Author Topic: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?  (Read 11668 times)

Deedee

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I do... and sometimes wonder if other women feel the same. The rape scenes in Irreversible, and Baise Moi are absoultely awful and graphic and wish I had never seen them. The one in Boys Don't Cry was brutal as well. I can't imagine living through that and am thankful it hasn't happened to me or anyone I know.

Having said that, although I never used to think about it, (I'd walk the dog at midnight, etc...) now I find myself more often walking with my keys between my fingers if I have to get my car in an empty underground parking. I also make sure to stand next to the buttons on an elevator if I've been working late... stuff like that. If someone asks for directions from their car, I'll stand on the sidewalk and yell rather than get close. Does anyone else ever think about these things?

alexxx

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2006, 01:16:38 PM »
Dee you should carry one of those keychains that make the crazy noise. I had one of those and the noise is so loud that you can almost go death. Other than that if you need personal instructions just contact me. ;)
just push some weight!

proschic

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2006, 01:24:43 PM »
I do... and sometimes wonder if other women feel the same. The rape scenes in Irreversible, and Baise Moi are absoultely awful and graphic and wish I had never seen them. The one in Boys Don't Cry was brutal as well. I can't imagine living through that and am thankful it hasn't happened to me or anyone I know.

Having said that, although I never used to think about it, (I'd walk the dog at midnight, etc...) now I find myself more often walking with my keys between my fingers if I have to get my car in an empty underground parking. I also make sure to stand next to the buttons on an elevator if I've been working late... stuff like that. If someone asks for directions from their car, I'll stand on the sidewalk and yell rather than get close. Does anyone else ever think about these things?

I do, ALL THE TIME!  I watch too much "forensic files" and "cold case files" and all the other "files" shows on court tv.  Rape and murder are in about 70% of these shows.  And they are all true cases.

When I lived in Savannah, Ga....I walked my dog at the park across from my house.  I was once followed around the ENTIRE park by a guy wearing a hoodie.  I started to get scared but more pissed...I turned around and told him I would command my dog to attack him if he didn't back the *f* up.  I had a pit and amer bulldog mix who was, by then, foaming at the mouth.  It was all I could do to hold Chopper back.  The guy took off.  What sucks is after that...I had to drive to a new park across town to feel more safe.


Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2006, 01:26:37 PM »
for one reason or another, I was reading the research COngress did before they passed the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) that the SCOTUS ruled was partly unconstitutional.  ANyhow, the facts they came up w were pretty horrendous.

they said that 3 out of 4 women would be victims of a violent crime at some point in their lives.  If you have any females in your life . . . that's a sobering thought.

Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2006, 01:28:03 PM »
I do, ALL THE TIME!  I watch too much "forensic files" and "cold case files" and all the other "files" shows on court tv.  Rape and murder are in about 70% of these shows.  And they are all true cases.

When I lived in Savannah, Ga....I walked my dog at the park across from my house.  I was once followed around the ENTIRE park by a guy wearing a hoodie.  I started to get scared but more pissed...I turned around and told him I would command my dog to attack him if he didn't back the *f* up.  I had a pit and amer bulldog mix who was, by then, foaming at the mouth.  It was all I could do to hold Chopper back.  The guy took off.  What sucks is after that...I had to drive to a new park across town to feel more safe.



making eye contact w potential assailants is a good idea.  attackers like to sneak up . . . and if they feel like they've been spotted, then they usually will not proceed.

Deedee

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2006, 01:28:40 PM »
Dee you should carry one of those keychains that make the crazy noise. I had one of those and the noise is so loud that you can almost go death. Other than that if you need personal instructions just contact me. ;)

You're too generous Alexxx...  :)

ps... where do you get those key chains. I used to have a mace keychain, but forgot to remove it when crossing the border and it was conviscated. Plus I was lucky I didn't get into trouble since it constitutes attempting to smuggle a weapon into another country.  :-\

Quote
I do, ALL THE TIME!  I watch too much "forensic files" and "cold case files" and all the other "files" shows on court tv.  Rape and murder are in about 70% of these shows.  And they are all true cases.

