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Author Topic: Guys+girls=friends???  (Read 6978 times)
Playboy
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« Reply #75 on: January 30, 2007, 12:12:30 PM »

Why is apparently so hard to have friends of the opposite sex? People here are suggesting that it's disrespectful to have friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship...That's the biggest load of crap I've heard in a long time.

The thing with a good quality relationship is that the friend's features like sexe, looks, race become oblivious. What remains is a character with certain traits, opinons, and qualities that you like and sometimes share. That's what makes a good friendship, it evolves beyond the 'doing stuff together' level. I have a couple of female friends, that I see on a regular basis. None of my exes have found that threatening or disrespectful. On the contrary, not allowing your partner to have friends of the opposite sexe, is paranoid, belitteling and a sign of distrust (which probably reflects your own insecurity).

I suggest some of you better grow up!
And thats strickly you're opinion. I respect yours. Respect mine.

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« Reply #76 on: January 30, 2007, 01:22:43 PM »

Why is apparently so hard to have friends of the opposite sex? People here are suggesting that it's disrespectful to have friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship...That's the biggest load of crap I've heard in a long time.

The thing with a good quality relationship is that the friend's features like sexe, looks, race become oblivious. What remains is a character with certain traits, opinons, and qualities that you like and sometimes share. That's what makes a good friendship, it evolves beyond the 'doing stuff together' level. I have a couple of female friends, that I see on a regular basis. None of my exes have found that threatening or disrespectful. On the contrary, not allowing your partner to have friends of the opposite sexe, is paranoid, belitteling and a sign of distrust (which probably reflects your own insecurity).

I suggest some of you better grow up!
Without insulting or anything, you really need to see what year you live in.  Divorce is at a high and encouraging OS friendships leads to doom.  But hey, I'll make friends with hot chicks and let my gf know that you said it was okay and even healthy.  There really is no need for friends of the opposite sex.  We are just inundated with the notion that there is and if your partner doesn't approve of it then they are jealous and controlling.  Give me a break.
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« Reply #77 on: January 30, 2007, 01:54:30 PM »

Without insulting or anything, you really need to see what year you live in.  Divorce is at a high and encouraging OS friendships leads to doom.  But hey, I'll make friends with hot chicks and let my gf know that you said it was okay and even healthy.  There really is no need for friends of the opposite sex.  We are just inundated with the notion that there is and if your partner doesn't approve of it then they are jealous and controlling.  Give me a break.
Exactly. Great post, cap86. I just cannot see myself going out with women, coming home at 10 or 11pm and my wife/girlfriend/fiancee being alright with that and the same if the tables were turned. Thats the only point I was trying to bring up and I was told to "grow up" for it. LOL.

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« Reply #78 on: January 31, 2007, 02:49:24 AM »

you guys really don't get it do you?

You are still stuck at the opposite sex part of friendships, as I told before, that should become irrelevant, a friend is a friend.
And it's not about encouraging anything, friendships are just there, regardless of relationships. I'm not talking about chatting up women or something, or actively looking for new friends during a relationship. You just can't drop the ball on your female friends because you have a relationship, sure, you'll spend less time with them (and your other friends) to be with your new partner.


And what's this about 'year we live in, divore, etc'? What kind cynical approach to life is that? man.....
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« Reply #79 on: January 31, 2007, 05:15:25 AM »

^ Seems like Playboy and cap86 are pussy whipped. I mean, come on. The 'disrespectful to partner' stuff is bullshit.

You just can't drop the ball on your female friends because you have a relationship, sure, you'll spend less time with them (and your other friends) to be with your new partner.

Exactly. It's not about suddenly seeing every chick as a danger zone and 'off limits' because you fear you might fuck them... it's about seperating relationships with friendships. Any smart person can do that. Besides, if you're more attracted to someone other than your gf/wife, you seriously have to reassess your relationship and not just label that person as 'a friend that I can't see anymore out of respect.'
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« Reply #80 on: January 31, 2007, 07:01:37 AM »

^ Seems like Playboy and cap86 are pussy whipped. I mean, come on. The 'disrespectful to partner' stuff is bullshit.

