If you saw...

[Hustle Man]

...your next door neighbor's 15yrs old daughter out late at night in a convenience store parking lot giving a guy a BJ in his car, would you tell her parents?

Especially her father?






P.S.
She also has FaceBook and MySpace Accts that are very provocative and promote promiscuity. If you are wondering, my kids let me see her sites.

[Epic_Monster]

 Have a seat "hustleman"!

[Hustle Man]

Have a seat "hustleman"!

LOL

[Playboy]

...your next door neighbor's 15yrs old daughter out late at night in a convenience store parking lot giving a guy a BJ in his car, would you tell her parents?

Especially her father?






P.S.
She also has FaceBook and MySpace Accts that are very provocative and promote promiscuity. If you are wondering, my kids let me see her sites.

She is definately headed down the road of doom. Destined to be a hooker by the time she hits 19. There has to be some intervention or this kid could wind up dead somewhere. Sad. Parents are defintely to blame here.

[Hustle Man]

She is definately headed down the road of doom. Destined to be a hooker by the time she hits 19. There has to be some intervention or this kid could wind up dead somewhere. Sad. Parents are defintely to blame here.

My son's neighborhood frind also says she and another young girl participate in bukakes in the neighborhood. And she has been the subject of many "Sh!t house" poets in the men's room at the local library.

[Monster_Everything]

So whats a matter with your daughter ...err i mean the nieghbor's daughter .. 

[~flower~]

...your next door neighbor's 15yrs old daughter out late at night in a convenience store parking lot giving a guy a BJ in his car, would you tell her parents?

Especially her father?






P.S.
She also has FaceBook and MySpace Accts that are very provocative and promote promiscuity. If you are wondering, my kids let me see her sites.

If you personally hadn't had sex when you were her age then you could consider talking to her parents if you felt they would be receptive, if you yourself were not a virgin at that age then no.

   

[~flower~]

Or better yet next time rap on the car window and hand them a condom

[freespirit]

I would not tell her parents. And I do not understand why someone should.

[Hustle Man]

Or better yet next time rap on the car window and hand them a condom

Oh Flower!!!

...if you yourself were not a virgin at that age then no.

I disagree with you here just because I did something wrong in my youth and got away with it does not mean I am being a hypocrite for speaking against that same behavior as an adult, or did I read you wrong here?

[INSOMNIA]

You shoud absolutely tell her parents.

[Hustle Man]

So whats a matter with your daughter ...err i mean the nieghbor's daughter .. 

Trust me this is not my daughter because if it were we would not even be having this conversation. I don't play that crap chief and my kids no better!

15yrs oh hell no that's too young to be out doing such things!

Anyway the parents are always complaining about this kids behavior to us this is why I asked the question.

[mbell]

As a parent I would definatley want to know. It would break my heart but I would want to know to deal with it now rather than let it get worse (if it can get any worse).

[~flower~]

Oh Flower!!!

I disagree with you here just because I did something wrong in my youth and got away with it does not mean I am being a hypocrite for speaking against that same behavior as an adult, or did I read you wrong here?

  The condom would of let her know she had been "caught" and maybe make her think.

   I wasn't meaning that it would be hypocritical, but more to think back to yourself at that age. 

  You said her parents are always complaining about her so they have discussed her with you, so I would probably tell them then since it wouldn't be like knocking on someone's door and just telling them what you saw and then telling them to have a nice night. 

  I don't think her parents knowing will change anything except that they can make sure she knows how to be protected and hope she at least does that. 

 I moved out at 17 and I think kids today are growing up even faster. It is not always the parents fault.  Unless they were going to lock me in a basement I did what I wanted and if a kid is determined to do that, they will. You can try and protect & shape them, but depending on the person it might not do much. 

[Laura Lee]

I would definitely want to know if my daughter is doing such thing out in public   

[Hustle Man]

  The condom would of let her know she had been "caught" and maybe make her think.

   I wasn't meaning that it would be hypocritical, but more to think back to yourself at that age. 

  You said her parents are always complaining about her so they have discussed her with you, so I would probably tell them then since it wouldn't be like knocking on someone's door and just telling them what you saw and then telling them to have a nice night. 

  I don't think her parents knowing will change anything except that they can make sure she knows how to be protected and hope she at least does that. 

 I moved out at 17 and I think kids today are growing up even faster. It is not always the parents fault.  Unless they were going to lock me in a basement I did what I wanted and if a kid is determined to do that, they will. You can try and protect & shape them, but depending on the person it might not do much. 

I don't think her parents knowing will change anything...

I agree, kinda too late for a morality check up.

It is not always the parents fault.

