What was the other hand doing?
Scratch the itch
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Sex with someone you really love
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake hands with the midget
Shake hands with the unemployed
Shake hands with your John Thomas
Shake hands with your wife's best friend
Shake hands with Yul Brynner
Shake the sauce
Shake the sausage
Shake the snake
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shellac the shillelagh
Shemp the hog
Shift gears
Shine the helmet
Shine your pole
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot the airplane
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shuck your corn
Sizing things up
Slam the ham
Slam the salami
Slam the salmon
Slam the Spam
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slap the salami
Slapping Johnny on the back
Sling the jelly
Smack the salami
Smiting the pink knight
Snap the monkey
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the frank
Spank the monkey
Spank the salami
Spank the wank
Spanking the rooster
Spending your Christmas bonus
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Stewing in your own juices
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Strain the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Stretching the truth
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stroke the carrot
Stroke the mole
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Stroke your poker
Stroke your Twinkie
Strumming the one-string harp
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a load off
Talk quietly to yourself
Tame the shrew
Taunt the one-eyed weasel
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Tease the weenie
Tenderize the tube steak
Tending to your own affairs
Test your batteries
That crazy hand jive
Thrash your thing
Thump the pump
Thump your thong
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tipping off the inspector
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tug the slug
Twang the wire
Tweak your Twinkie
Twist your crank
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Unloading the gun
Unpacking the moving van
Varnish the flagpole
Varnishing the banister
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Wake the dead
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes
Wallowing in self pity
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wash the meat
Wax the Buick
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Waxin' n' Milkin'
Whack it
Whack the weasel
Whack Willy
Whip the dummy
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
Whittle the stick
Wiggling your walrus
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Wonk your conker
Work things out
Working at your own speed
Working late at the office
Working up a foamy lather
Working without Annette
Wrestle the dragon
Wrestle the eel
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wring out your rope
Wrist aerobics
Yank the crank
Yank the yo-yo
Yank your plank