Author Topic: Emotional Affairs... (Read 3890 times)

Mydavid · « **on:** June 02, 2007, 06:49:26 PM »

...what is your opinion of this?

It goes for both the guys and the gals on this board.

Lisa

drkaje · « **Reply #1 on:** June 02, 2007, 08:16:08 PM »

In almost every case they are signify a bad primary relationship.

In the remaining cases.... it's a guy waiting until she's ready to have sex or he gets the balls to leave his current situation. Men generally won't waste time with "emotional affairs" unless they lead to sex.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be ~~stupid~~ naive in this department. On some level they think a straight guy would listen to them ramble on about feelings, problems, boyfriends, shoes, onyx nail polish, etc... just because he's nice.

Women tend to need (or at the very least feel entitled to) way more attention than men.

In general. Women are more likely to feel an emotional affair means the relationship isn't satisfying. For a guy, it's more than likely about sex or the relationship has too much stress/responsibility.

Mydavid · « **Reply #2 on:** June 02, 2007, 10:48:19 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 02, 2007, 08:16:08 PM

For a guy, it's more than likely about sex or the relationship has too much stress/responsibility.

God god have mercy, i think you've spoken the truth

Lisa

powerpack · « **Reply #3 on:** June 02, 2007, 11:29:49 PM »

People classify emotional affairs as having a strong emotional bond with some one even if the person is of the same sex.
This has lead to an interesting dabate with my wife because all woman seem to have a strong bond with their female friends or some gay guy, but it never seems to work the other way round.
If I complain then I am insecure!
I told my wife all men should then be allowed to have hot lesbian woman as their best friends.
My wife told me that is different

But in all seriousness I see it happening allot between men and woman and it is all to easy now a days with the Internet and cell phones and they sometimes do develop into a sexual bond.

drkaje · « **Reply #4 on:** June 03, 2007, 05:46:06 AM »

Quote from: Mydavid on June 02, 2007, 10:48:19 PM

God god have mercy, i think you've spoken the truth

Lisa

It's the way of the world, Lisa.

No one really wants to be responsible for another person's feelings. Look at it from a guy's perspective: You meet a girl that's together, start dating her and a year later somehow she's become an emotional invalid. It's a lot easier to have sex with someone new, baggage free, than come home to a lot of emotional needs especially after having worked all day. A year earlier... she actually missed you, now she's been waiting all day to unload a day's worth of emotional baggage he's not ready for. So, instead of going straight home (to have demands heaped on the very second he walks into the door) he'll stop off for a few drinks and relax enough to deal with home.

It's all downhill from there, LOL! She's looking for emotional support while he's looking for a break from emotions.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #5 on:** June 06, 2007, 08:44:42 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 03, 2007, 05:46:06 AM

It's the way of the world, Lisa.

No one really wants to be responsible for another person's feelings. Look at it from a guy's perspective: You meet a girl that's together, start dating her and a year later somehow she's become an emotional invalid. It's a lot easier to have sex with someone new, baggage free, than come home to a lot of emotional needs especially after having worked all day. A year earlier... she actually missed you, now she's been waiting all day to unload a day's worth of emotional baggage he's not ready for. So, instead of going straight home (to have demands heaped on the very second he walks into the door) he'll stop off for a few drinks and relax enough to deal with home.

It's all downhill from there, LOL! She's looking for emotional support while he's looking for a break from emotions.

Damn man have you been reading my journal?

Playboy · « **Reply #6 on:** June 06, 2007, 08:45:44 AM »

Quote from: Mydavid on June 02, 2007, 06:49:26 PM

...what is your opinion of this?

It goes for both the guys and the gals on this board.

Lisa

There is no call for it. If that is how they feel, they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. My two pennies.

PB

Hustle Man · « **Reply #7 on:** June 06, 2007, 08:58:52 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 02, 2007, 08:16:08 PM

In general. Women are more likely to feel an emotional affair means the relationship isn't satisfying. I didn't get this part, care to clarify for me? For a guy, it's more than likely about sex or the relationship has too much stress/responsibility. I got this part though

Migs · « **Reply #8 on:** June 06, 2007, 09:19:55 AM »

i had one once with an eclair. Damn that fickle custard!

