Author Topic: Bitch slap!  (Read 2133 times)

ribonucleic

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Bitch slap!
« on: April 14, 2007, 08:49:00 AM »
“Redline” is based on a fantasy of filthy rich producer Daniel Sadek. His wildest dream? To see his entire luxury automobile collection used in a racing film. He even paid for the making of “Redline” out of his own pocket. So what does 26 million dollars buy you in today’s film market? Apparently a smorgasbord of awful.

For kicks, a group of millionaires (Eddie Griffin, Angus Macfayden, and Tim Matheson) gather together to bet on illegal races using their collection of exotic cars. Natasha (Nadia Bjorlin) is a singer with a racing past who unexpectedly gets caught up in this pastime and she wants out. With the help of Iraq vet Carlos (Nathan Phillips, “Wolf Creek”), Natasha attempts to tamper with the race results to best exact revenge on one of the tycoons who has threatened her family.

“Redline” is perhaps the most obvious vanity film of the last decade. Even the worst projects from Hollywood’s A-list couldn’t compare with the ballooned ego of this movie. It’s a motion picture literally built around the display of fancy cars, with minimal attention to plot or performance. Sure, the same could be said of its forefather, 2001’s “Fast and the Furious,” but even that piece of junk had some production value. “Redline” is a direct-to-knucklehead release that refuses to bow out gracefully.

Clearly, the target demo for the film is teenage boys and Sadek wouldn’t dare leave his bread and butter hanging for long. “Redline” is “directed” by an Asian stuntman named Andy Cheng, but I wouldn’t call flash editing, an endless parade of down-blouse shots, and a music score comprised of outtakes from the “Three Dollar Bill Y’all” sessions to be direction. Cheng is clueless here, uproariously trying to goose the adrenaline with everything he’s got, and when that fails, he throws more depressing cleavage than a Playboy Bunny funeral on the screen to try and zero in on the primal motivation one has for seeing a film like this.

As an action film, “Redline” is as goofy as they come, staging hand-to-hand combat with Seagal-like indifference and lukewarm timing. The races themselves are lost in a whirlwind assault of visuals; Cheng more closely involved with the editing than trying to at least come up with one single “wow” shot to make the pain worthwhile. Many punches are thrown, cars flip through the air, and it adds up to nothing. “Redline” is actually worse and far more melodramatic than nothing, making one wish for the magic of Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo to swoop in and properly deal with a film this tacky.

If the stunts fail to catch fire, you can imagine how a cast lead by Eddie Griffin fares. The big “names” of the film, including Griffin, Tim Matheson, and the always dreadful Angus Macfayden (who, at one point, performs a shirtless tribal dance while throwing counterfeit money into a fire) were obviously sucked into “Redline” by the lure of a summer vacation on a millionaire’s dime. The younger part of the troupe, led by the impossibly crafted Bjorlin and dense Phillips, look stunned by the whole ordeal, with the leading lady more interested in pimping her singing career and maintaining her dynamite tan than giving an authentic reaction to the stupidity surrounding her.

“Redline” is garbage, but I refuse to accept it had to be this bad. Especially coming from a producer without any obligations to please a studio, “Redline” should’ve been far more than just rusted spare parts from the action film junkyard. It squanders a rich opportunity to do something memorable. Instead, it just reeks like all its nitro-fueled siblings.

http://hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=16142&reviewer=404

The Squadfather

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2007, 08:51:56 AM »
who does Levrone play in that movie?

ribonucleic

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2007, 08:57:18 AM »
who does Levrone play in that movie?

You should have been here last week!

"Holly Wood" would have been happy to explain!

UK Gold

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2007, 09:02:36 AM »
Ouch. At least he's no longer hustling though, and its a step in the right direction. Look at Arnold in Hercules and that atrocious cowboy 'comedy' - who would have thought sucess was round the corner?

The Ugly

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2007, 09:50:00 AM »
who does Levrone play in that movie?

