Author Topic: Womens advice required here. Relationship stuff.... (Read 3492 times)

Kviahellan · « **on:** July 13, 2008, 02:07:17 PM »

I am currently with my gf of almost 3 years and we are doing fine.
I have had a love interest in my life that reappears every now and again for the last 6 years.
I met my love interest at work and she is the only girl I have looked at and thought immediately about ruining my life with her, lol! Seriously, it was love at first sight and we have been hooked ever since.
We never get together because one of us is always in a relationship. She has told me repeatedly that she will ditch any man she is with at a moments notice and run off with me when I say the word. I tell her that we should let things play out and not strive for what we know it there already (love).
My current gf wants to get married and her family wants it too. 3 years seems short to me but others say its too long and I risk losing her.
But heres the real dilemma, the other girl is always asking for me to marry her. I cant deny that I would like to, shes amazing. Shes also pregnant with someone elses child but they will not be together so she wants me to be the daddy.
How can I say no to marrying the current gf who will be successful and caring? But how can I say no to the love interest that loves me no matter what and will be an incredible mother to her children?

In my eyes it looks like the slightly boring "safe route" and the passionate but rockier path.

What to do ladies?

KV

knny187 · « **Reply #1 on:** July 13, 2008, 04:09:45 PM »

you're an idiot

chaos · « **Reply #2 on:** July 13, 2008, 04:18:03 PM »

Quote from: knny187 on July 13, 2008, 04:09:45 PM

you're an idiot

x2

Kviahellan · « **Reply #3 on:** July 13, 2008, 04:40:08 PM »

Thanks ladies! Why?

benz · « **Reply #4 on:** July 13, 2008, 04:42:00 PM »

Quote from: Kviahellan on July 13, 2008, 02:07:17 PM

I am currently with my gf of almost 3 years and we are doing fine.
I have had a love interest in my life that reappears every now and again for the last 6 years.
I met my love interest at work and she is the only girl I have looked at and thought immediately about ruining my life with her, lol! Seriously, it was love at first sight and we have been hooked ever since.
We never get together because one of us is always in a relationship. She has told me repeatedly that she will ditch any man she is with at a moments notice and run off with me when I say the word. I tell her that we should let things play out and not strive for what we know it there already (love).
My current gf wants to get married and her family wants it too. 3 years seems short to me but others say its too long and I risk losing her.
But heres the real dilemma, the other girl is always asking for me to marry her. I cant deny that I would like to, shes amazing. Shes also pregnant with someone elses child but they will not be together so she wants me to be the daddy.
How can I say no to marrying the current gf who will be successful and caring? But how can I say no to the love interest that loves me no matter what and will be an incredible mother to her children?

In my eyes it looks like the slightly boring "safe route" and the passionate but rockier path.

What to do ladies?

KV

You dont need to take care of the child.

Kviahellan · « **Reply #5 on:** July 13, 2008, 04:45:31 PM »

Quote from: benz on July 13, 2008, 04:42:00 PM

You dont need to take care of the little bastard.

Bwahahaha!!!!!!!!

drkaje · « **Reply #6 on:** July 13, 2008, 07:01:15 PM »

I'm gonna be sick.... Knny is right.

If you don't want to get married, don't. That being said, don't toss away a good woman to chase the past.

Kviahellan · « **Reply #7 on:** July 13, 2008, 09:53:51 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 13, 2008, 07:01:15 PM

I'm gonna be sick.... Knny is right.

If you don't want to get married, don't. That being said, don't toss away a good woman to chase the past.

At least the doc can give me an answer! Its not like I dont know the standard answer, just looking for some perspective....from women. I think it would go along the lines of "you're an ass and both girls need to forget about you" though.

CQ · « **Reply #8 on:** July 14, 2008, 05:21:09 AM »

Quote from: knny187 on July 13, 2008, 04:09:45 PM

you're an idiot

Strong but correct.

Who wants to leave a nice successful woman, for some "lady" who got herself pregnant and is single and who stated she would 'ditch any man she is with to run off with him' showing fantastic levels of loyalty to her boyfriends I see. $:-\$

Each to their own, but if my brother did that I would melt.

drkaje · « **Reply #9 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:09:46 AM »

Quote from: Kviahellan on July 13, 2008, 09:53:51 PM

At least the doc can give me an answer! Its not like I dont know the standard answer, just looking for some perspective....from women. I think it would go along the lines of "you're an ass and both girls need to forget about you" though.

This forum is heavily moderated and I wasn't going to get abused by Stella and Laura for you, LOL! Besides, admitting Knny was right caused me personal emotional pain.

No matter how you slice it... things didn't work out with the first time for a reason. Not being together again had nothing to do with one of you always being hooked up with someone else either. If she really wanted it, the other guy would have been sent packing.

Plain and simple. She's knocked up and you're her escape plan. Chicks like that will even convince a hapless idiot to adopt the baby and sue for child support when they get bored and need a change.

All I'm saying is: There's no substitute for a good woman. Trying to chase your past and be who you were 5 years ago with the old chick would be stupid/weakness.

One last important thing. Discussions like that with an ex are disrespectful to your girl.

Being friends is fine but strolling down memory lane about hooking up, raising babies and how you'd still be together except for bad timing (your girlfriend!) is just wrong. Like you joked, maybe ending things with her wouldn't be such a bad idea. If she's a nice person a certain level of respect is due her. **

** Before you or Stella send a PM: I'm apologizing now for being so inflexible.

Butterbean · « **Reply #10 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:21:24 AM »

The pregnant love interest sounds like she's not ready to commit to anyone but who can meet her wants/needs at the moment. And her wants/needs may change. I wouldn't get involved w/her but that is jmo.

