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Author Topic: Need Advice  (Read 1407 times)
Arnoldwanabe
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« on: November 30, 2007, 07:23:47 AM »

I have been married for a little over 2 years now and have a great relationship with my wife except one thing.....weight issue.  I work out 5 days a week and stay pretty fit.  Not just for myself but for my wife too.  I know that she likes a man that has some muscle and low fat.  Here is the problem, over the past two years she has slowly gained about 30 lbs.   She will end up going to the gym for about a week or two and then quit again.  She says she wants to workout and diet but she loses motivation.  I try and help her with motivation but she says I just make her feel worse. Apparently I'm not as good with words as I thought.  I guess my question is how can I help her stay motivated and/or her keep her own motivation.  I have thought about a personal trainer but really can't afford that right now.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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ripitupbaby
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« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2007, 08:59:18 AM »

That's a tough one...It's hard to lose weight and motivate to get in shape unless you REALLY want to do it yourself. 
There aren't many people who can motivate her, but you can help push her in the right direction, and she needs to make the personal commitment to it.  One thing you should probably do is invest more of your time and energy into whatever commitment she's willing to make...actions on your part more so than words.  Make the commitment WITH her.  A couple of thoughts ---

- Can you train with her?  Is it something that you guys could do together and not get into a fight?  If not, maybe encourage her to enroll in some group exercise classes (aerobics), as that's a good way to get into the gym in a somewhat social environment that she may enjoy.  Or get one of her girlfriends to start going to the gym with her...maybe there's a girlfriend who would be willing to be a training partner.
-If you can't train with her, can you guys set some time aside to get some exercise together out side of the gym?  What about taking a walk with her 3 times a week?  Cardio would be ideal to focus on if the goal is really just to take some weight off, and cardio can be done just about anywhere.

- If you are in shape, I assume that you must eat relatively well.  It is possible that she can start to see results with relatively minor adjustments to her diet.  Diet represents about 80% or more of the battle when it comes to weight loss.  Start taking a look at her diet and helping her make some small adjustments...eating a healthy breakfast, having healthy snacks around, eliminating sugar and sugary drinks like fruit juice and sodas, etc....don't let her buy any bad food for the house.  Eat breakfast with her in the morning, and start participating in cooking dinner with her if you don't already. 
The diet can make SUCH a difference that she could start to see results before she even gets into the gym...which will motivate her to get into the gym.  Everyone gets more motivated once they start seeing results.

- If she really wants to make a commitment to it, help her lay out some specific goals.  Don't just let her say she wants to do it and/or give it a go for a week or two.  Get out a calendar and perhaps a notebook or journal or something.  Establish a reasonable target goal (like losing the first 5 pounds in the first month)....Set a target date, document her current weight, and take some measurements for her. 

HAVE HER WRITE DOWN HER DIET EVERY DAY...everything she eats.  This will help her be more accountable.  Something that usually helps people is if they write down everything they eat for a week...then sit down and look at the diet, and find ways to cut 3500 calories out of it.  3500 calories is the equivalent of one pound, and it amounts to 500 calories a day.  This can be accomplished with relatively small adjustments in most cases, and it could allow her to lose a pound a week without doing anything else.

Once she gets into the routine, and you know she's on the right track, get her on the scale so that she can see results, which will keep her motivated.  Don't let her weigh herself every day or she will get discouraged.

Setting specific goals and targets works really well for me, actually.  It's one of the reasons I like contest prepping...I set a specific date for myself (the contest), and once I make the commitment and it's "game time," there is no room for cheating or diverting from the game plan, no matter how discouraged or un-motivated I may get at times.  When I set a personal challenge for myself, the one person that I do not want to let down is myself. 

- You need to be positive with her, not negative.  If you are thinking about saying something about her weight that she's not going to like to hear, don't say it or turn it into some sort of positive encouragement.  If you see that she's working hard and making progress, tell her that!  Remind her that consistency and patience are necessary for anyone to see results.

- Educate her about the importance of fitness and good nutrition.  Get her a subscription to a good women's magazine like Oxygen.  Get her to check out some stuff on the internet about weight loss and women's fitness.  Maybe she can be inspired by other people's weight loss stories, before and afters, etc.  Show her some pics that make her think "if she can do it, I can do it."  You don't necesarily have to spend money on a personal trainer...there's lots of stuff online, including diet and training plans, workout journals, women's fitness and nutrition websites, etc.

Those are just some ideas...it's really hard to know how to motivate someone who isn't ready to make the personal commitment.  You may be able to help inspire her, though, and then keep her motivated once she decides she wants to do it. 

 Smiley
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Arnoldwanabe
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« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2007, 09:25:05 AM »

Awesome info.. Thanks for taking the time to write that up.  I guess diet not being the best is partly my fault. I am a hardgainer and just don't gain fat, no matter what I eat especailly if I am doing cardio.  I will make it point to go to the grocery store with her from now on.  If I eliminate certain foods from ever entering the house we will be starting on the right track.  Once again thanks.
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ripitupbaby
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« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2007, 09:49:44 AM »

Awesome info.. Thanks for taking the time to write that up.  I guess diet not being the best is partly my fault. I am a hardgainer and just don't gain fat, no matter what I eat especailly if I am doing cardio.  I will make it point to go to the grocery store with her from now on.  If I eliminate certain foods from ever entering the house we will be starting on the right track.  Once again thanks.


No problem.  Diet is crucial!

I think it would be really helpful and motivating for her if she wrote everything down that she eats/drinks for a week, and then sits down with you and identifies places where she can cut 3500 calories with relative ease, and then writes it down for the next week.  After that, she should have lost one pound without really having to work at it.  Also make sure she's drinking a lot of water.

 Smiley
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Smiley
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« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2007, 02:10:24 PM »

First she needs to deal with the issues that have her depressed.  Please explain the strain that you can not handle in the relationship?  Its her body, that you can not control.  You can only control your stuff.  All this leads back to probally whats causing the first sentence I wrote.
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Medford
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« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2007, 06:57:44 AM »

can I just say that maybe she feels intimidated in a gym?  can or will she exersize alone?  or how about something she's interested in, maybe a cardio kick class?  did she used to play a sport?  can you sign her up at the YMCA for an adult female league like basketball...she'll make friends in her own age group that will encourage her to go, and the YMCA is very economical.
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