Great handful of cashews and a fresh tshirt=good day

[DeketheCreep]

omg i am so broke
i am so sick of this
but i have gotten smart
yesterday i had noooo money in my wallet...but i did not panic
first i went to my savings account and i had 25 bucks left in it...so i took out the 20 dollars from it-felt great to have cash in my hand
then i checked my checking account..i only had 15 dollars in it...so being you can only take out multiples of 20 i transferred the last 5 bucks from my savings into my checking account...and boom!!! i could take 20 bucks out
so now i had 40 bucks in my wallet
then i remembered i never cashed a birthday check from my grandma for 25 bucks...so now i had 65 bucks in my wallet!!!
then i checked around my car and apartment and found 10 bucks in assorted quarters and dollar bills.
so yesterday i bought some chicken and cashews and spinnach

so then today i needed more chicken and cashews...but i had noooooo money
i thought maybe i had some credit left on my visa but i did not...when i get paid on thurs i will pretty much pay off my card...my balance is only 700 bucks
so i remembered i had some old gift visa cards in my wallet...and i checked the total on em...1 card was 0 dollars, and the other was 14 dollars
so i paid for the chicken with the gift card, and i searched my gym bag and found 4 bucks worth of quarters...so combined with the 5 dollar bll i found in my pants pocket i could get the cashews today

i need to get my finances in order
its like i cant control my money
everything seems to be slipping out of my hands

my acne is clear again
and i am weary



thank u for the tipno way!

get some Zzzz my weary freind

[Butterbean]

bump

[NaturalWonder83]

The month of December has flown by me so quickly...Almost like a raven traped inside a phone booth on a conveyor belt. Just when I was finally recovering from Thanksgiving, I had to endure the sorrows that the holidays always bring to me. As this year comes to a close, I am reminded of the fact that I am still single and havent met my soul mate yet. The psychic told me that when I am 30 I will meet my wife...but that is so long to wait. I am patient though. Jury duty will be where we will meet. A few weeks ago I was excused from jury duty...I'm 26 now...the next time I will be called is when I am 29-30...we will be on a jury together...this has to be it.
My car is finally 97.6% fixed...for the past 2 months the engine was making this horrifying noise when I drove...it sounded like vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvv
The mechanic said it was the wheel barings on 1 tire and he fixed it for me and did some other jazz to the car, including fixing my burned out headlight that has been out of service for the past year...now it runs like new except whenever I go over a bump I hear a noise...almost like tea cups flopping around on a saucer.
It was so great to have a safe car to drive in...but my joy was shortlived...as I was coming out of the grocery store I forgot where I parked and looked in the distance and saw this ugly car and I commmented to myself about how stupid and crappy the car looked...then I realized it was my car that I was scorning.
I visited my family this weekend...the visit was weird because I noticed my younger brother wearing a long sleeve tshirt that I had lost years ago...I'm pretty sure it is mine but I did not say anything...but it has been irritating me because I liked that shirt a lot.
The darkness of the night is strong on this day...I am so calm and relaxed right now...sadly I can still feel my sadness alive in my body, but the spikes of the reality of my depression are cushioned by the many pillows I have created to comfort me.
Let me put my head on my bed and close my eyes...bring me to the next day...welcome me into the certainty of the future...cast away any apprehensions i may have about how things will turn out.
Take me to the next level.
I am ready.

[WillGrant]

Do you subtitute almonds for cashews at times Gene?

[Butterbean]

Thanks for that wonderful update Gene

[~flower~]

pistachios are good too Gene and good for you, and you get a mini workout opening them! 

[WillGrant]

pistachios are good too Gene and good for you, and you get a mini workout opening them! 

Yes they are nice to , salty so have coke zero on hand 

[NaturalWonder83]

BIG HUGE CHANGE IN MY LIFE TAKING PLACE SOON...WILL UPDATE ALL THE FOLLOWERS OF THIS BLOG FIRST. STAY TUNED

Do you subtitute almonds for cashews at times Gene?

i hate almonds but i do cycle them in

flower-yes i love pistachios-especially cuz they help clear up acne

[churbro]

Just read my way through this entire thread...classic stuff.

