Author Topic: Do you women really want what you say you want????? (Read 4648 times)

Cap · « **on:** April 08, 2007, 06:04:47 PM »

A question that is.

Although I have heard the contrary and read it here at least once, if a man was very secure and never asked a woman where she was, what she's been doing, who just called, etc....would that really be valued? I only ask because 1.) Stella's post sparked the idea, 2.) I used to be like that but really don't care anymore and 3.) it seems as though not doing any of those things EVER or even if done very little could actually cause problems in a relationship and between partners. What I mean by this is it could be seen as security in oneself but also as a lack of care and/or maybe interest elsewhere. Speak on this please.

michael arvilla · « **Reply #1 on:** April 09, 2007, 06:01:43 AM »

Quote from: cap86 on April 08, 2007, 06:04:47 PM

A question that is.

Although I have heard the contrary and read it here at least once, if a man was very secure and never asked a woman where she was, what she's been doing, who just called, etc....would that really be valued? I only ask because 1.) Stella's post sparked the idea, 2.) I used to be like that but really don't care anymore and 3.) it seems as though not doing any of those things EVER or even if done very little could actually cause problems in a relationship and between partners. What I mean by this is it could be seen as security in oneself but also as a lack of care and/or maybe interest elsewhere. Speak on this please.

huh?

Cap · « **Reply #2 on:** April 09, 2007, 01:39:07 PM »

Basically Mike, my point was that if a man was never jealous, questioning, etc...would it be just as big of a deal to women as being jealous or questioning? I think it would be. It would be miscontrued as a lack of care or interest, when he could just be secure enough not to ask/care.

Butterbean · « **Reply #3 on:** April 09, 2007, 02:02:57 PM »

cap, I think that a show of interest is nice, such as you asking your girlfriend what her and her friends did on Friday night. The part where it becomes unattractive is when her answer isn't enough and you need to know a combination of details like who was there, what did she wear, what time she got home, did she kiss anyone etc.

Cap · « **Reply #4 on:** April 09, 2007, 02:18:50 PM »

Quote from: STella on April 09, 2007, 02:02:57 PM

cap, I think that a show of interest is nice, such as you asking your girlfriend what her and her friends did on Friday night. The part where it becomes unattractive is when her answer isn't enough and you need to know a combination of details like who was there, what did she wear, what time she got home, did she kiss anyone etc.

Well..........Did she??? Lol I know what you mean but even my dad asks my mom where she is going to or who just called and they have been married 20+ years. I think not asking anymore is funny because it throws them for a loop.

24KT · « **Reply #5 on:** April 09, 2007, 04:05:30 PM »

There's a difference between "interest" and "interrogation".
Taking an interest is perfectly acceptable, but a grand inquisition is not

Cap · « **Reply #6 on:** April 09, 2007, 05:34:14 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on April 09, 2007, 04:05:30 PM

There's a difference between "interest" and "interrogation".
Taking an interest is perfectly acceptable, but a grand inquisition is not

But I think the two become conflated by both sexes, with one (men mostly) thinking interrogation is questioning and women thinking questioning is interrogation. I honestly think that if I never asked those questions again she would think something was up. When I was away from her during Xmas, I never really asked and she made a point to tell me.

ToxicAvenger · « **Reply #7 on:** April 09, 2007, 05:51:09 PM »

Quote from: cap86 on April 08, 2007, 06:04:47 PM

A question that is.

Although I have heard the contrary and read it here at least once, if a man was very secure and never asked a woman where she was, what she's been doing, who just called, etc....would that really be valued? I only ask because 1.) Stella's post sparked the idea, 2.) I used to be like that but really don't care anymore and 3.) it seems as though not doing any of those things EVER or even if done very little could actually cause problems in a relationship and between partners. What I mean by this is it could be seen as security in oneself but also as a lack of care and/or maybe interest elsewhere. Speak on this please.

actions speack louder than words mate..

ya use the word "whore " on here and every woman at some point on here will think you r over protective..without realizing there really are whores out there..

if you are older than 24 and cant tell one within 10 mins of a convo..you need to learn with a quickness..then fuck her and move on..even if she gives you a zillion stories about how she's been looking for love all her life... but is i her late 30s..

(there r RARE exceptions..RARE)

the signs never fail me..

Chick · « **Reply #8 on:** April 09, 2007, 09:59:23 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on April 09, 2007, 04:05:30 PM

There's a difference between "interest" and "interrogation".
Taking an interest is perfectly acceptable, but a grand inquisition is not

"Wise Jag"....I agree 100%. There is a difference. Bob asks about my day....even thought he doesnt listen to a word I say...but he knows it makes me feel good.

