Author Topic: For guys and gals. could or would you do this? (Read 4049 times)

Hustle Man · « **on:** June 30, 2008, 03:52:59 PM »

Your best friend is in a marriage, your best friend's husband/wife dies then 18 months later ask you to marry them. Would/could you do that?

This happened this past weekend.

My friend married his best friend's wife 18 months after his best friend's death. More info to come.

HM

CQ · « **Reply #1 on:** June 30, 2008, 03:56:51 PM »

When ones spouse passes away, one does tend to get quite close with the spouses friends - share grief and all that, so it is not as unusual as it may first appear....happens quite a bit.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #2 on:** June 30, 2008, 04:44:06 PM »

Quote from: CQ on June 30, 2008, 03:56:51 PM

When ones spouse passes away, one does tend to get quite close with the spouses friends - share grief and all that, so it is not as unusual as it may first appear....happens quite a bit.

So you are ok with this, CQ?

Brixtonbulldog · « **Reply #3 on:** June 30, 2008, 04:53:38 PM »

Alright, keeping in mind that if ones spouse gravitates to one of the "friends" I think there was probably too much wandering curiosity to begin with in either the friend, the spouse, or both.

Second, I think that once a serious relationship has existed that should really close off thoughts of your spouses friends, period. There should be equal restraint from the friends themselves. This is all from an ethical standpoint, of course, and I think what you witnessed is proof that "friends" might not be such at all but people who hang around for a benefit.

But, just to counterpoint, I think it is noteworthy to point out that love is love and truly cannot be helped. For example, I don't like the idea of interracial relationships but if two people are in love I think that is the bottom line and should be respected.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #4 on:** June 30, 2008, 05:53:47 PM »

Quote from: Brixtonbulldog on June 30, 2008, 04:53:38 PM

Alright, keeping in mind that if ones spouse gravitates to one of the "friends" I think there was probably too much wandering curiosity to begin with in either the friend, the spouse, or both.

Second, I think that once a serious relationship has existed that should really close off thoughts of your spouses friends, period. There should be equal restraint from the friends themselves. This is all from an ethical standpoint, of course, and I think what you witnessed is proof that "friends" might not be such at all but people who hang around for a benefit.

But, just to counterpoint, I think it is noteworthy to point out that love is love and truly cannot be helped. For example, I don't like the idea of interracial relationships but if two people are in love I think that is the bottom line and should be respected.

Good points and well put but as you said "from an ethical standpoint" I think they crossed the line. I mean the guy that picked up the pieces was this other guy's best man at the marriage.

Brixtonbulldog · « **Reply #5 on:** June 30, 2008, 06:05:24 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on June 30, 2008, 05:53:47 PM

Good points and well put but as you said "from an ethical standpoint" I think they crossed the line. I mean the guy that picked up the pieces was this other guy's best man at the marriage.

Yeah.. this sounds pretty classic. The dead guy should have had better taste in friends and woman apparently. Poor guy.

CQ · « **Reply #6 on:** June 30, 2008, 06:24:57 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on June 30, 2008, 04:44:06 PM

So you are ok with this, CQ?

Each to their own.Those that have a major issue with it, probably have not the misfortune to have been in the persons shoes. As I said, it is more common than it may appear.

It is more admirable to die and have a friend that does not even try and help your wife you left behind? I doubt it was plannned that way, probably just turned.

Singles and divorced people make dumb ass remarks that they know what it's like to lose a spouse. No they don't. She has suffered enough already losing her husband, any 'friends' who place more pain on her are quite thoughtless.

drkaje · « **Reply #7 on:** June 30, 2008, 07:32:06 PM »

He's dead and well beyond caring.

chaos · « **Reply #8 on:** June 30, 2008, 07:51:29 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on June 30, 2008, 07:32:06 PM

He's dead and well beyond caring.

Finally a sensible answer.

Parker · « **Reply #9 on:** June 30, 2008, 09:48:58 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on June 30, 2008, 03:52:59 PM

Your best friend is in a marriage, your best friend's husband/wife dies then 18 months later ask you to marry them. Would/could you do that?

This happened this past weekend.

My friend married his best friend's wife 18 months after his best friend's death. More info to come.

HM

I think dude was attracted to chick b/f the "untimely death". Sorry, I know the chick must go on with her life, but dude need to look elsewhere, she's off limits.

Imagine talking about your best friend after he's in the ground, with the girl. "Oh he was sooo funny, I remember..." To awkward.

Jeffro · « **Reply #10 on:** July 01, 2008, 01:46:33 AM »

I bet the dead guys family was not too happy but... hey you gotta do what makes you happy

Hustle Man · « **Reply #11 on:** July 01, 2008, 07:57:24 AM »

Quote from: chaos on June 30, 2008, 07:51:29 PM

Finally a sensible answer.

I disagree and thats not the point here (whether the deceased cared or not) the point is two people undoubtedly started an emontional and intimate relationship with the spouse of a so called best friend while that so called best friend was on his or her death bed. Additionally they are using Biblical principals to justify what they have done. I am having a hard time accepting this as normal behavior.

HM (in silent protest)

Original Sin · « **Reply #12 on:** July 01, 2008, 08:21:17 AM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on July 01, 2008, 07:57:24 AM

I disagree and thats not the point here (whether the deceased cared or not) the point is two people undoubtedly started an emontional and intimate relationship with the spouse of a so called best friend while that so called best friend was on his or her death bed. Additionally they are using Biblical principals to justify what they have done. I am having a hard time accepting this as normal behavior.