Gene, it must be satisfying to know that your struggle with daily life provides a source of happiness and inspiration to all who read your writings.

[NaturalWonder83]

Just read my way through this entire thread...classic stuff.

Gene, it must be satisfying to know that your struggle with daily life provides a source of happiness and inspiration to all who read your writings.

hello...and THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS

________________________ ________________________ ________________________ _

Thursday was a day that drove me nearly insane.
I had just got my car back from the mechanic last Friday and I was so happy that the foul noise was gone from my car...but when I got my car back I noticed the front right tire looked a little low...but it felt rock hard so I was not worried.
Then I was driving on Monday and i decided to open the passenger wondow so I could feel the cold fresh air on m face to wake up my soul and I heard the oddest sound ever coming from the newly fixed wheel...it sounded like cold raw steel scraping itself, and I also heard a weird noise...almost like a hose spraying water against a tractor.
Foolish me, I thought nothing of it.
So fast forward to thursday and I thought maybe I should go get the tire changed at the tire repair place, but the weather was cold outside and I was not motivated to go.
So Thursday morning at 10 am I stopped by a gas station and had my mechanic friend look at the wheel and he said it looked ok to him...we even checked for a nail but could not find anything...the tire was rock hard I tell you!
So Thursday I get out of work at 5pm and i had to get to a family function...so i got in my car and changed into my jeans that i had in the seat...i could not bring my jeans into work w/ me cuz i had 3 tupperwares and a container of cahsews in my hand...and a big 1.5l water bottle in my other hand...back in the day i could just put stuff in my backpack but there was a recent ban on stuff at my job and cuz of dumb reasons i cant bring my bag of vitmains in with me anymore so i had no abilty to carry my jeans w me into work...plus we have to park in the employee parking area which is a long walk from the entrance and i did not want to drop anything on the ground so i changed in the car...i have tinted windows so its ok
so i back out of my space and i notice my car is feeling a bit wobbly...so odd...so i pull onto the main road cutting off traffic at the last minute and my car feels so wobbly!!! i open my windows and i hear the dreaded flat tire noise!!!! at this point im swearing and yelling in anger...i find a side road to pull over on and i get out in the blistering cold and my tire is sooooo flat its sickening...so i call triple A and im very calm and they told me they were gonna send a tow truck driver over...i was hoping it would be the tow truck driver i became friends with and worked out with..but i wasnt sure if it were the same comapny...i was tempted to look in my glove box for his card to see if it were the same company but i did not have time...
so now i had to ge tmy spare tire from my trunk...to my horror i remembered my trunk was jam packed to the brim with all the garbage i put in it this year...it took my about 10 mins to get a good chunk of it into my back seat..water bottles and papers were spilling all over the pavement it was very frustrating...i finally got enough room to push the rest of the trash over to the side w my shoulder as i tried to pry the spare tire out...it took me some time to realize i needed to unscrew the tire and i cut my finger in the process...so amazingly the toe truck dude showed up quicker than the people on the phone told me...but it wasnt the jacked tow truck driver...this dude looked like tank abbott from ufc...he was not friendly and i could tell he was pissed at me cuz i did not know how to change a tire...but he eventually loosened up and taught me how to change a tire kinda...so i tipped him 20 bucks when he left and then he wished me a merry xmas

i then put the rest of the trash back in my trunk and put the bad tire in my back seat and it got dirt on my seats

so i had to still go to my family event and on the way home my spare tire got deccimated and my whole car was shaking and vibrating like a mad hatter, but thank goodness i got home safe.

so the next morning i woke up early, skipped cardio, and went to the ire place at 645 so i could be first when they open at 7...the ride there was scary riding on a flat spare tire!!!

then i found out they did not open till 8am!!!! so i had to wait a while in my car..eventually i had to shut off my car...i also need to buy gloves and a coat because i was very cold in my car.

my tire is new on my car now
my outlook is new on my life
my fears of a flat faulty tire in traffic surely came true
my fears of a faulty persuit of success and survival in this life is slowly coming true
only i can change it
only i can grab the handles and squeeze w/ all my might

i am weary now and need rest

[kiwiol]

Great stuff, Gene. Look forward to reading this thread over the next year as well.

