http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/improving_your_confidence/feature_attention.shtml
Attention seeking
Attention seeking is as straightforward as it sounds - it's a simple demand for attention! It sounds simple - but as Ros Taylor shows here, the ways that this over-the-top behaviour manifests itself are many and varied.
In this article
Types of behaviour
Positive steps to change this behaviour
Types of behaviour
Some examples to clarify are: the man who complains loudly in a restaurant so that everyone will notice; the girl who wears the skimpiest of outfits on a cold winter night; the mother who sighs loudly and crashes the dinner dishes about so that the family will hear that she's a martyr to domesticity; the child who has a tantrum in the supermarket as his mother ignores him for a second to count her change; the teenager who feigns illness to obtain sympathy. The list is endless.
What characterises this behaviour is that it lacks genuineness.It plays to the gallery. There are telltale signs like the sideways glance to see who's looking, the exaggerated body language, the overly projected tone of voice.
We have concentrated on what is visible to the onlooker - but what's going on inside our heads to produce this over-the-top response?
When we indulge in this behaviour
it's generally due to a crisis of confidence. The man in the restaurant might feel that he's a very important person in the community but the staff did not treat him with the deference he deserved.
He raises his voice because suddenly he believes he is a man of little note. He sees himself through their eyes -
an ageing 'has-been' passed over for the top job. To redress the balance he puffs himself up and shouts for attention.
Positive steps to change this behaviour
Knowing that these thoughts are there is an important first stage in overcoming attention-seeking behaviour. They will be negative thoughts like: "I fear that I'm not good enough, everyone here is better than me", or "I'm not attractive, nobody loves me". You can stop the whole process right there and then by challenging these beliefs with: "Of course I'm good, I'm just as good as the next person" or 'I'm attractive and loveable but I do need to be bolder and chat to people," for example.
But life is life and perhaps we let these thoughts ferment. All is not lost however. You can recognise the feelings that accompany your thoughts and then take action. If you feel undermined, insecure, ignored or unrewarded then be aware of your particular emotional triggers to attention-seeking behaviour. Go back to thoughts that generated the feeling or simply relax and take some time out to examine what is going on.
Finally, what really works is to talk about how you feel to the person or people causing the problem. The mother who's doing far too much for her family needs to negotiate with them to do more. If she cooks they do the dishes. If not, they may have to fend for themselves. This direct approach is far healthier than acting like a martyr or shouting the odds. At least it provides you with the opportunity of finding a solution.