Do not marry your current girl. It's unfair to her. In fact, you should probably let her go.

Have you considered telling your current girl about your emotional affair (not sure if you're physically cheating also) w/the preg woman?

drkaje · « **Reply #11 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:24:58 AM »

Aren't emotional affairs worse?

Butterbean · « **Reply #12 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:27:28 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 14, 2008, 06:24:58 AM

Aren't emotional affairs worse?

Both are unacceptable imo.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #13 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:44:39 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 14, 2008, 06:24:58 AM

Aren't emotional affairs worse?

Doc you are sooooo right; you should have been a carpenter because you hit the nail on the head right off!

Emotional relationships fail with in 3-4 years and this guy is undoubtedly thinking with his 'below the waistline' brain for sure!

I bet the other woman does'nt even compliment him emotionally, metally, or spiritually but only physically (sexally)!

Worst thing a man can do in life is get caught up in the Punanni!

Doc J = Wisdom; So listen/read attentively!

drkaje · « **Reply #14 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:50:18 AM »

Quote from: STella on July 14, 2008, 06:27:28 AM

Both are unacceptable imo.

Not saying one is good, LOL!

I'll come at it a different way. Let's say someone just needed to do something/someone different and it was purely a physical need being met. Obviously that's still wrong but it can be fixed. If a person is trying to fulfill an emotional need unmet by the primary relationship... that seems pretty difficult (bordering on impossible) to fix.

CQ · « **Reply #15 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:51:50 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 14, 2008, 06:09:46 AM

Plain and simple. She's knocked up and you're her escape plan. Chicks like that will even convince a hapless idiot to adopt the baby and sue for child support when they get bored and need a change.

Agree..

Hustle Man · « **Reply #16 on:** July 14, 2008, 06:53:06 AM »

Quote from: STella on July 14, 2008, 06:27:28 AM

Both are unacceptable imo.

I think its easier to walk away from purely physical affairs.

tonymctones · « **Reply #17 on:** July 14, 2008, 05:41:29 PM »

I dont get the whole cheating thing, if it happens once ok its shitty but hey it happend but continually while in another relationship just seems selfish. Its obvious that your not ready to be in a relationship never the less MARRIED. So why dont you lose the g/f its obvious your not that into her, definitely ditch the prego broad who by the way is probably just trying to use you and smash some random ace until you are ready?

Parker · « **Reply #18 on:** July 14, 2008, 11:25:58 PM »

you didn't see the STOP sign when she said she was preggers with another man's kid. That could be you, in a few years and when things go bad, she's running the same line on another dude.

Butterbean · « **Reply #19 on:** July 15, 2008, 06:53:05 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on July 14, 2008, 06:50:18 AM

Not saying one is good, LOL!

I'll come at it a different way. Let's say someone just needed to do something/someone different and it was purely a physical need being met. Obviously that's still wrong but it can be fixed. If a person is trying to fulfill an emotional need unmet by the primary relationship... that seems pretty difficult (bordering on impossible) to fix.

I suppose both would be fixable for some people but I agree w/Hustle Man I'd probably be more apt to leave if the affair was physical. An emotional affair might not be exactly what the other spouse may infer...it could possibly be more innocent..possibly.....b ut a physical relationship is more black and white regarding guilt.

Laura Lee · « **Reply #20 on:** July 15, 2008, 07:18:52 AM »

Wow, just wow. Not only do I agree with drkaje, stella, knny, HM, etc...about the ex. but I also think you are obviously not in love with your current gf and should stop wasting her time. If you have any thoughts of being with another woman (whether emotionally, sexually, and mostly for a longivity) you do not really love her and are not committed to her. And I guess that's ok...but you need to be honest with her and let her move on and find someone who will be devoted and committed to her and only her.

JMO

knny187 · « **Reply #21 on:** July 15, 2008, 08:55:20 AM »

I feel pretty special in this thread

now I feel being pretty harsh on the poor kid

michael arvilla · « **Reply #22 on:** July 15, 2008, 09:29:32 AM »

go for love bro! (it's the only thing that matters)

drkaje · « **Reply #23 on:** July 15, 2008, 10:40:52 AM »

Quote from: michael arvilla on July 15, 2008, 09:29:32 AM

go for love bro! (it's the only thing that matters)

CMichael,

Can a person without respect truly love?

Have to take a break from this forum.... Agreeing with Knny and Laura is upsetting my stomach.

Kviahellan · « **Reply #24 on:** July 15, 2008, 04:24:56 PM »

Honest and thought out replies! Am I still on GetBig?

I agree it is unfair to my girl to speak of things like that and thats why I put it to an end. I just felt bad. I have not done anything physical, havent even seen her in a year. I have never cheated on anyone. If someone did that to me I would probably snap.

Mike Arvilla says "go for love" and to an extent I agree. Though I honestly cant know that it is. Heres the deal, me and my girl will stay together. Letting her go is stupid, she wouldnt leave anyway. I will tell her what I have spoken with the other about and let her decide how she wants to handle it. The second girl lives far away so there is no threat of me sneaking off, nor would I. My girl knows this girl and I have a past and we talk. We all have a past and she hasnt let go of hers either. I've never had sex with the love interest either and my girl knows that. They've met and talked. I was just REALLY confused about what to do with all this info and feelings.

As far as being commited, just before all this came about I was trying to figure out the best time to propose to my girlfriend. I still want to but all this has thrown me for a loop. I was damn sure I wanted to get engaged, then this girl pops up just in time to make me think twice. Then I wanted to "rescue" this other girl from her own mistakes and now I see that I was just trying to please everyone in the worst way possible.

You guys (and girls) are tough, damn! Its just what I needed though.