HM (in silent protest)

Take a look at the other side.
Both of them lost somebody important and it was him who brought them together. If you were the deceased would you not want your
friend and your wife to find happiness again? I know they did not spend their time together destroying the image of the man they both lost
but spent their time "honoring " him with stories to make each other feel better.

Besides it has been a year and a half, it is not like they were hopping into bed at the funeral. Life goes on with or without you.
Even the Puritans would allow her to get married after that period of mourning, but if it makes you feel better maybe you and a few of your
cohorts can force her to wear a Scarlet Letter or something.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #13 on:** July 01, 2008, 08:59:37 AM »

Quote from: Original Sin on July 01, 2008, 08:21:17 AM

Take a look at the other side.
Both of them lost somebody important and it was him who brought them together. If you were the deceased would you not want your
friend and your wife to find happiness again? I know they did not spend their time together destroying the image of the man they both lost
but spent their time "honoring " him with stories to make each other feel better.

Besides it has been a year and a half, it is not like they were hopping into bed at the funeral. Life goes on with or without you.
Even the Puritans would allow her to get married after that period of mourning, but if it makes you feel better maybe you and a few of your
cohorts can force her to wear a Scarlet Letter or something.

OS you are so funny at times even when you are sincere and thoughtful. Gotta love ya for that!

Its just a little to close for comfort to me. Even the kids are on board I just don't get it.

HM

Butterbean · « **Reply #14 on:** July 01, 2008, 09:39:45 AM »

Quote from: Jeffro on July 01, 2008, 01:46:33 AM

I bet the dead guys family was not too happy but... hey you gotta do what makes you happy

HM's scenario happened to some people I know. Two guys were very close friends and had been roommates for years. Later, one got married and had 3 kids w/his wife. One day she walked in the house to hear the water running in the kitchen sink. Her husband was on the floor and he was purple. He was apparently getting a glass of water after his run and had a heart attack and died.

A couple years later the friend/roomate married the widow. Like Jeffro said, initially the dead man's father did not like it. He eventually got over it and did attend the wedding though.

drkaje · « **Reply #15 on:** July 01, 2008, 09:43:10 AM »

I'm relatively certain marrying a dead brother's wife is encouraged in the Bible. If guys are that close it makes sense he would want to take care of the dead friend's family.

Dos Equis · « **Reply #16 on:** July 01, 2008, 09:45:43 AM »

Sounds fine to me.

Different issue, but one of my wife's best friends died several years ago of cancer at a very young age. She had two kids. Her husband just got married a couple days ago. We went to greet him and his new bride at the airport last night and she looks exactly like his late wife. Spooky.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #17 on:** July 01, 2008, 10:03:10 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 01, 2008, 09:43:10 AM

I'm relatively certain marrying a dead brother's wife is encouraged in the Bible. If guys are that close it makes sense he would want to take care of the dead friend's family.

Doc, did'nt know you were keen on the biblical similiarities of this scenario. Again I agree its honorable from a biblical perspective but I still have a problem with it. I can't look at them the same as I did in the past. Seems very strange to me.

HM

Original Sin · « **Reply #18 on:** July 01, 2008, 10:31:13 AM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on July 01, 2008, 08:59:37 AM

OS you are so funny at times even when you are sincere and thoughtful. Gotta love ya for that!

Its just a little to close for comfort to me. Even the kids are on board I just don't get it.

HM

You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
~Goodfellas

Hustle Man · « **Reply #19 on:** July 01, 2008, 11:07:15 AM »

Quote from: Original Sin on July 01, 2008, 10:31:13 AM

You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
~Goodfellas

Oh you got jokes and movie quotes!

drkaje · « **Reply #20 on:** July 01, 2008, 11:39:10 AM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on July 01, 2008, 10:03:10 AM

Doc, did'nt know you were keen on the biblical similiarities of this scenario. Again I agree its honorable from a biblical perspective but I still have a problem with it. I can't look at them the same as I did in the past. Seems very strange to me.

HM

It's not breaking any laws, biblical or otherwise.

Maybe you should loosen up a bit.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #21 on:** July 01, 2008, 11:59:15 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 01, 2008, 11:39:10 AM

It's not breaking any laws, biblical or otherwise.

Maybe you should loosen up a bit.

True, true and I know I should chill on this one, just kinda wierd seeing them together as a married couple.

HM (borderline quaker)

drkaje · « **Reply #22 on:** July 01, 2008, 01:14:18 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on July 01, 2008, 11:59:15 AM

True, true and I know I should chill on this one, just kinda weird seeing them together as a married couple.

HM (borderline quaker)

Don't blame religion for your inflexibility.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #23 on:** July 01, 2008, 03:02:00 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 01, 2008, 01:14:18 PM

Don't blame religion for your inflexibility.

Hey did'nt I tell you I was eating tofu (I am not completely purged of it yet) so be nice before you make me cry.

I will try to be more open minded.

HM (The Compassionate One)

drkaje · « **Reply #24 on:** July 01, 2008, 03:06:53 PM »

Go eat some red meat or something before I start thinking the tofu has nothing to do with this recent bout of gaiety.