Al-Gebra · « **Reply #9 on:** June 06, 2007, 10:00:20 AM »

in my book, emotional affair >/= physical affair, but all the james dobsons on this board will probably fall over themselves contradicting me

Hustle Man · « **Reply #10 on:** June 06, 2007, 10:02:29 AM »

Quote from: Al-Gebra on June 06, 2007, 10:00:20 AM

in my book, emotional affair >/= physical affair, but all the james dobsons on this board will probably fall over themselves contradicting me

Hahahaha

Butterbean · « **Reply #11 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:44:02 AM »

Quote from: Al-Gebra on June 06, 2007, 10:00:20 AM

in my book, emotional affair >/= physical affair, but all the james dobsons on this board will probably fall over themselves contradicting me

If we still had the guest function I would have logged in as Dr. James Dobson but since we don't...

I think both are equally bad and damaging to the primary relationship.

I agree w/what drkaje stated.....that emotional affairs can start when the primary relat. is unsatisfying. And as Hustle Man stated in another thread the beginning excitement in new relationships can be infatuation....

When you are infatuated you tend to tell the other person how great they are in every way...the longer you are with them and the infat. dies down the more you can take them for granted and the verbal (as well as other) expressions of love and appreciation can fall by the wayside. Sometimes these start afresh w/another person lavishing attention where previously there was little or none.... Some people will gravitate toward the attention and the emot. affair can begin which can lead to physical sometimes.

Hustle Man also stated somewhere that love is a commitment (or a decision). I agree w/this.

That's why you all need to read this book

:

Butterbean · « **Reply #12 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:45:10 AM »

P.S. Migs, eclairs are gross....Cake doughnuts w/coconut are the way to go!

Hi Laura Lee

Hustle Man · « **Reply #13 on:** June 06, 2007, 11:56:05 AM »

The Five Love Languages:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch

Butterbean · « **Reply #14 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:20:08 PM »

Have you read it Hustle Man?

Migs · « **Reply #15 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:39:06 PM »

Quote from: STella on June 06, 2007, 11:45:10 AM

P.S. Migs, eclairs are gross....Cake doughnuts w/coconut are the way to go

What? No way eclairs are good! I think you haven't had a good one yet. adn yes the donuts rck too!

Hustle Man · « **Reply #16 on:** June 06, 2007, 12:44:10 PM »

Only the love language definitions (I think we are perfect for each other as I read these defs). My fiancee and I will begin to read it in its entirety starting this Sunday evening as part of our devotional time together (a chapter a day). We also intend on reading his other book "Love Talks for Couples"!

Yes, I am in it for the long haul no divorce options here.

HM

P.S. I would encourage everyone to take the 30 second assesment that he has online. It helped us out tremdously.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html#love

Butterbean · « **Reply #17 on:** June 06, 2007, 02:32:42 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on June 06, 2007, 12:44:10 PM

Only the love language definitions (I think we are perfect for each other as I read these defs). My fiancee and I will begin to read it in its entirety starting this Sunday evening as part of our devotional time together (a chapter a day). We also intend on reading his other book "Love Talks for Couples"!

Yes, I am in it for the long haul no divorce options here.

HM

P.S. I would encourage everyone to take the 30 second assesment that he has online. It helped us out tremdously.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html#love

Thanks for the quiz link HM.

Check this place out sometime

:

http://www.getbig.com/boards/index.php?board=38.0

drkaje · « **Reply #18 on:** June 06, 2007, 02:59:21 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 02, 2007, 08:16:08 PM

In general. Women are more likely to feel an emotional affair means the relationship isn't satisfying.

Hustle Man,

If women aren't getting enough attention, emotional support, hand-holding, etc... the 'emotional affair' is supposed to cure that. Of course a new guy is more attentive, he doesn't have to put up with relationship issues on a daily basis. So the other guy will listen until he gets laid or is sure there's no chance of getting laid. I'm not saying guys can't have female friends only that men aren't very likely to have emotional affairs.

Seeking outside emotional support/attention shows the realationship has problems. Women tend to take it more seriously because it's an opening which might end up threatening their security. Most guys would be glad someone else listen to their girlfriend complain if it wasn't obvious they were trying to get in her pants.

