Author Topic: Should I be worried? (Read 3373 times)

Hustle Man · « **on:** July 03, 2008, 02:16:28 PM »

My ex wife, S.O. and eldest daughter are going to the U.S. V.I. Monday for 4 days 3 nights for my daughter's graduation.

Ladies what should I brace for?

Should I brace for anything?

How did this happen (Ex and S.O. becoming good friends)?

I am feeling cautious.

I need female help here!?

HM (urgent care man)

LL& Stella no holds barred ok?

Butterbean · « **Reply #1 on:** July 03, 2008, 03:12:32 PM »

If you weren't seeing either one while dating the other I wouldn't worry! They may exchange some details about you both good and bad but I don't think I'd worry about it.

When are they going?

drkaje · « **Reply #2 on:** July 03, 2008, 03:57:22 PM »

Get a quick vasectomy while they're away.

CQ · « **Reply #3 on:** July 03, 2008, 05:33:49 PM »

Its a good sign. I am very friendly with my hubby ex, always have been. We vacationed once together also, with my stepdaughter. You are lucky, instead of having women who hate each other and are childish. Also, not to burst your bubble, doubt they will be sitting around talking about you constantly, we don't, we have typical chick chat.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #4 on:** July 04, 2008, 04:16:51 AM »

Hmmm, my opinion differs here. I personally wouldn't befriend (in that way - vacationing together) with my currents ex, or my ex's current. I feel one or the other (meaning them or me) would have a bit of jealousy swimming in their veins. The topic of discussion might not always be "the person they have in common" but it most definitely comes up and some things are not really better not to be shared between an ex and current. I'm friendly to my ex's current and would be friendly to my current's ex if I knew them, I could never see me becoming buddies with them. I don't really think that two people that have been very intimate with the same person could just hang and not think about such things ... unless they themselves are ex's of that person. Then they could probably definitely get along, hang out, become great friends...but would probably enjoy bashing the crap out of the person they had in common.

But, like I said...that's my own opinion.

drkaje · « **Reply #5 on:** July 04, 2008, 05:05:21 AM »

I'd sort of forgotten, because it's no big deal, but I hang with one of my girl's exes on a semi-regular basis. We end up having dinner once a month or so due to a mutual friend. She's not there and we don't usually have anything to say about her as they haven't dated in more than 5 years. Other than asking how she's doing there's usually no conversation about her at all.

But... if she's in the same room as my ex wife I have to hear about it for 6 months, LOL! Apparently that's totally different and I don't understand, blah blah blah. In August there was a recital, one of my kids sings, I met them there and didn't bring her. She started giving me crap for leaving her out and so on.... explained (I'll clean it up a bit) that hearing about not being invited once or twice was easier than hearing about every perceived slight by my ex daily for the next six months.

Lord Humungous · « **Reply #6 on:** July 04, 2008, 07:34:22 AM »

Quote from: Laura Lee on July 04, 2008, 04:16:51 AM

Hmmm, my opinion differs here. I personally wouldn't befriend (in that way - vacationing together) with my currents ex, or my ex's current. I feel one or the other (meaning them or me) would have a bit of jealousy swimming in their veins. The topic of discussion might not always be "the person they have in common" but it most definitely comes up and some things are not really better not to be shared between an ex and current. I'm friendly to my ex's current and would be friendly to my current's ex if I knew them, I could never see me becoming buddies with them. I don't really think that two people that have been very intimate with the same person could just hang and not think about such things ... unless they themselves are ex's of that person. Then they could probably definitely get along, hang out, become great friends...but would probably enjoy bashing the crap out of the person they had in common.

But, like I said...that's my own opinion.

Our plans are off then?

Playboy · « **Reply #7 on:** July 04, 2008, 08:30:28 AM »

IMO I would be caught dead speaking to an EX or friends of an EX. I firmly believe in moving on and in cutting all ties. Unless there is a child involved in which you are forced to see the EX but it would be strickly business. Otherwise I wouldn't even bother. Move forward. Lots of good men and women in town let alone the country let alone the world to be hanging out with EX's, their friends and so forth. If it didn't work out, then it didn't work out for a reason.. Move on. Just my humble opinion.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #8 on:** July 04, 2008, 09:30:38 AM »

My ex and my current are always doing things together mainly with the kids especially when I am away on travel. They planned this months ago and I can only assume that my Daughter asked if my current would come along. Strange relationship between the ex and my fiancee. They talk almost everyday, they have redecorated rooms together taken the kids shopping things like that. Ok yes they have known each other for a long time now but it just strange seeing them get along so well.