So do I. It doesn't help at all.  :-\

Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2006, 01:29:59 PM »
You're too generous Alexxx...  :)

ps... where do you get those key chains. I used to have a mace keychain, but forgot to remove it when crossing the border and it was conviscated. Plus I was lucky I didn't get into trouble since it constitutes attempting to smuggle a weapon into another country.  :-\

So do I. It doesn't help at all.  :-\

go to your nearest Cabela's (hunting/outdoor outfitters) and get bear spray . . . works far better than pepper spray and from a greater distance. I think mace might be illegal in several states.

alexxx

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2006, 01:30:19 PM »
Sorry sugah I didn't buy it. I have been roaming the dark black streets and forest paths ever since I was a youngun take karate lessons. I fear nothing.
just push some weight!

proschic

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2006, 01:30:40 PM »
for one reason or another, I was reading the research COngress did before they passed the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) that the SCOTUS ruled unconstitutional.  ANyhow, the facts they came up w were pretty horrendous.

they said that 3 out of 4 women would be victims of a violent crime at some point in their lives.  If you have any females in your life . . . that's a sobering thought.

That scares me so much knowing that I am having a little girl in 8 weeks.  You can't watch them 24/7 especially when they get into their teens.  What do you do as a parent?  Educating them can only go so far.

Deedee

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2006, 01:33:59 PM »
go to your nearest Cabela's (hunting/outdoor outfitters) and get bear spray . . . works far better than pepper spray and from a greater distance. I think mace might be illegal in several states.

That's a great idea actually... never thought of it.

Thank you!

Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2006, 01:36:56 PM »
That scares me so much knowing that I am having a little girl in 8 weeks.  You can't watch them 24/7 especially when they get into their teens.  What do you do as a parent?  Educating them can only go so far.

I don't know . . . I assume that in certain neighborhoods it is probably more likely to happen.

I don't mean to disturb you or anyone w these facts, but this was part of the evidence, the dissenting judges cited in US v Morrison:

According to one study, close to half a million girls now in high school will be raped before they graduate

One hundred twenty-five thousand college women can expect to be raped this (or any) year.


I say take all precautions that you possibly can. 

Deedee

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #11 on: November 04, 2006, 01:39:25 PM »
for one reason or another, I was reading the research COngress did before they passed the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) that the SCOTUS ruled unconstitutional.  ANyhow, the facts they came up w were pretty horrendous.

they said that 3 out of 4 women would be victims of a violent crime at some point in their lives.  If you have any females in your life . . . that's a sobering thought.

Have read similar statistics and they're frightening.

Last week I decided to take the subway cross town since I was in a hurry. Some loon came on the crowded car and stood in front of me, spewing crude come-ons. Then he got right into my face with his nether region... the crotch of his pants actually skimmed my nose. Of course I was terrified and several normal men sitting nearby made eye contact with me, shaking their heads, but no one did anything. Why would they? The loon was clearly disturbed. As soon as I could, I got off the train and even when I was in the street, kept looking back, paranoid that he might have followed.  Not all incidents are violent crimes, but women deal with this sort of thing all the time...

Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2006, 01:40:46 PM »
Here's the info from US v Morrison. starts w domestic violence and then goes on to rape.

With respect to domestic violence, Congress received evidence for the following findings:

    "Three out of four American women will be victims of violent crimes sometime during their life." H. R. Rep. No. 103-395, p. 25 (1993) (citing U. S. Dept. of Justice, Report to the Nation on Crime and Justice 29 (2d ed. 1988)).

    "Violence is the leading cause of injuries to women ages 15 to 44 .... " S. Rep. No. 103-138, p. 38 (1993) (citing Surgeon General Antonia Novello, From the Surgeon General, U. S. Public Health Services, 267 JAMA 3132 (1992)).

    "[A]s many as 50 percent of homeless women and children are fleeing domestic violence." S. Rep. No. 101545, p. 37 (1990) (citing E. Schneider, Legal Reform Efforts for Battered Women: Past, Present, and Future (July 1990)).

    "Since 1974, the assault rate against women has outstripped the rate for men by at least twice for some age groups and far more for others." S. Rep. No. 101-

in the Courts, Final Report (1989); Wisconsin Equal Justice Task Force, Final Report (Jan. 1991).