Guys don't even like listening to guys talk about their problems, LOL! We usually tell each other to shut the heck up.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #19 on:** June 06, 2007, 06:44:52 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 06, 2007, 02:59:21 PM

Hustle Man,

If women aren't getting enough attention, emotional support, hand-holding, etc... the 'emotional affair' is supposed to cure that. Of course a new guy is more attentive, he doesn't have to put up with relationship issues on a daily basis. So the other guy will listen until he gets laid or is sure there's no chance of getting laid. yeah some guys are like that I'm not saying guys can't have female friends only that men aren't very likely to have emotional affairs. I would agree

Seeking outside emotional support/attention shows the realationship has problems. Women tend to take it more seriously because it's an opening which might end up threatening their security. True Most guys would be glad someone else listen to their girlfriend complain if it wasn't obvious they were trying to get in her pants.

Guys don't even like listening to guys talk about their problems, LOL! We usually tell each other to shut the heck up. Yeah I like to fix the problem from jump whereas my women likes to vent. But I give an ear and usually I really listen to every word and she doesn't want me to fix everything she just wants me to listen. Hopefully I can keep this up. I know I know I have created a monster lol but open communication is a key ingredient for longevity!

Rhino290 · « **Reply #20 on:** June 06, 2007, 07:31:14 PM »

emotional, or physical....it's all about the attention she is not getting at home...period. nothing wrong wirh it, they should just move on and be in a relationship where they get what they need.

drkaje · « **Reply #21 on:** June 07, 2007, 03:50:15 AM »

Quote from: Rhino290 on June 06, 2007, 07:31:14 PM

emotional, or physical....it's all about the attention she is not getting at home...period. nothing wrong wirh it, they should just move on and be in a relationship where they get what they need.

That would require being alone for a few minutes, LOL!

Mydavid · « **Reply #22 on:** June 07, 2007, 09:40:20 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 06, 2007, 02:59:21 PM

Hustle Man,

If women aren't getting enough attention, emotional support, hand-holding, etc... the 'emotional affair' is supposed to cure that. Of course a new guy is more attentive, he doesn't have to put up with relationship issues on a daily basis. So the other guy will listen until he gets laid or is sure there's no chance of getting laid. I'm not saying guys can't have female friends only that men aren't very likely to have emotional affairs.
Seeking outside emotional support/attention shows the realationship has problems. Women tend to take it more seriously because it's an opening which might end up threatening their security. Most guys would be glad someone else listen to their girlfriend complain if it wasn't obvious they were trying to get in her pants.
Guys don't even like listening to guys talk about their problems, LOL! We usually tell each other to shut the heck up.

What if the guy is the one having the "emotional affair"...now granted they are maybe looking for just sex but what about that emotional lead up?

Lisa

Al-Gebra · « **Reply #23 on:** June 07, 2007, 10:33:24 AM »

what the hell's an emotional affair? one that involves a lot of crying and screaming?

The question's already been answered, but apparently repeated confirmation is needed:

1. If a man is having an "emotional affair" (read friendship), and if the woman is attractive, the safe money says they're going to wind up having sex.

1.a. People like doing things w their friends. W their guy friends, guys go to a football game, or go fishing. most guys don't like shopping, and they're not really into girly things.

1.a.i. Most guys would 8 times out of 10 rather have sex w an attractive woman than go fishing. . . you do the math.

1.a.i.A. The guy is not necessarily to blame. You make yourself emotionally available/open to a woman, odds are SHE's going to jump your bones.

2. most men w any kind of game have fooled around w their attractive female friends.

3. There are some males who can be friends w women. they are gay.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #24 on:** June 07, 2007, 11:05:57 AM »

Quote from: Al-Gebra on June 07, 2007, 10:33:24 AM

3. There are some males who can be friends w women. they are gay.

Hey, I am not even close to being gay ~~but~~ anyway I have two very special female friends (yes they are very attractive women) that I have never wanted to you know... I valued the friendship more than putting in some work from time to time. Yes the opportunity has come up but I declined in order to keep the friendship intact. But I have learned to put women in categories and this helps me stay on track with them. The Categories are: Mother, Daughter, Sister, Cousin and friend with benefits! Now that I am in a committed relationship all women fall into one of the 1st four cats but up until I commited to my fiancee most women fell into the last category. Point is I have very close female friends but I am not gay.