We talk a lot about manliness and what that means here on Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness. It often takes the form of political conservatism, weightlifting, responsibility, tobacco use and as some would say, unhealthy love of guns. I got to thinking about how we are to live our lives on a day-to-day basis. Rather than wax poetic with complicated themes of manliness I thought I would give you "50 Do's and Don'ts for a Real Man". Enjoy!
You can find this original article at
http://www.arthurshall.com/x_2008_manliness.shtmlGrooming
DO - Make a decision about your hair. Shave it or grow it out. Long crazy hair is manly as is a shaved head... just...
DON'T - Conform to the latest hair style. That means under no circumstances should your hair be treated at a salon and especially don't do that damn "My hair is messed up the same way everyday" haircut.
DO - Cut your own nails with clippers or, for extra manly kudos, bite them off and file your nails down on your jeans.
DON'T - Have anyone touch your finger or toenails. That nonsense is for women, end of story.
DO - Grow facial hair. Full beards are always recommended but in some cases you may be able to amplify your facial hair with some variety. A "Lemmy" is always great. If you are addicted to grooming your own face... go clean shaven, just so you can avoid the temptation to be pretty with it.
DON'T - Roll with a goatee. A goatee is the mullet of facial hair. It appeases (you think) your instinct to grow facial hair without offending the women or authority figures in your life. The worst form of facial hair is what I call the "Urban Beard". It consists of a tiny goatee connected with thin strips of hair that resemble female pubic landing strips... Fucking disgusting!
DO - Use shampoo or bar soap to clean yourself.
DON'T - Clean yourself with smelly products with labels full of invented words like "nutraceutical". And do not use a Lufa. Your body came with hands... use them.
DO - Let your manliness show by keeping your body hair intact.
DON'T - Be one of those guys who is an average sized guy with shaved arms, legs and chest. If you are a bodybuilder in the offseason it is acceptable to shave your arms and legs but leave the chest, back and gut in their natural state.
At The Gym
DO - Wear man themed t-shirts (Heavy Metal, NRA, etc) or better yet... The Official Arthur's Hall Viking T-Shirt.
DON'T - Wear wife beaters or Under Armour shirts. Nothing says "Skinny Pussy" like a wife beater. Under Armour shirts are confusing also. The men who should be wearing them never do.
DO - Wear something that allows you to see what you are training. If you are training shoulders, a tank top is appropriate. Always wear shorts to show off your huge legs. If you don't have big quads, having to stare at them everyday will motivate you to start squatting like a man.
DON'T - Wear pants to the gym. Nothing says "I have don't have the balls to train legs" like warmup pants in the gym. The only exception is if you happen to be the biggest, most jacked up silverback in the gym and legitimately have nothing to prove.
DO - Cardio on bikes or the treadmill.
DON'T - Doing cardio on elliptical machines is for women. I should not have to mention that any class for cardio is also unacceptable.
DO - Walk to the water fountain between sets.
DON'T - Bring a gallon water jug... unless you are 270lbs and getting ready for a bodybuilding show. Wanna-be bodybuilders love the water jug accessory, avoid looking like those bums.
DO - Wear headphones. Loud metal is critical for an intense Viking workout.
DON'T - Listen to the shit music they pipe in at gyms. And whatever you do... do not wear the iPod arm strap on the bicep as it screams "I am circuit training for my health".
Clothes
DO - Wear metal tees, NRA shirts, or Shatner's terrific Milton Friedman t-shirt design for hanging around... and if you need to have a collar, go with a Polo shirt.
DON'T - Wear stupid ass shirts with graphic writing.
DO - Wear boots when appropriate. Athletic shoes are ok too.
DON'T - Wear those fucking skater shoes... like Vans or DC or anything remotely like that.
DO - Wear baseball style hats.
DON'T - Wear any other type of hats. Beanies, Knit Caps especially with the faux visor, Castro-style, etc, etc... You are trying way too damn hard to be cool if you sport those types of hats.
DO - Limit accessories. If you are going to wear a watch it should be a utility type watch or if it needs to be shiny and nice looking... get a real quality watch.
DON'T - Wear stupid shit like cheap Fossil watch or cheesy bracelet or necklace. Nothing says creepy wanna-be ladies man like a cheap too-shiny watch, necklace or bracelet.
Music
DO - Listen to metal or actual country music. "Urban cowboy" pop music is not fit for a man. If there is a question in your mind about the authenticity of the country music you are hearing... it is probably pop music repackaged as country.