Exactly. It's not about suddenly seeing every chick as a danger zone and 'off limits' because you fear you might f**k them... it's about seperating relationships with friendships. Any smart person can do that. Besides, if you're more attracted to someone other than your gf/wife, you seriously have to reassess your relationship and not just label that person as 'a friend that I can't see anymore out of respect.'
Uhhhhhhh I don't think so. But its our opinion. Not everyone sees things your way. If you want to parade around town with other males its your option to do so. Cap86 and I are not calling you names for it.

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« Reply #81 on: January 31, 2007, 07:34:59 AM »

Uhhhhhhh I don't think so. But its our opinion. Not everyone sees things your way. If you want to parade around town with other males its your option to do so. Cap86 and I are not calling you names for it.

PB

No, but I think you guys are confusing having a friendship with someone and "dating."  There are all different kinds of ways you interact with people, and not necessarily all of them will end up being alone in a car at 11:00 at night. 

Hypothetical: Supposing you are madly in love with your SO but there's only one thing missing.  You love poetry/spoken word and he thinks anyone in a beret should be taken out and summarily shot. You get along in every way but this one.  Is there a harm in meeting an acquaintance/friend of the opposite sex every couple of months to attend a reading etc... and have expresso afterward while you discuss it?  Or what if he's a tennis fiend, and you suck?  He can never have a game with a woman friend or acquaintance if she's the only one he knows who plays at his level? I've had training partners who were guys... if I ever trained with my SO I probably would have murdered him with an ice pick. What if one has specialty interests/passions such as philatelics (or whatever it's called).  Good luck finding someone of your own sex who's interested... are you just supposed to suppress these areas of your life because your  SO is insecure and doesn't want you to "mingle" with people of the opposite sex.  If your SO is so easily distracted by other people that they would fall into bed with anyone that shows interest, personally I'd have to deduce that a) they are worthless and b) I need to be smacked in the kopf for having selected so badly. 
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« Reply #82 on: January 31, 2007, 08:02:15 AM »

i think guys and girls can be friends.  Now if it's after a relationship it gets messy.
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« Reply #83 on: January 31, 2007, 08:16:02 AM »

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« Reply #84 on: January 31, 2007, 08:30:37 AM »

That being said, sometimes platonic friendships do get out of hand...  Grin

http://sfchicken.com/2007/01/love-when-he-slow-plays-it.html







(thnx to buns for this one  Wink)
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« Reply #85 on: January 31, 2007, 09:19:55 AM »

That being said, sometimes platonic friendships do get out of hand...  Grin

http://sfchicken.com/2007/01/love-when-he-slow-plays-it.html







(thnx to buns for this one  Wink)

WOW talk about stamina!!
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« Reply #86 on: January 31, 2007, 09:40:35 AM »

You guys can think whatever you want but if my girlfriend had a lot of "guy" friends calling all the time to say hi and wanted to go get lunch, that would be shady.  If I did the same thing, I think it would be shady.  I am not afraid I would fuck them, I do have self control.  My point is, repeatedly meeting up with a woman/man, even though you might have a partner/spouse, can send the wrong message.  I know girls who I was friends with (three actually, at different times) who did not care that I had a girlfriend and wanted me to pursue something with them.  I know for a fact that the same can be said for a guy who is "friends" with a girl.
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« Reply #87 on: January 31, 2007, 11:58:02 AM »

You guys can think whatever you want but if my girlfriend had a lot of "guy" friends calling all the time to say hi and wanted to go get lunch, that would be shady.  If I did the same thing, I think it would be shady.  I am not afraid I would f**k them, I do have self control.  My point is, repeatedly meeting up with a woman/man, even though you might have a partner/spouse, can send the wrong message.  I know girls who I was friends with (three actually, at different times) who did not care that I had a girlfriend and wanted me to pursue something with them.  I know for a fact that the same can be said for a guy who is "friends" with a girl.