Yes it is always the parents fault IMO, every path we take as kids is a learned path and our parents are accountable for the paths we choose.
I think parents should be more involved in the rearing of their children and not just financially. Some parents (in this case) give their kids everything they want and allow them to be with and influenced by anyone in their age group. My neighbors refuse to invoke boudaries and or rules with this young girl; in order to be friends with her!

I think you may be right on this one Flower, maybe I should leave it alone.

What good will it do anyway at this juncture?

[freespirit]

I would not tell her parents. And I do not understand why someone should.

This doesn't mean that I totally agree with her actions, but telling her parents would NOT solve anything.

[~flower~]

 
Yes it is always the parents fault IMO, every path we take as kids is a learned path and our parents are accountable for the paths we choose.

Each person is accountable for the paths they chose.  Using myself as an example my parents grounded me, talked to me, took away stuff, and guess what, I still did what I wanted to do. Like I said, short of locking me in a room, I was going to do what I wanted to do.  Now if they never tried to intervene or whatever, then yes you can lay some blame with the parents, but a person is ultimately going to do what they want. 

  You probably consider yourself a good parent, do you think it will be your fault if your kids try drugs or have sex?     If only a person could have that much control over another that didn't involve restraints or physical beatings. Doesn't work that way.

[powerpack]

Each person is accountable for the paths they chose.  Using myself as an example my parents grounded me, talked to me, took away stuff, and guess what, I still did what I wanted to do. Like I said, short of locking me in a room, I was going to do what I wanted to do.  Now if they never tried to intervene or whatever, then yes you can lay some blame with the parents, but a person is ultimately going to do what they want. 

  You probably consider yourself a good parent, do you think it will be your fault if your kids try drugs or have sex?     If only a person could have that much control over another that didn't involve restraints or physical beatings. Doesn't work that way.

I agree with ~flower~ power

[Butterbean]

I agree with ~flower~ power

Me too.


Hustle Man, depending on how well I knew the girl's parents would determine how I told them what I saw.

Some friends I would probably state what I saw, and others I would be more vague.  Then I'd probably let them know about the myspace page addresses.

If you do nothing and the girl ends up preg or a runaway or something, will you wish you would have said something?

I hope it works out OK.



Stella "the narc"

[Hustle Man]

Each person is accountable for the paths they chose.  Using myself as an example my parents grounded me, talked to me, took away stuff, and guess what, I still did what I wanted to do. Like I said, short of locking me in a room, I was going to do what I wanted to do.  Now if they never tried to intervene or whatever, then yes you can lay some blame with the parents, but a person is ultimately going to do what they want. 

  You probably consider yourself a good parent, do you think it will be your fault if your kids try drugs or have sex?     If only a person could have that much control over another that didn't involve restraints or physical beatings. Doesn't work that way.

Each person is accountable for the paths they chose.

Truth

You probably consider yourself a good parent..

Yes I am   (only for kids 5-25)

I am not the type of parent that locks the door and throws away the key or hover over them but I believe in equiping kids with the right tools and how and when to use those tools.

Given todays mindset on how to rear children some would probably say I am very strict but my kids would tell you I am a very fair and realistic dad.

...do you think it will be your fault if your kids try drugs or have sex?

When they are under my roof and in my care especially at 15 yrs old, doing drugs and having pre-marital sex yes, I hold myself (the parent) accountable. When they have turned 18+ and make very bad descisions when they come to a crossroad that they have been given the proper tools and training then they are accountable for their own actions.

[~flower~]

Given todays mindset on how to rear children some would probably say I am very strict but my kids would tell you I am a very fair and realistic dad.
 
When they are under my roof and in my care especially at 15 yrs old, doing drugs and having pre-marital sex yes, I hold myself (the parent) accountable. When they have turned 18+ and make very bad descisions when they come to a crossroad that they have been given the proper tools and training then they are accountable for their own actions.

  So what do you do that makes you so different from any other parent?  If you found out a child of yours (under 18) was doing drugs, having sex or whatever, what will you think that you could have done better? Will you believe it is your fault?   Because believe me, no matter how good a parent you are some kids will still go against how they were raised.  When a kid is 15 he/she knows right from wrong, if they want to be stupid they will be.  And from what I have learned about you here I bet you are a great parent, but that doesn't make your kids immune from the stupids.

 Again I will use myself as an example  ,   I remember I was grounded once and I still went out.  When I got home I was asked "must be nice to go out when you are grounded"  my reply "Isn't it though" and off I went to my room. I went to concerts I wasn't supposed to, one my mother showed up looking for me and dragged me home (how embarrassing!)  that still did not stop me from doing it again.  I snuck out windows, did lots of other stuff.  Ok, maybe they could have sent me to boarding school but chances are I would of just left.   Shortly after I was 17, I moved out.  Looking back I know what a shit I was, and don't know what they could of done differently.  I can't blame them.  You can only blame the parents when they don't try.   Sorry, parents are people too, not gods. 

