ae2c5fd71a0086.gif?2195964)
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(https://tbib.org//images/1683/e4cfdac28e655201a93b6cbf06ae2c5fd71a0086.gif?2195964)
82% of Getbig would go parsh if they saw that in person.
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A few years ago I decided to go for a walk about 2 miles up the road which included a very big hill. While coming down the hill my morning coffee kicked in and I immediately knew I was in real trouble as there was no way I was going to make it 2 miles to my shitter. I desperately scanned the wilderness around me and picked some trees off the road next to a creek. I ran there and pulled down my pants to relieve myself only to have a farmer drive by in his tractor in the field not far away. There was also a car coming down the road so I was maneuvering around the tree to be invisible to both the farmer and driver on the road while shit poured out of me. :-[
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Some truly horrific replies. Outstanding ingenuity, BB. I'd have gone with the old Arab trick of bog water and my hand, followed by suicide when I got home.
I was once in bed with a girl and she farted, quick as a flash she said "it wasnt me"
I said, I know it wasnt me and Im pretty sure theres no one else in here with us.
I was at a girl's house once and went to go take a piss. When I came back, she was wafting a giant pillow around and suddenly went red in the face when I caught her. When the smell hit me it became apparent that she had committed an unspeakable act and was attempting to blow away the evidence. I pretended like I didn't know what was going on but, suffice to safe, I never went back.
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My favorite didn’t happen to me but to someone I know. He was coming home on the Subway and had one brewing that wasn’t gonna wait much longer. One stop away from home, the train got stuck between stations and stayed there for about 45 min. Needless to say, it didn’t end well.😂😂
While we’re on the subject, it would be nice to cut down on the number of wipes needed in the morning. Any advice🙏
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My mother's man shit in someones yard, like close to the edge of it. The owner came out and they stared at eachother silently. "It was an emergency"
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A former friend of mine used to take dumps while relaxing in the tub and then smash it into the drain with shampoo bottles while standing ankle deep in shit water.
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Shitty thread!
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Joe Biden shit his pants at the Vatican back in ‘21
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I can laugh today, but I was legitimately close to crying that day. It looked like Hankins's sausage gravy was pouring out of me a few times :/.
Feel for ya Broseph
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what about dumping in the shower? dump in your hand and put in the toilet ? then clean up in the shower...
Is that acceptable ?
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A former friend of mine used to take dumps while relaxing in the tub and then smash it into the drain with shampoo bottles while standing ankle deep in shit water.
No fuckin way....if you aren't just shitting around that is god damn disgusting. If this "brutal if true" story is indeed factual, did this person ever give a reason why they would do that? Were they on drugs? I'm one of those who freakin hates feces and the idea of willingly standing in a tub full of shitwater is appalling.
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what about dumping in the shower? dump in your hand and put in the toilet ? then clean up in the shower...
Is that acceptable ?
That's how some ladies of a larger carriage do it apparently - or shit while sitting down near the sea shore and let nature wash their sins away...
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Ultimate poo story (link is safe)
https://www.thewvsr.com/ryans.htm
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While we’re on the subject, it would be nice to cut down on the number of wipes needed in the morning. Any advice🙏
Bidet or a hose that squirts a jet of water up there (no homo)
Good for cooling down your balls too.
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My favorite didn’t happen to me but to someone I know. He was coming home on the Subway and had one brewing that wasn’t gonna wait much longer. One stop away from home, the train got stuck between stations and stayed there for about 45 min. Needless to say, it didn’t end well.😂😂
While we’re on the subject, it would be nice to cut down on the number of wipes needed in the morning. Any advice🙏
Just flip it over and use the other side. ;D
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I've told this before, but years ago when i was a man whore banging multiple Mexican broads off Tinder, i went out with a broad that used her younger sister's pics to "bait" me into a date. I showed up to her house a bit drunk and she basically apologized for misleading me and just wanted to fuck, so we did. She wasn't bad looking but a little chubby, not a big deal to me. As an anal connoisseur i proceeded to plow her in the ass from behind and suddenly we hear someone enter the house with children. I guess she got nervous and tensed up which caused her to "leak" a little, just then the door to her room opens and standing there is her little sister (whos pics she used) who had just returned early from taking this pigs children to a movie.