It is shady... if you give a crap about that stuff.
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« Reply #88 on: January 31, 2007, 01:18:15 PM »

It is shady... if you give a crap about that stuff.
Hahaha.  Whatever you say Sherlock.....Holmes.  How is that shady?  I have never had a girl really like and accept the fact that I associated with girls other than her.  No girl wants to think she can't fulfill a need for her dude and vice versa.
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« Reply #89 on: January 31, 2007, 01:56:00 PM »

Hahaha.  Whatever you say Sherlock.....Holmes.  How is that shady?  I have never had a girl really like and accept the fact that I associated with girls other than her.  No girl wants to think she can't fulfill a need for her dude and vice versa.

Some girls are just soooo unbelievably,  overly confident of themselves, they couldn't imagine their guy wanting any other chicka but them.  Smiley

btw I know lots of people, and when I freelanced, myself included, who depend a lot on their social circle and friendships of all kinds in order to get clients + business + the monaye to pay the rent.  Cutting out all members of the opposite sex is like chopping off your nose to spite your face. 
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« Reply #90 on: January 31, 2007, 02:09:48 PM »

Deedee, don't refer to yourself in the third person.   Grin  Take credit.  Lol

I'm not saying people can't be cordial or friendly with the OS, but business and social networks are seperate sphere as far as I'm concerned but you may think differently.
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« Reply #91 on: January 31, 2007, 02:58:07 PM »

Hahaha.  Whatever you say Sherlock.....Holmes.  How is that shady?  I have never had a girl really like and accept the fact that I associated with girls other than her.  No girl wants to think she can't fulfill a need for her dude and vice versa.

Oh wow... you used Sherlock and my last name... you must be a genius.

Look, say what you want to say man... It's your life I could care less, but as a HUMAN being... when the temptation is there for days, weeks, months, years... you'll see... I will let your life teach you.
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« Reply #92 on: January 31, 2007, 03:00:08 PM »

Some girls are just soooo unbelievably,  overly confident of themselves, they couldn't imagine their guy wanting any other chicka but them.  Smiley

btw I know lots of people, and when I freelanced, myself included, who depend a lot on their social circle and friendships of all kinds in order to get clients + business + the monaye to pay the rent.  Cutting out all members of the opposite sex is like chopping off your nose to spite your face. 

I never said cutting them out... but there's a huge difference between associates and friends... always remember that.

Oh, and no woman is that confident... they may present it outwardly, but they are always wondering "what if".

Even the most beautiful and successful women (and men) in the world have doubts about their S.O.s at times.
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« Reply #93 on: January 31, 2007, 03:30:32 PM »

Oh wow... you used Sherlock and my last name... you must be a genius.

Look, say what you want to say man... It's your life I could care less, but as a HUMAN being... when the temptation is there for days, weeks, months, years... you'll see... I will let your life teach you.
When I am tempted by things....I think about the consequences and stop or take a fat dip of SKOAL.  As for the name thing, I figured a little levity was needed.  I think we are all too serious here.   Grin

Deedee is TOO HAWT TO TRAWT!! 

YEA SHORE....

OH SO YOU WANAFCUKHUH???  *slams the pan full of salsice in his face*
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« Reply #94 on: January 31, 2007, 03:34:06 PM »

When I am tempted by things....I think about the consequences and stop or take a fat dip of SKOAL.  As for the name thing, I figured a little levity was needed.  I think we are all too serious here.   Grin

Deedee is TOO HAWT TO TRAWT!! 

YEA SHORE....

OH SO YOU WANAFCUKHUH???  *slams the pan full of salsice in his face*

Aww nah man... I'm not serious at all... I am just speaking of myself... It's hard for me to turn down hot chicks... REALLY hard.

I can not step away from the hot piece of tail.
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« Reply #95 on: February 01, 2007, 09:34:11 AM »

A quote from the London times:

It's Official: Men and Women Can't Be 'Just Good Friends'


LONDON TIMES, May 23 2006


Will they, won't they? We may be in for a tear-jerking final episode of Friends next Friday but the real irony of the show appears to be that men and women can't be platonic friends - backed up by the latest poll by leading women's website, handbag.com

This poll secured the vote of thousands of 25-44 year women, revealed that women are in denial and seem to want it their way when it comes to friendships and sex with men.

While most women (83%) believe they can be 'just good friends', nearly half (45%) admitted that their close male friends are ex-lovers.

