I think it's time to rent hospital beds and open some accounts - creative writer may be a lucrative job opportunity...
"
welp!
My puppy and me were rock climbing... when suddenly a volcano errupted and drenched my fourlegged fellow in hot lava.
The intense light pulverized my eyes and foreskin(in realtime) and now I find myself a war veteran without a third leg to stand on.
€400,000,000 goal

p.s.: your monies seperates me from happiness and penile resconstruction - so better be fast... donat-ello is not just a name it's a calling!
"