She panics and jerks forward, "pulling the plug" so to speak, which cause a "shit sprinkler" all over me, the bed, the wall and the dresser. I still remember the look of disgust on her sister's face and the pigs face as she turned and looked at me. It was more a look of fear and dismay, almost like she just watched her dog get hit by a car.
She runs out of the room and enters the bathroom, her little sister disappears to another room. I clean myself off with some clean clothes out of the dresser that were obviously men's clothing. I bolt out the door and hop in my truck, vanish.
Well, i forgot my fucking cell phone, so i message this pig on Tinder the next day to leave my phone in her mailbox so i can come get it. Which she does. As i grab the phone out of the mailbox, her little sister is looking out the window in disgust, i wink at her and do the "call me" hand gesture.
I have a lot of shit stories with women, but this was the worst.
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No fuckin way....if you aren't just shitting around that is god damn disgusting. If this "brutal if true" story is indeed factual, did this person ever give a reason why they would do that? Were they on drugs? I'm one of those who freakin hates feces and the idea of willingly standing in a tub full of shitwater is appalling.
It is true. He’s a former friend for a reason. He was crazy and became further mentally ill after our friendship ended ended!
He once stalked a celebrity. No, I’m not lying.
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It is true. He’s a former friend for a reason. He was crazy and became further mentally ill after our friendship ended ended!
He once stalked a celebrity. No, I’m not lying.
SO FREAKIN GROSS
He didn't use your bathtub, did he???
Did he offer shitwater to the celebrity he stalked?
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SO FREAKIN GROSS
He didn't use your bathtub, did he???
Did he offer shitwater to the celebrity he stalked?
No. ;D
He was a huge fan of Howard Stern while we grew up together, partly because of Stern’s scatological humor, like his character of Fartman.
He would also cup of his flatulence, put his clenched fist to his nose, and release it one finger at a time, as if he were savoring the moment.
He liked foul smells of all sorts. He would rub his swamp-ass residue on a finger and smell it. He would give himself Dutch ovens in his bed. He would prank people by taking a dump, leaving the toilet open, call someone to the bathroom and then quickly get out and shut the door and hold it so the person would see the dump and smell the odor.
We grew up together in childhood into our teenage years. I admit I’m at fault for this prolonged friendship with a lunatic because as a naive, well-meaning kid, I thought I had some sort of obligation to long-time friends. I think many men have thought that.
Eventually, for a variety of reasons, including his perversions, I grew to despise him, and scatological humor. Hence I had violent ideation and revulsion when I viewed videos of Eddie Hall and Markus Ruhl joking around with flatulence and the YouTube celebrity Jack Vale pranking people with the fart-noise gadget called a Pooter. I have terrible, vicious thoughts for people who provide such humor.
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No. ;D
He was a huge fan of Howard Stern while we grew up together, partly because of Stern’s scatological humor, like his character of Fartman.
He would also cup of his flatulence, put his clenched fist to his nose, and release it one finger at a time, as if he were savoring the moment.
He liked foul smells of all sorts. He would rub his swamp-ass residue on a finger and smell it. He would give himself Dutch ovens in his bed. He would prank people by taking a dump, leaving the toilet open, call someone to the bathroom and then quickly get out and shut the door and hold it so the person would see the dump and smell the odor.
We grew up together in childhood into our teenage years. I admit I’m at fault for this prolonged friendship with a lunatic because as a naive, well-meaning kid, I thought I had some sort of obligation to long-time friends. I think many men have thought that.
Eventually, for a variety of reasons, including his perversions, I grew to despise him, and scatological humor. Hence I had violent ideation and revulsion when I viewed videos of Eddie Hall and Markus Ruhl joking around with flatulence and the YouTube celebrity Jack Vale pranking people with the fart-noise gadget called a Pooter. I have terrible, vicious thoughts for people who provide such humor.
I used to work with this lady who was a total cunt and complained every time someone heated up food in the break room.
When she got up to piss or whatever i would walk into her office and rip paint peeling farts.
I heard her gag at least 5 times.
She never said anything about it. ;D
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Not a shit story, but I was doing night work and it's a 12 hour shifts. You either bring your own food or you don't eat as nothing was open at that hour.