What's more, two-thirds (59%) admitted they get jealous of their male friends' friendships with other women and have actively discouraged them from getting closer to a rival woman. In a classic case of the green-eyed monster, one in ten have even deliberately sabotaged their male friend's relationship with another woman - just like Rachel in Friends when Ross made a play for her sister Jill, and again at Ross's wedding to Emily.

A further 38% admitted they hate seeing their male friend get together with one of their girlfriends.

Far from being "friends", handbag's poll revealed that over a third of women (35%) secretly have feelings for their 'mate' but are too scared to tell him for fear of losing the friendship. This may be because women like to keep male friends as a marriage safety-net for the future: nearly half (47%) admit they have a platonic male friend on the "back burner" that they would consider marrying if they didn't find a husband by a certain age.

For those women who are unabashed when it comes to acting on their feelings, nearly a fifth admit to having an ongoing casual sexual relationship with a close male friend when they don't have another partner on the scene. Two-thirds of women say they don't regret sex with their male friends at all and generally get it on with their friends when they're feeling horny (49%) or when they've had an alcohol-fuelled evening (28%).

handbag.com's editor, Debbie Djordjevic says. "As far as male/female relationships go, men have called the shots from way back in history. It's nice to see modern women are finally in control of their sexual and emotional well-being. The point is that the goal posts in any relationship, including friendships can move at any time. Women no longer have to hide behind the label of 'platonic friends' and can learn to be open to whatever suits them best.' Note to editors

The poll was carried at handbag.com from 13/05/04 to 19/05/04. 1811 votes were cast. The full poll results are below:

    1. Do you think men and women can be platonic friends?
    Yes 2074 83.33%
    No 415 16.67%

    2. Have you ever had sex with a close male friend?
    Yes 980 39.37%
    No 1509 60.63%

    3. If 'Yes', did you regret it? (If no go to Q5)
    Yes 375 34.06%
    No 726 65.94%

    4. And if 'Yes', did sex destroy the friendship?
    Yes 238 34.34%
    No 455 65.66%

    5. Do you have an on-going casual sexual relationship with a close male
    friend? (If no go to Q8)
    Yes 435 17.48%
    No 2054 82.52%

    6. If 'Yes' what typically causes you to 'fall into bed' with him?
    Alcohol 132 28.39%
    When I'm feeling lonely and depressed 61 13.12%
    When I'm in between boyfriends 44 9.46%
    When I'm horny and want to have sex 228 49.03%

    7. And if 'Yes', on average, how often do you 'fall into bed' with him?
    Once a week 93 20.26%
    Once a month 161 35.08%
    Once very 6 months 106 23.09%
    Once a year 40 8.71%
    Never 59 12.85%


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« Reply #96 on: February 01, 2007, 11:49:06 AM »

A quote from the London times:

It's Official: Men and Women Can't Be 'Just Good Friends'



Playboy these are single people... doesn't really matter what they do with their friends since they aren't hurting anyone.  Not the same thing at all.
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« Reply #97 on: February 01, 2007, 11:59:55 AM »

Playboy these are single people... doesn't really matter what they do with their friends since they aren't hurting anyone.  Not the same thing at all.
...and, they only polled women.  What about the men?  Where's their poll?
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« Reply #98 on: February 01, 2007, 12:00:40 PM »

Playboy these are single people... doesn't really matter what they do with their friends since they aren't hurting anyone.  Not the same thing at all.
Just an interesting article I came across. Thats all.

PB
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« Reply #99 on: February 01, 2007, 12:01:42 PM »

I never said cutting them out... but there's a huge difference between associates and friends... always remember that.

Oh, and no woman is that confident... they may present it outwardly, but they are always wondering "what if".

Even the most beautiful and successful women (and men) in the world have doubts about their S.O.s at times.

I know you didn't say cutting them out... I think that was Cap.  You're right that there is a big difference between your associates and friendships... but some of us are lucky enough to have friends we also work with.  Maybe that happens more in a creative, collaborative environment rather than business, have no idea.  

Of course everyone feels a pang of jealousy every now and again.  But if you trust and are confident, and choose to be with people who are trustworthy, I think it's kept to a minimum.  
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