DON'T - Listen to anything else
DO - Buy entire albums... good music is meant to be listened to as a complete package.
DON'T - Go to iTunes and buy a song here and song there. That is what little girls and hipsters do.
DO - Listen to Iron Maiden as much as humanly possible.
DON'T - Not owning at least eight Iron Maiden albums is blasphemy to the gods of manliness.
Transportation
DO - Drive a vehicle that fits your needs. If you are commuter, drive something that has top notch fuel economy. If you have to have tools, drive a truck befitting a man.
DON'T - Drive a truck with fancy wheels, a lift kit or shiny chrome as it is nothing more than a expensive penis extension. If you use your truck for what it is meant to be used for having a fancy one is stupid.
DO - Have a stereo system that is capable of blaring metal at ear splitting levels so that you can pull up to emo-hipsters or ghetto dwellers and offend them with metal.
DON'T - Have a system that pounds bass... you just look foolish.
Home Life
DO - Own a dog. A dog is truly man's best friend. When things are rough, your dog will be there for you. Nothing is more trustworthy or loyal as your dog.
DON'T - Own a cat or any other bullshit pet.
DO - Buy a house. Real men own their residence. It is better to live in a beat up house that you own than a nice apartment.
DON'T - Rent anything or buy a "condo". Most condos are just apartments that you somewhat own. Apartment complexes are human roach motels.
DO - Own a house in a neighborhood or somewhere somewhat rural.
DON'T - Buy a shitty Quadrant or DR Horton home in a development. Rule of thumb... if your neighborhood has a name on some cheesy rock on a corner... it fucking sucks. Most are named something absurd like "Sterling Heights" or "Radiance". If you have a homeowner's agreement that prohibits things you have given away your right of ownership.
Interactions with Women
DO - Be honorable. If you have a girlfriend... treat her as such. If you want to go around banging all sorts of women... that is fine. Just be single.
DON'T - Be one of those guys who always has a girlfriend but it is always looking for something better. In other words, don't stick around a girl because you are afraid to be alone. That is what 16 year old girls do.
DO - Be who you are always. Pretending to be something you are not never works if you are looking for a real relationship. Once again... if you are playing the field do what you have to do, but remember to stick to your gameplan and keep your distance.
DON'T - Be one of these guys who sits around talking to girls that you are not with about their problems. A real man does not count women as friends. Your mate should be your best friend... but other than that, having women friends leads to nothing but trouble. You are either involved with them or you're not.
DO - Be careful with your seed. There is nothing manly about spawning a bastard kid.
DON'T - Depend on the woman for birth control. A lot of bitches out there will trap you on purpose, or are just plain stupid. Don't roll the dice.
Political Life
DO - Vote. Any man who does not vote does not deserve their citizenship. Not voting is an insult to your forefathers who spilled their blood for your right to vote.
DON'T - Complain about the world when you have done nothing to change it. A non-voter is no different than a rape victim who submits and then does not report it out of fear.
DO - Vote Republican... without question. The Democratic party hates masculinity. Oppose them with vociferous zeal.
DON'T - Vote Democrat or Libertarian. Voting Libertarian is understandable until you consider that your vote helps Democrats. Democrats openly seek to destroy the standing of men, American culture, and our way of life.
DO - Volunteer your time to further your cause. I will be writing an article that calls for all of us to volunteer for the Republican party. Our nation is at a crossroads and we cannot afford to sit back and allow race and gender baiting Democrats to destroy our nation.
DON'T - Expect others to do your bidding. Contribute in some way, financially or with your time, to a local or national politician who stands for liberty, American dominance and the 2nd Amendment.
Public Life
DO - Work hard and go grab your little piece of the world. Men are called, by our genetic code, to achieve. Find your niche and go for it.
DON'T - Expect things to be handed to you. No one owes you anything. The victim mentality is the ideology of the weak and inferior.
DO - Oppose injustice. When you see something that bothers you...do something about it. Example..there is nothing illegal about telling someone at the grocery store who is using food stamps they should get a fucking job. Or... if some fat bastard is buying Doritos and Hot Pockets it is within your rights to tell them that they are fat and are going to die of diabetes.
DON'T - Be careful. The world is ruled and owned by men who took it with the force of their will. Those men were never careful. Nothing risked is nothing gained.
DO - What you want. Our modern world is so pussified that no one will do anything when you do something that some would consider wrong. Walk around like you own the place... and you do.
DON'T - Wonder what other people will think.