8 See S. Rep. No. 101-545 (1990); Majority Staff of Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Violence Against Women: The Increase of Rape in America, 102d Cong., 1st Sess. (Comm. Print 1991); S. Rep. No. 102-197 (1991); Majority Staff of Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Violence Against Women: A Week in the Life of America, 102d Cong., 2d Sess. (Comm. Print 1992); S. Rep. No. 103-138 (1993); Majority Staff of Senate Committee on the Judiciary, The Response to Rape: Detours on the Road to Equal Justice, 103d Cong., 1st Sess. (Comm. Print 1993); H. R. Rep. No. 103-395 (1993); H. R. Com. Rep. No. 103-711 (1994).

632

545, at 30 (citing Bureau of Justice Statistics, Criminal Victimization in the United States (1974) (Table 5)).

"[BJattering 'is the single largest cause of injury to women in the United States.'" S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 37 (quoting Van Hightower & McManus, Limits of State Constitutional Guarantees: Lessons from Efforts to Implement Domestic Violence Policies, 49 Pub. Admin. Rev. 269 (May/June 1989).

"An estimated 4 million American women are battered each year by their husbands or partners." H. R. Rep. No. 103-395, at 26 (citing Council on Scientific Affairs, American Medical Assn., Violence Against Women: Relevance for Medical Practitioners, 267 JAMA 3184, 3185 (1992).

"Over 1 million women in the United States seek medical assistance each year for injuries sustained [from] their husbands or other partners." S. Rep. No. 101545, at 37 (citing Stark & Flitcraft, Medical Therapy as Repression: The Case of the Battered Woman, Health & Medicine (Summer/Fall 1982).

"Between 2,000 and 4,000 women die every year from [domestic] abuse." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 36 (citing Schneider, supra).

"[A]rrest rates may be as low as 1 for every 100 domestic assaults." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 38 (citing Dutton, Profiling of Wife Assaulters: Preliminary Evidence for Trimodal Analysis, 3 Violence and Victims 5-30 (1988)).

"Partial estimates show that violent crime against women costs this country at least 3 billion-not million, but billion-dollars a year." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 33 (citing Schneider, supra, at 4).

"[E]stimates suggest that we spend $5 to $10 billion a year on health care, criminal justice, and other social costs of domestic violence." S. Rep. No. 103-138, at

633

    41 (citing Biden, Domestic Violence: A Crime, Not a Quarrel, Trial 56 (June 1993)).

The evidence as to rape was similarly extensive, supporting these conclusions:

    "[The incidence of] rape rose four times as fast as the total national crime rate over the past 10 years." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 30 (citing Federal Bureau of Investigation Uniform Crime Reports (1988)).

    "According to one study, close to half a million girls now in high school will be raped before they graduate." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 31 (citing R. Warshaw, I Never Called it Rape 117 (1988)).

    "[One hundred twenty-five thousand] college women can expect to be raped during this-or any-year." S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 43 (citing testimony of Dr. Mary Koss before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Aug. 29, 1990).

    "[T]hree-quarters of women never go to the movies alone after dark because of the fear of rape and nearly 50 percent do not use public transit alone after dark for the same reason." S. Rep. No. 102-197, p. 38 (1991) (citing M. Gordon & S. Riger, The Female Fear 15 (1989)).

    "[Forty-one] percent of judges surveyed believed that juries give sexual assault victims less credibility than other crime victims." S. Rep. No. 102-197, at 47 (citing Colorado Supreme Court Task Force on Gender Bias in the Courts, Gender & Justice in the Colorado Courts 91 (1990)).

    "Less than 1 percent of all [rape] victims have collected damages." S. Rep. No. 102-197, at 44 (citing report by Jury Verdict Research, Inc.).

    "'[A]n individual who commits rape has only about 4 chances in 100 of being arrested, prosecuted, and found guilty of any offense.'" S. Rep. No. 101-545, at 33, n. 30

634

(quoting H. Feild & L. Bienen, Jurors and Rape: A Study in Psychology and Law 95 (1980)).

