Author Topic: Divorce court... how fast? (Read 6395 times)

BayGBM · « **on:** October 02, 2007, 10:24:53 AM »

Following a wedding, what is the quickest break up you have seen among friends or family?

A couple days ago, my best friend from childhood called me to thank me for a birthday card I sent her. As part of our regular catching up, she was telling me about her sister in law (45) who just had a huge wedding (300 people); she took out a second mortgage to pay for it all.

Following the wedding, she and her husband drove a few states away to start their new life together. A week later, he hit her up for half the bill for the U-Haul and she balked pointing out that she just paid for a very expensive wedding! He countered that he never wanted a big wedding--or a wedding at all; she is the one who insisted on having the expensive “fairy tale” wedding. Long story short, three weeks after the wedding, the marriage is over!

She has moved back to her home town (keeping a low profile) and she and her husband are moving to divorce/annul the marriage. Congratulations & gifts over the nuptials are still coming in and they are already getting divorced! Meanwhile my friend is in the awkward position of fielding calls from people who want to know how the happy couple are doing? Everyone thinks they are on their honeymoon.

Have you ever heard of a couple splitting so quickly?

Butterbean · « **Reply #1 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:23:20 PM »

Quote from: BayGBM on October 02, 2007, 10:24:53 AM

Have you ever heard of a couple splitting so quickly?

Not other than some celeb. marriages. Sorry to hear about your friend Bay

Geo · « **Reply #2 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:43:48 PM »

years ago I had a buddy who lived with a gal for 4 years,got married and within two months broke it off and basically never saw each other again..

I think domestic violence played a part in it

Laura Lee · « **Reply #3 on:** October 03, 2007, 11:36:00 AM »

Quote from: BayGBM on October 02, 2007, 10:24:53 AM

Following a wedding, what the quickest break up you have seen among friends or family?

A couple days ago, my best friend from childhood called me to thank me for a birthday card I sent her. As part of our regular catching up, she was telling me about her sister in law (45) who just had a huge wedding (300 people); she took out a second mortgage to pay for it all.

Following the wedding, she and her husband drove a few states away to start their new life together. A week later, he hit her up for half the bill for the U-Haul and she balked pointing out that she just paid for a very expensive wedding! He countered that he never wanted a big wedding--or a wedding at all; she is the one who insisted on having the expensive “fair tale” wedding. Long story short, three weeks after the wedding, the marriage is over!

She has moved back to her home town (keeping a low profile) and she and her husband are moving to divorce/annul the marriage. Congratulations & gifts over the nuptials are still coming in and they are already getting divorced! Meanwhile my friend is in the awkward position of fielding calls from people who want to know how the happy couple are doing? Everyone thinks they are on their honeymoon.

Have you ever heard of a couple splitting so quickly?

The expense of the wedding and the move were never discussed prior? It doesn't sound quite right to me. How did it go. Did she say that "she" wanted the fairytale wedding and then "he" said "well sweetie, it isn't my thing and I don't want a fairytale wedding so if you want it ... you have to pay for it"? And regarding the move....no one said anything about the expense of moving until it was time to pay?

BayGBM · « **Reply #4 on:** October 03, 2007, 12:01:58 PM »

It doesn’t have to sound quite right. It is what it is. I was alternately laughing as the story was told to me...

When people are “in love” they often see what they want to see and gloss over all kinds of questions and/or red flags that would give an objective person pause.

For example, the idea of taking out a second mortgage to fund a wedding is absurd to me. But from what I have observed a lot of women really do want that fairy tale wedding and they are willing to pay for it (or have someone pay for it). Personally, I would rather have a small civil ceremony and big anniversary party after 10 years. At least then the couple would actually have something to celebrate (a lasting union). I guess a lot of girls and women are brainwashed by weddings on TV, in movies, in bridal magazines, etc. How else can one explain spending huge amounts of money on a wedding one cannot really afford?

Oh well. At least she got what she wanted: she got the wedding.

She obviously spent more time planning that than what would happen afterwards. Now, friends and family (who didn’t make it to the wedding) are asking her sister in law about their honeymoon. No one yet has the balls to tell everyone that the marriage is over three weeks after it started. Talk about total humiliation.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #5 on:** October 03, 2007, 12:05:40 PM »

Quote from: BayGBM on October 03, 2007, 12:01:58 PM

It doesn’t have to sound quite right. It is what it is. I was alternately laughing as the story was told to me...

When people are “in love” they often see what they want to see and gloss over all kinds of questions and/or red flags that would give an objective person pause.

For example, the idea of taking out a second mortgage to fund a wedding is absurd to me. But from what I have observed a lot of women really do want that fairy tale wedding and they are willing to pay for it (or have someone pay for it). Personally, I would rather have a small civil ceremony and big anniversary party after 10 years. At least then the couple would actually have something to celebrate (a lasting union). I guess a lot of girls and women are brainwashed by weddings on TV, in movies, in bridal magazines, etc. How else can one explain spending huge amounts of money on a wedding one cannot really afford?

