Muscular Development Editor-in-Chief STEVE BLECHMAN, a leader in post-incarceration rehabilitation programs, metrosexually transmitted diseases, and collegiate wrestling nostalgia, announced today that he has hired convicted felon KELLY RYAN to head up the Fitness Editorial and Contest Coverage for the magazine beginning with the September 2008 issue. When asked why he chose Kelly over such non-murderers as Adela Garcia or Jenny Lynn, Steve responded: "The only people who kiss my ass without question and display the type of loyalty I seek are former convicts. Just look at our staff -- Palumbo, Romano, Valentino, Patrick Arnold, Victor Conte! Plus, a recent survey of our readership ranked 'going to prison' above 'advanced degrees' and 'competitive experience' in terms of qualifying experts!"
MD.com Editor David Palumbo even went so far as to offer Kelly a place to stay when she gets out of prison: "Kelly is more than welcome to stay with Collette and I until she gets her affairs in order. I have no concerns about our safety because Collette's implants are fire-retardant and our local Walmart refuses to sell lighter fluid past midnight."
- This took three separate text messages due to the 160 character limit!