To Bear
"We also spoke to Sarah, a young girl living in NoLiTa who was duped into going home with a guy who used one of these ploys. “You know, I was hunting in the cabinet under his sink like I always do the morning after I go home with a guy,” she told us, somehow convinced that the morning after was better than never.
“And get this—stuffed away in a corner, he had an economy sized box of Valtrex and” Choked up, but waving at us to signal that the worst was yet to come, Sarah finally was able to force out the clincher: “an old Bear Sterns T-Shirt.” She exhaled loudly, the vile words expunged from her system. Now exhibiting slight fever and swollen glands, she remarked: “I’m not sure which disgusted me more.”
“…I guess I should have known when he asked me to pay for my own taco at La Esquina.”"
To Goldman
"Looking up, he saw an attractive girl walking towards him. It was the middle of the afternoon, but she was dressed in full MPD uniform—a shiny T-shirt-dress that somehow ended right at her crotch without revealing anything, heels, and a Chanel bag she held by the chain, the purse dangling a bit above the ground."
“Goldman Sachs…” Taylor whispered as she walked by. He held his folder up a bit in her direction, channeling its magnetic powers. To his alarm, her gait didn’t even slow.
To Lehman
"Emily got up from her seat. Standing on 4-inch heels and rocking her DVF dress like it was bulletproof, her voice echoed out onto 10th avenue. “This is the last time I’m fucking saying it!” she commanded. And in a grandiose gesture, she held up a green AMEX in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. Her words pierced the air and souls of everyone in line:
“We are not accepting Lehman Brothers Corporate Cards.”
And then, she cut the card in half."
Great stuff from the LSO.
