From The Times
July 14, 2007
Swans’ way
For blazer glory, swan-upping cannot be topped
Richard Morrison
For connoisseurs of quaint English customs, there’s only one place to be next week – and that is on the banks of the Thames. Yes, it’s swan-upping time. And if you’ve never seen a swan upped, you haven’t lived.
First delight: the boats. Six pristine rowing skiffs glide slowly up the river, covering the 68 miles from Sunbury to Abingdon in five days. Each flies a heraldic swan banner that would not have been out of place at Agincourt.
Second delight: the chaps in fancy dress. Long experience has taught me that nothing important happens on the Thames without a bunch of hearty Jerome K. Jerome types feeling the need to dress up in blazers so loud that they practically emit a sonic boom. But nothing matches the costumes worn by the swan-uppers. The Queen’s Swan Marker himself – yes, the post exists – sits at the front, gorgeously arrayed in scarlet blazer and lashings of gold braid. He is accompanied by the Queen’s no less important Swan Warden, an Oxford prof. Can’t remember what he wears, but I bet it’s not jeans.
Then come the rowers, who wear white, blue or scarlet, depending on which ancient guild they belong to. The jolliest bit is when they pass Windsor Castle. All the rowers stand to attention in their boats, raise their oars, and salute “Her Majesty The Queen, Seigneur of the Swans” (an operation best attempted sober, I understand).
Third delight: the swans. To misquote that old dodderer in Dad’s Army, they really don’t like being upped! And I don’t blame them. With a spine-chilling cry that sounds like “hooorrr-whup”, but is actually “all up”, the crews draw their boats into a semicircle, herding swans and cygnets into the bank. Then someone brave has to grab the swans, weigh them and tag them. That’s the fun bit – unless you are doing the grabbing. Few upping weeks pass without someone getting bloodied by an irate bird. And the fourth delight? All this Merrie England nonsense actually has a point! The Swan Marker is responsible for the welfare of these graceful birds, which can be, and often are, harmed by fishing tackle, diesel oil and (sad to say) cruel acts of vandalism. Swan-upping is a vital audit of how well the Swan Marker is doing. In recent times the number of swans on the Thames has climbed above 1,000 – which is great news, because it also indicates that the river generally is pretty clean.
So behind the pomposity and the ceremonial lies a serious conservationist purpose. And an educational one as well, because pupils from local schools are now invited to watch the gaudy proceedings and learn about the preservation of wildlife. And, of course, about truly appalling blazers.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if lots of other routine duties were enhanced by a bit of medieval ritual? Perhaps the Queen should appoint a Royal Wheelie-Bin Warden who would roll majestically through suburban crescents in a horse-drawn carriage, and check whether her loyal subjects were getting their rubbish collected on time. Or perhaps she already has one.
Swan Upping takes place Jul 16-20 from Sunbury to Abingdon Bridge. Full details at
www.royal.gov.uk