HM

P.S. Just found out the loud mouth is tagging along as well, lol that should be interesting, hope she doesn't spoil it for everyone.

drkaje · « **Reply #9 on:** July 04, 2008, 09:33:01 AM »

Is "the loud mouth" your girl's helpful friend?

mbell · « **Reply #10 on:** July 04, 2008, 11:37:59 AM »

I think you are very lucky that they get along because you have children. I think if the get a way was because of the child, it's fine and great. If it's just they really like each other and like to hang, could be kind of weird. I would just count your blessings it's going in a positive direction.

drkaje · « **Reply #11 on:** July 04, 2008, 11:48:07 AM »

Quote from: mbell on July 04, 2008, 11:37:59 AM

I think you are very lucky that they get along because you have children. I think if the get a way was because of the child, it's fine and great. If it's just they really like each other and like to hang, could be kind of weird. I would just count your blessings it's going in a positive direction.

You're to nice, mbell.

If you got divorced, Papi married another chick and had a baby.... would you be having lunch with her?

You keep forgetting that HM is going to he baving another kid pretty soon.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #12 on:** July 04, 2008, 04:54:50 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 04, 2008, 11:48:07 AM

You keep forgetting that HM is going to he baving another kid pretty soon.

Doc, you are killing me man!

drkaje · « **Reply #13 on:** July 04, 2008, 04:59:37 PM »

Quote from: Hustle Man on July 04, 2008, 04:54:50 PM

Doc, you are killing me man!

Moi?

24KT · « **Reply #14 on:** July 04, 2008, 09:48:45 PM »

HM, don't sweat it. You're very fortunate that they do get along.
If they've become good friends, chances are they won't spend too much time talking about you.
If they do, the ex will probably give her advice you'd be happy about.

Just look at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, ...years after the divorce, they are one big happy family.

drkaje · « **Reply #15 on:** July 05, 2008, 04:39:52 AM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on July 04, 2008, 09:48:45 PM

HM, don't sweat it. You're very fortunate that they do get along.
If they've become good friends, chances are they won't spend too much time talking about you.
If they do, the ex will probably give her advice you'd be happy about.

Just look at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, ...years after the divorce, they are one big happy family.

I thought we agreed that you wouldn't give anymore romantic advice, LOL!

HM, they are conspiring against you.

mbell · « **Reply #16 on:** July 05, 2008, 05:55:11 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 04, 2008, 11:48:07 AM

You're to nice, mbell.

If you got divorced, Papi married another chick and had a baby.... would you be having lunch with her?

You keep forgetting that HM is going to he baving another kid pretty soon.

If my husband and I broke up and he moved on and started a new family, ABSOLUTELY I would have lunch with his new fiancee/wife if the situation called for it. When it's over, it's over no, need to hold on. Being a bitter X is NEVER attractive and IMO if you can't even be social for no apparent reason, you're being bitter.

Lord Humungous · « **Reply #17 on:** July 05, 2008, 05:58:21 AM »

Quote from: mbell on July 05, 2008, 05:55:11 AM

If my husband and I broke up and he moved on and started a new family, ABSOLUTELY I would have lunch with his new fiancee/wife if the situation called for it. When it's over, it's over no, need to hold on. Being a bitter X is NEVER attractive and IMO if you can't even be social for no apparent reason, you're being bitter.

What if she was wayyyyyyyyy hotter than you?

CQ · « **Reply #18 on:** July 05, 2008, 06:45:00 AM »

Quote from: jaguarenterprises on July 04, 2008, 09:48:45 PM

HM, don't sweat it. You're very fortunate that they do get along.
If they've become good friends, chances are they won't spend too much time talking about you.
If they do, the ex will probably give her advice you'd be happy about.

Just look at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, ...years after the divorce, they are one big happy family.

Exactly. My hubby's ex and I don't sit around talking about him? Even back in the day we never did. We are not some insipid women capable of only discussing men. Obviously our friendship started with my stepdaughter [who lives with me] so convo started there, but now we just chat about everything. Our vacation was amusing actually, as we both call her 'our daughter' - so people at the hotel figured we were a gay couple

In fact women IMO women not capable of making an attempt to be friendly when there are kids involved have issues. Not saying all have to be fast friends, but civil at least. Kids should be put first, and warring parents are not cool. HM is lucky, can't even see why he is questioning this.

drkaje · « **Reply #19 on:** July 05, 2008, 07:53:56 AM »

Quote from: Lord Humungous on July 05, 2008, 05:58:21 AM

What if she was wayyyyyyyyy hotter than you?