[~flower~]

flower-yes i love pistachios-especially cuz they help clear up acne

 this I did not know!   thanks gene!  

[Tito24]

gene have you got a new laptop yet..

I'm sorry to hear that you threw you old one across the room, and kept hitting it until it was completely crushed.

[NaturalWonder83]

The winter winds have been drying my face, and drying my hopes for escape from the icy prison of my current troubles. For a while everything was looking promising, and then in one quick fast ball from fate, I was struck out. Times are tough for me right now. There is no reason to lie. Lying will not heal my wounds, and lying will not cleanse my body of the bacteria that plagues my soul. It's almost as if my mind recognizes the need for me to change, but I just completely ignore it. The nights have been darker than usual lately. Sure the street lights shine through my window perch, but its as if there is a steel curtain that prevents the light from reaching my eyes. i try so hard to see the light at times. I try so hard to let the light shine in. Yet, at the same time, i could care less. I know its necessary for me to correct it, but there are days where I just dont have the strength or the desire to try. My fern has died in my apartment. I remember spending each day watering it, but then there were days where I just would walk by it, not even acknowledging it or giving it the attention it needed. The fern seems to mirror my current life. Only I have not let my life wither away yet. There is still hope. It's as if I am in a hammock stretched across Victoria Falls. I know how to stay balanced in it. I know how not to fall from it. Unfortunately. there comes a time where I get sick of trying to stay balanced, and I just give up.

The end of easiness and innocence is upon me
I can feel it.
The cashews have been crushed into dust and the tshirts have been taken from me.

[WillGrant]

The winter winds have been drying my face, and drying my hopes for escape from the icy prison of my current troubles. For a while everything was looking promising, and then in one quick fast ball from fate, I was struck out. Times are tough for me right now. There is no reason to lie. Lying will not heal my wounds, and lying will not cleanse my body of the bacteria that plagues my soul. It's almost as if my mind recognizes the need for me to change, but I just completely ignore it. The nights have been darker than usual lately. Sure the street lights shine through my window perch, but its as if there is a steel curtain that prevents the light from reaching my eyes. i try so hard to see the light at times. I try so hard to let the light shine in. Yet, at the same time, i could care less. I know its necessary for me to correct it, but there are days where I just dont have the strength or the desire to try. My fern has died in my apartment. I remember spending each day watering it, but then there were days where I just would walk by it, not even acknowledging it or giving it the attention it needed. The fern seems to mirror my current life. Only I have not let my life wither away yet. There is still hope. It's as if I am in a hammock stretched across Victoria Falls. I know how to stay balanced in it. I know how not to fall from it. Unfortunately. there comes a time where I get sick of trying to stay balanced, and I just give up.

The end of easiness and innocence is upon me
I can feel it.
The cashews have been crushed into dust and the tshirts have been taken from me.

Gene, are you an Emo ?

[NaturalWonder83]

Gene, are you an Emo ?

no
are u?

[WillGrant]

no
are u?

LOL no..but your poetry seems rather bleak at times..cheer up friend if you are down at present it can only get better.

