(Cross-posted from pet law with permission)
A Modest Proposal
By Lyn Kalinoski
Each year, several thousand hopefuls run for political office in the
United States. Sadly one half of these will fail to find a sinecure
or will be thrown out of office due to term limits or voter disapproval.
The communities in this country cannot absorb these unwanted
political wannabbes any longer as we already have a surfeit of
candidates for the jobs available. Political parties, school boards,
lobbying associations are bursting at the seams with these poor
unwanted folk and something must be done to relieve the growing
numbers of candidates which puts so much pressure on society.
Therefore to give every politician a chance at finding a permanent
home, I propose that all politicians be spayed or neutered. This will
reduce the frivolous and hopeless candidacies and give much needed
surcease to the American public who are overwhelmed by the sheer
numbers of political ads which daily invade our homes on television,
radio, the internet and even through computer generated messages on our
A drastic remedy you say? Let's look at the good things such
legislation would do.
Left unspayed and unneutered, politicians propagate far beyond the
capacity of the community to accommodate them. There are only limited
homes available for would be politicians and too many young and vital
politicians wind up turning elsewhere while the old guard hangs on.
The financial and emotional cost to voters is extreme watching young
and healthy politicians struggle to gain office as voters sit through
endless campaigns that begin again as soon as the election night
results are tabulated.
Legislation requiring spaying and neutering of politicians is a
reasonable, effective and necessary means to greatly reduce the
number of unwanted candidates. Early spaying and neutering would
protect and improve the health and safety of voters by reducing or
eliminating endless exposure to political advertising, especially
negative advertising which is at epidemic rates.
Spaying and neutering also results in significant public health and
safety benefits, particularly in the reduction of dangers caused by
roaming politicians kissing babies and small children, and
glad-handing all and sundry who come into their purview. Reducing the
number of unwanted politicians in the US will necessarily reduce the
costs associated with caring for displaced pols who have been voted
out of office and now are appointed by friends in power to state
boards. This practice of creating innumerable positions reimbursed
from public funds to allow the defeated to collect both their public
pension and a salary or stipend is unhealthy and deleterious to the
A Politician Spay/Neuter Act will save millions of
taxpayer dollars in unnecessary salaries for defeated politicians,
reduce the ennui caused by endless political campaigns, secure a home
for every aspiring politician, reduce vicious innuendo and smear
campaigns due to competition and safeguard our communities from
over-population of politicians.
(with apologies to Jonathan Swift)
Fireside Tervuren,Toledo, Oh
AKC Rally obedience judge #42594
"Well-behaved women seldom make history."