I have honestly skipped doing DBs because I didn't want to smash my devices. I know you don't workout(or you would have posted a pic), so you don't have that problem.
lol, i know this is just a joke thread, so i try a funny advice that will solve all your problems:
Go to the gym nude, only with a jockstrap. i bet the other guys will be happy.
Me personally, i do not bring anything that relies on electricity with me to the gym. I leave my cell phone and mp3 player at home. This way i do not have to think about them and am totally HARDCORE.