[NaturalWonder83]

LOL no..but your poetry seems rather bleak at times..cheer up friend if you are down at present it can only get better.

i consider my writings upbeat

[Butterbean]

The winter winds have been drying my face, and drying my hopes for escape from the icy prison of my current troubles. For a while everything was looking promising, and then in one quick fast ball from fate, I was struck out. Times are tough for me right now. There is no reason to lie. Lying will not heal my wounds, and lying will not cleanse my body of the bacteria that plagues my soul. It's almost as if my mind recognizes the need for me to change, but I just completely ignore it. The nights have been darker than usual lately. Sure the street lights shine through my window perch, but its as if there is a steel curtain that prevents the light from reaching my eyes. i try so hard to see the light at times. I try so hard to let the light shine in. Yet, at the same time, i could care less. I know its necessary for me to correct it, but there are days where I just dont have the strength or the desire to try. My fern has died in my apartment. I remember spending each day watering it, but then there were days where I just would walk by it, not even acknowledging it or giving it the attention it needed. The fern seems to mirror my current life. Only I have not let my life wither away yet. There is still hope. It's as if I am in a hammock stretched across Victoria Falls. I know how to stay balanced in it. I know how not to fall from it. Unfortunately. there comes a time where I get sick of trying to stay balanced, and I just give up.

The end of easiness and innocence is upon me
I can feel it.
The cashews have been crushed into dust and the tshirts have been taken from me.

I was getting a little worried till the last line.  Excellent work as usual Gene.

[Butterbean]

i consider my writings upbeat

 

[Eyeball Chambers]

The winter winds have been drying my face, and drying my hopes for escape from the icy prison of my current troubles. For a while everything was looking promising, and then in one quick fast ball from fate, I was struck out. Times are tough for me right now. There is no reason to lie. Lying will not heal my wounds, and lying will not cleanse my body of the bacteria that plagues my soul. It's almost as if my mind recognizes the need for me to change, but I just completely ignore it. The nights have been darker than usual lately. Sure the street lights shine through my window perch, but its as if there is a steel curtain that prevents the light from reaching my eyes. i try so hard to see the light at times. I try so hard to let the light shine in. Yet, at the same time, i could care less. I know its necessary for me to correct it, but there are days where I just dont have the strength or the desire to try. My fern has died in my apartment. I remember spending each day watering it, but then there were days where I just would walk by it, not even acknowledging it or giving it the attention it needed. The fern seems to mirror my current life. Only I have not let my life wither away yet. There is still hope. It's as if I am in a hammock stretched across Victoria Falls. I know how to stay balanced in it. I know how not to fall from it. Unfortunately. there comes a time where I get sick of trying to stay balanced, and I just give up.

The end of easiness and innocence is upon me
I can feel it.
The cashews have been crushed into dust and the tshirts have been taken from me.

I cried when I read that... a little bit... 

[NaturalWonder83]

I cried when I read that... a little bit... 

because of the broken cashews or tshirts?

[Eyeball Chambers]

because of the broken cashews or tshirts?

Just everything about it.  It was beautifully written, but very sad!

[NaturalWonder83]

im so weary from my day
during the morning hours i felt as if i had the motivation to just keep trucking and rocking...but as the day went on i began to fall deeper and deeper into an almost comotose state...sure i could pop a bunch of pills and feel like a new man...but as i would swallow the final pill and throw the bottle into the garbage...i could sense all my hopes of escape from my torments accomany the empty bottle into my trash
i need an outlet for my energy...without a place for me to enjoy myself, its as if i am walking down a neverending spiral staircase that seems to torment me with a reprive from the diziness that comes with my steps ...there are days where things move so fast...almoist too fast...almost at a speed that is invisible to my eyes...but then there are days where life is moving slower than the server on this website.
my apartment is so empty...its filled with material possesions...but defintely empty when it comes to peace of mind and fulfillment...my mind seems to wander quite frequently these days...i will try to solve a dilemma but then i will begin thinking about other things...things i cant even remember right now
my head aches from the thoughts i need to maintain in order to function...my body aches from my obsessions with things i know nothing about
im at the point of just stopping short on my jog
im at the point of just stopping my subscription to popular necessity
im at the point of closing my eyes and just dropping backwards
my whole body desires a fresh layer of security and closure
im trying so hard to make it happen
im trying so hard to get through it
there is a storm on the horizon
my boat is sailing straight into the horror
i need to evacuate
i just cant find my escape

[Butterbean]

...but then there are days where life is moving slower than the server on this website.