Looks more like a list of unemployed.
Yep, you got me: hopeless schlub, live in my parents' basement, 450lbs @ 80% bf, never touched a weight in my life, got my GED via night school, live off birthday money from my grandmother, video games 24/7, never been with a chick, never touched a titty, covered in acne, get outta breathe tying my shoelaces, eat canned cheese for breakfast/lunch/dinner, severely poor hygiene, haven't held a job for more than 2 weeks in my entire pathetic life, sleep on a soiled mattress, don't shower for weeks a time, go outside only to check the mail for porn and gaming mags and checks from my grandmother.