"Almost one-quarter of convicted rapists never go to prison and another quarter received sentences in local jails where the average sentence is 11 months." S. Rep. No. 103-138, at 38 (citing Majority Staff Report of Senate Committee on the Judiciary, The Response to Rape:

Detours on the Road to Equal Justice, 103d Cong., 1st Sess., 2 (Comm. Print 1993)).

"[A]lmost 50 percent of rape victims lose their jobs or are forced to quit because of the crime's severity." S. Rep. No. 102-197, at 53 (citing Ellis, Atkeson, & Calhoun, An Assessment of Long-Term Reaction to Rape, 90 J. Abnormal Psych., No.3, p. 264 (1981).

Al-Gebra

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2006, 01:44:02 PM »
Have read similar statistics and they're frightening.

Last week I decided to take the subway cross town since I was in a hurry. Some loon came on the crowded car and stood in front of me, spewing crude come-ons. Then he got right into my face with his nether region... the crotch of his pants actually skimmed my nose. Of course I was terrified and several normal men sitting nearby made eye contact with me, shaking their heads, but no one did anything. Why would they? The loon was clearly disturbed. As soon as I could, I got off the train and even when I was in the street, kept looking back, paranoid that he might have followed.  Not all incidents are violent crimes, but women deal with this sort of thing all the time...

I'm sorry something like that happened.  If I ever see something like that, I will be sure to do something . . . in hopes that someone will do the same for mine.

Migs

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2006, 01:48:37 PM »
that is horrible deedee.  And the guys that let it happen are scum too. 

az

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #15 on: November 04, 2006, 02:01:35 PM »
predators also look for vulnerable women. they get more hyped when they know that we are afraid of them. Since most of us here go to the gym on a regular basis we are all strong in mind and body.  If you struggle with fear of attack use it in your work out. When you are lifting and feel you don't have anymore strength for one more rep, think of getting a sick s.o.b. off of you. I work in corrections so my mind set is a little different. I know that there may come a day when it's between my life and an inmates and I'd rather be judged by strangers than buried by my family.

as far as the tv shows go I don't watch rape scenes, or scenes that deal with any type of violence against women or children (I have a daughter), it is way to disturbing for me.

if you are gonna use any type of spray use it on yourself first. if you have to use it to get a s.o.b. away from you and the wind happens to be blowing a litlte you're gonna get some of it back in your face. if you are not familiar with the sensation you will panic and he will be able to finish what he started.  

for anyone who has experienced rape/assault I am sorry for your pain.


Eyeball Chambers

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #16 on: November 04, 2006, 03:49:49 PM »
I do, ALL THE TIME!  I watch too much "forensic files" and "cold case files" and all the other "files" shows on court tv.  Rape and murder are in about 70% of these shows.  And they are all true cases.

When I lived in Savannah, Ga....I walked my dog at the park across from my house.  I was once followed around the ENTIRE park by a guy wearing a hoodie.  I started to get scared but more pissed...I turned around and told him I would command my dog to attack him if he didn't back the *f* up.  I had a pit and amer bulldog mix who was, by then, foaming at the mouth.  It was all I could do to hold Chopper back.  The guy took off.  What sucks is after that...I had to drive to a new park across town to feel more safe.



Just pull out a pick of Bob next time.  No one will mess with you. lol
S

Butterbean

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #17 on: November 04, 2006, 07:05:04 PM »
making eye contact w potential assailants is a good idea.  attackers like to sneak up . . . and if they feel like they've been spotted, then they usually will not proceed.

Yes.  Eye contact.  I used to live downtown and had to park on the street.  One night I went home (probably 10pm) and was walking up the sidewalk to my security building.  A freak w/socks on his hands was walking toward me mumbling and looking at me.  I looked right into his eyes and mumbled loudly several threats regarding killing him if he touched me and using the MF phrase frequently.   He walked right past me but you can bet I was going as fast as I could w/my key to get into the door of the building.

I went upstairs to my apt. and I was watching out the window I saw a downstairs neighbor (a man) come home.  I called him on the phone and he was going on and on about the weirdo freak w/the socks on his hands and how scary he was (the guy was hanging out in front of the building).  I ended up calling the cops on the guy.