He never asks in a jealous or interrogating way, but then again....he has never had to. I've always been open about where I'm going or been....and NEVER lied to him about anything.

(tasha btw)

BuffGoddess · « **Reply #9 on:** April 10, 2007, 05:06:24 AM »

Quote from: Chick on April 09, 2007, 09:59:23 PM

"Wise Jag"....I agree 100%. There is a difference. Bob asks about my day....even thought he doesnt listen to a word I say...but he knows it makes me feel good.

He never asks in a jealous or interrogating way, but then again....he has never had to. I've always been open about where I'm going or been....and NEVER lied to him about anything.

(tasha btw)

I AGREE with Tasha. Interested is good, interrogation sucks. I love it when Vic calls me just to ask how my day is going, what I did, how the diet is going, who I trained, any problems he needs to deal with etc...I would get pissed off if it was an interrogation.

Cap · « **Reply #10 on:** April 10, 2007, 02:42:31 PM »

Quote from: Chick on April 09, 2007, 09:59:23 PM

"Wise Jag"....I agree 100%. There is a difference. Bob asks about my day....even thought he doesnt listen to a word I say...but he knows it makes me feel good.

He never asks in a jealous or interrogating way, but then again....he has never had to. I've always been open about where I'm going or been....and NEVER lied to him about anything.

(tasha btw)

See when have always been lied to and still get lied to and know itm interrogation occurs. We do it more or are at least more obvious and care less when it happens to us. All I'm saying is would it be seen as something negative if a guy did not "ask"? Please answer that. I know what happens with interrogation.

24KT · « **Reply #11 on:** April 10, 2007, 02:55:29 PM »

Cap, I think that all depends on the man. If a guy is loving & attentive, his not asking would hardly be seen as a problem, There is no blanket answer that covers ALL men. Each guy is different, and how he behave overall in the relationship is going to factor into whether omissions here and/or there will be of any significance to his partner.

drkaje · « **Reply #12 on:** April 10, 2007, 02:56:49 PM »

In a word...... no.

In general: Men tend to say what they think while women tend to say what they feel. We probably translate along the same lines.

Ask a man what he's thinking.. nothing is the usual answer. Guys aren't that complicated so nothing means nothing. In our minds.. the conversation is over.

When a woman responds with "nothing"... you're always in trouble.

It usually means there are a buttload of emotions trying to get out that she hasn't found the right words for yet.

My girl is great but it drives her nuts when I ignore her. But really, how much prattle about silly stuff is a man supposed to feign intrest in a day until they get to what's actually on their minds? There's a difference between talking and communicating, things tend to be very black and white with me compared to most guys.

I just don't believe every idea that comes to mind needs to find its way into conversation. It's doubtful I'm alone in feeling that way.

I blame women's magazines for most of this crap, LOL!

24KT · « **Reply #13 on:** April 10, 2007, 02:59:41 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on April 10, 2007, 02:56:49 PM

In a word...... no.

In general: Men tend to say what they think while women tend to say what they feel. We probably translate along the same lines.

Ask a man what he's thinking.. nothing is the usual answer. Guys aren't that complicated so nothing means nothing. In our minds.. the conversation is over.

When a woman responds with "nothing"... you're always in trouble. It usually means there are a buttload of emotions trying to get out that she hasn't found the right words for yet.

My girl is great but it drives her nuts when I ignore her. But really, how much prattle about silly stuff is a man supposed to feign intrest in a day until they get to what's actually on their minds? There's a difference between talking and communicating, things tend to be very black and white with me compared to most guys.

I just don't believe every idea that comes to mind needs to find its way into conversation. It's doubtful I'm alone in feeling that way.

I blame women's magazines for most of this crap, LOL!

There's a woman in Boston, I'd just loooooove to introduce you to. I'd wager odds you'd strangle her within 5 mins.
8 tops, ...either that or jump out the nearest window.

Cap · « **Reply #14 on:** April 10, 2007, 03:00:48 PM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on April 10, 2007, 02:55:29 PM

Cap, I think that all depends on the man. If a guy is loving & attentive, his not asking would hardly be seen as a problem, There is no blanket answer that covers ALL men. Each guy is different, and how he behave overall in the relationship is going to factor into whether omissions here and/or there will be of any significance to his partner.

True. I def think that my gf hates it. I went from one extreme (Calabrese you know) to the other and it feels good. If I'm gna get fucked over, so be it and I'll move on. Asking and worryin all the time is worthless and shows weakness, so no more. Lol. I just think that the middle ground only works. If I tried this with any woman my own age, it would not go over well IMO.