Oh well. At least she got what she wanted: she got the wedding.

She obviously spent more time planning that than what would happen afterwards. Now, friends and family (who didn’t make it to the wedding) are asking her sister in law about their honeymoon. No one yet has the balls to tell everyone that the marriage is over three weeks after it started. Talk about total humiliation.

We all want to be princesses from the time we are little and a dream wedding is a day where we are just that.

Your story is really sad Bay, not so much funny. Very unfortunate.

~flower~ · « **Reply #6 on:** October 03, 2007, 12:50:46 PM »

Since they are now married, shouldn't the move have come out of their marital assets?

If I was ever to get married (which I won't) I would have my own house so hubby would be covering his own expenses when he moved to another state to go to his house.

mbell · « **Reply #7 on:** October 03, 2007, 03:57:05 PM »

Quote from: Laura Lee on October 03, 2007, 12:05:40 PM

We all want to be princesses from the time we are little and a dream wedding is a day where we are just that.

Your story is really sad Bay, not so much funny. Very unfortunate.

I have to agree, very sad!

danielson · « **Reply #8 on:** October 03, 2007, 05:05:06 PM »

It's a half hour. About 22 minutes if you Tivo it. It's pretty funny sometimes.

Tre · « **Reply #9 on:** October 03, 2007, 05:51:49 PM »

I think my marriage ended about 3 days before we even said "I do".

As I see it, your friend is getting off cheap. They didn't start a life together and there's nothing to divide.

It was stupid to go into debt to fund a wedding, so she has to eat the loss on that and gets what she deserves. But at least she's out of a relationship that had no future, so in that, she is truly one of the lucky ones.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #10 on:** October 04, 2007, 06:01:55 AM »

Quote from: mbell on October 03, 2007, 03:57:05 PM

I have to agree, very sad!

mbell!!!!!!!!! Where the heck have you been?

24KT · « **Reply #11 on:** October 04, 2007, 08:21:35 PM »

Quote from: cap86 on October 04, 2007, 07:08:18 PM

What's an average cost for a decent sized wedding? No more than 150 people IMO but I could be wrong. I'd rather save for a house than a wedding but I am curious.

Cap, the costs can vary greatly depending on whether it's a Walmart wedding for 150 or a Neiman Marcus one.

BayGBM · « **Reply #12 on:** October 04, 2007, 08:49:03 PM »

From what I have seen, the cost of the wedding is up to the people who are paying for it. There is no set price so your question cannot be answered. A wedding can cost $10K, $20K, $30K, $40K, $50K, $100K and up.

Even people of middle to upper middle class backgrounds often over extend themselves (take out a loan for a wedding) so, again, it all depends on how much you want to spend.

One of my girlfriends from grad school had a huge wedding (my guess is $40K; her parents paid for it). Less than three years later, she was divorced.

BayGBM · « **Reply #13 on:** October 04, 2007, 08:57:19 PM »

I went to a bar mitzvah in Florida in January that easisly cost more than $100K. The mother kept insisting that it was a modest affair because in her son's peer group the bar mitvahs were much more upscale. For example, in addition to all the things she did, other people rented a yacht and sailed everyone to the Bahamas, for the weekend, etc.

From the catered food to the live entertainment, everything was totally over the top, but she kept insisting it (her son's bar mitzvah) was modest by comparison.

24KT · « **Reply #14 on:** October 04, 2007, 10:01:47 PM »

Cap,
You can't put a price on it regardless of the socio-economic status of the participants.
It all boils down to the couples individual choices made concerning the wedding.

Silk flowers or real ones, ...roses, daisies, or hot-house orchids, ...or possibly no flowers at all?

Location... church, backyard, country club, beach, ...beach half-way around the world.

Wedding Dress... 2nd hand store, ...antique family hierloom, ...off the rack, ...Vera Wang

Wedding Singer... Adam Sandler, ...your cousin, ...Mariah Carey

Invitations: ...embossed ...not embossed.

The variables are infinite and all boil down to a matter of personal choice.

BayGBM · « **Reply #15 on:** October 05, 2007, 07:06:50 AM »

Quote from: STella on October 05, 2007, 06:15:01 AM

The most expensive wedding/reception I've attended had a pre-reception, reception, thousands of roses, bagpipers, orchestra etc. They even flew the cake in from another state and paid to have the lighting changed in the room of the final reception. I don't get it, but it was beautiful.

Wow. I can't beat that, but my cousin had a big wedding several years ago. Although she was living in Wasthington DC at the time, she held her wedding on a Carribbean island and people flew in from all over the United States and England to attend. She and I were feuding at the time (she owed me money) so I chose not to attend, but from the pix and family reports I could see it was a grand affair. The joke was on her though... less than a year later they were divorced.

