-The US Military will employ new strategies, like doing drive bys and holding their pistols sideways when they shoot.
-The Presidential Limo is in the shop right now, getting some 24s with spinners put on it, and some 15s in the back.
-Mother's Day to be renamed Baby Momma Day.
-Father's Day cancelled, due to it being racist against black people.
-Spike Lee will be invited to any diplomatic meeting so that he can tell the diplomat from the other country that his shit is weak.
-Obama thought air force ones were shoes before yesterday.
-21 gun salute to be replaced by pouring out a 40.
-Presidential meetings will take place no earlier than 1 p.m.