So Special Ed arrived in Cincy on Thursday to cover the UFC for a number of websites, and after checking in, I immediately went to the Tri County Mall for a Tapout Clothing Party at Champs Sports. I just had to meet the TAPOUT CREW and STEPHAN BONNAR, the clown prince of MMA. They didn't disappoint. Skyscrape kept pouring water over my head while I was interviewing Bonnar on video, right up until I grabbed his balls rather forcefully.
Then I met some sweet-ass skank who worked at the Pro Activ booth in the mall and she invited me to come out to the Kentucky riverfront with all her friends. The number of IOIs was off the charts and there was plenty of Kino going, so it seemed like bouncing to the bars was a good plan. Being the responsible type, I immediately went to CVS and purchased some Durex XXLs so I didn't have to worry about catching Mad Cow from the Hot Bitch. Of course, everyone knows that the moment you purchase condoms is the moment at which karma dictates that you won't get laid, but hey, what's safer than jerking off with a condom? Incredibly I went from MYSTERY to KOZMO to PRADEEP in 3 text messages. Mystery needs to do a seminar on closing via text messaging because I suck at that.
Friday, I went to the weigh-in and it was crazy. The UFC ring girls are so hot that I didn't even think to take a picture of them. I just opened the set right there and then, getting her name and hotel before three guys in AFFLICTION shirts mauled her, handed me a camera and asked me to take a photo of them. I hope they weren't upset later when they realized I zoomed in and snapped one of nothing but boobs.
After the weigh-in, where BRANDON VERA and TIM SYLVIA displayed doughy physiques making them look like they haven't trained a day in their lives, Special Ed went backstage and caught up with JOE ROGAN, who wasn't as loud in person as he is on the microphone. I told him I almost tried out for Fear Factor once but got off line when I saw the bowl of worms. He asked me why and I told him that I can barely hold down my mother's cooking. That's when someone took this shot.
After talking to Rogan and VANDERLEI SILVA for a while, I went over to speak with UFC Boss DANA WHITE who was wrapping up an interview with Tokyo Sport. I pitched him on the SPECIAL ED UNTITLED PROJECT and he gave me all his contact info. This morning at the Westin, I told him next time Tito Ortiz bitches out, he can call me to step in the Octagon.
Headed down to the arena now to meet up with Getbig's own 20InchCalves. More updates later, Iron Brothers!