Younger? Yes.

Wayyyyyyyyy hotter? Unlikely.

I just love how altruistic everyone thinks they would be in that situation. I'm not saying they have to get along but it takes a while (years!!) before the marital issues/baggage gets fully resolved. Therefore, adding another person into the mix doesn't usually bring out the best in people until those other issues are resolved.

A huge part of it is how/why things ended in the first place.

HM is in a unique position because marriage and a new baby will affect the resources (time, money, attention, loyalty, etc...) already being spread out between his various commitments. Also, his girl's 'helpful friend' will be losing a running partner. Even if people don't consciously think about these things on some level they are aware and end up acting in what they feel is their own best interests.

I just believe this is a situation where women don't like to admit 'issues' may still exist. There can be various reasons for the issues but they still exist on some level.

mbell · « **Reply #20 on:** July 05, 2008, 08:36:06 AM »

Quote from: Lord Humungous on July 05, 2008, 05:58:21 AM

What if she was wayyyyyyyyy hotter than you?

I am not saying that I would never feel "weird" or uncomfortable in a situation like the one mentioned. What I am saying is I am a big enough person and better yet MOTHER to let shit go to do what's in the best interest of my children, PERIOD! So hotter, younger, more money, what ever be it, if the situation called for us being civil and needing to "do lunch" yes me and the hot new wife would be there doing lunch!

With that said, had this been 10 years ago, probably not!

CQ · « **Reply #21 on:** July 05, 2008, 08:39:16 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 05, 2008, 07:53:56 AM

I just believe this is a situation where women don't like to admit 'issues' may still exist. There can be various reasons for the issues but they still exist on some level.

Well that is untrue in my case. Plus it was all I ever knew, I married him as a teen and thats how it was.

If a woman chooses to sit around being self absorbed and putting her own insecurities first thats her thing. I choose to put my kid first. To me it a natural progression to respect the other parent. Even at my age, if anyone were to disrespect my mom I will punch them in their face, so I feel I should respect all moms, especially hers. You teach by example. Also, culture, island folk are more laid back and polite anyway, plus too island is small to avoid people, impossible to try.

Just my opinion, but I never get the whole being bitchy when kids are involved? Kids should be #1, and anyone who doesn't imo is not being the best step/bio-parent they can be.

CQ · « **Reply #22 on:** July 05, 2008, 08:40:26 AM »

Quote from: mbell on July 05, 2008, 08:36:06 AM

I am not saying that I would never feel "weird" or uncomfortable in a situation like the one mentioned. What I am saying is I am a big enough person and better yet MOTHER to let shit go to do what's in the best interest of my children, PERIOD! So hotter, younger, more money, what ever be it, if the situation called for us being civil and needing to "do lunch" yes me and the hot new wife would be there doing lunch!

Exactly, Could not agree more...

Plus, you're "hot" anyway, I wouldn't worry if I was you

drkaje · « **Reply #23 on:** July 05, 2008, 09:04:19 AM »

Very little of what people internally deal with in those situations has to do with parenthood. A lot of it has to deal with seeing your ex deal with the same issues more successfully or get a clean start without some of the emotional baggage. Of course the kids should come first but how people address the kids and various issues are worked out has a lot more to do with how mature someone is and the degree of happiness they have on a daily basis than what's actually going on with the kids. Guys, for example, might be in a different career place with the new wife/family and be able to afford a better engagement ring or to attend baseball games and so on the second time around. Sure that's good for the second family but the old family has to deal with a ring out of a 'crackerjack box' and remembering that dad was to busy for games and so on. Neither of those issues have a thing to do with "the kids" but the ex and kids still have to deal with how their old life feels in comparison to what the new family has access to.

mbell · « **Reply #24 on:** July 05, 2008, 10:01:37 AM »

I agree with you Jake, it really does come down (for most people) if they are happy in their new relationship/situation.

I am just one who puts their child first, period. It's just who I am. I know it's not most but if more parents did this, we would have much more adjusted adults in the future. Just my two cents (ok maybe 5 but I had a lot to say)