T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house everyone felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I'd just settled down to a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer, and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight. Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!