[Hustle Man]

  So what do you do that makes you so different from any other parent?  If you found out a child of yours (under 18) was doing drugs, having sex or whatever, what will you think that you could have done better? Will you believe it is your fault?   Because believe me, no matter how good a parent you are some kids will still go against how they were raised.  When a kid is 15 he/she knows right from wrong, if they want to be stupid they will be.  And from what I have learned about you here I bet you are a great parent, but that doesn't make your kids immune from the stupids.

 Again I will use myself as an example  ,   I remember I was grounded once and I still went out.  When I got home I was asked "must be nice to go out when you are grounded"  my reply "Isn't it though" and off I went to my room. I went to concerts I wasn't supposed to, one my mother showed up looking for me and dragged me home (how embarrassing!)  that still did not stop me from doing it again.  I snuck out windows, did lots of other stuff.  Ok, maybe they could have sent me to boarding school but chances are I would of just left.   Shortly after I was 17, I moved out.  Looking back I know what a shit I was, and don't know what they could of done differently.  I can't blame them.  You can only blame the parents when they don't try.   Sorry, parents are people too, not gods. 

So what do you do that makes you so different from any other parent?

I am probably not that different than your average parent.

Of course there are no guarantees in parenting but for the most part I think what makes my parenting method a tad bit more productive than my parent’s methods is they ruled by instilling fear, using the extension cord and keeping their kids in the dark when they should have been talking to them.

I do know that many parent make themselves to be these super humans to their kids, like the have never done anything wrong and that's very difficult for a kid to live up to. (At least that is what happened during my childhood)

I swore that I would never raise my kids the same way I grew up so I invoked the following:
Open Communication:
I have always made myself available for my kids to communicate with me about anything. (They know they can tell me anything and they do)

Example: My youngest daughter was at a sleepover some time ago and she knows that she should not watch certain types of movies at her age (11) well the other girls at the sleep over wanted to watch the movie "Heartbreakers" so she called me and asked should she watch this movie (Awesome I thought) we discussed what the movie was about and looked at the rating and decided maybe it was not a good film for her to see just yet. She then asked her friend if they could watch a movie that was not PG-13 of course that met with resistance so she went into another room and read a book until the movie was over.
To make a long story short I believe she made the decision she made because she trusts what her dad taught her and I believe this only because I never told her she could not do certain things but I taught her what is appropriate for certain times and occasions and I explained the reasons why not, not just some "Because I said so" crap the way my parents did with me.

I tell my kids about my childhood and some of the stupid things I did when I was a kid (Funny stories to tell out by the fire pit roasting marshmallows)

I have had better success talking with my kids when they have made terrible mistakes than punishing them. We discuss how the mistake could have been avoided from their perspective and so on.

Transparency:
I have always shown them that I have faults as well even as an adult and that we all make mistakes throughout life.
I have always taught them to learn from their mistakes and others mistakes and to be mindful not to repeat those mistakes (if possible).

Teachable moments:
I don’t overact when they make a mistake or deliberated disobey. We discuss the mishap or the offense and resolve the issue through teaching the correct way. This is not to say that there are not consequences but I use other methods such as writing an essay or some sort of community service, you get the gist.

Showing Affection:
I talk with my kids and I tell my kids everyday that I love them and I show affection, I hug my kids everyday before I leave for work. I never got that from my parents and I see the difference it has made in our relationship even my big strapping 16 yr old manboy we hug daily and say we love each other.
In short my kids trust me and they cherish that I trust them back so they really don’t want to do anything that would damage the circle of trust we have. Besides they know I buy cars for them after their 17th bday lol

I could go on but I think I answered your question
HM

[freespirit]

I remember going to a particular part of the town where there was always a lot of trouble during new years night. I've seen riots and fights with the police, I was 13 or 14. Absolutely forbidden places to go at new years eve. Besides that I did some scary things in my youth. My mother would have "killed" me back than if she only knew half of it.

Would it be better if she knew it all? I think not.

[Playboy]

I remember going to a particular part of the town where there was always a lot of trouble during new years night. I've seen riots and fights with the police, I was 13 or 14. Absolutely forbidden places to go at new years eve. Besides that I did some scary things in my youth. My mother would have "killed" me back than if she only knew half of it.

Would it be better if she knew it all? I think not.

You're one of the lucky ones. Imagine the few who did do the same things and wound up found raped or worse yet dead.