Took a few meals with me, but one container with chicken, I forgot to put it in my fridge. Come 4am and I'm starving and pulled this container out that had been sitting in my locker for 10 hours.
I thought fuck it and nuked it in the microwave. It stunk up the who staff area bad (used by 30 people) Everyone thought the smell must have been from the drains nearby. Yes I still ate it as I wasn't gonna let myself get catabolic! Amazingly I didn't get the shits afterwards.
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I admit it: I have a phobia of poo. I'm truly disgusted and appalled by anything to do with shit when it involves the opposite sex. If a woman even jokes about the subject of pooing or farting, I want nothing to do with her. Indeed, my policy on poo is one of zero tolerance. Sometimes, I think life might actually be easier if I were a secret shit-fetishist like affeman or Donny. In the spirit of perverse entertainment and to celebrate the somewhat masochistic allure of disgust, I invite you all to share your horrific encounters here.
Hahaha snap mate I’m exactly like you. I don’t know where it came from and I feel like I’m being an uppity cunt but can’t help it
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I've posted this elsewhere, but one time I was on a beach (about midnight - no families around LOL) with a young lady squatting downstairs polishing my pipe
Without breaking her rhythm, she reached one hand down under her skirt to free her undercarriage... I heard a little trickle and thought to myself "cool - she's p1ssing - bit kinky - it'll make a good anecdote to tell the fellas back at the hotel"...
Then I realised what she was actually doing... releasing the loose remains of last nights spicy kebab... :-X
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I used to work with this lady who was a total cunt and complained every time someone heated up food in the break room.
When she got up to piss or whatever i would walk into her office and rip paint peeling farts.
I heard her gag at least 5 times.
She never said anything about it. ;D
That’s actually funny.
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Christmas day - we went for dinner at a restaurant in town. I left the wife there with her mates and took the 2 kids back in the car. Now, out here - Christmas isn't a public holiday, so I did think about going to the toilet before we set off - but nope - nothing brewing.
About 10 mins into the journey - I'm stuck in traffic and my guts started to rumble really bad. I needed a gas station - but we weren't moving. The 2 kids are in the back of the car thinking this whole thing is freaking hilarious. As time went on, it got more and more severe until I couldn't hold back any longer and it came out as I was sitting there in the drivers seat. Kids are now bent over double at dad shitting in the car. This was despite me telling them how funny this wasn't.
Thing is - it didn't stop at that first release - it kept coming and coming, filling my jeans until I hat to tuck them into my socks to prevent it from coming out of the jean's legs.
When I got back, it was all over my legs. My underwear was a massive shit sack. The sock thing worked a charm and thankfully nothing leaked into the car. Levi's Jeans must be turd proof thankfully. All the clothes went in the bin.
We don't discuss this at home.
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A former friend of mine used to take dumps while relaxing in the tub and then smash it into the drain with shampoo bottles while standing ankle deep in shit water.
This is honestly just beyond the pale, lol. He should hang for this. Along with Fat Eddie Hall for his farting antics. I've told this before, but years ago when i was a man whore banging multiple Mexican broads off Tinder, i went out with a broad that used her younger sister's pics to "bait" me into a date. I showed up to her house a bit drunk and she basically apologized for misleading me and just wanted to fuck, so we did. She wasn't bad looking but a little chubby, not a big deal to me. As an anal connoisseur i proceeded to plow her in the ass from behind and suddenly we hear someone enter the house with children. I guess she got nervous and tensed up which caused her to "leak" a little, just then the door to her room opens and standing there is her little sister (whos pics she used) who had just returned early from taking this pigs children to a movie.
She panics and jerks forward, "pulling the plug" so to speak, which cause a "shit sprinkler" all over me, the bed, the wall and the dresser. I still remember the look of disgust on her sister's face and the pigs face as she turned and looked at me. It was more a look of fear and dismay, almost like she just watched her dog get hit by a car.
She runs out of the room and enters the bathroom, her little sister disappears to another room. I clean myself off with some clean clothes out of the dresser that were obviously men's clothing. I bolt out the door and hop in my truck, vanish.