Also, I used to take Tae Kwon Do and quit 2 belts away from a black belt (because 2 people in my class got on my nerves so badly I stopped enjoying it).  I started taking TKD because I was at a bar to watch a friend's band and there were so many freaks there I was kind of afraid to go to the bathroom by myself (it was in the bar's basement).  I wanted to be able to defend myself if the need were to arise.

I learned a lot that was very useful but here is something that is VERY useful.  If you are being attacked, if you punch your attacker in the front of his neck it will probably stop the attack on you.  But you must be very careful, because this can easily kill someone.  Only use it if you are truly being attacked.  An elbow strike to the nose is also a very effective move.

We also did what were called "forms" where we learned some interesting strikes.  Forms were almost like beautiful dances that you would learn for each belt.  One of my forms had a move that I didn't really understand so I asked my instructor about it.  He said the first move was the grabbing of the attacker's balls w/the left hand.  The second move was the striking of the balls (hand going just over your left w/a punching movement but w/an open tiger-mouthed hand) w/the right hand.   I guess that it may end up tearing the ball sack right off!  YEOUCH!   AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! ;D

Also, NEVER get into a car w/someone who is trying to "kidnap" you.  Once you leave the area w/them, chances are very good that you will be raped and possibly killed.  Even if they pull a gun on you fight for your life and run run run.  Most of them won't actually shoot, but if they do they'll miss the large percent of the time.  And if you run in a crazy pattern, the chances are lower they would actually hit you. 

R

proschic

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #18 on: November 04, 2006, 07:38:01 PM »
Damn Stella...you should run a "protection class". I feel like printing your post and putting it on the fridge.

Butterbean

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #19 on: November 05, 2006, 06:50:42 AM »
Damn Stella...you should run a "protection class". I feel like printing your post and putting it on the fridge.

It was the tearing off of the ball sack right? ;D
R

Migs

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #20 on: November 05, 2006, 07:03:20 AM »
It was the tearing off of the ball sack right? ;D

sometimes you scare me, kinda like that!  ;D :-*

24KT

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #21 on: November 05, 2006, 10:15:08 AM »
The eye contact is a very good thing. I once saw a documentary where they interviewed countless serial rapists, and asked them what it was that drove them. One guy in particular stood out in my mind. He was asked if he had ever targetted a woman, then changed his mind about assaulting her. Turns out he was approaching her from behind, and when she saw him, she gasped, and let out a huge sigh of relief. She looked him stright in the eyes, and with a friendly smile, said "Oh my goodness. I was so scared for a moment, ...but it's just you."  That made him change his mind. He saw himself as an animal, ...and her words reminded him of his humanity, ...made him feel good about himself like he wasn't the piece of shit he saw himself as afterall. That tiny little phrase made him decide not to rape her afterall. It was interesting. It also proved to be a common thread among these guys. Of course he still continued to rape others before he was finally caught.
w

Deedee

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #22 on: November 05, 2006, 10:34:19 AM »
It was the tearing off of the ball sack right? ;D

Yes!!!  ;D

Deedee

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #23 on: November 05, 2006, 10:39:18 AM »
predators also look for vulnerable women. they get more hyped when they know that we are afraid of them. Since most of us here go to the gym on a regular basis we are all strong in mind and body.  

if you are gonna use any type of spray use it on yourself first. if you have to use it to get a s.o.b. away from you and the wind happens to be blowing a litlte you're gonna get some of it back in your face. if you are not familiar with the sensation you will panic and he will be able to finish what he started.  

for anyone who has experienced rape/assault I am sorry for your pain.



Am sure most of us think this and I've always felt I could do some serious damage with my knee or fist in the right place if I had to, or at least, have enough strength to run like hell away. But I guess the more I read or see, the more I think it's false assurance and if you're up against someone with a weapon, or who catches you off guard, it's a whole different story.

ps.s thanks for the tip about the pepper spray.

proschic

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Re: Do you ever fear being raped/assaulted when you're alone and vulnerable?
« Reply #24 on: November 05, 2006, 10:39:54 AM »
It was the tearing off of the ball sack right? ;D

That would definatly put a kink in their step!!  I would love to keep a momento from the jackass who tried to attack me!!