Things I learned from watching Cobra

1. The new world order is composed of business men, factory and construction workers and crazy looking psycho guys clanking axes over their head in the sewers.

2. The killer that enters into the grocery and opens fire bears a strong resemblance to a retarded Billy bob.

3. When attempting to kill as many people as possible when in a grocery store and with a low capacity weapon such as a sawed-off shotgun, its best to use most of your bullets shooting at produce and merchandise displays.

4. When a shopping cart full of groceries is shot with a shotgun from the side it will not move laterally but will actually lift more than a foot off the ground.

5. The best way to keep a shotgun ready to go is to keep pumping it even though you haven't fired a shot since the last time it was pumped therefore non-fired rounds are being ejected from the gun.

6. When any hostage situation takes place and someone is shot, before any cops are sent in the commanding officer shall tell his subordinate to "Call the Cobra"

7. You can't be a totally rad crime fighter unless you have a hot rod with a clever license plate that reads something like "AWSOM 50" and have those really huge windshield sunglasses, and have a unused match in your mouth instead of a toothpick…for those moments you might need a light but don't want to be bothered by carrying a bulking 1 x 2 1/2 inch lighter.

8. After entering the store and spotting the bad guy, find nearest beer display and proceed to open a can of warm beer and drink some of it before throwing it at the bad guy, who will be able to pinpoint your exact location immediately even though his back was turned to you and didn't even see where the can landed and his line of sight to the can was actually obstructed but not only will he be able to shoot the can within milli-seconds of it landing and blow it up but will then be able to shot at and miss you by less than a foot which will completely explored a 4 foot Pepsi display as if it had been laced with explosives when really it was a shot gun at more than 30 ft which should leave no more than a fell quarter inch holes in said display.

9. After killing the bad guy it is required to twirl the gun around like in old western movies.

10. Most bad guys plan to blow up entire stores with nothing more than a simple pipe bomb with an effective radius of about 15 ft.

11. Most reporters are allowed right into the scene of the crime which would basically been the entire property including grocery store parking lot and they would already know what happened on the inside even though the only one that witnessed the incident just exited the building.

12. Its completely appropriate to unveil a dead victim when a reporter is grilling you about your tactics.

13.In America there are 250 rapes a day.

14.Cobra hates lousy shots

15.Stopping to drink a little Coors light during a hostage situation is perfectly acceptable