Guy 1 in bar..................... ........................ .. Blah Blahblah
Guy 2 in bar ........................ ...................... Blahblah Blah
Guy 3 in bar ........................ ...................... Kevin Levrone

youandme

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2007, 09:50:57 AM »
Hollyowned

finurface

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2007, 09:57:47 AM »
now i understand why kevin is coming back to bodybuilding  :-\


canadaphiliac

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2007, 10:13:30 AM »
I think America died a little the day Mike, Tom Servo, and Crow escaped the Satellite of Love.   :(

240 is Back

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2007, 10:41:31 AM »
Hollywouldn't.

The Ugly

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2007, 10:55:48 AM »
Blockbuster actually had this before it came out. Non-new release, which was odd.

SteelePegasus

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2007, 10:58:37 AM »
Guy 1 in bar..................... ........................ .. Blah Blahblah
Guy 2 in bar ........................ ...................... Blahblah Blah
Guy 3 in bar ........................ ...................... Kevin Levrone

didn't he say that he was in 70% of the scenes?
Here comes the money shot

ribonucleic

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2007, 11:09:12 AM »
didn't he say that he was in 70% of the scenes?

Yeah, that other dawg was just clownin', y'all.

The Maryland Muscle Machine plays "Sante"...  an ice-cool assassin.  8)

I was going to comb through the Rotten Tomatoes reviews to see what note, if any, had been taken of his performance...

But there aren't any yet! Because the producers wouldn't let the reviewers have an advance screening!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The Ugly

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2007, 11:19:24 AM »
didn't he say that he was in 70% of the scenes?

I think it was 70% of said bar scenes, but that he was roughly 15% visible in only 12% of those, with 99.9% of those ultimately sticking to an editor's shoes.

But he absolutely STOLE those.

ribonucleic

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2007, 11:31:57 AM »
I think it was 70% of said bar scenes, but that he was roughly 15% visible in only 12% of those, with 99.9% of those ultimately sticking to an editor's shoes.

But he absolutely STOLE those.

Earl is furiously typing at his keyboard, tears streaming down his face, whimpering to himself, "It's so easy to make fun of someone! But at least Kevin had the courage to try something different!"  ;D

In fairness, I did the same thing when Cindy Crawford embarrassed herself in Fair Game;)

But of course the essential difference is that that was a normal heterosexual kind of idolization. Whereas Earl's now-tear-sodden collection of used Levrone posing trunks is both creepy and, yes, gay.


tommywishbone

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2007, 12:03:01 PM »
Just a reminder; the only thing that matters in TV & Film, is that you are working. The results of the projects are secondary.

Sure, you want a TV show that goes into syndication, that's when you become a millionaire, but other than that, the key is just to work. Let's see if Kevin can score more work...
a

SteelePegasus

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #15 on: April 14, 2007, 02:51:07 PM »
Just a reminder; the only thing that matters in TV & Film, is that you are working. The results of the projects are secondary.

Sure, you want a TV show that goes into syndication, that's when you become a millionaire, but other than that, the key is just to work. Let's see if Kevin can score more work...

if he could score more work why would be sending out signals of getting back into bodybuilding?
Here comes the money shot

nycbull

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2007, 05:28:12 PM »
I think its pretty obvious they were goin for the over seas market, and dvd for teens. They just had to release in US first to give it some cred. They will fake the reviews over seas and they will make money. The foreign guys that I have worked with, mostly Indian and Chinese will pay to go see any movie, and come back the next day and say it was great, I mean anything. Every movie they saw they said was great.

"oh so funni, moovie so gleat, that tom alnold he de the brest, so funni, exposion very big, oh me I like so much."

Yea but it sucked right

"No so good veeally veely gleat, so funny guy say bastad to ladi, oh so funnni?"
 

The Squadfather

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Re: Bitch slap!
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2007, 07:24:23 PM »
I think its pretty obvious they were goin for the over seas market, and dvd for teens. They just had to release in US first to give it some cred. They will fake the reviews over seas and they will make money. The foreign guys that I have worked with, mostly Indian and Chinese will pay to go see any movie, and come back the next day and say it was great, I mean anything. Every movie they saw they said was great.

"oh so funni, moovie so gleat, that tom alnold he de the brest, so funni, exposion very big, oh me I like so much."

Yea but it sucked right

"No so good veeally veely gleat, so funny guy say bastad to ladi, oh so funnni?"
 
hahahahahaha.