She is now on marriage #2. We have since made up and I wish her a happy long marriage.

24KT · « **Reply #16 on:** October 05, 2007, 07:17:27 AM »

Quote from: BayGBM on October 05, 2007, 07:06:50 AM

Wow. I can't beat that, but my cousin had a big wedding several years ago. Although she was living in Wasthington DC at the time, she held her wedding on a Carribbean island and people flew in from all over the United States and England to attend. She and I were feuding at the time (she owed me money) so I chose not to attend, but from the pix and family reports I could see it was a grand affair. The joke was on her though... less than a year later they were divorced.

She is now on marriage #2. We have since made up and I wish her a happy long marriage.

You missed your own sister's wedding ...over money? $:-\$

The Squadfather · « **Reply #17 on:** October 05, 2007, 08:32:57 AM »

hahahahah, people are such mentally weak quitters these days, they want to get divorced over every little thing, "MOM, HE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO FILE FOR DIVORCE!!!!!", adult human beings sicken me.

Butterbean · « **Reply #18 on:** October 05, 2007, 08:43:48 AM »

Quote from: The Squadfather on October 05, 2007, 08:32:57 AM

hahahahah, people are such mentally weak quitters these days, they want to get divorced over every little thing, "MOM, HE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO FILE FOR DIVORCE!!!!!", adult human beings sicken me.

It's sadly true but why did this make me laugh!

The Squadfather · « **Reply #19 on:** October 05, 2007, 09:39:30 AM »

Quote from: STella on October 05, 2007, 08:43:48 AM

It's sadly true but why did this make me laugh!

it's all the instant gratification/unrealistic expectation society we live in these days, "i want to get big and huge right away but i don't want to load the bar for squats and deadlifts", "i want a woman who is physically perfect who has no faults and is a virgin", "i want a 6'3" 280 pound at 1 percent bodyfat man who has model facial looks, EDIT who is well-endowed, who has a medical and law degree who loves children" etc.

muscleforlife · « **Reply #20 on:** October 05, 2007, 10:52:34 AM »

Wow,
That really is sad. Was there no talk of marriage counselling? Just taking a deep breath and realize how stupid the whole conversation was?

I believe in focusing on the marriage, not the wedding. Like someone said, that money could have been spent on something more useful like the house, car, college education for kids, etc

Sandra

BayGBM · « **Reply #21 on:** October 05, 2007, 12:37:34 PM »

Quote from: The Squadfather on October 05, 2007, 08:32:57 AM

hahahahah, people are such mentally weak quitters these days, they want to get divorced over every little thing, "MOM, HE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO FILE FOR DIVORCE!!!!!", adult human beings sicken me.

Bathrooms are sacred spaces! The solution is to have more than one. One for him, one for me, and one for guests. For the most part, me and mine use separate bathrooms. He can spread out his toiletries, I can spread out mine and they never have to intersect.

BayGBM · « **Reply #22 on:** October 05, 2007, 12:40:25 PM »

Quote from: The Squadfather on October 05, 2007, 09:39:30 AM

it's all the instant gratification/unrealistic expectation society we live in these days, "i want to get big and huge right away but i don't want to load the bar for squats and deadlifts", "i want a woman who is physically perfect who has no faults and is a virgin", "i want a 6'3" 280 pound at 1 percent bodyfat man who has model facial looks, EDIT who is well-endowed, who has a medical and law degree who loves children" etc.

If he's gay I'll take him! But he doesn't have to be well endowed. I've got that part covered.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #23 on:** October 05, 2007, 12:59:14 PM »

Quote from: BayGBM on October 05, 2007, 12:37:34 PM

Bathrooms are sacred spaces! The solution is to have more than one. One for him, one for me, and one for guests. For the most part, me and mine use separate bathrooms. He can spread out his toiletries, I can spread out mine and they never have to intersect.

Mike and I have our own bathrooms too! Makes things soooooooo much easier.

knny187 · « **Reply #24 on:** October 05, 2007, 05:02:03 PM »

My best friend was married for 6 years. They had this brilliant idea to "re-new" their vows & spent $30,000 on a wedding.

6 months later...he was getting on her because she was gaining a little weight. She had this really big overweight friend that kept feeding her to believe that he should love her no matter what. So she told him that "he should love her no matter what". My friend said "no...I don't want to be with a fat person"....so she divorced him.

$:-\$

I told him...although he has to be happy...so does she....but spending $30,000 was pretty dumb.

Also.....the fastest I've seen someone get married was 12 hours. My best friend in the Corps married his ex wife within 12 hours of meeting her. He met her out driving around in Oceanside....& thought how cool it would be to run off to Vegas.

Their marriage lasted apprx 2 years. In that time frame....I couldn't tell you how many times the cops had to go out to their place. He was arrested once for 10 days because she put some false charge on his ass. After that.....everytime the cops went to their place...they hauled her off instead of him. His charges were eventually dropped.