Finances
DO - Save and invest... every month. The vast majority of Americans are bankrupting themselves with discretionary spending. Don't buy into it. Set aside a little more that you think you can handle and you will find that you don't miss it.
DON'T - Buy into rampant consumerism. Just because someone made it does not mean you have to buy it.
DO - Eat at home. There is a reason why there are ten times more restaurants now... because idiots fill them up. It is expensive and makes you fat.
DON'T - Go out to eat more than once a week. If you were to add up how much you spent on take-out and sit-down food... you would be appalled.
DO - Vote with your money. As conservatives, we believe in the primacy of the market. Your spending is the most important way to influence how businesses conduct themselves. I am becoming more interested in conservative consumer activism. If you see or hear of a company doing something that you don't like... don't give them your money. And... influence others to boycott them also, if necessary make up a horror story. Do what it takes to hurt that company.
DON'T - Allow companies to dictate how you will spend your money. You are in control, they are not. That is the most important part of voting with your dollar. Keep that in mind next time you get treated badly by a business.
DO - If you like movies, get Netflix. Ten bucks a month and you will always have a movie or show to watch.
DON'T - Buy DVDs consistently. It is perfect acceptable to own classics like any Arnold movie, Pulp Fiction or Rocky but buying DVDs for the hell of it is a recipe for financial failure. The people with the biggest DVD collections I have ever seen have always been the poorest people I knew, it is not coincidence.
DO - Buy things when you can afford them.
DON'T - Use the evil credit card to purchase things that you ultimately do not need. This is a common trap for younger guys and that debt will haunt you for years. There is no reason to own a huge plasma TV and sound system if you can't afford them. Little guide for TVs... it should never cost more than you take home in a week.
Communication
DO - Own a cell phone. It is a powerful tool if you need to get things done.
DON'T - Live your life as if you are a powerful executive, people do not need to be able to get in touch with you 24 hours a day. Turn the fucking thing off when you are doing something.
DO - If you have to text someone, use English.
DON'T - Message someone in textese, erase LMAO, LOL, U, L8, etc from your lexicon. That shit is for idiots.
DO - Resist the temptation to wear a Bluetooth.
DON'T - EVER, EVER, EVER wear a Bluetooth or a cell phone holster. Nothing says fucking dork like someone who walks around town with a Bluetooth in their ear blabbing on and on about nothing. If you are a man and you are the phone that much you may want to look into coming out of the closet.
Out on the Town
DO - Dress in typical men's gear. T-shirt, jeans and boots are always good. Even if you are scouting for women which is a common reason why people go out, be who you are. Most chicks can see right through the chode (Abercrombie, ripped up jeans, pointy dressy shoes) look... and you don't want anything to do with the ones who buy in to that shit.
DON'T - Try to impress anyone. When you try to impress people you end up looking like a pussy. You will get much more attention with a tight metal shirt and jeans than you will with the douchebag look provided you look like a man should.
DO - Have a chew in all night. If a chick hates tobacco she is not worth your time or effort.
DON'T - Go have a smoke with the chicks. Having things in common with women is not useful unless you want to be the "nice" guy who strikes out every night.
DO - Stay in control. When you feel yourself starting to get hammered either leave or get a ride.
DON'T - Make an ass of yourself. Getting in fights or falling all over the place is not manly.
DO - Find the girl who looks bored and distant from the bar scene. Hit on her. She will appreciate it and will show it later on.
DON'T - Hit on the hottest girl in the bar, they are there to get attention. One better, scoff at her. She make take that as a challenge and you may end up leaving with her.
Everyday life
DO - Be honest. Real men mean what they say.
DON'T - Be evasive with people in your life. Life is easier with honesty and integrity.
DO - Love your family and your friends. You only go around once, make it count.
DON'T - Let people guess what you think of them.
DO - Slow down and enjoy life. Our society pressures us to run around and spread ourselves thin. Avoid that.
DON'T - Get involved with the rat race aspect of humanity. Those people are never happy, they run around like convicts to forget they are miserable.
DO - Make healthy choices. Exercise with weights, eat whole foods and have a hobby to combat stress.
DON'T - Be cavalier with your body. You will pay for it later.
DO - Read. Nothing enriches your brain like reading and writing.
DON'T - Live for TV. Turn the fucking thing off and read something.
DO - Read Arthur's Hall every single day of your life! The daily infusion of manliness will protect you from the feminine ills of our society. Spread the word of the manliness here.
DON'T - Think for a second that I am going anywhere. I am dedicating myself to make the world a better place. You do the same...
