My father, God rest his soul, told me the best sex he ever had was with one-legged women. Something about positional play. I don't know. I've always wondered. So there I was driving down the street, and I saw her. A woman with long, flowing hair...an incredible, magnificent limp. So I pulled the car over. I said, 'Excuse me, madam. Do you have a wooden leg?' And she said, 'Why? Do you have one at the moment?' I smiled and I said, 'As a matter of fact...' And she said, 'I'm expensive.' So I told her I'd buy her a trip to Belize, first class. She pulled out her badge and arrested me. Both her legs were real.
