I've been married four years (4th anniversary is actually tomorrow) and with her for over five years. We met during my junior year of college and fell for each other quickly - we dated for 3 months before becoming engaged. I fell in love almost instantly - this is the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It didn't take me long to figure out she was something very special; someone I would treasure forever. It sounds crazy, but I had dated enough people to know exactly what I wanted (and did not want). We planned our wedding shortly after college graduation and one of those huge, invited-absolutely-everyone weddings - over 500 people attended a lavish ceremony and reception. After the wedding, we packed our bags and moved from San Antonio, TX to Las Vegas. I got a good job fresh out of college and it was a great chance for us to bond away from friends and family. She found a good job shortly thereafter and both of us were making solid money. We had a nice little house, a dog...everything was peachy-keen. Right at our one year mark in Vegas, I was promoted within my company to Los Angeles. Although she had to give up her job and we took a step back regarding cost-of-living, we were both excited about a new adventure. After a couple of months in LA, I realized the new gig wasn't a very good fit. I left the company (a very good, well known company) after a couple of months and began working a different job with an old customer. After a couple of months, the guy couldn't afford me anymore (cash flow issues and an IRS tax penalty he didn't tell me about before taking the job) and I was out on the street. I found a decent-paying sales job and took acting classes at the Beverly Hills Playhouse. I had always wanted to give acting a shot, and LA was a total blast in general. My wife and I had saved up a good deal of cash when first moving out to LA, but the cost of living chiseled away at our bank account...it became blatantly obvious that my wife was tired of LA. While I was trying to make the best of the situation, she had simply quit trying to find good paying work. I realized that if I didn't act quickly, our marriage would fall apart unless we relocated back to Texas. After about 15 months into our "LA Experiment", we packed up a U-Haul and moved to Austin, TX without actual jobs.
We found a nice apartment in Austin and did some odd-jobs to make cash while looking for something more substantive. My wife was considering going to law school and found a legal assistant job at a law firm. I found a sales job for an upstart food company and everything started to look up. She actually found a job with her old company (the same company she worked for in Las Vegas) and we started banking money again. We took advantage of the $8,000 tax credit and bought a nice house in the North Austin area. We just bought the house last July and put at least $25,000 worth of improvements to the home - maybe $30,000. Here's where the story gets interesting.
During the first week of April, I left town on a business trip (I cover several states in my region) and found my wife being VERY distant on the phone. I knew something was wrong...she was acting very different. When I got home after the 3 day trip, I sat down with her to discuss the situation. She dropped the bomb on me. She said she was very unhappy in our marriage and didn't want to continue on any longer. I asked her if she was referring to divorce, and she said maybe. I was completely shocked by this admission. Although we have had problems (like all couples), I never thought my marriage was in danger of vanishing. I asked her what I could do to improve our marriage...and she said there wasn't anything to be done at this point. A couple of weeks of this, I grabbed her cell phone and found several text conversations with guys...during one of the conversations, I found she actually met up with an ex boyfriend. When I asked her what she was up to, she said it was business-related. For a fact, she had met up with at least two exes within a couple of weeks of all this going down.
After a few weeks of poor interaction, I convinced her to see a marriage counselor. She doesn't believe in therapy...as she thinks people are incapable of real, lasting changes. We saw a counselor for one session, during which she blasted my every flaw. While I admitted to not always being the best husband, she saw little need to reflect on her own shortcomings. It became obvious to me and the therapist that she had no desire to stay in the marriage. Within a couple of weeks of giving up on therapy, she moved all of her stuff out of the house...and back into her parents place. Within a couple days of moving into her parents, she moved into an apartment at an undisclosed location. Her parents wont even tell other family members where she is staying.
Her reasons for leaving?
"I need to find my identity."
"I want to be by myself."
"I want to be independent.
"We are incompatible."
What are these statements code for?
"I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BUT I DO WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE."
The pending divorce is a whole another matter....I could write a novel about this stuff. I'm discovering things about my wife that are leading me to believe that I should be very glad we didn't have any kids together. Although I certainly have my misgivings and have not been a perfect husband, I've always been honest, faithful, loyal and loving. For her to throw all of that away so easily shows volumes about her character. Needless to say, my perspective on marriage has changed greatly.
Marriage is not for amateurs, gentlemen.