Drkaje....I blame Dr. Phil for all of our problems.

drkaje · « **Reply #15 on:** April 10, 2007, 03:13:39 PM »

Quote from: cap86 on April 10, 2007, 03:00:48 PM

Drkaje....I blame Dr. Phil for all of our problems.

This craziness existed way before Dr. Phil and John Gray.

Cap · « **Reply #16 on:** April 10, 2007, 05:39:42 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on April 10, 2007, 03:13:39 PM

This craziness existed way before Dr. Phil and John Gray.

I know but it sounded good...lol. Women are like cats, they don't know what they want but they want a lot of it.

Butterbean · « **Reply #17 on:** April 11, 2007, 10:01:59 AM »

Quote from: Chick on April 09, 2007, 09:59:23 PM

Bob asks about my day....even thought he doesnt listen to a word I say...

lol! Same thing happens over here

xxxLinda · « **Reply #18 on:** April 11, 2007, 04:17:20 PM »

You can't get what I want, they don't make it
& it doesn't come in the right colour

xxxL
Anyways, I don't know what I want, I've not decided yet...

I'm only just beginning to learn what I don't want.

(& I dislike the word want nowadays, in this new mad world of wanton consumption

BuffGoddess · « **Reply #19 on:** April 12, 2007, 02:10:49 AM »

I'm with STella on this. If the guy I'm dating asks me in a way that shows he's interested in what I'm doing rather than "grill me" I find that to be really nice. I also want him to be protective if a man is actually bothering me, but not getting pissed off it's a male friend who just wants to say hi because we're out and at the same place. Women like a man who is confident and self assured, we do not like aggressive and "out to prove their manhood". A while ago when a good male friend of mine was up visiting for the weekend, we were out having a few drinks. Some guys that were obviously plowed came in where we were. They were spilling their beer, staring at me, (I had on a halter top) and making comments. My friend politely stood up and asked them "what the Fu*k were they staring at? They mumbled something, and they left. They knew that he would be way more than they were able to handle, so in their case it WAS BEST TO RUN! Hope this helps...

ToxicAvenger · « **Reply #20 on:** April 12, 2007, 08:26:24 AM »

Quote from: cap86 on April 08, 2007, 06:04:47 PM

A question that is.

Although I have heard the contrary and read it here at least once, if a man was very secure and never asked a woman where she was, what she's been doing, who just called, etc....would that really be valued? I only ask because 1.) Stella's post sparked the idea, 2.) I used to be like that but really don't care anymore and 3.) it seems as though not doing any of those things EVER or even if done very little could actually cause problems in a relationship and between partners. What I mean by this is it could be seen as security in oneself but also as a lack of care and/or maybe interest elsewhere. Speak on this please.

one of my exs used to constantly bug me about y i didn't get jeleous... $:-\$

i've said this a zilion times on the X and on the general ...

genuine security amongst men is mostly confused as weakness by goodlooking women...just cause i never get mad and let ya have everything ya want dosen't mean i'm a push over..

such women are always extremly surprised when they get dumped..

drkaje · « **Reply #21 on:** April 12, 2007, 09:06:16 AM »

Well, a lot of times when people are insecure like that they've either done or are pretty close to doing something wrong.

I don't know about the rest of you but there's no way I'd ever be in a relationship where wondering what someone was up to or snooping around was regular. No trust, no relationship.

ToxicAvenger · « **Reply #22 on:** April 12, 2007, 10:31:23 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on April 12, 2007, 09:06:16 AM

No trust, no relationship.

drkok shows buddings signs of romance!

ThaRealist · « **Reply #23 on:** April 12, 2007, 05:46:08 PM »

I have had some of the same problems as proteinfarts...I would never really get jealous, nor question where any of my ex's were...I would just have normal conversation with them and every single one of them would get to the point to where they wanted to see how far they could push me until they got a little bit of jealousy out of me...When they would do this it would really piss me off when they would talk to me about it later and they just wanted to see where my boundaries were...I have spoken with many of my former female clients about why women do that and they all told me that they like a guy to be a little jealous and possessive sometimes...It is just really not in my cards though, because hate to have my girl give me a reason to worry about where she is...*Just my experience

24KT · « **Reply #24 on:** April 12, 2007, 05:49:24 PM »

Quote from: ProteinFarts! on April 12, 2007, 08:26:24 AM

one of my exs used to constantly bug me about y i didn't get jeleous... $:-\$

i've said this a zilion times on the X and on the general ...

genuine security amongst men is mostly confused as weakness by ~~goodlooking women~~ insecure people ...just cause i never get mad and let ya have everything ya want dosen't mean i'm a push over..

such women are always extremly surprised when they get dumped..