Well, i forgot my fucking cell phone, so i message this pig on Tinder the next day to leave my phone in her mailbox so i can come get it. Which she does. As i grab the phone out of the mailbox, her little sister is looking out the window in disgust, i wink at her and do the "call me" hand gesture.
I have a lot of shit stories with women, but this was the worst.
I remembered reading this but forgot it was you, haha. I don't even have the words. Truly the stuff of nightmares. The 'call me' gesture at the traumatized sister is classic.
Hahaha snap mate I’m exactly like you. I don’t know where it came from and I feel like I’m being an uppity cunt but can’t help it
I reckon we've both probably been around a lot of disgusting blokes and been desensitized to it. I think that's what it is for me: I'm so used to seeing men do the most appalling things that I want women to be held to a different standard and not do anything to disgust me.
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Christmas day - we went for dinner at a restaurant in town. I left the wife there with her mates and took the 2 kids back in the car. Now, out here - Christmas isn't a public holiday, so I did think about going to the toilet before we set off - but nope - nothing brewing.
About 10 mins into the journey - I'm stuck in traffic and my guts started to rumble really bad. I needed a gas station - but we weren't moving. The 2 kids are in the back of the car thinking this whole thing is freaking hilarious. As time went on, it got more and more severe until I couldn't hold back any longer and it came out as I was sitting there in the drivers seat. Kids are now bent over double at dad shitting in the car. This was despite me telling them how funny this wasn't.
Thing is - it didn't stop at that first release - it kept coming and coming, filling my jeans until I hat to tuck them into my socks to prevent it from coming out of the jean's legs.
When I got back, it was all over my legs. My underwear was a massive shit sack. The sock thing worked a charm and thankfully nothing leaked into the car. Levi's Jeans must be turd proof thankfully. All the clothes went in the bin.
We don't discuss this at home.
There's no panic like being stuck in a car and feeling your stomach go. One thing I never do when travelling is eat salads, put ice in my drinks, or try random fruits that I've not personally washed. If it's not came out of a packet or been boiled to the extreme, then I don't trust it.
Two of my old friends once came back from a night out years ago and one of them was literally in tears laughing from trying to explain what had happened. They had gone back to a hotel with two girls and were all naked and fucking around. One of the guys picked up the girl's underwear, put it to his face and jokingly took a massive, exaggerated sniff.
Apparently, as soon as he did, his face contorted in panic and horror, and he fell to the floor and started spewing. The underwear was described as being covered in shit and 'literally looking like she had used a corkscrew to stuff it up her ass.'
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There's no panic like being stuck in a car and feeling your stomach go. One thing I never do when travelling is eat salads, put ice in my drinks, or try random fruits that I've not personally washed. If it's not came out of a packet or been boiled to the extreme, then I don't trust it.
Two of my old friends once came back from a night out years ago and one of them was literally in tears laughing from trying to explain what had happened. They had gone back to a hotel with two girls and were all naked and fucking around. One of the guys picked up the girl's underwear, put it to his face and jokingly took a massive, exaggerated sniff.
Apparently, as soon as he did, his face contorted in panic and horror, and he fell to the floor and started spewing. The underwear was described as being covered in shit and 'literally looking like she had used a corkscrew to stuff it up her ass.'
:D Boner killer.
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MY buddy and his wife tell this story on occasion when new folks are around, cracks me up each time...
They were driving back from FLA to MA one year. They stopped at a friends house on the way back just for a few hour visit.
The person put out drinks, snacks, etc. So (we'll call him) "Tony" decides to eat a bunch of hot cherry peppers.
So a few hours of driving down rte 95 in FL, he tells the wife to pull over, he needs to crap NOW, stomach was churning......
She pulls over, he runs into the woods. Problem is the shorts he had on had a string-tie he couldnt un-do...
Shitz his knickerz like Joe Biden after a dairy-queen trip. He had to leave everything in the woods. Comes up to the car naked, with his t-shirt in front of his junk.
It was day time and cars were driving by, honking, etc..
Wife had to drive while smelling that shit as he sat on his shirt in the car. She made it to an exit and went into a Walmart and bought him some clothes. (And wipes).
Took a sponge-bath out back of Walmart using wipes. Like the whole container...
Mad shitter...